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Blog Entries posted by Woohoo

  1. Woohoo

    It's the final countdown... I mean Woohoo here continuing my project of rewatching and reviewing every episode of Hey Arnold. Welp, we've reached the last season, guys. I started S5 not long after finishing S4, albeit very slowly to savor it. The final season originally aired from March 2000 to June 2004... wait, 2004? Unfortunately, quite a few of the episodes aired years later after being produced and out of order (WTF, Nick? You seriously have a holdover problem.) Much like Season 3 and 4, S5 has 20 episodes but broken down to 32 11-minute segments, 2 22-minute specials, and 1 45-minute special. This season also has the same animation quality as S4 (though the last two specials have higher quality animation.)
    You all know my rating system by now. Since Season 4 was somewhat of a letdown, will S5 be an improvement? Let's jump right in...

    81a. Sid the Vampire Slayer: Meh | 81b. Big Sis: Bad
    82a.* Gerald's Game: Meh | 82b.* Fishing Trip: Bold
    83a. Bag of Money: Raspberry | 83b. Principal Simmons: Raspberry
    84a. New Bully on the Block: Bad | 84b. Phoebe Breaks a Leg: Good
    85a. Stuck in a Tree: Bold | 85b. Rhonda goes Broke: Good
    86a. Helga's Locket: Good | 86b. Sid and Germs: Meh
    87a. Beaned: Good | 87b. Old Iron Man: Meh
    88a.* Ghost Bride: Bold | 88b.* Gerald vs Jamie O: Meh
    89a. Suspended: Meh | 89b. Ernie in Love: Good
    90a. Arnold visits Arnie: Meh | 90b. Chocolate Boy: Bold
    91a. Harold vs Patty: Good | 91b. Rich Guy: Good
    92a.* The Racing Mule: Bold | 92b.* Curly's Girl: Raspberry
    93a.* On the Lam: Bold | 93b.* Family Man: Good
    94a.* Phoebe's Little Problem: Bad | 94b.* Grandpa's Packard: Good
    95a.* A Day in the Life of a Classroom: Bold | 95b.* Big Bob's Crisis: Bold
    96s. Married: Meh  
    97a.* Timberly Loves Arnold: Meh | 97b.* Eugene, Eugene!: Bold
    98s. April Fools Day: Good
    99s & 100s. The Journal Part I & II: Bold x 2
    ...And that was every episode of Hey Arnold Season 5. Let's see that chart.

    In a way, Hey Arnold Season 5 was a decent improvement over S4; with a few less Bad, one less Raspberry, and a couple more Good episodes. However, there were a few more Meh episodes this season, including probably the only time that a special episode got a rating lower than Good. I don't know what was going on with the writing during the last two seasons, but it feels like something from the previous three seasons was missing. I guess this reinforces my belief that the show's formula was going stale. This also makes me feel very relieved that the show didn't get renewed for more seasons; much like Rugrats back in the day or SpongeBob and The Loud House in the present day, with those shows dragging on and on with no end in sight. Now that I've gotten the critical stuff out of the way, S5 still produced a fair number of Bold episodes; in fact, the same number as S4... weird, huh? Ugh, I'm rambling. Better wrap this up...
    As for this season's rating; while the series didn't end on a perfect high note, it did end on a pretty good one. Season 5 is a pretty GOOD season.
    Onto my Top 5 for this season, blah-blah-blah had a hard time filling the slots...
     The Journal Part I & II  Ghost Bride  Eugene, Eugene!  Chocolate Boy  The Racing Mule Now for the Bottom 5, yadda-yadda-yadda had an easy time filling the slots...
     Curly's Girl  Bag of Money  Principal Simmons  New Bully on the Block  Phoebe's Little Problem  That concludes this entry, as well as my whole saga into rewatching and reviewing every season of Hey Arnold. I hope you enjoyed coming along for this ride down memory lane. Man, I still can't believe this is over... Wait, it's not over. There's one more Hey Arnold thing I still need to review. Yep, I'm talking about The Jungle Movie... which I still haven't seen yet. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to review it as well as the 2002 theatrical film. Until then, this is Woohoo... well since I already mentioned "The Final Countdown," I'm blasting off!

  2. Woohoo

    And his name is John-- I mean Woohoo here continuing my project of rewatching and reviewing every episode of Hey Arnold. We're getting close to the end, folks. After finishing Season 3 did I start Season 4, which originally aired from March 1999 to June 2000 (mostly due to a few holdouts airing in S5.) Much like Season 3, S4 has 20 episodes but broken down to 32 11-minute segments and 4 22-minute specials. Also during this season and the next one, the animation was changed to being digitally painted (much like a lot of shows during the late '90s-early '00s.)
    As with my last entries, I will be rating the episodes either... Wait, you should know the rating system by now! Sheesh! For many fans, S4 is viewed as the "worst" season of the show so I myself have some low expectations. Will S4 be as bad as most people make it out to be? Let's jump right in...

    61a. Eugene's Birthday: Meh | 61b. Stinky's Pumpkin: Good
    62a. Dinner for Four: Meh | 62b. Phoebe Skips: Bad
    63a. Full Moon: Raspberry | 63b. Student Teacher: Raspberry
    64a. Big Gino: Bad | 64b. Jamie O in Love: Meh
    65a. The Beeper Queen: Bold | 65b. Oskar Can't Read?: Good
    66a. Headless Cabbie: Bold | 66b. Friday the 13th: Meh
    67a. Helga's Parrot: Good | 67b. Chocolate Turtles: Bad
    68a. Love and Cheese: Raspberry | 68b. Weighing Harold: Bold
    69a. It Girl: Good | 69b. Deconstructing Arnold:  Bad
    70a. Grudge Match: Bold | 70b. Polishing Rhonda: Bold
    71s. Veterans Day: Bold
    72a. Back to School: Meh | 72b. Egg Story: Bad
    73a. Weird Cousin: Bad | 73b. Baby Oskar: Raspberry
    74a. Helga Sleepwalks: Good | 74b. Fighting Families: Good
    75a.* Monkeyman!: Meh | 75b.* Buses, Bikes, and Subways: Bold
    76a. Grandpa's Sister: Good | 76b. Synchronized Swimming: Good 
    77a.* Helga's Masquerade: Meh | 77b.* Mr. Green Runs: Bold
    78s. Helga on the Couch: Bold
    79s. Dino Checks Out: Bold
    80s.* Summer Love: Bold
    ...And that was every episode of Hey Arnold Season 4. Bring up the chart!

    *sigh... again* Oh have the mighty have fallen... maybe that's a stretch. Season 4 is definitely a very... mixed season. While half of the season was made up of Bold and Good episodes, over a quarter of the season made of Bad and a whopping FOUR Raspberry episodes, more than S2 and S3 combined! Also, during this season is when the show's formula starts getting a little stale. Hell, a few episodes were just rehashes of ones in previous seasons, a practice that some shows do that I absolute hate (though it's not as bad here as in MLP's later seasons.) Now with the negative stuff aside, Season 4 produced quite a few fantastic episodes, including four stellar specials. 
    Now for S4's rating. I've pondered about this for a bit and, even though the Bold and Good just barely outnumber the rest, the four Raspberry episodes unfortunately give Season 4 a rating of a MEH season.
    Onto my Top 5 for this season. I really didn't want to have all the specials take up nearly every slow so I tried really hard to diversify...
     Helga on the Couch  Veterans Day  Headless Cabbie  Buses, Bikes, and Subways  Grudge Match Now for the Bottom 5, which was much easier as nearly every entry was a Raspberry episode...
     Student Teacher  Full Moon  Love and Cheese  Baby Oskar  Egg Story That pretty much wraps up my review of Hey Arnold Season 4. I can't believe I'm almost to the end. If you're wondering about my rewatch progress, I am almost finished with Season 5 and already watched the 2002 theatrical film. This is Woohoo... doing something involving exiting. Enjoy your Thanksgiving.

  3. Woohoo
    Should old acquaintance be forgot... how does that song go again? Oh, uh, Woohoo here still continuing my project of rewatching and reviewing Hey Arnold. It's been how long since the last entry? A month? That's not bad. Damn it, I'm rambling... onto the blog.
    Welp, I did it. I watched all 186 episodes and both movies of the show, all within a span of a few months. Now some of you are probably expecting me to review both movies... and yes, I will review them, just right now. I want to do a short blog where I give my final thoughts on the show and combine all the scores on each season's pie chart.
    Speaking of that, here's every pie chart. 

    Now let's combine all the pie charts to make one big, amazing, spectacular, fantastical, extraordinary, extra special, extra dip, extra cheese, extra...

    Fine... After combining all the scores of the charts, here's the final pie chart of Hey Arnold overall...

    Eeyup, it's absolutely no surprise that Hey Arnold the series overall has held up quite well in my eyes. I mean, look at all that blue and green. Do I really need to say any more? Okay, one thing I am surprised on is the amount of Raspberry rated episodes. A while back when I was starting this project, I commented that there would be less than ten Raspberry episodes... and I was right. 
    That concludes this short entry. For those wondering when I'm going to review both of the movies, I will get to them eventually. I'm still trying to figure out how to review them, but I am going to do both movies in a single blog entry. Until then, I'll see ya next year.

  4. Woohoo

    Pip pip da doodly doo, Woohoo here with... it's be how long since I've done a blog?! Wow, I've been really uninspired this past year. Thankfully, I've finally gained the inspiration to make a new entry. Now that I'm done rambling, let's begin.
    Years ago, when I used to be a Brony, I used to make review blogs of every season of My Litle Pony: Friendship is Magic. However, I never completed the project as my interest in the show tanked after season 8. Those entries have since been deleted. Fast forward to 2021 and I've been wanting to do another season review series. But with what show? It didn't take long to find one. This year is the 25th anniversary of a show that I fondly remembered as a kid.
    And that show is...

    Yep, Hey Arnold! The slice of life Nicktoon created by Craig Bartlett about a football-headed boy and his daily misadventures in the city. Man, my nostalgia is exploding right now. Anyways, much like my old now deleted MLP: FIM season reviews (for those who actually remembered them), I'm gonna rewatch every episode of this blog's season, rate them, and finish it out with my final thought and a pie chart (much like PieGuyRulz when he used to review SpongeBob's seasons.) Now let me show the ratings I'll be using...
    Bold - An episode that I enjoyed all the way through with little to no issues. It's a reference to Gerald often calling Arnold a "bold kid." Good - An episode that I still enjoyed but I felt had some issues or it wasn't that memorable. Meh - An episode that I didn't find either great or terrible, just mediocre. Bad - An episode that I had major gripes with, but it got a little enjoyment. Raspberry - An episode that I absolutely despise. It's a reference to Grandpa Phil complaining how raspberries give him diarrhea. You might also notice these symbols...
    S - Indicates the episode is a special, whether 22 or 45 minutes. * - Indicates the episode was aired much later than the original season it was produced in. A lot of these episode had this happen. (WTF, Nick?) I'll be starting of Season 1 because that's where the show starts, which originally aired from October 7, 1996, to February 12, 1997. (Though some episodes weren't aired until S2 and even 3.) There are 26 episodes consisting of 48 11-minute segments and 2 22-minute specials. One more thing, the episodes will be listed in the original production order instead of airing order (mostly because of Nick's nonsensical airing.)
    Can the first season of Hey Arnold hold up? Could my own nostalgia blind me? Brace yourselves, we're going in!

    1a. Downtown as Fruits: Bold | 1b. Eugene's Bike: Bold
    2a. The Little Pink Book: Bold | 2b. Field Trip: Bold
    3a. Arnold's Hat: Bold | 3b. Stoop Kid: Bold
    4a. Helga's Makeover: Bold | 4b. The Old Building: Bold
    5a. 6th Grade Girls: Good | 5b. The Baseball: Bold
    6a. Heat: Bold | 6b. Snow: Bold
    7a. Operation Ruthless: Bold | 7b. The Vacant Lot: Bold
    8a. The List: Good | 8b. Haunted Train: Bold
    9a. Mugged: Bold | 9b. Roughin' It: Bold
    10a. Door #16: Meh | 10b. Arnold as Cupid: Meh
    11a. Benchwarmer: Good | 11b. Cool Jerk: Meh
    12a. Das Subway: Bold | 12b. Wheezin' Ed: Good
    13a. Tutoring Torvald: Bold | 13b. Gerald Comes Over: Bold
    14a. Spelling Bee: Bold | 14b. Pigeon Man: Bold
    15a. Olga Comes Home: Good | 15b. Sally's Comet: Bold
    16a. Abner Come Home: Good | 16b. The Sewer King: Meh
    17a. False Alarm: Bold | 17b. World Records: Meh
    18a. Magic Show: Bold | 18b. 24 Hours to Live: Bold
    19a.* Part Time Friends: Bold | 19b.* Runaway Float: Good
    20s. Arnold's Christmas: Bold
    21a.* Helga's Boyfriend: Meh | 21b.* Crush on Teacher: Bad
    22a.* Hall Monitor: Bold | 22b*. Harold's Bar Mitzvah: Bold
    23a.* Coach Wittenberg: Good | 23b.* Four-Eyed Jack: Bold
    24a.* Tour de Pond: Good | 24b.* Teachers Strike: Bold
    25s. Arnold's Valentine: Good
    26a.* Biosquare: Meh | 26b.* Partners: Meh
    ...And that was every episode of Hey Arnold Season 1 reviewed. Now let's look at the chart.

    Wow... just wow. Look at all that blue! To say that the first season has held up well would be a massive understatement. Trust me, I wasn't blinded my nostalgia. Normally with any show's first season, there's a lot of growing pains... I guess not. I do have one "critique" and it's the animation. It's quite rough and inconsistent, especially since the season was produced by two different studios, but I think it does have a charm here. S1 did a stellar job in establishing the setting and the characters. However, this also kind of worries me a little. Since the first season scored so high, I fear the later seasons won't be nearly as good... but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
    For this season's rating, it's quite obvious that Hey Arnold Season 1 is definitely a BOLD Season.
    Now for my Top 5 Episodes. Aside from my number one, it was really hard pick since there were so many great episodes...
    Haunted Train Pigeon Man Arnold's Christmas Tutoring Torvald Operation Ruthless Now for my "Bottom" 5 Episodes. I put "bottom" in quotes because, aside from my number one, the episodes here just meh...
    Crush on Teacher Arnold as Cupid Biosquare Cool Jerk Helga's Boyfriend That concludes my review of Hey Arnold Season 1. At the time of this blog's release, I have already watched all of Hey Arnold Season 2 and I just need to type out the upcoming blog. This is Woohoo signing off... or is it out? What's the difference?!

  5. Woohoo

    Heeeeeeere's... Woohoo! I'm back once again with my continuing project of rewatching and reviewing every episode of Hey Arnold. Welp, we're halfway there... or three-fifths there. While I was rewatching Season 2, I was worried that any subsequent season after the first would be inferior. Turns out I was mostly wrong. Not long after rewatching Season 2, I started rewatching Season 3, which originally aired from September 1998 to March 1999 (although the season finale didn't air until Season 5. Again, WTF Nick?) This season consists of 20 episodes of 34 11-minute segments and 3 22-minute specials.
    As with my last entries, I will be rating the episodes either Bold, Good, Meh, Bad, and Raspberry. Will S3 be bold like S1 and S2? Let's dive right in...

