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Rebel the Wolfgirl

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  1. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    So, following up on the announcement of The Elements of Ilvermorny (something that's been in the works for a while), I've decided to create a post detailing the character profiles of the main cast; a basic rundown of their personalities, their houses*, blood statuses (something I find an unfortunate and oftentimes problematic element in the Harry Potter series, admittedly, but it's a necessary evil that is used to deliver the series' anti-prejudice message), and wand types + wand cores. So without further ado, here they are, the (HU)MANE EIGHT!

    ----------------
     
    Name: Twilight Sparkle
    Age: 11 (first year)
    Ethnicity: Japanese
    Blood status: No-Maj-born
    House: Horned Serpent
    Wand type: Acacia
    Wand core: Dragon heartstring
    Personality: Much like canon, Twilight is an inquisitive, bookish sort who, before coming to Ilvermorny, is mostly an asocial sort - unlike either pony or canon!SciTwi, this Twilight did have at least a small circle of friends; namely Moondancer, Lyra, Minuette, and Twinkleshine (who in canon Twilight treated as casual acquaintances at best until "Amending Fences"). However, once she is of age and whisked off to Ilvermorny, Twilight develops not only a camaderie with several of her fellow first years (Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie) but a few older students as well (Sunset Shimmer, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Flash Sentry). Unlike the vast majority of Potterfics, Twilight is a protagonist already well-aware of the magical world - after all, when your brother's girlfriend (who's also your ex-babysitter) is a half-Veela and incidents seem to happen from nowhere, you tend to put things together incredibly quickly.

     
    Name: Pinkie Pie
    Age: 11
    Ethnicity: Pennsylvania Dutch
    Blood Status: No-Maj-born
    House: Thunderbird
    Wand type: Sycamore
    Wand core: Jackalope antler
    Personality: Pinkie Pie is probably the most exuberant of the eight, viewing Ilvermorny as "the funnest place ever!" Her childlike personality and seeming ditziness, however, hide a quick mind; a metamorphagus by birth, Pinkie Pie also has an uncanny skill for divination and "feeling" other peoples' emotions. These abilities, combined with her natural talents in magic, make her an incredibly dangerous foe...ESPECIALLY if you break her Pinkie Promises - they may not be Unbreakable Vows, but you'll wish you could die before Pinkie gets to you.

     
    Name: Applejack
    Age: 11 (first year)
    Ethnicity: Mixed race (Native American/Black)
    Blood Status: Pureblood
    House: Thunderbird
    Wand type: Apple (initially), black walnut
    Wand core: Unicorn tail hair
    Personality: Applejack comes from a Weasley-esque line of purebloods (and may even be distantly related to said family); like them as well as Sunset Shimmer, she does not believe in the idea of "blood purity". If anything, she believes anyone is capable of magic if they put a little hard work into it. As such, calling her a "blood traitor" or calling any of her friends "mudbloods" acts as a MAJOR button for her. Applejack is loyal and brave through and through, and won't abandon anyone regardless of wrongs committed or danger to her life.

     
    Name: Rarity
    Age: 11 (first year)
    Ethnicity: Anglo-Russian
    Blood status: Half-blood
    House: Horned Serpent
    Wand type: Chestnut
    Wand core: White River monster spine
    Personality: Unlike the rest of her friends, Rarity was born and raised in the United Kingdom until she was around 9 or 10; she was destined for Hogwarts until unforseen circumstances forced she, her parents, and little sister Sweetie Belle to immigrate to the United States. As such, Rarity initially has a difficult time adjusting to American customs and figures of speech (for instance calling No-Majs "Muggles"). She, like the rest of the group, develops an intense rivalry with school bully Trixie Lulamoon; for Rarity, however, it's because Trixie also had failed dreams of going to Hogwarts or possibly Dumstrang (Trixie is inconsistent with this), and she irrationally sees Rarity as a cause with barely any conceivable evidence.

     
    Name: Fluttershy
    Age: 12 (second year)
    Ethnicity: Gaelic
    Blood status: Half-blood
    House: Thunderbird
    Wand type: Willow
    Wand core: Wampus cat hair
    Personality: Fluttershy, as in canon, has an affinity for animals; which wouldn't be so bad if Ilvermorny were not on the border of a forest that is as dangerous as, if not moreso than, the Forbidden Forest in Britain. Unlike canon, however, this incarnation of Fluttershy is more assertive and determined in her goals to befriend all creatures...which ultimately kicks off the plot when she discovers the titular Hecate Witches (while completely disregarding Professor Chrysalis' orders to not go into what is termed the "Black Forest").

     
    Name: Rainbow Dash
    Age: 12 (second year)
    Ethnicity: Italian-American
    Blood status: No-Maj-born
    House: Horned Serpent
    Wand type: Cedar
    Wand core: Rougaru hair
    Personality: Rainbow Dash describes herself, and is shown to be, "tough as nails" since she had to grow up in a poorer neighborhood in Brooklyn. Rainbow has a knack for Quodpot, and this lands her a position on the Horned Serpents' team. She is, ironically for her House, not the best student, and clearly has a different way of learning through observation and perceptions. Rainbow can be brutally honest and arrogant to a fault, but that doesn't stop her from being there for her friends when they need her the most.

