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Showing content with the highest reputation since 10/03/11 in EqE Character Comments

  1. 2 points
    Unfortunately, the images problem is on OUR end... and our tech staff is so overworked right now, it sorta falls down to 'fix when we have time'; perhaps once it's fixed, I'll go back and do the work to add the pic in, myself. But for now, we'll just have to work it out as we can. My sincerest apologies. By the way, I reworked your picture a little bit - if you like, you can use this. I was simply influenced, and decided to do it... simply because I could. I hope it's well-received. Otherwise, do you feel like this OC is ready to go?
  2. 1 point
    Okay! It's time to take a look at this app - and hope I don't hurt my eyes, staring into the proverbial sun! First off, I very much like your allusions to the fate of her parents; as there's almost zero mention of them in the series itself, I am quite satisfied with leaving their fate nebulous like this. The app itself is solid... and the typos I see, I can fix personally. I will say that there should be a bit more after the gathering of Twilight & the Mane Six; I would at least advise to continue the background (important events only) up to & including Starlight switching her & Luna's cutie marks; maybe another paragraph alluding to her sister's return as well. It almost feels like the history stops right before the events of the show itself - we don't need another six pages, mind you - just a few show highlights. Once you've gotten a chance to go over things, let me know what changes you make, and I'll happily cast my gaze into the sun again!
  3. 1 point
    This app looks good to me. If I disapproved this, I may need to have a vacation couch on the moon Second approval granted.
  4. 1 point
    Okay, then - I suppose we're done here. Off to SecApp with you, so that thy fun may be doubled!
  5. 1 point
    Look numero DOS: The slight mention of the disappearance of her parents still points to some sort of foul play, in my opinion... but I'm okay with letting it slide - after all, there's no mention of them AT ALL in the show; I suppose that such a thing will be eventually addressed, and until then? All good, homeslice. I like your addition of the Tantabus event (though it was after the Nightmare Night moment, not before)... but I think it could be spoken about just a bit more; that event meant a great deal to Luna's character development, and it seems as if much of that was glossed over here. Okay, it's more of a personal observation than a 'professional' one - take it as you will. But I still think it deserves at least a mention of how the situation helped bring Luna closer to her subjects, as well as allowing for self-forgiveness. Otherwise, it's pretty much done. If you want to change anything, you're welcome to; otherwise, let me know you're finished here, and I'll pop the Night Princess into the SecApp queue, with much haste.
  6. 1 point
    Edits are complete and I await your updated review.
  7. 1 point
    Hello @Loud Opinion (I'm a little slow my apologies) I've gone over your Crystal mare and she is something and a half that is for sure I must say and what I've been reading it seems Randimaxis and yourself have been working on her quite a bit since the start and have created a monster... I mean well-written character. I can't find any issues with your character entry so I can do nothing more but approve her well done on this OC and have fun with her out there in Equestria.
  8. 1 point
    Alrighty then! Into the Second Approval queue you go - best of luck, and I'm glad to have helped!
  9. 1 point
    *looks around* Umm... is there still an interest in Lumi here? If so, please speak up; this character will have to be deleted from the queue on June 20th if there's no further interest. Thank you for your time.
  10. 1 point
    Hello, @Loud Opinion I do apologise for making you wait, I've been a little slack. Nevertheless, I'm here to help in getting your OC through to approved. I had a look through your whole entry and it's pretty good I can't really see anything that would stop me from approving this character, but maybe hold off on so many commas in future But otherwise Blue Thorn is a rather interesting stallion and I like how he is still trying to discover his purpose in life despite having a cutiemark, quite a unique idea from the characters I've read.
  11. 1 point
    I absolutely appreciate your help! Thanks! Also my computer is deciding to be mostly shitfaced right now. Sorry. I’ll get that up soon though!!!! Edit: My tech is working again. I appreciate your help. Check it out! I also left your edits blue as you made them so that they’re easy to identify, although your writing style is quite memorable!!
  12. 1 point
    Hmmmmmm... Well, there are still instances of death having occurred in the MLP universe, but simply saying he caught a disease and died sounds... a bit terse and cold. Instead of: His mother would not relent and so this argument gave way to divorce. There was a furious court battle over which parent would get the foal, but eventually, the judge split the time 60-40. As they were readying to move out, his father caught a horrible disease. He died a week later. Try this: His Mother stood her ground, yet so did his Father - though both meant well, it eventually ended with the two separating, as they felt the constant strife would be too much for poor Lumi to handle. The young stallion spent time seeing them both, though more of this time was with his Mother than his Father, and it seemed as though this new way of life would be what Lumi would know... Until his Father passed away after a harsh battle with pneumonia. This gives the same 'sudden hammer' effect of the father's passing, but presents it in a way that sounds more reverent than dismissive. Little tricks like this can help a narrative sound more as though it's FELT rather than simply EXPERIENCED. Let me know if this helps, and send me a line when you've ironed out your editing. }:D
  13. 1 point
    @Randimaxis, I completely understand the logistical troubles with customer support of this nature, so don't sweat it (I'm majoring in Computer Information Systems so maybe I can elevate the burden in the future). As for if I think my OC is ready: Yes, it very much is. I forgot to add the scars... oops. Okay, now it's ready Wait, the artist that I originally wanted a drawing from just got back to me, I'll wait until next Monday to update you. BTW: Nice picture. The white background seems to work better with the layout of the page giving it a more generalized feel, but I'm sure I can find some use for it...*cough* signature *cough*
  14. 1 point
    To be certain, there's a link to the artwork, and I can see it well enough. If you find a way to get a better piece of art for Blue, then we should include it BEFORE he goes into Second Approval - otherwise, he'll have to be RE-evaluated if you want to add art later. Not that he won't pass, mind you - more like I'm trying to get everything juuuuuuust right before he's approved.