    41a. The Aptitude Test: Good | 41b. Oskar Gets a Job: Meh
    42a. Curly Snaps: Bold | 42b. Pre-Teen Scream: Good
    43a. Stinky Goes Hollywood: Bold | 43b. Olga Gets Engaged: Meh
    44a. Crabby Author: Good | 44b. Rich Kid: Good
    45a. Helga Blabs It All: Bold | 45b. Harold the Butcher: Good
    46a. Arnold Betrays Iggy: Raspberry | 46b. Helga and the Nanny: Meh
    47a. Dangerous Lumber: Bold | 47b. Mr. Hyunh Goes Country: Bold
    48a. Arnold's Room: Meh | 48b. Helga vs Big Patty: Good
    49a. Career Day: Good | 49b. Hey Harold!:  Bold
    50a. Casa Paradiso: Meh | 50b. Gerald's Tonsils: Good
    51a. Phoebe Takes the Fall: Bold | 51b. The Pig War: Bold
    52a. Best Man: Good | 52b. Cool Party: Bold
    53a. Sid's Revenge: Bad | 53b. Roller Coaster: Good
    54a. Grandpa's Birthday: Good | 54b. Road Trip: Good
    55a. Arnold and Lila: Bad | 55b. Grand Prix: Good
    56s. Arnold's Thanksgiving: Bold
    57a. Girl Trouble: Bad | 57b. School Dance: Meh
    58a. Helga's Show: Bad | 58b. The Flood: Bold
    59s. School Play: Bold
    60s.* Parents Day: Bold
    ...And that was every episode of Hey Arnold Season 3 reviewed. Let's take a gander at the chart.

    *sigh* Looks like Season 3 wasn't as bold as I thought it would be, not saying S3 was terrible though as it had many fantastic episodes. I also noticed the chart looks like a crooked peace symbol with the Bold and Good making up the "top parts." Much like S2, S3 only had one Raspberry episode (and probably the most infamous in the whole show.) However, the Meh and Bad episodes have increased from S2. It kinda makes me fear for Seasons 4 and 5. Alright, I've rambled enough. Time to give this season a rating.
    What would I rate Hey Arnold Season 3? Even though it lost some boldness, it's still a very GOOD season.
    Now onto my Top 5 episodes of this season. Once again, it's hard to choose.
     Parents Day  Helga Blabs It All  Dangerous Lumber  Curly Snaps  Hey Harold!   Now for my Bottom 5, which is much easier since they episodes here ranked Bad or lower.
     Arnold Betrays Iggy  Girl Trouble  Sid's Revenge  Helga's Show  Arnold & Lila That brings us to the end of my review of Hey Arnold Season 3. Wow, I can't believe how fast I'm going through this. At the time of this blog's release, I've already finished watching Season 4 and I'm trying really hard to savor Season 5. This is Woohoo signing off or signing out. I still don't know the difference. -_-

  6. Woohoo

    Gunter glieben glauchen globen, Woohoo here once again, not torn into pieces but continuing my project of rewatching and reviewing every episode of Hey Arnold. Last time, I reviewed Season 1 of the show and held up extremely well, perhaps a little too well. That made me worry that the following seasons would be inferior. Now that I've got that out of the way, we have now reached the second season of Hey Arnold, which originally aired from September 29 to October 27, 1997 (although the Season 1 holdovers were aired as late as December.) This season is much shorter, only 14 episodes consisting of 26 11-minute segments and one 22-minute special, as I already reviewed the S1 holdovers. Alright, enough of my rambling...
    As with my last entry, I will be rating the episodes either Bold, Good, Meh, Bad, and Raspberry. Will S2 be just as good as S1? Will it be worth a deuce? Let's dive right in...

    27a. The Big Scoop: Good | 27b. Harold's Kitty: Good
    28a. Arnold Saves Sid: Bad | 28b. Hookey: Meh
    29a. Save the Tree: Bold | 29b. New Teacher: Meh
    30a. Ransom: Good | 30b. Ms. Perfect: Bold
    31a. Monkey Business: Good | 31b. Big Caesar: Good
    32a. The High Life: Good | 32b. Best Friends: Good
    33a. Longest Monday: Raspberry | 33b. Eugene's Pet: Good
    34a. Mudbowl: Bold | 34b. Gerald Moves Out: Good
    35a. Freeze Frame: Bold | 35b. Phoebe Cheats:  Bold
    36a. Helga's Love Potion: Meh | 36b. Gerald's Secret: Bold
    37a. Steely Phil: Bold | 37b. Quantity Time: Bold
    38a. Eating Contest: Bold | 38b. Rhonda's Glasses: Bold
    39a. Eugene Goes Bad: Bold | 39b. What's Opera, Arnold?: Bold
    40s. Arnold's Halloween: Bold
    ...And that was every episode of Hey Arnold Season 2 reviewed. Let's look at the chart.

    After watching Season 1, I was a little worried that Season 2 and every season after would be inferior to S1. Turns out, I was wrong... mostly. S2 retained a lot of the boldness from S1 despite being a much shorter season. One major thing S2 improved upon from S1 is the animation as it's much more consistent and much less rough looking. (S3 would also have the same animation as well.) However, this season has the dishonorable distinction of having the first episode to earn the Raspberry rating. Just a little fair warning, every season after S2 will have at least one Raspberry rated episode. 
    As for this season's rating, I've debated on this for a bit. Even though it's a step down from S1, S2 just barely gets a BOLD Season rating.
    Now for my Top 5 Episodes. Just like S1, it was really hard to fill the slots, even with fewer episodes...
    Arnold's Halloween Steely Phil Eugene Goes Bad Freeze Frame Mudbowl Now for my "Bottom" 5 Episodes. This was a whole lot easier since only five episodes that rated below Good...
    Longest Monday Arnold Saves Sid Hookey New Teacher Helga's Love Potion That concludes my review of Hey Arnold Season 2. At the time of this blog's release, I've already finished Hey Arnold Season 3 and just started watching Season 4.  Until next time, this is Woohoo signing off... or is it out? Will I ever know the difference? Anyways, enjoy your Halloween.

  7. Woohoo
    Ohai Mark, this is Woohoo here with another edition of Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    In my last entry, I promised you all something in April. Welp, here it is, ya ungrateful pricks... Anyways, guess where we're going again? Yep, the past, to shred another shitty song that sucks ass. Much like the last entry, I'm shredding a song I used to dig but now can't stand anymore. How far are we going back? Just a year earlier than last time, 1990. Can you believe 1990 is now 30 years ago? Seems like only 10 years ago that 1990 was only 20 years ago. Damn it, I'm rambling again.
    What song am I shredding? Much like last time, it's a song, as well as the band that made it, I used to dig a lot. However, as I got older, the worse it became. If you can't tell by the clues in the logo (which none of you do), that song is... "Thunderstruck" by this old-ass band called AC/DC... how do you pronounce their name?
    How did I lose interest in this song faster than I lost interest in MLP? Let's break it down!
    Before I tear the song a new one, I first need to talk about... the band. First off, how the hell do you pronounce their name? Is it supposed to be pronounced "A-C-Slash-D-C" or is it supposed to be "Ack-Slash-Deek"? Is the slash supposed to be silent? I don't know, man. Australians are weird, almost as weird as Canadians. Secondly, just look at them!

    They look ridiculous, especially the 40-something guy in the schoolboy outfit! Sheesh, I guess Australia has a worse educational system than here in good ol' 'Murica. Also, why is Mr. Clean in this band? And who is that guy on the far right? He looks like a muscular French poodle man. Ugh, I haven't even started song yet and I'm already flustered. Better save my anger. Now let's break it down for real this time.
    So this song starts off with its iconic guitar riff... and good god is it annoying. Seriously, it's nothing but "middly middly middly middly, meedly meedly meedly meedly," and goes on and on and on. While this going on, there's also some annoying voices going "Ah-ah-ah-ahh-ah-ah-ahh-ah." Why?! Someone please sing some actual words!
    Thunder... Ah-ah-ah-ahh-ah-ah-ahh-ah
    Thunder... Ah-ah-ah-ahh-ah-ah-ahh-ah
    Thunder... Ah-ah-ah-ahh-ah-ah-ahh-ah
    Thunder... Ah-ah-ah-ahh-ah-ah-ahh-ah
    Aw shit, here we go again. Why you gotta be so repetitive?! Ugh, I'm not even finished with the intro and I'm already close to blowing a gasket. Why is the intro so long anyways? Are they trying to bore the listeners? So after this minute long intro, which is like 1/5 of the song, we finally reach the lyrics...
    I was caught in the middle of a railroad track (thunder)
    I looked 'round and I knew there was no turnin' back (thunder) 
    My mind raced, and I thought what could I do (thunder)
    And I knew there was no help, no help from year (thunder)

    I'm going to go off on a tangent here... What the hell was wrong with rock music in the 90s?! Seriously, all these weird songs like "Smells Like Teen Spirit," "Black Hole Sun," "Man in the Box," and whole lot of others, all of which have nonsensical and non-correlating lyrics. I mean, what was going on then? Were all these songs co-written by manatees? Were these songs trying to be weird like the 60s and 70s? I can forgive weird 60s-70s songs because nearly all the bands used some sorta of hallucinogenic drugs.  *sigh* I'll never understand why people in my generation like to glorify the 90s so much. 
    Ok, tangent over, back to the song. I really don't know what to say here... except for this. If you're on a railroad track, get the hell off! Do you have any idea what a train can do to you?!

    Sound of the drums beating in my heart
    The thunder of guns tore me apart
    Now I finally have an excuse to use this gif...

    You've been... Thunderstruck
    That... actually sums up how I feel. I'm thunderstruck by the sheer ridiculousness of this damn song. Why does song even exist? What purpose does it serve?! Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?! *sigh* Gotta calm down. You wanna know the worst part is? We're not even at the chorus yet! Not only is the intro too long, this verse, or possibly multiple verses are too long as well. Sheesh, has anyone ever heard the phrase "Don't bore us, get to the chorus"? I guess not. Y'know what? I'm just gonna skip this next verse about their road trip to Texas and their good time with ladies. Too much information, guys! Where's Tipper when you need her?!

    Now we finally get to the chorus... right after this part.
    I was shaking at the knees
    Could I come again please
    Yeah the ladies were too kind
    You've been...
    This is it. After over two and half minutes of nonsensical boredom, here's the chorus!
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, thunderstruck

    That's it? That's the chorus? I waited over two and a half minutes just to hear a couple words repeated a few times?! What a rip off! That's like if you bought an Oreo with only a small amount of cream in the middle! Ugh, much like "Smells Like Teen Spirit," I can't believe I used to like this song! What was wrong with me? *sigh* Wow, I'm going off on a lot of tangents here. Better get focused again. As for the rest of this song, aside from a short guitar solo, it's nothing but choruses until the end. I'll never understand why artists do this at the end of songs. We get it, we've been thunderstruck! Just shut up already! 
    Alright, time to wrap this up.
    And that was "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC... however you say their name. Do I hate this? Well, let me break it down for you in two words.
    You all bought it! Hook, line, and sinker! Did you really think I would shred an AC/DC song? I mean, they have some lackluster songs, but none of those songs would be worth of an MMS entry.  But seriously, did any of you fall for this? Probably not because of the date I posted this and how overly exaggerated I made myself in this blog. Anyways, that concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. Tune in next time when I discuss my guilty pleasure songs. This is Woohoo signing off... or is it out? Can anyone tell the difference?! 

  8. Woohoo
    Blargen Fladibble No-Hip! Woohoo here with Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    Wow, three entries this year already? I'm on a roll. Anyways, here's a entry that I promised earlier this year: my guilty pleasure songs. This may be the first of two or maybe even three entries since I have quite a few guilty pleasures and I don't want this entry to be too long. I think I've introduced this blog enough, let's break it down.
    I'll be starting off with the oldest song on my list. We're going back to the past for the third time this year. In fact, all four of these songs were made before 2000. The first guilty pleasure song comes from the year 1968 by one of, if not the greatest band of all time. If you haven't already guessed, I'm talking about The Beatles.

    Ohai Mark.
    However, even such a beloved band like them have quite a few songs that many detest. One song in particular is really despised by many and it really makes me wonder why. That song I'm talking about is from 1968, and it's "Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da" from The White Album.
    I've seen this song on countless "worst songs ever" lists and is hated by not only Beatles fans, but by John Lennon and George Harrison. Hell, Lennon referred to this song as "Paul's granny shit." Why do so many hate this song? Me personally, I cannot hate this song. It's a fun, upbeat, feel-good song that makes me, who mostly listens to metal, smile every time I hear it. Maybe for some people, the song is way too silly and saccharine for them, especially since it's late in The Beatles career, which they made some deep, meaningful, and often groundbreaking songs, especially on The White Album.
    I sort of understand the hate for this song. However, as one of the worst Beatles songs, or even the worst of all time? I don't think so. In my honest opinion, there is only one Beatles song that I consider to be the worst. Which song is that? You'll find out in my upcoming entry, Mini-Slaughters Vol. II.
    The next guilty pleasure of mine is a song I actually used to hate, but up until last year, I now enjoy. Much like the previous song, this song is often seen on "worst songs ever" lists, usually at or near the top tier. This comes from a band with a bit of a complicated history, even changing their name three times. This song I'm talking about is from the year of 1985, it's "We Built This City" by Jefferson Airplane Jefferson Starship Starship. 
    Like I said earlier, I used to hate this song, mostly because everyone else hated it. Also, I thought the lyrics were cheesy, the music was very overly-synthesized, and pretty much epitomized everything wrong with the 80s. Whenever I heard this song, I would sing "this song is shitty, it's cock and bull!" It wasn't until last year that I had the curiosity to actually listen to this song. So I did... and it dawned on me that this song isn't even that bad. In fact, compared to the crap coming out these days, this song is a helluva lot catchier and more enjoyable for me.
    A lot of the hatred for this song is understandable. The lyrics are very cheesy and has that over-processed 80s production that makes it sound very dated. Hell, even former Starship vocalist Grace Slick absolutely loathes that song. Hmm, what if someone walked up to her and said "We built this city."
    Alright, we're halfway there. This next guilty pleasure of mine is probably the song I've listened to the longest. I enjoyed the song as a kid and I still do as an adult. However, it wasn't until later in my life that I found out that a lot of people absolutely despise this song. This song comes from the year 1988 by a legendary group and was their first (and probably their final) really big hit since their heyday back in the 60s. If you made it this far after my rambling, I'm talking about "Kokomo" by The Beach Boys. 
    I can safely say that this is probably the most polarizing song in The Beach Boys catalog. Either you love it or hate it and most Beach Boys fans absolutely hate it. Why do I not hate this song? Like I said earlier, I feel pretty nostalgic listening to it. I also find it very soothing and relaxing with its tropical atmosphere. Plus, I really love Carl Wilson's (the bearded one) vocal delivery during the chorus. Oh, and the Muppets did a pretty good cover of "Kokomo," adding even more nostalgic value.
    Now to talk about the hatred for this song as there's a lot of it. I frequently see "Kokomo" on numerous "worst songs ever" lists and most Beach Boys fans typically loathe it, calling it cheesy Mike Love drivel. Some fans don't even consider it a true Beach Boys song since Brian Wilson wasn't involved in the writing or recording of this song. That made me wonder what Brian's opinion was about this song. After some intensive research, I did find an interview with Brian stating that while he was initially surprised that it was a song by his band, he enjoyed the vocal harmonies and relaxing lyrics.

    Brian likes Kokomo. Your argument is invalid.
    Besides, as much as you or anyone dislikes "Kokomo," it's not the worst thing made by The Beach Boys. No, I'm not going to shred anything off of Summer in Paradise since ToddintheShadows already made a video on it earlier this year. 
    Now for my final guilty pleasure and the most modern song on my list. I was really conflicted about including this particular song as it doesn't get that much hate compared the previous three songs. However, I do believe this song gets some hate for a certain... trend that most artists used and abused in the years to come. From the year of 1998, it's "Believe" by the one and only Cher.
    What can I say... it's fucking Cher! Anything this woman does, I love... Ok, almost anything. Anyways, who do people hate this song? This song is one of the first, if not the first song to implement the soon-to-be infamous audio effect known as Auto-Tune.