     
    Name: Sunset Shimmer
    Age: 13 (third year)
    Ethnicity: Caucasian
    Blood status: Pureblood
    House: Horned Serpent
    Wand type: Red Oak
    Wand core: Horned Serpent horn
    Personality: Sunset Shimmer, in The Elements of Ilvermorny, resembles a blend of her pre- and post-reformation selves: the "lovable alpha bitch" in trope terms. The daughter of Deputy Headmistress Celestia and Congressman Sombra, Sunset, on the surface, resembles the sort of popular girl you might find at Hogwarts: of pure bloodline, obscenely rich, manipulative and has almost the entire school in her thrall...yet she is probably one of the kindest, most trustworthy people in the world - in fact, her establishing character moment involves her beating Trixie up for derogatory comments towards half-bloods and No-Maj-borns. She quickly develops an almost sisterly bond with Twilight, and it's (mostly) thanks to her that the group can get away with what they do.

     
    Name: Flash Sentry
    Age: 13 (third year)
    Ethnicity: Caucasian
    Blood status: Half-blood
    House: Pukwudgie
    Wand type: Ash
    Wand core: Thunderbird tail feather
    Personality: Flash is ultimately the same quiet nice dude he is in canon, and (unlike canon) is still dating Sunset here. The son of an Auror and a No-Maj woman, Flash inherited his dad's wand; an exceedingly difficult weapon with seemingly a mind of its own, Flash is able to cast powerful magic with it yet has to learn to get it under control.
    ----------------
     
    *Houses in this incarnation of Ilvermorny are more akin to sororities and fraternities - the reasoning is twofold: 1) House systems like Hogwarts' don't exist in America for the most part - the closest analogue are those found in some colleges; Ilvermorny's "house" (which resemble fraternities) system is therefore based on the one found at the California Institute of Technology. 2) It addresses (both in- and out-of-universe) concerns about students engaging in intercourse and the consequences that arise from that. Thus, the houses are separated by gender - Horned Serpent and Thunderbird are female-only, while Wampus and Pukwudgie are male only.
  2. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Day 9 - The Major Scale
     
    A scale is a selection of notes within an octave. There are two major scales within music theory: the major scale and minor scale. The major scale is constructed with the formula “W, h”. “W” represents a whole step, and “h” represents a half-step. C Major consists of C, D E, F, G, A, B,C. The first note is C, which goes a whole step to D. From D, it goes another whole step to E. From E, it goes a half-step to F. From F it goes a whole step to G. From G, it goes another whole step to A. Finally, A takes a whole step to B, and from B it takes a half-step back to C.
     
    Another major scale is Eb, or E flat. E flat consists of Eb, F, G, Ab, Bb, C, D, and Eb. We begin with Eb, and then the first whole step goes to F. The second whole note takes us to G, and the half step from G takes us to Ab, not A. The next whole step takes us to Bb. From Bb, the whole step takes us to C, and from there, D. Finally, the half step returns to Eb. Eb has three flats, but both instances of Eb only count once.
     
    The final and third major scale shown is D Major. D Major consists of D, E, F#, A, B, C#, and D. We start with D, then go a whole step to E, then another whole step to F#. The half step takes us to G, then the whole step takes us to A. From A, the whole step takes us to B. From B, the whole step takes us to C#, and then the half step returns to D. Notice that D major has two sharps.
     
    Any major scale can be constructed, just start with the first note and follow the formula.
  3. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Day 8 - Odd Meter
     
    An odd meter is meter that contains both simple and compound beats. 5/8, for example, is five eighth notes, which can be simplified as a simple (two quarter notes) and compound (three quarter notes) beat, or a quarter and dotted quarter note. The order doesn’t matter - you can have the three-note beat come first, and it would still be 5/8 time. Another example of odd meter is 7/8 time, which consist of two quarter notes, and one dotted quarter note - or a pair of two-note beats and a three-note compound beat. As with the 5/8 example, the order can be reversed - the three-note beat could be followed by the two-note pair, and it would still be 7/8 time. Or, for another variation, the compound beat could be between the first and second simple beat, and it would still be 7/8 time.
     
    8/8 time consists of two dotted quarter notes and one regular quarter note - or two compound beats and a simple beat. 8/8 is not to be confused with 4/4; 4/4 consists of two pairs of simple beats. 4/4 is simple quadruple, while 8/8 has 3 odd beats and one simple beat.
     
    10/8 consists of ten eighth notes (or two dotted quarter notes and two regular quarter notes); two compound beats and two regular beats. 11/8 time consists of eleven eighth notes - three dotted quarter notes and one regular quarter note, or three compound beats and one simple beat.
  4. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Day 7: Simple and Compound Meter
     
    Time signatures can be classified into a certain meter - simple and compound. Furthermore those can be broken down by the number of beats in a measure: duple, triple and quadruple; simple means that each can be broken down into two beats. 2/4 is classified as simple duple - duple refers to the two beats (in this case two quarter notes) per measure. Simple means that they can be divided into two larger notes. 2/2 and 2/8 are also simple duple - two half notes will become two pairs of quarter notes and two eighth notes can be divided into two interconnected pairs of quarter notes.
     
    3/4 time is called simple triple. Triple refers to three beats per measure - simple (again) states that each beat can be divided into three pairs of two notes.. 3/2 and 3/8 are simple triple - like the example above three half notes can become three pairs of quarter notes and three eighth notes can be divided into three interconnected pairs of quarter notes.
     
    4/4 time is classified as simple quadruple - four beats can be divided into two pairs of connected quarter notes. As in the previous examples, 4/2 can equate to four half notes or four pairs of unconnected quarter notes. Likewise, 4/8 refers to four eighth notes that can be divided into two pairs of interconnected quarter notes. A time signature in simple meter will always have a 4, 3, or 2 at the top. Time signatures in compound meter, on the other hand, have three notes.
     
