Sky Warden

Sky arrived in a timber-framed house with distinct thatched roofs and overhanging upper floors. He entered his house and went to the kitchen. He made a glass of coffee sat in the front of his house. He stared at the orange sky as he sipped his coffee. Everypony here seems have a good time, he chuckled, My my, Ponyville. With a smile on his face, he started humming the same song he sang in the library.

Sky Warden woke up with the herbal book on his cheeks. He pulled his head quickly and stared at the book. He sighed when he found that he didn't harm the book. He glanced to the window. The sun had turned orange and almost gone in the horizon. He yawned and put the book back to its shelf. He strode out of the library and walked home. Sleep in the library, He chuckled, And nopony woke me up. He snorted when he saw a couple that looked like on a picnic, but smiled as he saw the mare leaned her head to the stallion. Not for me, He thought as he continue walking home.

Well, you have to decide it as soon as possible. What does the main character want to achieve? Or at least, what do you want the reader learn from your story?

The most important for me is the "Fellowship". Game isn't interesting unless you can talk about it with your friends and play it with them. Fantasy and Narrative is important as well. My favorite genre is MMORPG. You can start the game at the same time with your friends, help each other to be stronger, and see each others development. The pity is that most MMORPG is lack of challenge. The only system I want for an MMORPG is a permanent death. I mean, your character is deleted when (s)he die, so you really have something to fight for. My dream game is an MMORPG about a massive war where you rely on your fighting skill to survive (not level or attribute system, but more like training system where you get stronger when you hit or fight more. If you know Rising Force online you will understand), with permanent death system.

By the way, what's the theme of your novel? You have to decide your theme first, then the plot, conflict and moral of the story will be easier to write.

After saying thanks and told the armored mare that he already have a house, Sky Warden walked back to the herbal shelf. Visit the registry?. He sighed as he walked. I guess she's still in Canterlot. He took the same moss-green book and sat in the corner to read it. He smiled as he turned the books page. He remembered some of the herbs he used to find with his special foalhood friend. He started humming. It was a song about the heaven and earth. Even though it's an instrumental song, he knew exactly the meaning. The song began with a wise pony who live alone in a forest. The wise pony took a walk around the forest and admiring the earth as he walked. Graceful, lively, source of the living and house of many living creatures. The majestic cliffs, mountain and rich forest. The wise pony arrived in a grassland and stared at the sky. He admired the sky as well. Gentle, free, calm, source of wisdom and house of the goddess. The unlimited space, the sun, the moon, the stars and wind of freedom. Heaven and Earth, a perfect couple. The next part of the song was about the wise's cry about the irony that the Heaven and Earth cannot be together. Separated by their distance and fate. Sky Warden stopped the song in that part and closed his eyes. He forgot the next part of the song. The part where the wise realized that the couple isn't separated, but balancing each other in harmony. Even though they're separated by distance and fate, they're still completing each other.

Sky nodded and tried to smile, but only made a weak smile "I'm Sky Warden, nice to meet you" He gave her a hoofshake.Town register would be nice...Ask her? Nah, sounds like a bad idea, but just have it a try. "Uhm, are there any unicorn who just came from Canterlot?" He smiled, tried to look as so-so as possible. Even though I have no idea what to do if she's here somehow.

The armored mare snapped Sky out of his daydreaming."Oh, yes. No, thank you. I'm fine," He observed the purple mare,A soldier, local guard, scout maybe?,"Just looking for some books" He glanced at the bookshelf. Wait, she's a scout, maybe she know...Nah, nevermind. He sighed, "Do you know everypony who live here? I've lived here long enough, but I know nopony but my workmates".

Guess so. I'm pretty busy with my school right now (computer engineering in vocational school). This is the last semester and I'm going to be an apprentice in a company next year. I guess I will have more time to write that time. What's your story title?

For me personally, third person omniscient is the easiest style to use. Just like a daily life story telling. The narrator seems more reliable this way. Actually, this is my first writing. I've got the idea years ago, but start writing just a week ago.

Yes, thank you. I'm using third person omniscient. That's a prologue anyway, to hook the readers. The fist chapter is introducing the main player. He's a "Dark Hero". Well, not dark hero actually. It's pretty hard to classify him. He learn an ancient (forgotten) magic, which often mistaken as "Dark Magic". He's the first protagonist, but the main character (One of the 4 Warden who keeps balance through the land) show up later. The interesting from the story is how I play the readers "mindset" throughout the story. If you know what I mean.

Sky entered the library and walked along the bookshelf. He stopped in the front of a shelf which showed many herbal books. He stared at a moss-green book with a golden label for about a minute. He reached the book with his right foreleg and sighed. Herb...her hobby. Reluctantly he walked away from the shelf.