    Back in 2018, I ranted about Auto-Tune in my "10 Things I Hate About Music" entry, criticizing its misuse/abuse and overly processed sound. In this song, Cher uses Auto-Tune as a special effect, making her voice pretty futuristic, and I think greatly enhances the song in my opinion.   Some of the hate for this song is understandable, but there are also people who even blame Cher for the rise (and misuses) of Auto-Tune. Seriously? Just because she was the first to use it doesn't mean it's her fault. Do these people also blame the Wright Brothers for 9/11? Fuckin' people... 
    And those are my guilty pleasure songs. Some shocking, some not so much. What are you guilty pleasures? Also, should I make another guilty pleasures entry? Comment below. This is Woohoo signing off. 

  9. Woohoo
    *blows dust away* It's been how long since I did a blog? Two months? That's not too bad. Wait, who am I talking too?  I suck at writing intros...
    Greetings, everypony, your friendly neighborhood Woohoo here. For a while now, I've been thinking about using my blog on a more regular basis. Up until now, the only regular thing I do here on my blog is "Woohoo Rewatches: MLP Seasons," which is way too infrequent if you ask me. After weeks of thinking of ideas (mostly thinking up of a title), I finally came up with something.
    So here's the launch of my new projected, it's called:

    "You can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes." Midnight Scribbler came up with the name and subtitle
    What is "Musical Manslaughter" about? Well if you can't tell by the title, I basically rip apart songs I absolutely hate in a pretty exaggerated and humorous way and give them a score. It's kind of like Mr. Enter's "Animated Atrocities" (only with less shouting) mixed in with Buckley's "Musical Autopsy" and "Todd in the Shadows." Also like Mr. Enter, I've created my own scorecard (seen below) where I'll score the songs on the following categories:
    Cringe-inducing lyrics: When the lyrics of a song cause me distress, pretty self-explanatory Cringe-inducing music: Same as above, except with the music Poor Production: Do I think the songwriting, sound quality, structure, song length, etc. is lacking Overplayed: Do I think this song is played way too much, this one is really subjective Overly Repetitious: Pretty self-explanatory, one of my many pet peeves in music Nonsensicality: Do I think the song's subject matter or lyrics are nonsensical, this one is also really subjective Negative Effects: Did the song do anything negative to me, such as getting stuck in my head, giving me nightmares, losing faith in humanity, etc. I'm also including the negative effects of the song on the artist(s) and other people. This is probably the most subjective category. Also, this category is two points per box, bringing the total score to 80 It's still somewhat of a work in progress...

    Yeah I'm totally ripping off Mr. Enter
    Now for some disclaimers. This is all my subjective opinion, so don't get your jimmies rustled when I tear into a song you like. Just because I hate your favorite song doesn't mean I'll hate you (but I might hate you if say something like "how dare u! dis is da gretest song eva and ur just a jelus hater! >:(")  Also, I am not, and probably never will be, an expert on music so my opinions may come off as flawed. Like I said earlier, it's all my subjective opinion. I don't think I ever have been objective... maybe. Oh, one more thing. I don't take requests.
    Entry Index
  10. Woohoo
    Hello everyone. Woohoo here with another entry of Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    Now with my previous entries, I tore apart individual songs. For this entry, I'm doing something different... I mean way different.  I'm going to list the ten things in music that I hate. I may love music but there are some things in music that make my face go full on Yellow Diamond. Trying to find only ten things was a bit difficult. Also, these things I hate are in no particular order so you won't see a "ten, nine, eight," etc.
    Alright, enough of my shuckin' and jivin', here are the 10 things I hate about music...

    This one is pretty obvious as almost everyone has torn Auto-Tune a new one. What I hate the most about Auto-Tune is its use... or should I say its misuse. When Auto-Tune first came out in the late 90s, it was mainly used a special effect. Its first notable use was in Cher's 1998 #1 hit "Believe."

    Nowadays, for the most part, it's used a crutch for "singers" who can't even carry a tune. Another thing I hate is the sound. It sounds so mechanical and unnatural, almost like a robot is singing. Where's the heart? While Auto-Tune might be useful for covering up the occasional vocal mistake, sometimes it makes the mistakes even more noticeable. A big example is Emma Watson's singing in the live action Beauty and the Beast remake. Why are artists and producers so obsessed with everything being pitch-perfect? Do they think the listener would be bothered by a few flat/sharp notes?! I'm not bothered by flats and sharps, but jarring pitch shifts and stuttering do.
    I don't mind Auto-Tune as an effect, but as a crutch... STOP! Just stop! By the way, if you're looking for someone to blame for Auto-Tune, don't blame Cher. That's like blaming the Wright Brothers for 9/11. 

    This one is pretty nitpicky but fade-outs are something that's always gotten under my skin. To me, fade-outs are a cop out. They're bland, uncreative, lazy, and they make the songs sound incomplete. It just feels like artists didn't feel like writing a proper outro so they just kept playing while their producer slowly turns down the volume. Another thing I hate is that fade-outs tend to drag on for way too long, which just makes me want to hit the "next song" button on my player. The worst is when a fade-out is used over an amazing guitar solo. Why would you fade out your own work?!
    These were extremely rampant from the 50s through 2000s. Nowadays, fade-outs have largely... faded away.

    Songs That Start With The Chorus

    I couldn't really find a good picture for this one. Another nitpicky one but I hate it when songs start with the chorus. To me, they feel like a quick and sleazy way to get the listener hooked. Personally, I prefer being warmed up with an intro and verse before getting to the chorus. I view the chorus of a song as the cream filling of an Oreo or the Tootsie center of a Tootsie-Pop. Starting the song with the chorus just spoils the song for me. It also makes the chorus much more repetitive (I'll get to that later.)
    There are only a handful of songs I like that start with the chorus, such as Guns N' Roses' "Paradise City," Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time," Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls," and a few others. Meanwhile, some of my least favorite songs do this, including Charlie Puth's "Marvin Gaye," Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood, "Wham's "Last Christmas," and the list goes on. Again, this one is very nitpicky. 
    Songs That Run Too Long

    Before I tear into this one, let me say that I love long songs, but only if they're done right and most of the time, they are. However, there are some songs that are seven, eight, or well over ten minutes long when only half the time is needed. The biggest offenders in my eyes, or should I say ears, are "Hey Jude" by The Beatles, "American Pie" by Don McLean, and "St. Anger" by Metallica. "Hey Jude" starts of promising for the first three minutes, but the last four minutes of relentless "Na-na-na-nas" utterly ruin the song for me. "American Pie" is nothing but verse-chorus-verse-chorus and a slight tempo change for a whopping eight and a half minutes. Boring! With "St. Anger," who knows what Metallica were thinking, especially since they've made some amazing long songs like "And Justice for All" and "The Outlaw Torn." These songs really should be only three, four, or at most five minutes long.
    In my opinion, the best long songs are the ones they don't feel long and you hope would never end. Some great examples include Rush's "2112," Pink Floyd's "Echoes," Iron Maiden's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" and many more. If you're going to make a long song, at least make it interesting. Don't be afraid to be creative.
    Bad Audio Mixing

    Have you ever listened to a song and it's so loud that it feels like your eardrums might explode? So you turn it down to a comfortable level only for the next song/part of the song to be so quiet you can barely hear it? How about when the music drowns out the vocals and vice-versa? That's bad mixing and I hate it, especially the ongoing "Loudness War." An infamous example of the Loudness War's effect was Metallica's 2008 album Death Magnetic. A pretty good album but the mix is so loud that it's difficult to hear at a comfortable level. I would have to change volume constantly.
    Why can't these big time artists and producers mix their goddamn audio right?! Are they that oblivious?! Why am I you asking these questions?! *sigh* Time to move on...
    Songs With "Featured" Artists

    I don't really mind having another singer or musician in your song, but lately it's getting on my nerves. Some recent examples of this include "Baby" by Justin Bieber featuring Ludacris, "Bad Blood" by Taylor Swift featuring Kendrick Lamar, "Right Round" by Flo Rida featuring Ke$ha, and "Dark Horse" by Katy Perry featuring Juicy J. What bothers me the most about this is it just feels like a commercial for the featured artist. They're usually there for less than a minute, sometimes a bit more, and they're done. It almost feels like they're featured just for a paycheck... wait. Another thing is they're not given a whole lot of time to shine. Why have them in your song if you're not going to fully utilize their talent? They really should be called "sponsored" instead of "featured."
    Once again, I don't mind this. It has been done right before, such as "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie. At least Bowie wasn't treated like a background singer and shared roughly the same amount of lead vocals as Freddie Mercury. But these recent examples just make me shake my head... and not in a good way.
    Annoying Vocalizations

    This thing I hate is pretty layered so let me break it down for you...
    1. Non-lexical vocables: If you don't know what these are, they are nonsense syllables like "la-las," "na-nas," "doot-dos," "whoa-ohs," "hey-heys," "yeah-yeahs," etc. Except for very few instances, I've always hated these; they're so ridiculous and stupid. I always cringe if they're used as legitimate lyrics, such as "Hey Jude" and "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye." Blech! How about using some actual words!
    2. Elongating Words: Whatever you call this. This one's nitpicky but I hate when a single word is stretched out to fill a measure. One big example of this that pisses me off is... say it with me now...
    ...And I will always loathe that song because of that. There's nothing impressive about elongating the letter I. You're just destroying your vocal chords. I also hate when singers "stutter" words to fill a measure, such as Katy Perry's "E.T." and Rihanna's "This Is What You Came For." It just makes my vocal cords crawl.
    3. Poor Enunciation: This pisses me off the most. I absolutely hate not being able to understand the words of a song. I've heard enunciations so poor that they sound like a different language. Some of the worst 'enunciators' in my opinion are Ariana Grande, Sia, Vince Neil, and Kurt Cobain. Why be a singer if we can't even understand what the fuck you're singing?!
    Other vocalizations that annoy me include too much vibrato, over and under-singing, and overly nasally voices.
    Love Songs

    Aside from a very, VERY, VERY select few, I... really... hate... love songs! I can say, without a doubt, that love is the most oversung topic in the history of music. Most love songs to me are just "I love you, you love me," mixed in with some pathetically cheesy lines, overused rhymes like girl/world and fire/desire, all laid on top of some slow and sappy melody and beat. I also feel the same way with sex songs and breakup songs. Why the hell can't you sing about something else?! There's a whole lot more to life than love! 
    Then again, maybe I just hate love songs because I'm forever alone. Every time I hear a love song, I feel ridiculed for being single...

    Incessant Overplaying Of Popular Songs

    Do you ever get annoyed with hearing the same old songs everyday? I sure as hell am! In the spoiler below is a short list of what I consider to be the most overplayed songs ever...
    OK, it's not really a short list but you get the idea. I don't hate all of these songs but some I've heard so many times that hearing even the slightest note makes my face contort with annoyance.
    Why do radio stations insist on constantly playing the same old songs? Because they're popular? It's like they think they're the only songs ever made! Have they ever heard of variety?! There's a whole lot more to these artists than just their hits. It's not just on radio, but in TV shows, commercials, movies, video games, and other media. Like I said earlier, I don't hate all the songs I listed, but there is one song in particular that I absolutely loathe because of its incessant overplaying. If you haven't already guessed, it's Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off." When that song was released, I could not escape it. Everywhere I went, I heard that abomination of a song. Hell, I remember one day in November 2014 where I heard it playing on five different stations at almost the exact same time!

    For the love of all that everything in this universe, play something else! I don't care if it's #1 on the charts, PLAY... SOMETHING... ELSE!! That's... just... what's the word I'm thinking of? Oh yeah...

    Rampant Repetition

    Out of all the things I hate in music, this one angers me the most. I'm fully aware music is built on repetition, but there are some songs, especially recently, that are so goddamn repetitive! Some recent examples include Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off," Justin Bieber's "Baby," and Carly Rae Jepsen's "I Really Like You." These three songs have one thing in common, they repeat a single word in their title over 50 FUCKIN' TIMES! Many artists are guilty of this, not just today's, but music legends have done this as well. You wanna know how many "na-na-nas" are in "Hey Jude?" 162! What were they thinking?! Sometimes it's not just single words or vocables that are overly repeated, but entire verses and chorus, too. I especially hate it when the chorus is overly repeated at the end of the song. Do I really need to give an example of this? It's almost as worse as a fade-out. 
    It just makes me wonder, do they really think that the more they repeat something, the catchier it'll be? I guess we may never know. In my opinion, there is a very fine line between "catchy" and "annoying" and most songs either just cross it or obliterate it. I would rant more about repetition, but then I'd be just repeating myself.

    And those are the 10 things I hate about music. This is a blog I've wanted to make for a while but didn't have the inspiration... which I finally got when I watched TJ Kirk's "21 Things I Hate About Movies" video. What are things in music that you hate? Leave a comment down below. This is Woohoo, signing off. 
  11. Woohoo
    Hi everyone, this is Woohoo here with another edition of Musical Manslaughter, where you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    Well, here I go again on my own, posting on the only blog I've ever known. Anyways, in my last entry of MMS, I promised to be much more active here... and so far, I've been doing a pretty crappy job at it.  Alright, enough of my rambling. For this edition of MMS, guess where we are going? If you guessed "the past," then have yourselves a cookie. 

    Yep, we're going back to the past to shred a shitty song that sucks ass. Since I started this blog, I feel I have the obligation that for every "modern" song I shredded, I would shred a "classic" song as well. I'm not one of those people who believes all music in the past is perfect and everything modern sucks. In my opinion, every generation had bad music. For this specific song, we're going back to the palindrome year of 1991, a year of desert storms, silent lambs, crumbling empires, and most importantly, the birth of a legend, ME!
    *sniff sniff* Do you smell something? That smell, a kind of smelly smell, a smelly smell that smells... smelly. No, it's not anchovies, or the salmon in the logo. It's the song I'm shredding today, and the song is... "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana.
    Oh boy, I can already here the keyboards typing: "how cud u haet dis song!? dis song n nirvna maed rawk gret agin! go bak to the 80s u rtard! >:(" Wow, I've really outdone my self with that comment. Anyways, yes, I officially hate this song now. I used to dig it when I was younger, but the older I got and more times I've listened to it, the less I liked it. Now, I can't stand listening it anymore. Why do I hate the song that supposedly put Seattle on the map as well as saved rock from the 80s? Let's break it down.
    My first problem with this song is really just a nitpick: the title. Probably the second time in this blog's history that I complained about a song's title, with the first time being my "St. Anger" review. "Smells like Teen Spirit," what kind of title is that? Did they come up that title all by themselves or did they help from manatees. I just don't get it. Unlike "St. Anger," I don't think any of the lyrics in this song correlate to the title at all. Maybe this sets the tone for the rest of the review. Now let's get into the actual song...
    So the song begins with its recognizable riff, starting off clean but then crescendoing with drums and bass. When I was younger, I kinda liked this riff. It wasn't the greatest riff, but wasn't terrible either. (I'd probably rate it 3.6 out of 5 roentgen.) However, as I got older and my musical taste grew more refined, the less I liked the riff. Often times when I heard this song, I would think, "That sounds pretty familiar..." Until finally, I came to the realization that this is one of the most unoriginal and overused guitar riffs I've ever heard. I mean, where have I not heard this riff before?! Every time I hear this riff, I find myself singing "Louie Louie" or "Wild Thing" or the chorus to "More Than A Feeling." (All of which are better songs IMO.) Granted, all those songs don't use the exact notes and chords, but they're structured very similarly. I know I've rambled on about this riff for an entire paragraph, and frankly I wouldn't have problem with it, if it weren't for all these people claiming this is one of the greatest guitar riffs of all time. Wow, only 15 seconds into this damn song and I'm already angry. *sigh* Better calm down...