    6/8 time is equal to six eighth notes, or compound duple (two pairs of three notes) or simple triple (three pairs of two notes). The latter quotes to 3/4 time (o three quarter notes), so 6/8 is compound duple. To simplify compound duple, think of it as two dotted quarter notes - all compound meters have one form or another of dotted note as its beat. 6/8 and 6/4 are the common examples of compound duple - lesser known are 6/2 and 6/16.
     
    9/8 is compound triple - it can be simplified as three dotted quarter notes, thus making it triple. Since each beat is three notes, the meter is compound. Any time signature with a 9 on it is a compound triple. 9/8 is the most common, but others include 9/2, 9/4, and 9/16.
     
    Finally, 12/8 is compound quadruple - it can be simplified as 4 dotted quarter notes, and each beat is three pairs of notes. Any time signature with a 12 on it (12/8, 12/2, 12/4, and 12/16) is a compound quadruple meter.
  5. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Day 6 - Steps and Accidentals
     
    Half-step/semitone: distance from one key to the next - Key 1 and Key 2 (a white key and a black key in the example) are next to each other, so they are a half-step. Sometimes half-steps don’t always correspond to white key-black key; sometimes they can be two white keys as shown in the lesson’s second example on semitones.
     
    Whole step/whole tone: the combined distance of two semitones - Key 1 to Key 3 is a whole tone - if you play Key 1 (white key) and Key 2 (black key) you get a semi-tone. Play Key 2 (black key) and Key 3 (white key) and you get another semitone. Play all three (white key, black key, white key) and you get a whole tone.
     
    Accidentals: signs used to raise or lower a note’s pitch by a half-step. First two accidentals discussed are flat and sharp. Flats lower notes by a half-step, while sharps raise notes by a half-step. Flats can be represented as a lowercase B when typed, and sharps can be represented by a number/pound sign.
     
    The black key between C and D can be called C sharp (C#) as it’s a half step above C or it can be called D flat (Db) because it’s a half-step below D.
     
    On the opposite end, we have the white keys E and F. E can be called Fb (F flat) since it’s a half-step below F. Likewise F can be called E# (or E sharp) because it’s a half-step above E.
     
    A pitch with multiple names is called an “enharmonic spelling”.
     
    Double flats and double sharps increase or decrease a note’s pitch by a whole, rather than half-, step. They can be written as bb (double flat) or x (double sharp).
     
    D and Ebb, for example, have the same pitch since Ebb is a whole step down from E like D is. D is also the same as Cx since it’s a whole step above C.
     
    Naturals are steps that cancel out accidentals and returns a note to the original pitch.
  6. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Day 5 - Dots and Ties
     
    Augmentation dots and tenuto ties: markings used to alter a notes duration.
     
    Dots increase duration by ½. A dotted quarter note, for example, is equal to a quarter note and an eighth note, or alternately three eighth notes
     
    Ties merge notes of the same duration, allowing them to cross barriers such as measure lines. In the example given, there are two groups of quarter notes in 4/4 time, separated by a bar. If you use a tie to combine the 4th and 5th notes, then that would combine those two notes into one. If the measure line was not there, a half note could be placed there and turn the time signature from 4/4 to 8/4. 
  7. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Day 4 - Rest Duration
     
    Rests: periods of silence in a measure.
     
    There are five types of rests, corresponding with each type of note: whole rest, half rest, quarter rest, eighth rest, and sixteenth rest. A whole rest looks like a box descending from the fourth staff line. A half rest looks similar, though it’s a box ascending from the middle staff line. A quarter rest resembles a sideways stylized V almost, and eighth rests and sixteenth rests resemble lines with apostrophes attached to them; like their corresponding notes, they have flags. 
     
    To demonstrate, the lesson uses an example in 4/4 time - four quarter notes with the second replaced with a rest. As such, when played only 3 quarter notes sound with a rest in between. But I think, using the other time signatures from the previous lesson, other examples can be found. For instance, if you had a time signature of 3/2 (3 half notes), and replaced the second with a half rest, only two would sound. Or perhaps with a 6/8 time signature, you could go a bit further, replacing two eighth notes with two eighth rests - therefore only four notes would be played, with two rests in between. And finally, so long as we’re pushing boundaries, why not replace all but one quarter note in a 3/4 time signature with quarter rests (of course, this purely hypothetical scenario would only work if you were writing avant-garde pieces akin to John Cage)? Only one quarter note would be played.
  8. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Day 3 - Measures and Time Signatures
     
    Bar lines divide the staff into measures; measures are segments of musical notation denoting the notes according to the time signature.
     
    Time signatures: amount and types of notes in a measure. If you have two measures containing time signatures in 4/4 and 3/4 time, that means each time signature contains a certain number of quarter notes - 4 and 3 quarter notes respectively; a 4/4 time signature therefore contains two half-notes (or a whole note) and a 3/4 time signature contains 3 quarter notes, or a half and quarter note. Non quarter note time signatures can include 6/8 and 3/2 - 6/8 equals six eight notes and 3/2 equals three half notes, or 6/8 equals a half and quarter note and 3/2 equals a whole and half note.
  9. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Day 2 - Note Duration
     
    Note duration: length of time a note is played - there are four types of notes; whole note, half note, quarter note, eighth note, sixteenth note
     
    Whole note: longest duration in modern music, looks like an eyeball
     
    Half note: half the duration of a whole note, looks like a lopsided oval with a straight line sticking out of it. Two half notes equal one whole note.
     
    Quarter note: One-fourth of a whole note, resembles a half note, with the “oval” filled in. Two quarter notes equals a half-note, two half notes equals a whole note.
     
