there have been so many times where i could have died. where it would have been a simple matter of cutting the veins in my wrist and died. ive come close on several occasions. one of the times- i had it all planned out - everything- i would go home and cut the wrists deep enough that i bleed to death. i lived alone so it would have been easy. life was depressing- it always is and always will be- especially when ur alone going through it. at the time i couldn't take it. the bullying, the lying, the beatings, the broken heart- everything- it was too much. but something happned that particular day. i met someone- (sounds stupid and a stupid reason for a life to keep going) but it wasn't like anything i had ever thought to exsperice. i had drempt about this person- very distinctly-as the one i was supposed to marry and grow old with but when i woke up i could never see his face- but the smell lingered- i recognized the smell that day- on him- and i knew- it was really kinda funny actually- he loved all the same stuff i did- literatly and through time ive become such a better person because of him. he has inspired me to become more then what i thought i could do. be better then what i was told i could be.
That being the case i need to become more then what i am now- become the person i desire most to be- i want to be remembered- never forgotten- i want to live and be the best me there is- and i know its not going to be easy- that has always been the case- but in order to help those around me and beyond i have to help myself first- to become the very person i desire most to be and fulfill my purpose in this life- there have been so many times where i was given the chance to live or to die and in the end , life was always the winner- that by some force of nature or twist of fate i am meant to live to fulfill a greater purpose then what i can comprehend at this time and moment - at this place i live in- with this in mind i have to stop fooling around with time and with myself. I know i born to be something better then just another human. i wasn't born by accident. i was born here for a greater purpose then what i know. When it comes my time for that change i want to be standing strong- i want to be remembered for who i am and what i have done- i want people to see that i stood up for my God and my country with every fiber of my being. i want to people to see that i did everything i could to help and inspire those around me, i want to inspire people to find themselves and become as strong as i am or even stronger. i want to influence those around me and even those who i have never met or seen- to have this sense of desire to better themselves- gain strength with in themselves and have this desire to love and honour and respect everything about themselves and those surrounding them. there is more purpose to my life then simply sitting around living a normal life of selfishness and hate- the energy in my fingers buzz with a power- an energy that is powerful and my heart beat is stronger- there is no doubt of who i am and my destiny- and thats why i keep going.