I don't even know what I am now. For years I've identified as a bisexual man, then it was bisexual non-binary. But I have these feelings and thoughts that make me think otherwise.
Since I was a kid I've wished I were a girl, but I didn't think too much of it then, I figured all boys did. Girls just have it better, but there's nothing to do about it. Then I got a bit older and I learned about trans people, but figured that I could never do that, the way I saw it was that I'm an unattractive and un-confident guy, but I could at least "pass" as a guy well enough rather than try to change things. Grow a beard, cut my hair short, wear boring clothes, no one will like me but at least they won't hate me.
What all changed for me was meeting an openly trans woman a couple years back. Not the first I had met, but something about her was different. Seeing her transitioning older than I am now made me realize it's not too late. Seeing how beautiful she is, it makes me want to be like her. I haven't worked up the courage to say anything about these thoughts IRL yet though, this is actually the first time they're leaving my brain. I just worry about my partner, I've been in a relationship with a gay man for 4 years now and I worry how he'd react. The fear of general transphobia is there too of course, though I already wear a skirt and makeup in public, I feel like I can handle random strangers.
My name I'm throwing around right now is Maggie, it's cute and the Magpie is one of my favorite animals. Maybe Margeret so I can be more formal and have Maggie or Mags as nicknames. I dunno. I think this needs some more thought before I do anything, but saying anything about it to anyone make me feel less insane.
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