    Notes smaller than quarter note have flags. Each flags halves a note’s value.
     
    Eighth note: smaller than quarter note, looks like a quarter note with a flag on it. Two eighth notes equal one quarter note, two quarter notes equal a half note, two half notes equal a whole note.
     
    Sixteenth note: has two flags on it, halving the value of an eighth note. Two sixteenth notes equal one eighth note, two eighth notes equal a quarter note, two quarter notes equal a half note, and two half notes equal a whole note. Four sixteenth notes can also equal one quarter note.
     
    Notes with three or more flags exist, but are rarely used.
  10. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Day 1 - Staff, Clefs, and Ledger Lines
     
    Staff: what notes are drawn on; consists of five lines and four spaces. Each line and space represents a note on a keyboard.
     
    Clefs: symbols that say where each note goes. Two kinds of clefs - treble (or G) and bass clef. Treble clef looks like a curved G with a tail, and bass clef looks like a curvy apostrophe and colon.
     
    Treble clef: staff line is known as G, any note on treble clef line is G. Note above G is A (there is no “H” note - musical alphabet goes from A to G). Note above A is B, and so on.
     
    Ledger line: used to extend staff when you run out of room to draw notes - if staff ends on G note, for example, next note is A.
     
    Bass clef: also called F clef. Staff line between two dots is F - next note is G, note after that is A, and so on.
     
    Grand staff: theoretical staff that has eleven lines. If middle line is eliminated, you end up with two regular staffs. Adding treble clef on top staff and bass clef on bottom staff showcases the relationship between the two - they are both joined together by the middle C, an imaginary line corresponding to the missing line on the grand staff.
  11. Rebel the Wolfgirl

    On Morality

    By Rebel the Wolfgirl,

    OK, so this is not what was promised at the end of the last entry, but I figured I'd outline the relationship between Discordianism and morality before I forget.
    Morality is...a tricky thing to define, especially in the context of the Goddess. Even organized religion has a difficult time trying to define what, exactly, morality is (hence the concept of "sin" and an eternity of eternal torment; it creates a sense of fear and distrust, and the rather unfortunate implication of God trying to impose His will-and therefore Order and "control"-onto a species that is defined by free will-and therefore Disorder and "freedom").
    However, I feel the Wiccans hit the nail on the head: An’ ye harm none, do what ye will. What that means is, in Modern English, "Do what you want, as long as no one is harmed". Just as was stated in the Introduction with "Nothing is true, everything is permitted", that doesn't mean you should do literally whatever you want and consequences can go eat a big fat hot dog. The Wiccans also came up with a Law of Threefold Returns to discourage this kind of thinking: it operates under the standby that for every action, there is a greater and opposite reaction, sort of like karma; do good things and good things will happen to you. Do bad things and Lady Eris will bitchslap the shit out of you.I
    -----fnord-----
    Just like the Judeo-Christians, we Discordians base our code of conduct and ethics on a set of ten (Paradoxical) Commandments, outlined in The Book of Eris in a section by one Dr. Ken M. Keith. The Paradoxical Commandments are as follows:
    There are also four cardinal virtues discussed a few pages later:
    Together, these virtues grant oneself the Five Blessings of Eris: health, wealth, happiness, longevity, and peace. And moreover, these five points (the Rede, the Law of Threefold Returns, the Paradoxical Commandments, the Four Virtues, and Five Blessings) form a collective ethical standard I like to call the 23 Pragmas of Eris. Pragmas are one of the five kinds of "-ma"; we'll get into further detail about those later. 
    But anyways, now that we know what the Pragmas are, what happens when they aren't followed? Or rather, when others don't follow them? For that, we'll need to discuss the tale that Goddess Eris is most well known for: the Original Snub.
    -----fnord-----
    So, I'm pretty sure all of us know this story. Guy named Peleus meets sea-nymph named Thetis, and they decide to get hitched. In celebration, Zeus decides to throw a party on Mount Olympus (called Limbo Peak by us Discordians), and invites all the gods and goddesses.
    All except for Eris. Now, as we know, Eris isn't a bad sort; she just loves playing pranks and upsetting the status quo in other ways. To Zeus, though, this was all the justification needed to not invite her. But, or course, this was just because the Olympians were petty, omnipotent children who just couldn't handle their precious little bubble being popped by anyone or anything. Nevertheless, Eris decided to go anyway in spite of being snubbed, out of the kindness of her heart. She wasn't going to stay too long anyway; she'd give Thetis her gift (a golden apple inscribed with the words "to the Prettiest One") then leave. Unfortunately, when Eris got there, she was confronted by Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite, who all began to taunt and leer at her gift. Having no other choice, Eris threw the apple towards the banquet, where the three goddesses dove for it, arguing amongst each other as to who was the prettiest. Eris, nonetheless delighted with the chaos she had just caused, took her leave and stole the hot dogs cooked by Hestia to partake in a feast of her own.
    Unfortunately, Hestia had steamed the buns and made them soggy. And so, that is why Eris forbids hot dog buns except on Fridays.
    -----fnord-----
    So, what have we learned today about morality? That, like every other faith, Discordianism has its standards and codes of conduct that should be easy to get with enough common sense. But with the story of the Original Snub, we also learn that karma is an absolute bitch. Anyways, next time, we're actually gonna get to all the stuff I promised last time. And remember, Goddess loves you!
  12. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    The Tale of Renegade, How Eris Found Him, and His (Dis)Enlightenment To Her Word
    There was once a young man named Renegade, and he had been facing problems his entire life. These problems, in spite of what they'd do to most people, generally didn't affect him. Renegade was born bullheaded and fiery, and in spite of the obstacles that befell him, he soldiered on. And yet, he was unhappy. Not greyfaced, just...unhappy. And he didn't know why. That was, until She came to him one day in his dreams. Lady Eris had watched over Renegade his entire life just as she had with all of her little bastards (and she means this as a term of endearment), even if he didn't know it yet. She came to him in a familiar guise, one he had seen in a cartoon as a child, and this pleased him very much.
     "Hello, Renegade." Eris said, holding a jazz cigarette wrapped in gold flake in one hand and a bunless hot dog with the works in the other. "It's so nice to finally meet you again. Hot dog? Smoke?"
     Renegade stared at her, before taking the golden jazz cigarette and lighting it. Most people would have been freaking out and asking questions, but not Renegade. He was just going with the flow. "So, why am I here? Or rather, why are you here?"
     "I'm here," Eris stated plainly to him through a mouthful of prime Esskay frankfurter. "to ask you a simple question. Are you unhappy, my child?"
     "I am." Renegade answered with honesty. "2019 has not been a good year for me, and I just want to find something fulfilling. I have been for years."
     "Then come with me, and I shall enlighten you." Renegade took his hand into Goddess', and she took him back to her place. There, they drank the finest Kallisti Golden Apple Ale, ate the finest hot dogs, and when all was said and done, she taught him the Eristic, Aneristic, and Sacred Chao Principles.
    And so, Renegade was enlightened.
     