  15. 1 point
    Hiya, Loud! Allow me to take a gander here at what you've got, and let's see what we can do to get Blue ready for the EqE. Let's see here... First off, I have to admit that I LOVE how verbose your write-up is! I appreciate an extended vocabulary, and it pleases me to no end to see mulitsyllabic expressions such as these. Kudos! First, let's take care of the typos: -standard mane style hardly draws- -adorned with several scars that tell exaggerated tales of a- -member of the Equestrian Legion had he- -His unnaturally spade-tipped tail- (deleted excess wording) -A snake wrapping itself around- -He is reluctant to accept- -lost in thought. Without many- -time was different though, in- As far as I can tell, those are the only typos I can find. Now, onto actual content: First off, I love your descriptive narrative on his looks - getting a personal touch for a character is important. I see very little that can be improved upon here, so onto the next section! The cutie Mark is... well, I DO like the idea here, but it's somewhat muddled. You've mentioned that HE doesn't know what his CM is for... but YOU should know, and that knowledge should go into his background. You can allude to the fact he doesn't know what it stands for, but there's nothing wrong with adding some clarification to it for PLAYERS to take in, since they'll be the ones potentially RPing with him. I like how you've described him; he occurs to me as a workaholic by nature, wanting to get a job done and fill his role in it. Determination and responsibility are good traits to have, and it speaks volumes of Blue's personal character. Ruthless Honesty? That can be a fun trait to have... but I noticed that you say, and I quote, 'he loves the back and forward, so expect some in return, but for the purposes of civil RP'ing, this trait can be entirely ignored by default'. THAT is a no-no. A character is supposed to be who they ARE... traits shouldn't be pushed aside to have a story; those elements should be a PART of Blue's story, and should be roleplayed to the hilt. Remember, some folks LIKE debate and arguments when it comes to roleplay, so to offer to pull those elements back would be disloyal to Blue's personality. I say you play it to the hilt, and remover the spoiler-offer... conflict can be more appealing that mundane agreement. ...are all things to be minimized for maximum convince. <=== Um... I don't understand what you mean here; can you clarify? Maybe I can help you locate a better way to express this. The whole story with him taking the graveyard job... it's... kinda muddled and doesn't seem to have much actual impact on any reasoning behind his Cutie Mark. Keep in mind that it's okay to describe to PLAYERS what it means, even if the character doesn't comprehend it; this is one of those things I think needs to have some OOC clarification. The dream sequence describes no reason for his CM, and it feels like something that sounds more like a cover story for not having a purpose than a description of a character's CM history. I'm more than happy to offer my services to help you figure out a different way to put it, or to find a means to explain to players in a manner that keeps character knowledge separate from player knowledge. Overall, I like the direction you're headed in with Blue - and I dig that tail, yo - and I think we could refine him a bit better before we put him into Second Approval. Respond here, and we can get started!
  16. 1 point
    OH MY GOSH he looks so adorable! And that's a wonderful backstory, not to edgy and not to boring. Great job on the whole thing!
  17. 1 point
    Okay, I think I caught all of the instances of word-mashing and fixed 'em. Updating the profile..? Well, I sorta left it open-ended on PURPOSE. As you see above, just writing out the initial introduction took a LOT of work - especially with shenanigans going on - and left it open-ended so that anything further could be alluded to in-play. If I was to bring the above application 'up to speed'? It would be a MILE of text. Mind you, I am NOT arguing with you; if you feel it TRULY needs to be done, *gulp* I'll do it... but I would like to make this single attempt to ask for mercy on my poor fingers.
  18. 0 points
    As far as I can see, things look good - and yes, the additional paragraph does do a lot more for her story by describing things more thoroughly. Excellent work! I do have a single, solitary question though... Tolerable but distasteful: Nose ponies Are you talking about ponies with noses, because I have this horrific vision of Pinkie Pie with Nigel Thornberry's face... *shuddercringe*
  19. 0 points
    There is!!!! I didn’t know I needed to provide a cutie mark image. Editing issues too.
  20. 0 points
    I am digging the changes... and I think we're about done here! You're welcome to go back and turn my blue type to black, and and remove the italics; otherwise, if you think you're good, then let me know, and I'll pop Lumi over into Second Approval!
  21. 0 points
    I honestly don't think I've had to use Google for looking up so many word's definitions for any other application... Hello I'm Mentis and I'll be your second reader today. What can I even say? Your English skills are exemplary. I can't think of anything that needs changing. Any Roleplay will be lucky to pick up this character as she is so, damn well written. I can do nothing more than see your character approved and may you enjoy using her as much as both Randimaxis and myself took in reading her.
  22. 0 points
    No problem. Hope the delving doesn't prove too fatal. Spagyric means 'pertaining to alchemy', in its most general usage, although it can be used as a noun to refer to an alchemist proper. Thank you so much! I won't say this made my day, but many squees were vocalised.
  23. 0 points
    Hiya, Duality! First of all, I want to apologize for the length of time it has taken to get back to you on this - I offer no excuses, but I do give a humble apology, and ask for your forgiveness as I delve back into the realm of the EqE, ready to get things going again. *looks at the write-up* That's... a lot of words... well, no time like the present, right? Okay, here I go! -magic and spagyric sorcery- No issues here... but I wanna know what 'spagyric' means! Otherwise, I have rarely read such a well-written, verbose and thoroughly filled-out character app as this. Duality, I am pleased to announce that there are ZERO flaws I can see here, and I will hence be putting the good Doctor here into the Second Approval queue. Color me impressed. *applause*