    So after the "Louie-Wild-Feeling" riff-off, we finally reach the lyrics...
    Load up on guns, bring your friends
    It's fun to lose and to pretend
    She's over-bored and self assured
    Oh no, I know a dirty word

    Did someone leave the Orb of Confusion on? Because I have absolutely no idea what's going on here! Should I even think about attempting to decipher what's happening here? Can anyone explain what's happening here?! Why am I still asking questions?! WHERE IS MY SUPERSUIT?!  *deep breath* Sorry about that. I just hate when song lyrics make absolutely no sense. I have a feeling this song will score really high on "nonsensicality," and not in a good way. Let's move on...
    Hello, hello, hello, how low 
    Hello, hello, hello, how low
    Hello, hello, hello, how low
    Hello, hello, hello

    *sigh* I never thought I would say this again but... why you gotta be so repetitive?  I'm not gonna waste too much time or anger here, mostly because the damn chorus is next!
    With the lights out, it's less dangerous
    Here we are now, entertain us
    I feel stupid, and contagious
    Here we are now, entertain us
    A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido
    Yeah... hey... yay...

    *seething* Wow... just fucking wow... Where do I even begin with this chorus!? 
    First off, what the hell is going on here?! Broken lights and... diseases and bugs and... WHY?! These are some of the most random and non-correlating lyrics I've ever heard... and this is coming from someone who likes weird songs like "I Am The Walrus" and "Rock Lobster."  I've had this problem when I reviewed "Shape of You" over a year ago, the chorus is too damn long! The chorus by itself is 32 seconds long, but combined with the "Hello, How Low" pre-chorus, it's 47 seconds! This makes the song an absolute slog to sit and listen through.  I was going to address this earlier when I was discussing the first verse, but I'll say this right now. Kurt Cobain is, or was, an absolutely terrible singer! Seriously, how does someone with a voice that horrendous become popular?! Most of the time, he's screaming like he's walking barefoot on hot Legos. However my biggest issue is his enunciation, or in this case, his lack thereof. I can't even understand like 80% of the words he's singing. This song is essentially one big mondegreen. (Misheard lyric.)  Often times when I hear this song, I sing my own words like "Here we are now, in containers" or "Won the lotto, hell if I know." I swear, he sounds like he's drunk or sick or has marbles in his mouth. It's no wonder Weird Al made a parody poking fun at the fact that many people had a hard time understanding Cobain. Holy shit on a cracker is this song making me angry. I haven't been this level of anger at a song since my "Shake It Off" review, and that's saying something. It drives me bonkers to hear people say how this song as well as the whole Grunge movement supposedly saved rock music from the alleged horror that was "Hair Metal." (Boy do I hate that term, but I still use it anyways.) Say what you want about how overly ridiculous that era of music was, and frankly I have my own gripes with that era, but I think Hair Metal had a lot substance and a helluva lot more style than Grunge. Change my mind! 
    Anyways, back to the regularly scheduled review...
    I'm worse at what I do best
    And for this gift I feel blessed
    Our little group has always been
    And always will until the end
    This is probably the part of the song that actually makes any sort of sense. I believe this is Kurt admitting that despite being a professional musician, he was pretty terrible at it. He also stated how loyal his bandmates were to him, seeing how they disbanded immediately after his death. Sadly, this is only "highlight" of this song.
    After another repeat of that fucking slog of a chorus, we reach the guitar solo... except I don't really call it a guitar solo. It's just the vocal melody mimicked on the guitar, and frankly, I hate those kind of "solos." Not only was Kurt a terrible vocalist, he was a lackluster guitarist too. Seriously, why do I keep seeing him ranked in most "top guitarists" lists?! I've seen ten year olds play eons better than him! *sigh* I'm losing my mind right now... but I can't quit now, I'm almost to the end. 
    And I forget just why I taste
    Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile--
    Y'know what? Fuck it! I don't think I can take this anymore. I'm just going to skip right to the end. After the third slog of the chorus, we get this for an outro!
    A denial, a denial,
    A denial, a denial,
    A denial, a denial,
    A denial, a denial,
    A denial...
    …La-dee-da-da, ba-da-dee-da, and Obama, and Osama, and a llama, and lasagna... Wait, the song is already over? The outro was getting so monotonous that I was adding my own words to it. I swear, this song feels like the "Shake It Off" of 1991. Alright, let's wrap this up.

    And that was "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana. Do I hate this song? Well, if you asked me years ago, I would've said "nah." Nowadays, hell the fuck yes! Let me break it down for ya.
    First off, I am not denying the impact that "Smells Like Teen Spirit" made in the history of music. If you like this song, more power to you. Now that I got out of the way, back to my rant. It absolutely astounds me that song like... this has become so popular and iconic and, worst of all, overplayed as fuck for over 28 years. Why? I just don't get it. The lyrics are nonsensical, Kurt's vocals are practically incomprehensible, the music is amateurish at best (although I kinda like Dave Grohl's drumming), I just don't get it. This song makes feel like having an anal evacuation.  I bet most of you are thinking that I am just an old man yelling at a cloud. That's bullshit. I'm a 28 year old man yelling at a terrible song. 
    Now for the final score. I haven't seen a score this high in a while.

    And that concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. Once again, if you like this song, that's fine. Frankly, a little part of me wants to enjoy this song again. As for next entry, all I can say is... it's coming out in April. This is Woohoo signing out. Enjoy your Leap Day.

  12. Woohoo
    Hello everyone. Woohoo here with another entry of Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    Well, here I am once again not torn into pieces. It's been a while since I've done one of these. No, the last one doesn't really count because silence isn't really a song. Plus, it was April Fools Day. Anyways, on to business. The reason I haven't made an MMS in a while is... well, there isn't a lot of songs that make me angry. I could rant on more Taylor Swift songs but I don't wanna be labeled as "that guy who always rants on Taylor Swift" so I'm trying my best not rant on the same artist(s) over and over again. I just don't wanna be a one-trick pony. 

    Anyways, I finally found a song that makes me angry, although not really at first. I didn't really pay attention to it until late last year. The more I heard it, the more it angered me. If you haven't already guessed from this entry's title, which is probably none of you, this song is by an artist named Ed...

    No, not that Ed. He's not even a musician... or real...

    Wrong Ed again. Great guitarist tho...

    That's the one. The messy red haired singer known as Ed Sheeran.
    Yep, I'm ripping apart an Ed Sheeran song. Oh boy, this will be a doozy. I can already hear those fangirls' keyboards tapping. Which Ed Sheeran song am I tearing into? None other than his #1 hit from last year, "Shape of You." 
    Alright, I've shucked and jived long enough. So why do I hate this song? Let's break it down.
    So the song starts off with... Actually,  I don't know what you'd call it. Anyways, this song starts off... with this...
    * Bing, bong, bing-bing, bong, bing-bing, bong, bing, bong-bong-bong *
    What... the... fuck... Seriously?! There's no way... unless... is this supposed to be the melody? Or is it the beat? Could someone in the comments tell me if this is a melody or a beat? Or even what instrument is being used? For now, I'm just going to call it the "bing-bong." Whatever the "bing-bong" is, it's fucking horrible! It's so bland, cheap, lazy, and unprofessional! Hell, it sounds more unprofessional than Lars Ulrich's snare on St. Anger. At least there's some heart behind that snare. Here, this "bing-bong" sounds so vapid, soulless, and it just sounds an unfinished demo.
    Alright, enough on the "bing-bong." Hopefully the music will change in the chorus. But then the lyrics come in... 
    The club isn't the best place to find a lover, so the bar is where I go...
    I... actually agree with you, Ed. Clubs sucks! They're loud, crowded, obnoxious, and in no way the best place to find a lover. Bars are much more manageable... Wait, why am I talking about clubs and bars?! I need to stay focused.
    Me and my friends at the table doing shots
    Drinking fast and then we talk slow
    Come over and start up a conversation with just me
    And trust me I'll give it a chance now
    Take my hand, stop, put Van the Man on the jukebox
    And then we start to dance, and now I'm singing like...
    So far, the lyrics don't seem too bad. They're generic, yeah, but not infuriating like the songs I tore up earlier. It's just a song about a lonely guy going to a bar hoping to find a lover and eventually finding one. Also, who is this Van the man? I'm just gonna assume it's Van Morrison since you list him as one of your influences. However, after this verse, things go downhill fast... 
    Girl, you know I want your love
    Your love was handmade for somebody like me
    Come on now, follow my lead
    I may be crazy, don't mind me
    Say, boy, let's not talk too much
    Grab on my waist and put that body on me
    Come on now, follow my lead
    Come, come on now, follow my lead

    What the actual hell, Ed?! Are you singing about... sex!? How could you?! Did you ever think of the children?! OK, I'm overacting but... how do put this. The idea of Ed Sheeran singing about sex feels off to me. I can't really explain why. Why, Ed? Why did you make a sex song? Is it because sex sells? If so, I ain't buying. I'm saving my money to buy peace. Also, and this is just me, this song almost  feels like him selling out. Well, let's just hope he doesn't start twerking. Also, if this is a sex song, then it's one of the most unsexy sex songs ever. Hell, "Dead Skin Mask" by Slayer is eons sexier than this!
    Ugh, I'm already going crazy and I'm not even at the chorus yet. Speaking of which...
    I'm in love with the shape of you
    We push and pull like a magnet do
    Although my heart is falling too
    I'm in love with your body
    And last night you were in my room
    And now my bedsheets smell like you
    Every day discovering something brand new
    I'm in love with your body
    I'm in love with your body
    I'm in love with your body
    I'm in love with your body
    Every day discovering something brand new
    I'm in love with the shape of you

    Where do I even start with this?! Let me break it down...
    You're in love with the shape of her/her body? In other words, you just like her for her appearance. *sigh* Ed, didn't you parents, teachers, or anyone ever teach you it's what's on the inside that matters? I learned that in like diaper school. Loving someone just for their "shape" comes off as extremely shallow. What if this girl you love for her "shape" actually has a terrible personality inside? Or herpes? Also, I read somewhere that this song is supposed to promote body positivity, which I think is a good message, but why would it be included in a sex song?! What were you thinking, Ed?! "Push and pull like a magnet do"? No, Ed, it's "like a magnet does." Did you really forgo basic grammar just to make a cheap rhyme? This line could've been easily fixed with "like magnets do." Granted, it doesn't flow as well but it makes a lot more sense. Also, I can't believe I'm complaining about the grammar in a pop song. Fuckin' magnets...  I should've brought up this issue in my "Shake It Off" entry so I'll bring it up here. The chorus is too damn long. By itself, it's 40 seconds. With the pre-chorus, it's a whopping 52 seconds long! Are you trying to bore the listeners?! Long choruses should not be in pop songs. They're not catchy. In my opinion, the chorus should've ended after the first "oh-I-oh-I" part. Oh, and remember when I hoped the "bing-bong" would stop at the chorus? Nope, it keeps on playing throughout the chorus. Are you kidding me, Ed?! Are you trying to bore and annoy your listeners?! In pretty much every song I've listened to throughout my life, the music changes with the chorus and/or verses, even if the change is minor. This has to be one of the laziest songs ever made, both musically and lyrically. It's even lazier than "Shake It Off," and that's saying something.
    Then again, maybe the second verse might change my mind...
    One week in we let the story begin
    We're going out on our first date
    You and me are thrifty, so go all you can eat
    Fill up your bag and I fill up a plate
    We talk for hours and hours about the sweet and the sour
    And how your family is doing okay
    Leave and get in a taxi, then kiss in the backseat
    Tell the driver make the radio play, and I'm singing like...
    Nope, it's more the same shit. More unsexy lyrics followed by that long-ass chorus with that relentless "bing-bong." Do I need to complain any further about the "bing-bong"?! You can make a drinking game out of how many times I say "bing-bong." I haven't been this enraged at a song since "Shake It Off." It just begs the question: What the hell were they thinking?! *sigh* After that, we get to the bridge... I think...
    Come on, be my baby, come on
    Come on, be my baby, come on
    Come on, be my baby, come on
    Come on, be my baby, come on
    Come on, be my baby, come on
    Come on, be my baby, come on
    Come on, be my baby, come on
    Come on, be my baby, come on
    This is the only part of the song where the "bing-bong" isn't heard. I would say it's refreshing, but not really. It's just one line repeated eight times, and you all know how much I hate that. Also, I never understood why 'baby' is a pet name. It sounds degrading if you ask me.
    Alright, I think now's the time to wrap this up. Pip-pip cheerio!

    And that was "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran. Do I hate this song? Well, if you made it this far, you should already know. Now let me break it down for ya.
    My biggest issue with this song is the music, more specifically, the "bing-bong." Whether it's a melody or a beat, it's one of the worst pieces of music I have ever heard. Aside from the bridge, it's played throughout the entire song. Unacceptable. The lyrics don't help much either. Ed Sheeran's attempt at a sex song comes off as either generically bland or extremely cringy and it also made me feel dirty inside. Overplayed? Hell yeah it was is! I heard this song multiple times a day in late 2017 and I still hear to this day. Just the first note makes my blood pressure skyrocket to Yugopotamia. Now some of you are probably wondering if I hate Ed Sheeran. Surprisingly, not really. He's not great, but he's not terrible either. I don't find him nearly as irritating as most other pop stars, but boy, did he make quite a stinker of a song.
    Now for the final score.

    And that concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. How do you feel about this song? If you like it, that's fine. This is Woohoo, signing off.
  13. Woohoo
    *blows away dust* Wow, it's been a while since I've done one of these. Anyways, I'm Woohoo and this Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell slaughter without laughter and these songs are jokes.
    So, it's been a few many months since I've made an entry for MMS or even a blog at all. My last entry was in March where I lobotomized Taylor Swift's cover lobotomy of Earth Wind & Fire's "September." Lately I've been feeling pretty uninspired to do these, or any blogs at all.

    Now I finally gained some inspiration. Before you ask, no, I'm not shredding a song this time, but I am discussing something music related. In fact, I've been thinking about using MMS to discuss anything music related. Hell, I already did last year when I did my "10 Things I Hate About Music" list. 
    Alright, enough rambling, onto the discussion. Lately, a question has been burning in my head for a long time... and that question is...
    I don't know how long this question has been in my head, but it's gotten the point where I feel the need to discuss it. Why has this particular question been burning in my head? Often times, I hear or read about music fans complaining about bands, specifically older ones, that have just two, or even only one original member, or even no original members at all, while the rest of the band are a bunch of no name "hired guns." *sigh* Before I can even try to attempt this damn question, I need to answer another question that coincides with it: What is an "original member?"
    Unfortunately, the question of "what's an original member" generates even more questions than answers. Frankly, I don't really like the term "original member." Its definition is way too loose. *Well, after a hell of a lot of thinking, I think I managed to break down the types of band members. Without further ado, let's break it down.
    I'm just gonna get right to the point. I've broken down the types of band members and their criteria into four categories:
    Founding Members Longtime Members New Members Touring Members So a while back, I've had the honorary privilege to see one of the all time greatest rock bands of all time in concert, none other than The Rolling Stones. If you're wondering how I felt during that show, let me show ya...