    -----fnord-----
    What Actually Happened
    To say that life has not been kind to me would be the understatement of the late 20th century. I was born prematurely and nearly died from the complications of my birth (my placenta was damaged while I was in the womb, and to prevent me from suffocating they had to give my mother, only 19 at the time and having already had my brother not three years before, a Caesarian section), have had cerebral palsy my entire life, didn't have a great childhood thanks primarily to my biological father (who struggled with hereditary bipolar disorder that eventually led to a suicide by hanging last year), struggled in school due to undiagnosed Aspergers (I wasn't diagnosed until the eighth grade) and a generally apathetic and sometimes abusive educational system, and just generally having no social skills to speak of. So to say I had a crisis of faith is putting it lightly. I didn't discover Discordianism until at the very least a couple of years ago, and it took me a good long while to fully understand and embrace it as my faith (thanks to @Randimaxis). My reasons for embracing Eris as my Goddess are twofold: said not easy life as well as a general dissatisfaction with organized religion as a whole. I felt that, while a good system on some level, the Abrahamic religions have slowly been corrupted over the centuries into the complete opposite of what was originally intended. It had become greyfaced. Thus, I felt that Discordianism, a truly "back to basics" kind of faith as it were, was perfect for me. And honestly, I feel all the happier because of it.
     
    -----fnord-----
    What Actually IS Discordianism?
    The short answer is: whatever you want it to be.
    As for the long answer? As a "disorganized religion", Discordianism bases its entire system entirely on open interpretation. Having very few concrete rules to speak of, what the Erisian religion is or even means depends entirely upon the person you ask. Some, like myself, treat it as a serious (to a point) neopagan religion that's somewhere between Wicca, Thelema, and Zen Buddhism with humor. Others treat it as a philosophy like Taoism, being completely agnostic and viewing Eris in a more metaphoric light. Others just treat it as a joke. All of these and more are completely valid and diverse, and none of them are entirely wrong. As long as you laugh, Eris doesn't care what you believe in. All she wants out of you is to playfully upset the status quo and not much else.
     