You're welcome. Mine is about dragon genocide, wyverns, human, orc, dwarfs, elfs. The first paragraph of the prologue is "drawing" a scenery of midnight forest with a full moon which hid behind many rainy clouds. The second paragraph is about a group of man running throughout the forest and stopped in a cliff. Blood on their unsheathed weapon. The next scene show that it was start raining, and minutes later, a big green figure jumped out from the darkness. It swung its tail and spouted a green acid-smelled liquid to the group of men. It fluttered its wing and blood squirted from its ripped left wings. Yeah, I know that it's not good, but like I said, I'm a newbie, haha.

Your writing is pretty good and I like the story idea. "Dark Heroes", aye. Interesting. Hmmm, please correct me if I'm wrong. So there was a reign of demons, who enslaved the human. The human stole the artifact and hid it to prevent the demons from using it again, but there was a group a cleric who wanted to free Abaddon. Belzebub doesn't want Abaddon to be released and now he try to find a girl to help him. Character development, plot twist, conflicts. Why do we have to stop Abaddon? Why does the girl want to help? Why Belzebub want to stop Abaddon? Well, I'm working on a fantasy novel as well, haha, but I'm a newbie. Perhaps we can help each other. Personally, your first paragraph is pretty *gulp* not "hooking". You have to "hook" the reader in your very first paragraph. How? Give them something to think about. Maybe introducing the setting is good for the first paragraph. Bring the reader to the world first before you explain the story. Start by invoking the readers imagination with sound of the wind, glint of shimmering moon, smell of the moss of the forest. You know, like in many movies and books. It starts with a black screen and slowly reveal the environment. For the description, show the reader instead of telling the reader. "The fortress itself was a massive tower in the middle of a large city. The entire city was colored a golden brown, simply because that was the only building material realistically possible to construct a city of. " Try to use active voice instead of passive voice. That would help a lot, trust me.

Sky Warden landed on the marketplace. A quick search on the marketplace didn't give him something interesting to eat. He snorted, I guess this time is fine for my pocket, and walked to the Sugarcube Corner. He met some ponies in his way who greeted him. He replied with a simple "Hello" and occasional nod-and-smile move. After a breakfast of pancake and coffee, he walked to the library for some books.

Sorry everypony. I've found the cover already and I will post the fanfic as soon as possible. Thanks for your effort and time.

He sighed, "More stranger in Ponyville 'eh? It would be very crowded soon". He yawned, "Aaalright then, I better get going," He glanced to the couple and smirked again, "You two, have fun". He jumped to the air, expanded his wings, and flew lazily to the marketplace.

Sky chuckled, "Ah, of course, hangout". He unleashed a yawn, "I got enough sleep yesterday, I guess I will stay awake till the afternoon. I'm going to get some breakfast now" He tilted his head to the mountain in the east, "I've prepared some clouds for the rain there, I just want to let you know".

Sky Warden expanded his wings still and let the morning stream flew him across Ponyville. He just finished his night shift and was heading to the marketplace for breakfast when he saw two pegasus on a cloud. He swoop down and land on the same cloud. "Ahoy Rain, Hunter!" He smirked "Am I interrupting?".

He looked at the circle, "I have no idea why everypony like to play this game for fun," He gigled again, "This is kinda scary to me". He glanced at Star and raised an eyebrow "D-don't look at me like that, I know I know, I'm a social awkward" He stared at the circle again.

@~Flame Dancer~ "Well, you don't have to bring your fear from the past to the present" Sky said as he sat next to Star Song. He repeated his words in his mind and blushed, "N-no, sorry! I-I didn't mean to ask you to join the game. I-I just,". Want to give you an advice...Bah! Who do you think you are Sky! He sighed, "I just want to help you feel better" He said without thinking. He stared at the circle and giggled when he saw mares and colts kissing each other.

"I'm Sky Warden" He stared at the floor. He raise his head and looked at Star Song, but not directly to her eyes."I like music too....Especially classical". He tried to find another topic, he found one, but instead he said "Say...Why don't you join the game?".Maybe the same reason why I don't, duh.

Sky Warden sprawled on his bed, stared at his rooms dark ceiling. He slid out of his bed, making no sound. He leaned and outstretched his body. He strode along the dark corridor and went downstairs. He snorted.A little late for my night shift. Well, better late than nothing.He jumped to the air and soared in the sky. He bucked some clouds since it wasn't scheduled to rain. He spared one cloud and and sat on it, staring at the moon.

Sky Warden looked around the room in attempt to find something interesting. He wanted to avoid the game, so he decided to talk with the white maned mare."Uhm, hello...What are you reading?".It's a magazine Sky! A magazine! For the love of Celestia!.He held his urge to facehoof and kept smiling.(OOC: I don't know the details about Krystals house).

"Well, thank you". He walked inside. Everypony sat in a circle in the center of the room, except a white maned mare who was busy with her magazine. What to do? Think Sky, think...Right, name, introduce yourself.. "Hello everypony, I-I'm Sky Warden, nice to meet you". He glanced at the circle. He saw a bottle. Oh god, I come in the wrong time. His eyes widened.