    Yes, this what I look like
    With the concert still relatively fresh in my mind, I'll be using them as an example. Enough juckin' and shivin', let's break it down... again.
    Founding Members

    This type of band member and its criteria for it is pretty self-explanatory. These are the members that have been with a band since the very beginning. In the case of the Stones, it's obvious who the founding members are. Lead vocalist Mick Jagger and guitarist Keith Richards started and have been with The Rolling Stones since its inception in 1962. Usually, when people think of "original members" of a band, they often refer to the founding members most time. Other times, they're referring to the "longtime members." Speaking of which...
    Longtime Members

    This one was a little hard to define as well as the criteria (which is why I've had a hard time finishing this blog), but I think I've figured it out. "Longtime Members" are the members that, although they weren't there from the beginning, have played with a band for a very long time.  My criteria for this category would be this: Served in the band for at least 20 years and/or played on at least three studio albums. In the case of the Rolling Stones, drummer Charlie Watts (since 1963, although some consider him a founding member) and guitarist Ronnie Wood (since 1975) definitely fall into this category.
    New Members

    This category and its criteria is essentially the reverse of "longtime members," which would be this: Served in the band for less than 20 years and/or played on less than three studio albums. However, with the case of the Rolling Stones, there haven't been any new members since Ronnie Wood joined in 1975... at least no new "official" members, not touring members. Speaking of that...
    Touring Members

    Sometimes called "unofficial members," these are additional musicians that an artist or band brings on tour to help boost their sound, which frankly is more authentic than using backing tracks. With the Stones, they have a bunch of touring members, such as horn players and keyboardists, but the most notable is bassist Darryl Jones. He has toured and recorded with the Stones since 1993, replacing founding bassist Bill Wyman. That pretty much covers every type of band member and its criteria. Now back to the original question...
    What was the original question again? Oh, right. "What do you call a band with no original members?" To be honest, I have no definitive answer. How would you answer this question? I even asked other people in real life and on the forums this question and I got different answers, such as a cover band, a tribute band, a cash grab, and my favorite response, a disband.

    Now I leave you all with yet another question, "Do you care who's in your favorite band(s)?" This question I actually have a definitive answer: Yes, whether they be founding or new or touring, I actually care who's in the band. Frankly, it annoys me to see bands go through members like toilet paper. However, for most people, they just don't care. Most fans when they see their favorite bands in concert, they don't care so long as they hear their favorite songs live. Same with concert promoters, they don't care so long as they make money by selling the logo and putting butts in the seats. I should also note that very few bands retain the same lineup for most. if not all of their career. The only bands I can think of are The Beatles (1963 until they broke up in 1970), Rush (from 1974 until their disbandment in 2018), U2 (since 1976), Aerosmith (since 1973, aside from 1979-83), and ZZ Top (since 1969.) Do you care who's in your favorite bands? Let me know in the comments below.
    And that concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. Out of all the entries I wrote, this one was the hardest... and I mean it this time. Sorry if I haven't posted much but don't worry, next year I'll try to be much more active. This is Woohoo signing off. Happy New Year!
  14. Woohoo
    What's up, everypony? Woohoo here with another edition of Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    Since I started MMS over a year and a half ago, I ripped apart quite a few types of songs. I've shredded multiple pop songs, a beloved folk song, a reviled metal song, two Christmas songs, a ballad, and even ranted on the things I hate about music in general. I try not to be some other music reviewers where they constantly rant on the same genres and artists. Now for the 10th I'm doing something different in MMS. I'm going to rip apart... a cover song.
    How do you all feel about cover songs? My opinion? Well, it depends on the song and the artist covering it. It's a very tricky balancing act. You have to balance between making it your own and not straying too far from the original. Those who succeeded in this balancing act have created cover songs that are beloved and enjoyed just as much, if not more than the original. In fact, some covers are so well done, we don't even know it's a cover. However, when done incorrectly, the results can be quite unpleasant. Those who failed in the balancing act, either trying too hard to replicate the original or straying too far from the original, have created covers that make people beg the question...

    Why did you cover this song?! What's wrong with the original version?! All you did was tarnish your own reputation and butchered the song that should've been left alone! Alright, I've rambled enough on how I feel about cover songs. Now you're probably wondering what cover song am I going to shred? Well, in the last entry, I said it would be a beloved song from the 1970s... and the song is "September" by Earth, Wind, and Fire.
    What can I say about this song that hasn't really been said? It's definitely on the best "feel good" songs ever. I've been listening to this song as long I could remember. Usually, I listen to it whenever I'm in a bad mood or whenever I need something upbeat and cheerly to listen to. Now what kind of cold, cruel, careless, heartless, evil person would butcher one of life's most wonderful creations?
    *inhales sharply* It's... her again...

    Unfortunately, yes. This cover song actually exists no matter how hard anyone can deny it. I just cannot believe that Taylor Swift, of all artists, would cover "September."  I also can't believe I'm talking about Taylor Swift again! I thought I was done with her after I abso-fuckin-lutely eviscerated "Shake It Off" on my very first entry of MMS. Oh no-no-no-no, she had to this! Ugh, I haven't even started the review and I can already feel my sanity being drained. 
    Without further ado, let's break it down! 
    Instead of breaking down the song lyric by lyric like I typically do, I'm going to compare the major aspects of both Earth, Wind, and Fire's version and Taylor Swift's version and give my impression of both. Let's start with the intros because... that's where the songs start. 
    Earth Wind and Fire's version begins with its iconic and catchy bassline accompanied by fluttering synths until it crescendos with its bombastic horns. It's a simply yet effect song intro and it gets me pumped up for the rest of the song. As for Taylor Swift's version... there is no intro! She just jumps right to the damn lyrics! How am I supposed to get pumped up now?! Oh boy, and we haven't even gotten to the lyrics yet. Speaking of which, let's talk about the lyrics, starting with Earth, Wind, and Fire...
    Do you remember the twenty-first night of September?
    Love was changing the minds of pretenders, while chasin' the clouds awaaaaaay
    Our hearts were ringin' in the key that our souls were singin'
    As we danced in the night, remember how the stars stole the night awaaaaaay
    Hey, hey, hey, bah-dee-yah, say do you remember?
    Bah-dee-yah, dancin' in September?
    Bah-dee-yah, never was a cloudy daaaaaay

    Don't these lyrics make ya feel good? Do they make you wanna dance? If you don't, then there's probably something wrong with you. What really makes these lyrics enjoyable for me is the vocal delivery. I just love hearing the enthusiasm in Maurice White's voice as well as the backup vocalists during the chorus. I can feel their energy radiating all over the song. In my opinion, energy is really vital in great pop songs. It's what makes 'em... pop! 
    *sigh* Now for Taylor Swift's version...
    Do you remember the twenty-eighth night of September?

    Did she... did she just... She changed the first line of the song! Why, Taylor?! I know there's no rules for covering songs but this should be one: Never change the opening line! What was the point of changing 21st to 28th? At least 21st of September has some significance being the first day of Autumn.  When you say 28th, September is practically over.  Again, what's the point?!
    But that's not the part of T-Swizzle's version. Let's talk about her vocal delivery. While EW&F's version sounds really energetic, Taylor Swift's version sounds absolutely lethargic, especially during the chorus! Holy shit, she sounds like she's reading a goddamn shopping list!. Hell, Maud Pie has more excitement in her voice than Taylor Swift. I cannot believe I'm gonna say this... she sounded eons more energetic singing "Shake It Off" than on this lobotomy. I think that's the best word I can describe her performance: lobotomized.  It really sounds like she lobotomized this song. Taking away everything that made the original so great and replaced with the sound of mayonnaise!

    As for the music of Taylor's version, it's nothing but a damn banjo! Why?! Why turn a funky disco song into a mopey country song?! Why is this cover song making me ask so many 'why' questions?! *sigh* I just want to say that I enjoy cross-genre covers, but if they're done right. A well known example of this is the late great Johnny Cash's cover of Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt."
    All I can say about this cover is that it's absolutely magnificent. The Man in Black knew what he was doing and he truly made this song his own. Hell, even NIИ's frontman Trent Reznor admits that Cash's cover was superior to the original. Now I wonder how the members of EW&F reacted to Taylor Swift's cover. As it turns out, Allee Willis, who co-wrote the song with the late Maurice White, did comment on Swift's cover. While Willis stated that she didn't hate the cover, she described it as "lethargic as a drunk turtle dozing under a sunflower after ingesting a bottle of Valium." I guess great minds think alike.
    Alright, I think it's time to wrap it up.
    And that was Taylor Swift's cover of Earth, Wind, and Fire's "September." Do I hate this-- Why do I keep asking this question you all know I hate the song I just ripped apart?! *sigh* Let me break it down for ya.
    If there was ever a list of songs that should never be covered, "September" should definitely be on that list. Remember that Powerpuff Girls episode with the evil clown that drains color with everything he touches? That's what Taylor Swift did to "September." She drained away everything vibrant and colorful about the original and left it something as vapid and soulless as mayonnaise. Maurice White must be rolling in his grave. I still cannot fathom why... why would she cover this song? Was trying to troll people? Maybe she likes the song and wanted to do her own rendition? I think it's probably the latter, even though I think her rendition sucks. When this song came out last year, the Internet (especially Twitter) went nuts, calling it one of the worst cover songs ever made. This cover is definitely one of the most unpleasant covers I have ever heard. BTW Taylor, didn't Squidward ever tell you mayonnaise is not an instrument?
    Now for the final score. It didn't score as high because it wasn't overplayed. But I already heard this song twice and that's overplayed enough for me.  
    And that concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. How do you feel about this cover? Was I too harsh or soft? What song will I do next? Tune in next month. Same Woohoo time, same Woohoo blog! 
  15. Woohoo
    This is the part where I greet everypony, say my name, which is Woohoo, and welcome you to another edition of Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    Here's the part where I ramble on how long it has been since the last entry, what I'm going to be doing different in this one, and how much I hate rambling. Great, I'm rambling again. Anyway, on to business. It's been God knows how many months since the last entry, which was probably my most difficult MMS since the very first one. With most of the previous entries of MMS, I ripped apart a single song in (mostly) great detail. This time I'm ripping multiple songs at once, just like my Christmas entry, albeit much more condensed and contain just my overall thoughts on a song with little, if not any, lyrical commentary. Welcome to the first volume of "Mini-Slaughters." In this volume, I'm tearing apart four songs from mid 2010s.
    Alright, I've jucked and chived enough. Let's break it down.
    The first song on the chopping block is by one of the most reviled artists of the current decade. Straight outta Canada, it's music's favorite whipping boy, Justin Bieber!

    Because it's not like any other music reviewer has ever talked about him before.  What song of his am I shredding? Definitely not "Baby" as that song has been shredded beyond any form of recognition. I'm shredding a more recent song of his... his 2015 hit "Sorry."
    Believe it or not, this is the song that made me hate the Biebs. Why do I hate this song more than "Baby"? Let's find out.
    My first problem takes place after I press the play button. I hear this...
    Whoa-oh oh! Whoa-oh-oh! Whoa-oh oh! Whoa-oh-oh!

    Really? That's how you want to start your song? With that annoying-ass whooping? Is this the infamous "Millennial Whoop" that's taking over pop music? I guess so. It's also heard during the damn chorus too. If you remember my "10 Things I Hate About Music" blog, you'd know how much I dislike non-lexical vocables, especially 'whoa-ohs.' It's almost as annoying as "Shape of You's" bing-bong. Was it really necessary to include the whooping? *sigh*
    My next problem, and this probably my biggest problem with this song: It's an apology song. I absolutely can't stand apology songs as most of them sound whiney and unbelievably desperate for forgiveness. This song is no exception. Why would you put so much effort into a song just to apologize to some girl? Is it really that hard to just say "I'm sorry"? Also, what did you do to her? Did you spit on her? Call her a whale? Piss in her mop bucket? Eat her tendies? Shit, this song is making me crazy. 
    Other problems with song include Bieber's overly-breathy vocals during the verses where I could barely understand him, and this song being OPAF (OverPlayed As Fuck.) I still hear this almost everyday at work. In fact, every song in this entry is/was OPAF.  Now for the final score.

    Even the score sheets are mini-er
    To answer your question, Biebs. "Is it to late to say sorry?" Well, for your um... unbelievable contributions to the music and entertainment world, I dub thee unforgiven.

    Next on the chopping block is from someone a little lesser known yet their song still manages to get OPAF somehow. Also from the Great White North, it's Alessia Cara with her 2015 'empowerment' anthem "Scars to Your Beautiful."
    *inhales sharply* Do I have some issues with this song, starting with the damn title. "Scars to Your Beautiful," what kind of title is that? Sounds like a Marylyn Manson song if you ask me, like a sequel to "The Beautiful People." Oh boy, I haven't even scratched the surface of the tip of this iceberg.
    My next problem with this song is that it's so mind-numbingly... generic. The lyrics are just your typical "be yourself" song laid upon on some slow plodding beat. It's like we don't have a million of these songs already. I do give this song credit for touching on self harm and eating disorders, but aside from that, it's just generic. 
    Now you're probably thinking 'Why are you ranting on this song when it's so generic?' Frankly, I would've written this song as generic... if it weren't for this line in the chorus...
    You don't have to change a thing, the world could change its heart.
    Have you ever heard something so... unbelievable that you're not fully sure on how to even talk about how unbelievable it is? This is definitely one of those instances. It's also an instance where I need a second opinion. Hey SpongeBob, how do you feel about this lyric?

    Thanks, SpongeBob.
    This lyric is quite possibly the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. Why? Because for most people, that's NOT how the world works! Do you really expect a world of over seven billion humans and trillions of other life-forms, of which 99% have never met you, to change their heart? Short answer: You can't! Look, I get what they I get what their going for, but this particular lyric comes off as extremely selfish. Hell, I think this lyric would even make Mr. Rogers cringe. "You don't have to change?" Once again, bullshit! In life, you need to change in order to adapt to this ever-changing world, otherwise you'll get left behind. This single line single handedly destroyed any credibility this song ever had. Empowerment anthem? More like entitlement anthem. This is one of the worst lines I have ever heard in a song, right up there with "Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on" and "I'm madly in anger with you." 
    And just like the last song I shredded, this one also features annoying-ass whooping in the chorus. What's the point of including it? To make the chorus longer? Like I said in my "Shape of You" entry, long choruses are boring and have no place in pop songs. "Scars to Your Beautiful" is practically the "Shape of You" of 2015! *sighs* Alright, I'll stop mentioning that song. Now for the final score.

    I think this song had good intentions, but the execution was done so poorly. Plus, I don't need to beautiful. I prefer to heed Manson's warning about the beautiful people.

    Well, I'm half way there, but no amount of prayers can save me from these next two songs. Things are about to get ugly. So ugly that the Ugly Barnacle will die. This time, we're going back to 2014, the same year a certain song that nearly destroyed me was released, with a song by an artist from the far away land of Australia. From the same country that gave us AC/DC, Kangaroos, Nicole Kidman, and Steve Irwin, it's Sia with "Chandelier."
    For this one, I'll be talking less about the song and more about the artist in choice. This will be a doozy.
    I'm going to be really frank here... I absolutely cannot stand Sia. I hate her almost as much as Taylor Swift. I don't understand why she's so popular. The main reason I hate Sia… her voice. She sounds like she's getting an oversized rectal probe inserted whilst screaming with a mouthful of peanut butter and marshmallows. Quite unpleasant if ask me. That's the best word to describe Sia's voice. Her voice is so unpleasant, she makes a grindcore vocalist sound like Freddie Mercury. Not only is her voice unpleasant to hear but also unintelligible. Seriously, can anyone understand what she's singing? I sure as hell can't! Her diction and enunciation are so bad, I can't even make up misheard lyrics. She even puts Kurt Cobain to shame! Why is she so popular when we can't understand what the fuck she's singing?! On a somewhat related note, Sia is also one of the reasons I refuse to watch the goddamn MLP movie.