    -----fnord-----
    CONSPIRACY!
    Now we get into territory that is both uncomfortable and controversial for some: conspiracy theories. Unfortunately, conspiracies are inherent to Discordianism, considering both Greg Hill and Kerry Thornley were on some level connected to the John F. Kennedy assassination. A copy of the first edition of the Principia belonging to Greg was found in possession of the Warren Commission, and Kerry Thornley knew Lee Harvey Oswald personally since both were in the same Marines unit. Thornley eventually devolved into paranoid schizophrenia later in life, convinced he'd been brainwashed by the CIA as a backup sleeper agent to kill Kennedy.
    As for myself, I feel I should let a post (slightly expanded here) I made on a topic relating to conspiracy theories speak for itself:
    Now that we have the elephants out of the room, let's discuss the basic idea of conspiracy theories in Discordianism, and what they mean. If you recall, the concept of the Aneristic Principle is that of "order", represented by conspiracies such as the Bavarian Illuminati. The Eristic Principle is that of "disorder", represented by the Discordian Society. If we are to take the tenet that both are mere illusions literally, then the metaphor becomes clear - the establishment cannot survive without a little chaos to shake things up, and the people that demand changes for the betterment of society cannot survive without an establishment to change.
    So, look a little bit closer the next time you see something just a bit off. It might just be a conspiracy in need of infiltrating and mischief making.
    Next time, I get into some more...esoteric beliefs.
  13. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    For today's entry in the Godspell, I want to discuss prayer and meditation, and how it relates to Discordianism. The concept of prayer is defined as "a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or an object of worship." Therefore, one should (theorectically) pray to Goddess Herself whenever possible, right?
    AHAHAHAHAHAHA. WRONG. Let me clarify something for ya: Eris has better things to do than to listen to her cosmic voicemail all day, going through each little prayer, whether they be actually important or not. Now, I'm not discouraging you from praying to Eris outright; in fact, I strongly believe that prayer is a powerful force and can accomplish miracles if done correctly. However, to pray constantly and for every single thing is not only foolish, but dangerous. Malaclypse the Younger explains thusly in the Principia Discordia:
    See, here's a little known fact/belief about prayer, at least in my opinion: it's a ritualized form of chaos magick, one that has (in one form or another) been connected to religion since prehistoric times. It is inherently connected to the eldritch and cosmic forces of the universe, and should therefore be approached cautiously and with a solid idea of what the hell you're doing. That is why we Discordians seldom pray to Our Lady: it can be freely abused and have disastrous consequences. So if you really want to pray to Eris, make sure it's damn important enough for her to hear.
    So, if prayer is out of the question, and you do want to show devotion to Eris, then what do you do? The answer can be summed up in one word: meditation.
    Even when Eris isn't communicating directly with you via pineal gland, her presence can still be felt everywhere and anywhere. Yes, even in your bedroom and bathroom. Don't ask - she just likes to watch.
    ANYWAYS.
    Considering Discordianism's roots in Buddhist and Hindu practices, it really shouldn't come as a surprise that meditation is more viable than direct prayer like in organized religion. Meditation allows us to grow closer to Goddess and therefore Chaos itself. It also provides an eased state of mind and body, perfect for those with anxiety and a lack of focus like myself.
    So without further ado about nothing, here's a five step guide to meditation!
    Clear your mind, and get into the lotus position. Maybe out on some relaxing meditation music. Focus on a specific mantra; mine is "There is no Goddess but Goddess, and She is my Goddess. Hail Lady Eris. Hail Discordia. Fnord." You can also use Zen koans or even the classic "Aum/Om" Close your eyes. Breath in and out. Do all these steps for between 10 and 23 minutes per day, 3-5 times a day. Should you follow all these steps, you should feel a tingly feeling throughout your body, and the feeling of your soul connecting to the rest of the universe, if only for those briefest of moments. You'll end up feeling more relaxed, sharp-minded, and have a deeper understanding of the cosmos.
    Join me next time as I discuss the story of my conversion to the Erisian faith, what Discordianism can mean to you (yes, you), and the conspiracy theories all around us.  
  14. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Greetings all, Renegade here. I was looking around for the next topic in Discordianism to discuss, when my friend and fellow pope @Randimaxis pointed me to a parable from the Principia, page 0005, entitled "A Zen Story". Unfamiliar with this particular bit of the Unholely Book, I skimmed over it, then read it carefully. I realized this would be a perfect object lesson in Objective and Subjective truths, and so now here we are.
    Now, for your reading displeasure, "A Zen Story", by one Camden Benares, the Count of Five and Headmaster of the Camp Meeker Cabal.
    Have you finished reading? Yes? Good. Now what can we take away from this parable? The answer is both complicated and simple. The complicated answer is that there is no "right" answer - Zen parables are open to interpretation, after all, and this one is no exception. On one hand, the Zen Master could be trying to show this young man that peoples' opinions don't exactly matter; after all. what are wordly opinions compared to seeing the word truly as it is and finding enlightenment. On the other hand, the "Zen Master" could've just been a Discordian pulling a fast one on a greyface for shits and giggles (or gits and shiggles, either one works). But the answer, at least to me, is both at the same time. By trying (and succeeding) at elaborately baiting and switching the greyfaced young man for his own amusement, the Discordian "Zen Master" ultimately accomplishes a larger goal: to get the young man to see that nothing is serious and that everything is humorous in one form or another. Thus, the young man goes from a greyface confused by an illogical and disorderly world to someone who sees the world as it truly is - taking itself too seriously as he had, whilst also being chaotic and free-spirited underneath that "serious" facade.
    Ultimately, the Parable of the Monk is a lesson in objective truth, subjective truth, and ultimately Truth with a capital T.
    Objective truth: defined as what can be seen as fact and nothing else. The young man is serious, and views things from an objective point of view. This objective view sees him take the monk's words at face value in hopes of trying to make sense of a nonsensical country. Subjective truth, defined as what others see as the truth. The young man recieves various answers from other people on how best he can ease his troubled mind, the monk believes meditation is the answer, the young man's worries as to what others will think of him, and the two onlookers' conclusion that he is both a holy man and a shithead. Truth, defined by Discordianism as neither objective or subjective, but Truth as is. The young man finally reaches enlightenment by the observation that he is both a holy man for meditating as long as he has, and a shithead for falling into the monk's prank as easily as he had. And so, he begins his journey anew, free from his worries and wiser in the long run. I have said all I have wanted or needed to say, hence this entry's rather short length compared to the last. I bid you farewell.
  15. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    If one is to embrace Lady Eris as their Goddess, then one must know the Five Basics of Discordianism.
    Who is Eris? What are the Rules of 3s and 5s? What are Dichotomies and why are they so important? What are the Five Principles of Discordianism? And more importantly, can we trust them? Notice how there are Five Basics, but only 4 bullet points? That is because while the Rules of 3s and 5s might be the same, they are simply two different ways of looking at the world. Strike that, reverse it! WE'LL GET TO THAT POINT LATER.
    -------------------------
    WHO IS LADY ERIS?
    Who, exactly, is Lady Eris? I'll tell you exactly who she is: She is funny. She is intelligent. She is sexy. She is flirty. And more importantly, she is Goddess of Discordianism (and my waifu).
    But I am getting slightly off topic here. Eris, as viewed by the Greeks, was primarily the Goddess of Strife and Disorder; however, their views cannot be trusted, for they were (as the Goddess saith) victims of indigestion - remember to check the expiration dates on your Hebrew Nationals, Ball Park Franks, etc., folks. She was emphatically not, as commonly believed, the Goddess of Chaos; that is simply a modern conflation with Her Motherfather - the primordial and formless Void from which She, Her Sister Aneris (otherwise called Harmonia or Order), and Their Brother Pnevmatikótita (otherwise called Spiritualitas or Spirituality) were birthed.
    And that, friends, provides a nice segue into the Discordian Creation Myth. In the beginning, there was Void - formless, with no gender or sex, and simply pure, unadulterated Chaos. From Chaos there came Form; and from Form there came twins - Eris and Aneris, both born as adults. Whereas Eris was fun, flirty, and didn't give a load of dingoes' kidneys, Aneris was more serious and greyfaced. But mostly she was jealous of Eris, who was born pregnant and birthed the human race as Her children - immortal, without semblance of illusions such as right or wrong, monogamy or sexual and gender discrimination, aging and therefore death.
    Suffice to say, Aneris was pissed. How dare her sister get the privilege of being born pregnant while she was forever sterile!? Therefore, her solution was rightly sound: the old standby of "If I can't have immortal demigod children, then no one can!"
     As you can clearly see, this "logic" is not only stupid, but is ironically illogical for a being such as Aneris. In her petty jealousy, Aneris gave Humanity five curses: the curse of Right and Wrong, the curse of Mortality (hence why everything begins in life and death; Eris births our spirits and shapes our mortal bodies, Aneris makes us grow older and eventually die), the curse of Order, the Curse of Hate (which comes in many forms, most prominently racism and anti-LGBT viewpoints), and finally the curse of Seriousness, more popularly known as the Curse of Greyface after its most prominent ancient philosopher.
    Spirituality wants nothing to do with his sisters' BS, hence why he has no place in Discordian Creation. And honestly, who'd want to be? So thanks a ton, Aneris. You're the reason we as a species are so screwed up.  
    Anyways, we cannot see Eris, at least not with our own mortal eyes. We can, however, freely communicate with Her through a small part of our brain known as the pineal gland. How one interprets the Goddess is purely up to Her, as she appears to many in different forms. This, for instance, is how the Greeks and Romans interpreted her:

     
    And this is how I (and a number of my generation) interpret her:

    (Thank you to @Randimaxis for linking me to this amazing fan art of Billy and Mandy's Eris!)
    Either way, Eris can and does appear however and whenever she sees fit - she routinely likes to play jokes on unsuspecting victims - it's her way of showing she loves you.
    That about covers it for Our Lady of Discord, I should think.
     
    WHAT ARE THE RULES OF 3s AND 5s?
    The Rule of 5s is a well-known and documented phenomenon in Discordianism, having been first recorded in the Principia. It is a way of thinking by seeing the number 5 in everything - as 5 is Eris' favorite number. Much less known, however, is the Rule of 3s, first revealed by the Goddess to me when we first began talking about life, the universe, and everything (we both agree it's an excellent book, probably one of Douglas Adams' best). "3," so saith the Goddess, "is my second favorite number. Not as much as 5, mind you. That's not why nobody has noticed it before you, darling."
    " But my Lady, my Goddess, my Lover! " I implored. "What is the Rule of 3s?" I then received a hard backhand for my insolence.
    "If you'll just let me talk for a moment," Eris told me rather irritably, narrowing her eyes so that I could see the purple mascara coating them, her ruby red lips pursed, " I shall impart the knowledge of the number 3 onto you. " I soon found myself in a classroom setting, Lady Eris standing in front of a blackboard with a pointer on 3 large words written in chalk: THE RULES OF THREE AND FIVE. "Are you ready to begin your lesson?"
    "Yes ma'am!" I said, sitting up as straight as I could, ready to jot down notes.
    "Now then," saith the Goddess. "As you know, the Rule of 5s state that Discordians such as yourself see the number 5 in everything. Is this correct?"
    "Yes."
    "Do you know why?" Oh boy, now she was testing my mind grapes.
    "No." I answered honestly.
    "The Rule, or Law of 5s, exists because you perceive it to be true." Eris said as she turned around to write on the board ( my thoughts as I watched her do so are both inappropriate to post here and irrelevant to the discussion) and drew a small diagram to illustrate the point. "The same goes for the number 3. You perceive things in groups of 3 and 5 because you see past material illusion. " She turned around and tapped the center of her forehead to indicate the pineal gland. To demonstrate, she picked up the Apple of Discord and placed it directly in front of me, on top of my notes. "Tell me, Renegade, what do you see in front of you?"
    "The Apple of Discord, what else would it be?" I answered like the smartass I was. That earned me a whack across the face from the pointer. Eris glared at me again, biting her lower lip to keep from screaming in rage. I immediately wisened up and looked closer at the Apple. Sure, it resembled an ordinary apple at first glance, albeit a golden one with ' Kallisti' inscribed into it. If I looked closer, however, I could see it divided into three parts: the body, the stem, and the leaf. Observing it even closer yielded a further result. Kallisti. Kal-li-sti. Three syllables. Now I understood. Leaning down to face me, the Goddess and I locked eyes.
    "Now do you understand? The Rules of 3s and 5s are similar, yet different. The differences are superficial and irrelevant. What matters is the perception."
    " Like how neither subjective or objective truth are the same, only two halves of capital-T Truth?" I immediately found myself pulled into a loving embrace by my Goddess.
    "You've got it, darling!" she cheered. " You've got it with flying colors!" She kissed me passionately, and I kissed her. When that was said and done, she departed from me, our meetup over.
    I left with my first real understanding of Truth.
     