    Worst celeb self-insert ever!  Just why, Hasbro?
    As for the song... well, if I actually liked this song, I wouldn't have included it on Musical Manslaughter. This song is so unpleasant, unintelligible, nonsensical, OPAF (especially in 2015), and it makes me want to hang myself from a chandelier. What this hell is this song even about, anyway?! *sigh* I would rant further, but I need to conserve my energy for the last song. Here's the final score.

    It just baffles me how an artist with such an unpleasant and unintelligible voice could be popular. In my opinion, Tom Araya of fuckin' Slayer sounds eons more pleasant than Sia.

    One more song and I consider this one the worst of the worst. Going back to 2015 for the third and hopefully last time, it's Adele from merry old England with her smash hit "Hello."
    *inhales sharpiestly* Out of all the songs in this entry, this is the song I hate the most. I mean, practically everyone I know likes this song. Seriously, am I the only one in the world the universe who hates this song?! I have some major problems with this song. Time to use up this last bit of anger as this entry's going out with a bang. 
    My first problem with this song: It's OPAF. Not just OPAF, but astronomically OPAF. Much like "Shake it Off" was back in late 2014-2015, "Hello" topped the Billboard charts and was played practically everywhere in late 2015 and most especially in 2016. Trying to get away from this song was like trying to dodge rain in a thunderstorm. Every time I hear this song, I feel my happiness being washed down the drain. I could go on about this song's overplayed-ness, but I have much bigger problems with this song.
    My next problem is the same problem I have with Justin Bieber's song. It's another goddamn apology song, and dare I say, it's even worse than the Biebs song. Why? Just listen to the damn chorus!
    Hello from the other siiiiiide
    I must have called a thousand tiiiiiimes
    To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
    But when I call you never seem to be home
    Hello from the outsiiiiiide
    At least I can say that I've triiiiiied
    To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
    But it don't matter it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore

    Wow... just wow. The desperation is strong with this one. This doesn't just take the cake, it takes the whole damn bakery! I know the "called a thousand times" is a hyperbole, but really? If he didn't answer the first few times, why did you keep trying?! He probably should've blocked your number after the third time. Also, what did you do to him? Did you eat his tendies? I can't even fathom what Adele and whoever wrote this were thinking with this song. Did they really think these lyrics sound sincere? Because to me, it sounds extremely creepy. In fact, "Hello" makes "Every Breath You Take" sound like fucking "All Star!" At least Sting admitted that "Every Breath" is supposed to be creepy. This song... *sigh* I need calm myself down before I explode twice...

    But I'm not done here, am I? Oh no, I have another major problem with this song: The production. Creepy lyrics aside, "Hello" is one of the most musically boring songs I have ever heard. It's just some sad and plodding piano ballad that we've all heard like a million times now. Not that I hate piano ballads, but this song doesn't do anything new or even interesting. Once again, boring! However, what really kills the song for me is Adele's "oversinging" in the chorus. I'm not sure if "oversinging" is the right term, but it really does sound like she's overly straining her voice. It really makes my vocal cords shrivel. Sheesh, I thought Adele would've learned to be more careful with her vocal technique after she blew out voice the first time. Nope, she blew it out again last year, likely for good. I find it pretty pathetic that Adele blew out her voice twice before turning 30 while Rob Halford and Bruce Dickinson are in their 60s and they can still wail. I guess it is all in the technique.
    Now for the final score.

    Honestly, Adele, I don't know why you say hello when I say goodbye.

    And that concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. I was expecting "Mini-Slaughters" would be a lot easier to write. I was wrong. Maybe the next set of "Mini-Slaughters" would be easier For my next entry, I'll be tearing apart a horrible recent cover of a beloved 1970s anthem. This is Woohoo, signing off.
  16. Woohoo
    What's up, everypony? Woohoo here with my atrocious intro writing abilities. Anyways, welcome to the first entry of Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    While I was planning MMS, I was thinking, "how should I kick off the series?" or "what song should I do first?" It didn't take me long to choose one. There is a song... a certain song... A certain song that infuriates me to unspeakable levels. It makes my blood pressure skyrocket to Pluto whenever I hear even the slightest note on the radio. It rustles my jimmies to Oblivion and back. This song causes me nothing but agony and misery... and pain... and ridicule and anger and pain... and suffering... and pain...

    Alright, I'm done with my long winded overly-exaggerated rambling. If you didn't catch the little reference in the logo (which I combined with the popular meme "extra thicc"), that song is... "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift
    Taylor, you perv! VEVO couldn't have picked a worse thumbnail 
    Oh boy, this is going to be a doozy... Before I rip apart this song, I want to talk a little bit about the artist behind the song: Taylor Swift. She really needs no introduction. In less than a decade, she transformed herself from a sweet curly-haired country princess into arguably the biggest female pop star in the world. Everyone has their opinion on Tay-Tay, whether you love, hate, or probably not care at all about her. With all of the success she’s had, it’s not really surprising that she'd be polarizing. As for my opinion? Up until 2014, I was never a fan of Taylor. I simply saw her as just another popular singer who made one-dimensional yet sometimes catchy music.  I never really cared about her relationships, breakups, or feuds, though I did find a bit annoying but that's just me.
    But then, everything changed in the summer of 2014 when the Fire Nation attacked she made "Shake it Off," a song addressing how she's shaking off all the haters. Since then, I absolutely can't fucking stand her anymore! Just the mention of her name makes my face go full on Yellow Diamond.

    Damn, I'm rambling again... So how did this one song forever tarnish my perception on Taylor Swift... let's break it down.
    So the song begins with a very basic beat. Nothing good, nothing bad, it's just somewhat tolerable (for now...) But then the lyrics come in...
    I stay out too late, got nothing in my brain,
    That's what people say, mmhmm, that's what people say, mmhmm
    Wow, only 15 seconds in and we already have a red flag. First off, who the hell is complaining about you staying out too late? I mean, you have concerts to perform and those go on pretty late. The only person who should be concerned about staying out too late is yourself. To say people complain about you staying out too late is a crock of shit. As for "got nothing in my brain," maybe it's because people think you have the mentality of a 15 year old, which goes into the next lines...
    I go on too many dates (chuckles), but I can't make 'em stay,
    At least that's what people say, mmhmm, that's what people say, mmhmm
    Ugh, that chuckle was so unnecessary... Honestly, I don't really care about who you date. You can date whoever you want. Hell, you can date a rock and I still wouldn't care. Although I think Maud Pie would have a problem with that.

    As for the people who do complain about you "going on too many dates but can't make them stay," it's probably because of two things.
    They're sick and tired of you writing songs about your breakups. They think know you make them want to break up with you so you can write yet another song about bad they were, which usually becomes a hit on the charts and makes you more money. Maybe one day, you will realize that maybe, just maybe, you are the problem... Moving on! But I keep cruising, can’t stop, won’t stop moving
    It's like I got this music in my mind, saying "It's gonna be alright"
    It's not gonna be alright... because I have to hear the goddamn chorus right now!
    ‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
    And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
    Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
    I shake it off, I shake it off
    Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
    And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
    Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
    I shake it off, I shake it off
    Ho... ly... shit, this is horrible! One of the worst choruses I ever heard! Where do I even begin with this?!...
    "Players gonna play?" "Haters gonna hate?" Why are you stating the obvious?! Are you also gonna tell me the sky is blue or night is black?This has got to be some of her laziest songwriting ever. No effort whatsoever. It's even lazier than Rebecca Black's "Friday" and that's saying something. Do you really need to repeat last word of each line five times? Why so much repetition?! Do you really think that's catchy?! Do you realize repeating the same things over and over is annoying to many people? There is a very fine line between catchy and annoying. This song not only crosses the line, it fucking obliterates it. Nothing says "I don't care about what the haters say" than putting weeks/months worth of effort into writing a song to tell them that. Frankly, the more you keep hammering that into their brains, the more likely they'll think that you actually do care about what they say. Wow, that was a mouthful. Seriously, if you can't handle criticism, constructive or otherwise, then you are probably in the wrong profession.  Then again, I should've expected this from the same artist who wrote the song "Mean," verbally attacking a critic for, of all horrible things, doing his job.
    America's Sweetheart, everybody...
    Ugh, not even a halfway there and I'm already losing my sanity, but I can't stop now... Onto the next verse.
    I never miss a beat, I'm lightning on my feet
    That's what they don't see, mmhmm, that's what they don't see, mmhmm
    I'm dancing on my own, I make the moves up as I go
    That's what they don't know, mmhmm, that's what they don't know, mmhmm

    What the hell does dancing have to do with shaking off the haters?! I'm not gonna waste too much time on this verse, probably because it's so confusing, so I'm just gonna comment on just this one line. Lightning on your feet, you say? Sorry Taylor, but you ain't got shit on Sanic the HegeHoge.
    He's the fastest meme aliiiiiiive!
    Like any other song, we get another repeat of the chorus, except more "Shake it Offs" are added in! WHYYYY?! Do you realize repeating the same things over and over is annoying to many people?! Great, now I'm repeating myself! So now we get to... the bridge...
    Hey, hey, hey, just think while you’ve been getting down and out about the liars and the dirty, dirty cheats of the world...
    Yes I am down and out, because you're one of them.  
    You could've been getting down to this... sick.. beat...
    Remember earlier when I said the beat of this song was tolerable? Well, after this one line, it becomes intolerable! Sick beat... seriously, Taylor?! You call that beat sick?! It sounds like it was made in Pro-Tools using the "Make a Random Beat" button! Then again, I guess that beat is sick... sickeningly obnoxious! You want to hear a real sick beat? Hit it, professor!
    My ex-man brought his new girlfriend, she’s like “Oh, my god!” but I’m just gonna shake
    And to the fella over there with the hella good hair, won’t you come on over, baby? We can shake, shake, shake
    Because it wouldn't be a Taylor Swift hit song without mentioning one of her exes. Also, stop trying to rap. You're making yourself look like a bigger fool than you already are.
    Alright, time to wrap this up. We get one more repeat of the damn chorus... except with even more "Shake it offs" added in! Once again, WHYYYYYY?! Enough is ENOUGH!

    Why do you keep repeating yourself?! Did you not have any ideas how to end your song or did you just not feel like it? That's so lazy! Every time I hear you say "shake it off," I feel like I lose 10 IQ points each time! Just when I'm about to completely lose my sanity, the song finally ends.

    And that was "Shake it Off" by Taylor Swift. Do I still hate this song? Hell yeah! Is it any better than when I first heard it in 2014? Hell no! You know why? Let me break it down for ya.
    The lyrics are so lazy, poorly structured, and most of all, overly repetitious. Her vocals sound so processed and grating, far from her sweet sounding voice from her early days, and the beat is sickeningly obnoxious (thanks to a certain line.) The overall repetition in this song... oh boy, of the 585 words (yeah I counted) used in this song, the titular line was used 36 times and the word "shake" by itself was used a whopping 78 TIMES! That's more times than Justin Bieber says "Baby" in his signature song. In fact, at least 60% of this song is spent repeating itself, and I find that unacceptable! I know that music is built on repetition, but this song went way too far.
    Alright, enough about the repetition let's talk about overplayed-ness. When this song first came out, it hit number one on the charts and I could not get away. I think I heard this song like at least 5 times a day almost everywhere I went during late 2014-early 2015, constantly getting stuck in my head and giving me migraines! There was one day where I heard this song being played on five different radio station at the exact same time! While I'll admit the song has a decent message of being yourself and not taking shit from anyone, that gets completely lost within the surrounding nonsense. I find it very nonsensical that she wasted so much effort to write a song to tell the haters that she's going to shake 'em off. If she really wanted to shake 'em off, she shouldn't have made this song. If anything, this song probably reinforced their hatred of her as well as spawning more haters, including myself. As for negative effects on me, there were a lot, but let me list a few...
    Lost what little resect I had for Taylor Swift... also Max Martin, who went from producing my favorite jams like "I Want It That Way" and "It's My Life" to this train-wreck! This song got stuck in my head constantly to the point of agony. Lost faith in humanity at one point. I would have Taylor related nightmares almost every night for over a year, not even Luna could save me. Friends and co-workers teased me and claimed I secretly loved Taylor. Aren't they a little old to be teasing?! My dad and I got stuck in her traffic when she came to Seattle in August 2015 and we missed my ferry to Bainbridge Island. Now for the final score. Pretty abysmal, isn't it?

    Yeah I consider this the worst song I ever heard, but this is just my opinion. If you like this song, that's alright, I won't hate you. And that concludes the first entry of Musical Manslaughter. Join me next time when I rip apart a song that claims to be a tribute to one of the greatest singers of the last century when the song is actually a ridiculously corny sex song...
    Now I wait for the Swifties to come and eviscerate me... 
  17. Woohoo
    What's up, everypony? Woohoo here and welcome back to Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell slaughter without laughter and these songs are jokes.
    This entry will be a little different from the last ones. With the previous entries, I tore apart songs from artists that I either dislike or don't care about. For this entry, I'm tearing into a song from an artist I actually like. Normally I talk about the artist after I present the song I'm reviewing, but like I said earlier, this entry will be different. If you can't tell by the font I used in the logo, the artist I'm talking about is Metallica.

    These guys need no introduction. They're arguably the most successful heavy metal band of all time and also one of the best selling music artists ever. I, myself, am a pretty big fan of the band for about a few years now. However, just because I'm a big fan doesn't mean I support everything the band does, and frankly, Metallica has done a few... questionable things from the mid 1990s to the early 2000s that have disillusioned most of their fans, such as releasing albums with bodily fluids as the front artwork, cutting their hair and dressing up as Cuban pimps, and their infamous lawsuit against Napster. For this entry, I'm talking about one particular song they made in 2003, which is the title track of their infamous eighth album... St. Anger...
    Oh boy, this will be fun. I've been wanting to rip apart this song for a long time... Before I tear this song apart, I just want to tell you that I actually wanted this song to be the first entry of Musical Manslaughter, that is until I heard "Shake it Off" on the radio... Alright, enough of my shuckin' and jivin'... Let's break it down...
    Believe or not, my first problem with this song is the title. "St. Anger?" Last time I checked, Anger is one of the deadly sins. Putting Saint and Anger together makes it sound like an Oxymoron. How the hell did they come up this? Did they draw random words from out of a hat or did they have help from some Manatees... Great, I'm already losing it and I haven't even started the damn song... Anyways, onto the song.
    Like with most Metallica songs, this song starts off with a riff. It's not one of their best but it's somewhat tolerable... so long as James doesn't say "this sick riff." So far, it doesn't seem too bad... that is until you hear this...
    What in the name of Heaven, Hell and everything in between was that?!
    * PONG, PONG! ** PONG, PONG! * * PONG, PONG! *
    Seriously, what was that sonic shitfest of a sound that had the displeasure of assaulting my eardrums?! Is that the sound of all encompassing negativity pounding through the fabric of space and time?! Maybe... you wanna know what that sound really is? It's the sound of the snare drum!

    Now you're probably wondering 'why does the snare sound so bad?' It's because during the recording of this album, Lars Ulrich turned the snare off of his snare drum, giving it a much louder ring. Apparently, Lars liked the sound of it so much, he decided to use it on the album. Uh, Lars, I have a quick question for you...

    Why would you do this, Lars?! Your snare is so loud and jarring that it distracts from the vocals and other instruments! It almost sounds like you're drumming on a cooking pot! This is just so... what's the word I'm looking for? I know, unprofessional! So after 30-something seconds of incessant instrumentation, we finally reach the lyrics...
    Saint Anger 'round my neck, Saint Anger 'round my neck,
    He never gets respect, Saint Anger 'round my neck...
    Uh, James, who is this St. Anger? Why is he around your neck? Is he choking you because you disrespected him? Can anybody explain what's going on here?! I have a feeling this song will score really high on 'nonsensicality.'
    (You flush it out, flush it out) Saaaaint Anger 'round my neck, 
    (You flush it out, flush it out) Heeee never gets respect,
    (You flush it out, flush it out) Saaaaint Anger 'round my neck, 
    (You flush it out, flush it out) Heeee never gets respect...
    So... to get rid of St. Anger, you have to flush it out? Like a turd? I still don't get it! Why are these lyrics so damn cryptic?! Also, James, why are you trying to sound like Chester Bennington? Why not sing "Craaaawling in my skiiiiin," while you're at it. Ugh, this song is making my head spin... like Peridot stuck in a toilet.

    Fuck it all and no regrets, I hit the lights on these dark sets
    I need a voice to let myself, to let myself go free
    Fuck it all and fuckin' no regrets, I hit the lights an these dark sets
    Medallion noose, I'll hang myself, St. Anger 'round my neck...
    Believe it or not, I consider this moment to be the "highlight" of the whole song... and I use the word "highlight" very loosely. Mainly because it references the lyrics of two classic Metallica songs, "Damage Inc." from Master of Puppets and "Hit the Lights" from Kill 'em All. However, those references will not save this song.
    I feel my world shake, like an earthquake
    Hard to see clear, is it me? Is it fear?
    I'm madly in anger with you, I'm madly in anger with you
    I'm madly in anger with you, I'm madly in anger with you 
    Wow... just wow... I can't believe how much the band has fallen lyrically. This is almost "Shake it Off" level nonsensicality. And to think this song came from the same band who wrote classic songs like "Master of Puppets," "One," "Fade to Black," "Enter Sandman," etc. Maybe the next verse might be better...
    Saint Anger 'round my neck--
    Wait, didn't we already hear this verse?! You mean to tell me that you couldn't think of another verse so you decided the first verse all over again?! It just makes me wonder what was going on at Metallica HQ during that time. As it turned out, 2001-2003 was a very tumultuous time for the band, to the point where they almost broke up. Many factors, including the departure of longtime bassist Jason Newsted, James Hetfield going to rehab as well as rebuilding his relationship with his family, and their lack of any pre-written material set the stage for this monstrosity. James Hetfield later said the album's sessions were so open-minded that they became unfocused and they pretty much embraced every dumb idea so no one's feelings would get hurt. I guess that explains the ridiculous songwriting here. This whole period was documented in the 2004 documentary Some Kind of Monster.

    Now let's get back to the song. Like I said earlier, we get another repeat of the first verse and chorus... actually, no, it's just one big chorus. Usually after the second chorus of any Metallica song, there would be a guitar solo from Kirk Hammett, right? Right? Nope. Turns out, there are no guitar solos anywhere on this song or on the entire album. Not a single tap of the Wah-Wah pedal or a twitch of the Whammy bar from Kirk, none. A lot of people were upset over the lack of solos when this album came out. As for me, I'm not that upset but a solo would've been nice to break up the monotony.
    That's another thing wrong with this song, it's long. Granted, it's not as long and boring as "American Pie" but "St. Anger" is even more irritating. It's seven and a half minutes of Lars playing a pot, incessantly repetitive riffing, and cryptically ridiculous lyrics.
    And I want my anger to be healthy
    And I want my anger just for me
    And I need my anger not to control me
    And I want my anger to be me

    And I need to set my anger free
    And I need to set my anger free
    And I need to set my anger free
    And I need to set my anger free
    Set it free!
    Now I get it. This song is about setting your anger free in a healthy way. Kinda like how I'm setting my anger free through this blog. One thing, why you gotta be so repetitive? I think now's the time to wrap things up.
    That was "St. Anger" by Metallica. Do I hate this song? As James would say in the old days, Abso-fuckin-lutely! Here's why...
    The lyrics, music, structure, and production are just... *sigh* They take horrendousness up to 11, not just by Metallica standards, but music standards in general. I mean, turning off the snare? What was Lars thinking?! In terms of repetition, it's pretty high. Hearing the same long verse twice in a row is such a chore to sit through. Meanwhile, the title of the song was used 13 times while the word 'anger' by itself was used 37 times. Granted, it's merely half as repetitive as "Shake it Off" but that's quite repetitive for Metallica. While this song has had no negative effects on me (aside from the annoying pong-pong), it had some on the band. When the album came out in 2003, despite debuting at number one on the Billboard and winning a Grammy, it garnered a lot of harsh criticism from critics and fans alike, calling it one of the worst albums ever made.
    However, on a more positive note, Metallica emerged a healthier and stronger band afterwards. James Hetfield described the St. Anger album as a purge, getting all the negativity out of him and a catalyst for the next chapter of the band. Thankfully, they've made great albums again with Death Magnetic and Hardwired to Self Destruct... well at least in my opinion.  
    Now for the final score. Some categories went up to 11, they're that bad.

    And that concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. For my next entry... I don't know what I'm gonna do but I'll think of something... maybe...
  18. Woohoo
    *blows away dust* Whoa, I guess it's been a while since I've done of these... Anyways, hey everypony, Woohoo here with another Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    Now I know it's been a long time since done one of these. It's mostly because I haven't found any songs that really make me angry. Then December arrived... and you know what means?
    Yep, it's that time of the year. For the most part, I like the holiday season... except for one thing, the music. The incessant overplaying of the same dozen-some songs and like 100 different versions of 'em in almost every public place, which drives me up a wall. While there are a few Christmas songs that I enjoy, there are some that I absolutely despise. For this entry, I'm going to tear into two of my most hated Christmas songs, one classical and one modern. Let's break it down.
    Let's start off with the classical Christmas song. This is a song that everyone and their great-great-great-great-grandmother knows... and that song is "The Twelve Days of Christmas."
    This is a random version of 12DOC I picked. Not hatin' on Bing Crosby
    All my life, I've never really understood this song and why it's so popular. I just don't know why. Alright, enough of my rambling, let's break it down. Since I don't want to waste too much of your time, I'm just gonna type the lyrics from the 12th day.
    On the twelfth day of Christmas
    My true love gave to me
    Twelve drummers drumming
    Eleven pipers piping
    Ten lords-a-leaping
    Nine ladies dancing
    Eight maids-a-milking
    Seven swans-a-swimming
    Six geese-a-laying
    Five golden rings
    Four calling birds
    Three French hens
    Two turtle doves
    And a partridge in a pear tree
    *inhales deeply* Where do I begin? Guess I'll start from day one ... and I will portray myself as a disgruntled boyfriend.
    1. A Partridge in a Pear Tree: What the hell is this? All I wanted for Christmas was an iPhone and you give me a bird and a tree that require me to take care of? What's wrong with you?! I starting to question my love for you...
    2. Two Turtle Doves: What? Now I have three birds to take of?! What's wrong with you?! You could've gotten me two turtles and I wouldn't complain, but no, you went for the birds again.
    3. Three French Hens: At least these birds are edible but now that's six birds, SIX BIRDS I never wanted! That's it, I'm breaking up with you! 
    4. Four Calling Birds: That's ten birds now!! I need to file a restraining order against you.
    5. Five Golden Rings: Wow, a gift that's not aviary related, although I'll probably just sell the rings so I can buy bird food. Maybe you're not so crazy after all...
    6. Six Geese a-Laying: AW COME ON! Back to the birds again!?!?! Now I have sixteen birds squawking and shitting all over my house! And they are fucking too? What mental asylum did you break out of?
    7. Seven Swans a-Swimming: Twenty... three... birds... and swans are assholes! Enough is ENOUGH! I have had it with these motherfucking birds in my motherfucking house! Seriously, which asylum?!
    8. Eight Maids a-Milking: You finally stopped giving me birds, but now you're giving me people?! Also, what are they milking? Did they bring their own cows, too?! So now I have 23 birds, 8 cows (possibly), and 8 people.
    9: Nine Ladies Dancing: Wait, where are you getting these people from? Unless... you're a human trafficker! I'm reporting you to the FBI!
    10. Ten Lords a-Leaping: You mean like Sith Lords on a trampoline? Have you seen those guys? They don't look like the leaping type...
    11. Eleven Pipers Piping: As if the birds squawking wasn't enough, now I have 11 more people playing the most obnoxious instrument in the universe!
    12. Twelve Drummers Drumming: STOP THE MADNESS!!!!!1!11!1!
    *inhales sharply... again* So let's go over all the gifts I've received. 
    One pear tree One trampoline Five gold rings Eight cows (maybe?) Twenty three birds Fifty people ...And most of these things don't even relate to Christmas, especially the birds. Don't they fly south for winter? All I wanted was an iPhone and you give me all this shit. If your true love gives any of these things to you for Christmas, then he/she is an animal hoarding, human trafficking, noise polluting psychopath. My advice, break up with them, report them to the FBI, an have them committed to an insane asylum.
    As for my thoughts on the song, let me show you in .gif form...

    For my whole life, I never understood this song. This is not only one of the most nonsensical Christmas songs ever, but one of the most nonsensical songs ever! I know the 12 days represent the days between the birth of Jesus and the arrival of the Three Kings, but what do all those gifts mean? It's even more cryptic than "American Pie," which I already reviewed earlier this year. Whoever wrote this song must have been wasted on a few jugs of moonshine. It's also so damn repetitive. Hearing the same lyrics over and over is so tiring that I'm already bored by day four. Now for the final score...

    But I'm done yet. I have one more Christmas song to tear into...
    The final Christmas song I'm tearing into is from the wonderfully non-dystopian year of 1984, and that song is "Last Christmas" by Wham.
    This will be a doozy for me... let's break it down.
    Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
    But the very next day, you gave it away
    This year, to save me from tears
    I'll give it to someone special

    Really? That's how you want to open your song? With that lame-ass chorus. Like I said in a previous MMS, I'm not a fan of songs that start with the chorus. *sigh* Where do I begin with this...
    You gave me your heart? That's absolutely disgusting! That's almost as bad as all the birds and humans my ex gave me. Why would you give someone a vital organ for Christmas?! Speaking of vital, how the hell are you still alive?! "Stop being so literal, Woohoo. It's a metaphor. They just gave love to their partner for Christmas and they ignored it."  Really? Love for Christmas? All I wanted was a damn iPhone! I may be forever alone single but shouldn't give your partner love like... everyday? No wonder they gave it away. That's enough on the chorus, onto the verses...
    Once bitten and twice shy
    I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
    Tell me, baby, do you recognize me?
    Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me
    (Merry Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it
    With a note saying, "I love you, " I meant it
    Now, I know what a fool I've been
    But if you kissed me now
    I know you'd fool me again
    A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
    I'm hiding from you, and your soul of ice
    My god, I thought you were someone to rely on
    Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
    A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
    A man under cover but you tore me apart
    Now, I've found a real love you'll never fool me again
    You know, a thought just occurred to me. The more I listen to this song, the more I wonder: How is this even a Christmas song? There's nothing really Christmassy about this song other than a few uses of the word "Christmas" and the use of sleigh bells in the beat. To me, this song just feels like a lame breakup pop song you'd hear on the radio pretty much any time of the year. This is my unpopular opinion but I don't really consider "Last Christmas" to be a true Christmas song. It just doesn't have the Christmassy feeling that other Christmas songs have... at least the songs I like. 
    Out of all the Christmas songs I hate, "Last Christmas" was the song I dreaded hearing the most. I can't stand hearing the original version by Wham or any damn version for this song. Even if an artist I liked covered it, I'd still hate it. In fact, there was a year in my life where I didn't want to celebrate Christmas because it would mean I would be hearing this song a bazillion times again. Yeah, those were dark times for me. So, do I still hate this song? Well, what do you think?!
    Now for the final score. Just a few points lower than "Twelve Days" but still bad.

    Lol, 69
    And that concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. If you like these songs, that's fine. Hope you all have a Merry Christmas. Maybe next year, I'll get that iPhone... 

  19. Woohoo
    What's up, everypony? Woohoo here and welcome back to Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    Hope you all enjoyed your Fourth of July, because there's no better way to celebrate our independence than gorging ourselves with hot dogs, guzzling down beer, and blowing up fireworks.  Anyway, on to the blog. So with the previous entries, I tore apart a couple of popular songs from the current decade. Now there are plenty of songs from this decade I wanna tear into, but if I continue in this direction, I'll eventually get a comment like this...
    OK, extremely over exaggerated but you get the idea. I am not one of those people on YouTube who post comments like "I was born in the wrong generation," "Music was soooo much better back then," or even "[Number of Dislikes] are Bieber Fans," etc. Despite all the crazy shit going on now, I actually prefer living in this generation.
    For this entry of MMS, we're doing something a little different. I'm going to take you back to the past... to shred a shitty song that sucks ass. A song from a magical time called the 1970s, where the only ways to access music were the radio or buying the album at a record store. Now this particular song has irritated me for a long time. A song that I have loathed for most of my life, as early as nine years old... and that song is "American Pie" by Don McLean.
    Now I bet you're wondering, "How can you hate this song?! You're a traitorous socialist fascist commie terrorist if you hate this song!" OK, how am I all of those things for hating a song?! Wait, why am I responding to my exaggerated hater comment?! Let's get back on topic... so why do I hate this iconic song? Let's break it down.
    Unlike the last two songs I reviewed, which started off with either a sickeningly obnoxious beat or the worst chorus in music history, "American Pie" actually starts of quite nicely with a soft piano melody and its first verse...
    A long, long, time ago, I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
    And I knew if I had my chance, that I could make those people dance and, maybe, they'd be happy for a while...
    Kinda like how I used to somewhat enjoy this song. However, after these couple lines, things start going downhill.
    But February made me shiver with every paper I delivered
    Bad news on the doorstep, I couldn't take one more step
    I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride
    But something touched me deep inside, the day the music died...
    Now we've reached my first major problem with this song, the line "the day the music died." Does this song even explain what it is? Nope. Alright, since Donny's not going to explain what it is, I guess I'll have to. Gather around, it's time for a little history lesson with Woohoo...

    No one sings like them anymore
    On February 3rd, 1959, Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and J.P. Richardson (aka The Big Bopper) boarded a plane in Mason City, IA en-route to Fargo, ND. Tragically, not long after takeoff, the plane lost control during a winter storm and crashed into a nearby cornfield, killing all three musicians and the pilot. To many people, this was a significant loss for the music industry as all three were prominent figures in the early days of Rock n' Roll. Do you want to know where did the name "The Day the Music Died" actually came from... the song I'm ranting on now! Thanks to "American Pie," which came out over a decade after the tragedy, this event is now known as the "The Day the Music Died." Now I usually save "Unfortunate Effects" until the end, but... WHY!? That's so ridiculous! I know their loss was tragic, but with a name like "The Day the Music Died," it just implies that all music died with them. Music can never die, it may have been wounded on that day, but it will never die... only the people who create it can. And why stop at "The Day?" Let's call last year "The YEAR the Music Died" due to how many famous musicians died then!
    Great, I'm already losing my sanity and I haven't reached the chorus yet. Speaking of which, the chorus is up next...
    So bye, bye, Miss American Pie
    Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
    And them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
    Singin' "This'll be the day that I die"
    This'll be the day that I die

    I mean, seriously... what the hell does all that stuff have to do with this musical tragedy?! This chorus is absolutely nonsensical! I... I don't think I can comment any further... except maybe there's some deep psychological meaning hidden there, but I'm not going to waste my damn time trying to find out what it is...
    Speaking of time wasted, that goes into my next major problem, and probably the biggest problem with this song. It's... so... fucking... loooong! This song is a whopping eight minutes and thirty seven seconds long, the longest song ever to hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100, and it's nothing but verse-chorus-verse-chorus and so on. There are no bridges, no solos, no time changes, and not a single instrumental section longer than a few seconds to break up the monotony, it's just lyrics. Sure, the tempo changes slightly after the first chorus, but that doesn't change either! It's definitely one of those songs that tricks your brain to thinking it might be over, but nope, it keeps going on and on and on... There's a certain word to describe this song. Take it away, Pinkie!

    Now you're probably thinking "Oh, you just hate long songs! You must have ADD or have an attention span of a squirrel!" That's not true. I love long songs when they're done right. "American Pie" is an example of a long song done wrong. There are many long song I enjoy eons more than "American Pie," some are even longer than longer than this festering pile of boredom. Here are a few examples that I like:
    Rush - "2112" 20:32 Pink Floyd - "Echoes" 23:30 Iron Maiden -  "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" 13:34 Guns N' Roses - "Coma" 10:17 Bon Jovi - "Dry County" 9:52 Metallica - "...And Justice For All" 9:46 Led Zeppelin - "Achilles Last Stand" 10:26 ...And many more. As for the rest of the song, the lyrics just sound like rambling. While some lyrics relate to the subject, which I think is rock 'n roll, but then you get lyrics that are completely nonsensical, like this verse...
    But, that's not how it used to be
    When the jester sang for the king and queen
    In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
    And a voice that came from you and me
    Oh and while the king was looking down
    The jester stole his thorny crown
    The courtroom was adjourned
    No verdict was returned

    You know what? I'm just gonna wrap things up before I lose anymore of my surviving brain cells.
    And that was "American Pie." Do I still hate this song? Absolutely! In fact, I hate this song even more as an adult than when I was a kid. Here's why...
    The lyrics, for the most part, are confusing, nonsensical, and have as much correlation as New Kids on the Block and Chinese food. While the vocals and music of this song are way better than the last two songs, because it's dragged on for over eight minutes, it makes the song irritating to me. Why they made this song so damn long, I'll never know. As I stated early, I've hated this song since I was nine, mostly due to hearing this song on the bus home almost every week during fourth grade. It doesn't help that fourth grade wasn't a very good year for me so this song does trigger some bad memories. I found this song nonsensical as a kid and I still find it nonsensical now. Maybe I'll get it better when I'm 40. I still don't get why this song is so popular... maybe it's because 'Murica.
    Now for the final score.

    That concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. This one was a lot more detailed than the previous entry since I had more history with this song. If you like this song, that's fine, I won't hate you. For my next song, we're going back into the past again, but not too far, to shred a terrible song by an artist I actually like.. and going to see them live really soon.
  20. Woohoo
    What's up everypony, Woohoo here and welcome back to Musical Manslaughter, because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    Well, here I am once again, thankfully not torn into pieces. I was expected to be eviscerated by the Swifties here on the forums after I posted my entry on "Shake it Off." I guess there aren't as many Swifties here or maybe the novelty of the song has finally worn off. Anyhoo, on my last blog, I said the next song I would tear into would be a song that claims to be a tribute song to one of the greatest singers of the last century when it's really just another song about getting laid. What's the name of the song you may ask? It's in the title of the blog, "Rage Man Ivy." Well, it's an anagram of the singer's name. I'll give you a moment to figure it out. Cue the Jeopardy music!
    Times up! For those who figured it out, the answer is none other than... Marvin Gaye!

    Now before you jump to conclusions... no, I'm not tearing apart a song by Marvin Gaye. I'm way above that. I'm actually tearing apart a more recent song, which, believe it or not, is actually titled "Marvin Gaye" by Charlie Puth and featuring Meghan Trainor!
    I kid you not. This is an actual song! Even I can't believe this song exists. I didn't even know about this song until I saw ToddintheShadows' "Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2015" video and this song was number one... and probably for good reason. As for how much I know about these two, I don't know much about Charlie Puth, and Meghan Trainor I know about because she made the sonic shitfest that is "All About That Bass," which barely has any bass in the song. 
    Ok, I'm done rambling now. So why do I hate this song? Let's break it down...
    With most pop songs, it usually opens with a few beats, the melody comes shortly after, then the first verse, and finally the chorus, which usually hooks the listener. Not this song, oh no... this song has the nerve to start with the damn chorus. And they're not by playing a little instrumental bit beforehand, oh no-no-no, this song instantly starts with the chorus, giving the listener little to no time to mentally prepare. As for the chorus, take a listen to this...
    Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on, you are the healing that I want
    Just like they say it in the song, so until the dawn, let's Marvin Gaye and get it on
    Hold on for a moment please, I need to find the right gif that best describes how I feel... Ah, here we are.

    What... the... actual... FUCK!? I.. I cannot believe what I just heard! I don't even know what to say right now, I'm in such shock from hearing this... abomination. Alright, I need to calm myself down before I do something unforgivable...

    *inhales* Ah, much better. There is just so much wrong with this chorus but let me focus on what I think are the worst...
    How dare they... Seriously, how fucking dare they use the Prince of Soul's name as a cheap euphemism for sex! These two should be ashamed of themselves! I think I can hear Marvin rolling in his grave right now. This is just disgraceful, disgusting, despicable, disrespectful, dis-... I don't have anymore dis-words, but yeah, how insulting. I'm starting think these two have no idea who Marvin Gaye was... "Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on?" Wow, such clever, much genius, very amaze... No, just no. Using a singer's name as a verb? How childish! This just hurts my brain almost as much as Taylor Swift saying "this sick beat." Anyone can come up this shit! Hell, I'll even make some up of my own: Let's Iron Maiden and Run to the Hills, let's Rolling Stones and Paint It Black, let's Michael Jackson and Beat It. I think you get the idea now. This is me personally, but I'm not particularly fond of songs that start with the chorus. To me, it just feels like a quick and easy way to get the listener hooked to the song. As for me, most of the time, I prefer to be warmed up before I'm hooked. Another thing is it makes the chorus much more repetitive than it should and you know how much I hate that. However, I can make exceptions with some songs, such as "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses. That song knows how to warm up the listener with Slash's dream-like guitar melody and Axl's unforgettable lyrics. Other songs I like that start with the chorus:
    "Back in the Saddle" - Aerosmith "Can't Buy Me Love" - The Beatles "You Give Love a Bad Name" - Bon Jovi "If I Could Turn Back Time" - Cher "Any Way You Want It" - Journey "Crawling" - Linkin Park "Fuel" - Metallica "Fat Bottomed Girls" - Queen I don't think I can comment any further. That chorus alone is a reason enough for me to hate this song. This is, without a doubt, one of the worst lines in the history of music, right up there with any of the lines from "Shake it Off." Also, this is one of the worst choruses I have ever heard in a song. It may not be as overly repetitive as "Shake It Off" but this chorus really takes the cake in terms of nonsensicality.
    As for the other lyrics, they're not really worth talking about. It's just another pop song about sex, as if they're aren't a million of those already. If this song wasn't titled "Marvin Gaye" and did not have that atrocious chorus, I probably would've just shrugged this song off. However, during the second chorus, this line comes in...
    You've got to give it up to me
    I'm screaming "Mercy, mercy, please!"
    Is that a reference to "Mercy, Mercy Me"? If so, are you kidding me?! "Mercy, Mercy Me" is about the environment, not sex! Are they implying that Marvin Gaye only wrote songs about sex?! Now I'm convinced that Chuck, Meg, and whoever the hell wrote this song have no idea who Marvin Gaye was. Why is this song even called "Marvin Gaye" when the lyrics aren't even about Marvin Gaye?! Wait, what if it's not the lyrics but the music that relates to Marvin Gaye? Maybe, just maybe... nope. The music sounds nothing like Marvin Gaye! He made Motown Soul while this audio atrocity of a song is just '50s do-wop mixed in with some atrocious trap drum track! Why does this song even exist?! Who allowed this to happen?! WHY AM I ASKING THESE QUESTIONS?!?!
    Alright, time to wrap this up before I reach "Shake it Off" level insanity.
    And that was "Marvin Gaye" by Charlie Puth and Mehgan Trainor... *Shudders* Just saying that burns my tongue. Do I hate this song? Abs-total-olutely! Is it one of the worst songs of 2015? Definitely! Here's why.
    The lyrics, aside from mentioning his name and a few song titles, have absolutely nothing to do with Marvin Gaye. Same with the music, nothing to do with him either. Chuck and Meg's vocals are irritating, but I think Chuck sounds the worst. He sounds like he was recently castrated. As for Meg... no comment. It's just another pop song about sex with Marvin's name slapped on it, and quite frankly, it's probably the most unsexy sex song I have ever heard. I did hear this song a lot during 2015-early 2016, but it was nowhere near the overplayed-ness of "Shake if Off," probably because it only reached 21 on the Billboard Hot 100. The nonsensicality of this song is just astronomical. I mean writing a song called "Marvin Gaye" when it's not even about Marvin Gaye? What's the point of this song's existence?! That's greater than or as equal as nonsensical as "Shake It Off," and that song has somewhat of a reason to exist. Alright, I'll stop mentioning that song. As for any unfortunate effects on me,  the only effect was getting stuck in my head, though not nearly enough as... that other song. Here's some advice: if you're going to write a song named after person, famous or not, make sure the lyrics and/or music actually relate to them.
    Now for the final score. Not as bad as the last entry but still pretty bad.

    That concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. This entry was a little less detailed than my last entry, probably because I had less history with this song. Just remember, if you like this song, that's fine, I won't hate you. For my next song I'm tearing into, I'm going back into the past. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to Metallica and Fade to Black...
  21. Woohoo
    For all of last week, I was on a cruise with my family to Alaska. Here are some pics from my trip.
    Enjoying the view with a cold drink

    View from the top deck looking north

    Imperial Bar in Juneau where I had some delicious fish n' chips 

    Looking over Skagway

    Downtown Skagway

    White Pass & Yukon Railway

    Selfie with the Majorie Glacier in Glacier Bay

    My sister and mom posing in Ketchikan

    My ship, the Ruby Princess

    Poutine from the Pink Bicycle in Victoria, BC 

    Victoria Parliament Building

  22. Woohoo
    Here are some of the pics I took during my trip to Disneyland. I haven't been to the resort in over 15 years so a lot has changed...
    Disneyland Hotel

    Disney California Adventure entrance

    Cars Land

    Paradise Pixar Pier under construction

    Me and my sister in front of the station

    Looking down Main Street

    Big Thunder Mountain

    Disneyland Railroad

    Sleeping Beauty Castle and Matterhorn

    Me posing by the castle

    Small World with the train passing by

    Sleeping Beauty Castle at night

  23. Woohoo
    Hello everypony. Woohoo here with another edition of Musical Manslaughter. because you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' and these songs are jokes.
    When I made the first entry of the MMS last year, I declared that "Shake it Off" by Taylor Swift was the worst song ever. Well, I take that back. Turns out, there is a song far worse than "Shake It Off" or any of the songs I ripped apart the past few months. This is a song that's even more irritating to my ears than "St. Anger," more insulting to my intelligence than "Marvin Gaye," more boring and excessively elongated than "American Pie," and even more overplayed than "Shake it Off." This is a song I've been... No, scratch that... everyone's been listening to since the day we were born. It's been around since the dawn of the time and will continue to exist long after all life and all time ceases to exist...
    Holy shit, that was longwinded! Alright, enough jucking and chiving. I'm going to reveal the name of the worst song ever... and it's name is...
    Really, what can I say about "Silence"? It's... just... nothing. The lyrics? Nothing! The music? Nothing! Artistry? Nothing! Emotion? Nothing! That's all "Silence" is, Abso-Fuckin-Lutely NOTHING! *sigh* Why people keep saying "Silence is Golden?" What's so golden about it?! It's nothing! Who came up with that phrase?! Whoever came up with that phrase, I've got a few words for ya...

    Now for the final score. For the first time, we get a perfect score!

    And that concludes this entry of Musical Manslaughter. Happy Easter Fools Day everyone!

  24. Woohoo
    I couldn't really think of a good title -_- *sigh* There's no easy way of saying this, but lately, I have not been feeling myself. I've been contemplating on talking about this for a while, but after being inspired by Jeric's recent blog, I feel it is time for me to really open up and tell you what is wrong with me.
    First off, and I'm going to be pretty frank here, but behind my upbeat sounding username and cheerful avatars and signatures lies a somewhat ugly truth: I am not happy. I haven't felt truly happy for a long time.  Now you're probably wondering 'Why are you unhappy?' Well, a lot of things, but I'm only going to focus on the three biggest.

    Loneliness is a bitch... and I think that's an understatement. Most of my life, I've struggled with loneliness. Even though I enjoy the occasional "alone time," it's growing less enjoyable and more unbearable. I want to have more friends and possibly even a girlfriend. One of my resolutions this year is to be more social... and I'm failing miserably at it. Every time I try to be social, loneliness keeps me chained up. Whenever I'm with friends, family, or anyone I know, I just lock up mentally with a bored expression on my face... just like Maud Pie.

    I think my inability to be social stems from the fact that I have Asperger's Syndrome (or whatever it's called now), which is a "mild" form of Autism. I also have a difficult with eye-contact and maintaining a conversation because of ASD. Most of the time, I just stay silent, fearing I might put my foot in my mouth. No matter how hard I try to be social, loneliness always has me by the throat.

    This is something I've been bottling up for a while now but I can't handle disappointment as well as I thought. Disappointment for me is like a nuke going off and everyone I'm near gets caught in the blast and fallout. There are countless times where I've been disappointed with myself and others. Usually I'm disappointed with myself. It's probably because I'm a 26 year old single adult who still lives with his mother and still works a minimum wage job. It just feels like I can't accomplish anything in my life... at least not without help. There are also times I've been disappointed with others, even when it was no big deal. For example, the Season 5 finale "The Cutie Remark" disappointed me so much that killed my interest in MLP for an entire year! Eventually I gained the interest back, but I still fear I'll get that one episode or moment that'll disappoint me beyond repair. It's no wonder I still haven't seen the movie.
    I try my best to keep expectations as low as possible, but even then, I still find a way to get disappointed. I don't know why I feel this way. It feels like I'm still a kid...

    A couple months ago, I turned 26. Then something dawned on me: my life is in a rut. In fact, 2017 was probably my most stagnant year in a while. It feels like all I do is wake up, eat, drink, shower, work, sit on the Internet, gym, and sleep every day and year. Occasionally, there's some exciting event like a vacation or a concert, but those are very few and fond. I think the reason for my life stagnating is my lack of ambition and having no goals. Thinking about the future always overwhelms me. Hell, when I was in third grade, my teacher asked me what's my goal in life and I said "my goal is to not have goals." Looks like that statement has bit me in the butt. Also, whenever I try to pursue a hobby or any interest of mine, thinking that maybe this might be my career, I always burn out on it. Looks like I'll be a busboy for the next 40 some years. However, if there's one thing I want to accomplish, it's a relationship... which, of course, I'm also failing miserably at. Maybe I should just embrace my loneliness... no, I can't give in loneliness!
    I actually did start a new hobby last year in the form of Musical Manslaughter, in which I rant on music. However, I don't think that'll last long as my other hobbies...  

    There are a lot of other things wrong with me, but I don't feel like explaining every single one. These include:
    Bad communicating Bad (or selective) memory Laziness Sensory issues (don't tickle me) Addicted to the Internet (especially here at MLPForums) Difficulty feeling empathetic/sympathetic Easily frustrated and overwhelmed Low Self-esteem So that's wrong with me. This is something I've wanted to get off my chest for a while now and I'm glad I did. I can breathe again. This is not the lowest I've been in my life, that was 2010-2014. Now before you ask, no, I don't need your help. It's not like you can come to my house and hug me (though that would be nice.) These are things I should deal with on my own. Sorry for my incessant rambling but I felt like I needed get this out of the way. Woohoo out. 
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