    THE HONEST TRUTH ABOUT DICHTONOMIES
    From birth, we are taught to see the world in certain ways - good vs. evil, Republicans vs. Democrats, Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla, etc. and scooby dooby doo. However, Discordianism's central tenet is to ask the question, "What is, exactly, the Truth, of the world?" And much like the Rule of 3s, it can be boiled down to this.
    There is order, which is known as Aneristic Truth. There is also Disorder, known as Eristic Truth. Both are mere illusions; there is neither order or disorder, for both are dual aspects of Chaotic Truth. Now, this doesn't give you the right to, say, set the local portapotty on fire or stalk one's ex; you're still gonna get in trouble for those. Discordianism is not about needless violence nor is it about trying to keep order even when doing so is counterproductive to safety or wellbeing. Eris is a playful anarchist; essentially she's the non-malicious internet troll or shitposter. She gets reactions out of people, whether it's laughter, confusion, or confused laughter. She loves anyone and everyone, even her supposed enemies. She does have her standards, however, and ensures that her followers don't go too far in their mischief making.
     
    THE FIVE PRINCIPLES OF DISCORDIANISM
    I figured we should finish this blog off by outlining the basic rules of Discordianism which its followers are simultaneously are supposed to follow and disobey at their leisure. It is also known as the Pentabarf.
    There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm. A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System. A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Roman Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns). A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub. A Discordian is Prohibited from Believing What he reads. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Hail Discordia!
  16. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Introduction
    by
    Renegade the Unicorn, Holy Pope Whatchoo Lookin' At, Lord of the Dancin' Fools, Self-proclaimed Idiot, And Many Other Titles
    You. Yeah, you. Lookin' at the words on this screen. Have you ever felt...lonely in your life? Like nothing really just doesn't work out for you? Like there's more than just this mundane existence? Like there's a pack of rabid wolverines in your pants gnawing vigorously at your lower half? (I am not sorry about that, by the way; I put them there to get your attention.) Well, boy howdy, do I have the solution to all your problems except the rabid wolverines, you might want to call animal control right about now. Oh, and get your rabies shots as soon as possible.
     
    And that answer is...drumroll p!ease...
    DISCORDIANISM! HAIL LADY ERIS! FNORD!
    Sorry about that. But yes. Discordianism is (and also is not) the solution to all your problems. But what is Discordianism? To put it in terms your unenlightened mind can understand, think of it as Zen Buddhism infused with the counterculture of the 1960s (the primary holy text, the Principia Discordia, was first published in 1965), conspiracy theories that may or may not be true (or both at once), and humor. After all, humanity takes itself far too seriously; we need a faith that allows us to reject dogma and see the sheer insanity of the world around us.
    And that is where I come in - having recently embraced Lady Eris as my Goddess, I intend to use this blog to dissect the Erisian faith as a whole (alive if need be), how to apply Discordianism to oneself (make sure you use nonstick cooking spray), and ultimately encourage discussion about the world stage as it is now. As was said by Malaclypse the Younger in his interview with the Greater Poop:
    And with that, I take my leave. I hope you'll enjoy this blog as much as I will, and don't forget to tip your waitresses.
    Fnord.
  17. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Name: Infinigirl
    Civilian Identity: Josie Carter
    Species: Cloned Eloi
    Age: 14
    Powers and Abilities: Much like Infinite, Infinigirl's reality warping powers manifest themselves as a standard Flying Brick powerset. Having the mind and emotional maturity of a 14 year old girl, however, means her powers are much more volatile and dangerous - a teenage temper tantrum could very well mean the apocalypse, hence why Infinite has taken her under his wing in the Victory Legion; working with others ensures better control of her godlike abilities.
    Appearance: In contrast to Infinite's flexible yet armorlike outfit, Infinigirl wears a much more comfortable silver and black blazer-and-skirt combination, almost resembling a magical girl in some aspects. Her hair a light brown, and she has blues eyes in contrast to Infinite's gray.
    Bio: Much like everything else related to him, Infinigirl's creation over a 21-year period is connected to Infinite's eventual peaceful anarchist society. Carefully cloned in the various Sanctuaries constructed by Infinite across the earth, Infinigirl has a twofold purpose - first, to act as Infinite's successor for when his work on Earth has been completed, and secondly to act as the daughter he could never truly have. Infinigirl, like any teenager however, wants something more out of life than just to be a successor to Infinite. She wants to be her own person.
    Weaknesses: As stated before, Infinigirl's powers are much more volatile due to her hormonal changes; much like Infinite, she needs to keep her emotions under control lest reality be torn asunder.
    Personality: Josie is (initially) rather self-centered and a drama queen, and tends to abuse her powers to aid her in everyday life or to fulfill whatever she desires at that particular moment. Deep down, however, she really is Infinite's (cloned) flesh and blood, sharing his rebellious spirit and desire to help others. Granted, she always tries to find the quick and easy solutions to problems (and more often than not they tend to only be temporary fixes at best; at worst they don't fix anything and do more harm than good).
    Between all the superhero stuff and studying for algebra, Josie Carter has a lot to learn.
  18. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Name: Aquaria, Wrath of Hydra
     
    Civilian Name: N/A
     
    Species: Deep One
     
    Age: Roughly 80,000
     
    Powers and Abilities: Immense strength, inhuman agility, especially when underwater, the ability to commune with sea creatures, arcane spells powered by the Gods of the Deep, Father Dagon, Mother Hydra and the Great Dreamer Himself, Cthulhu.
     
    Appearance: Aquaria stands at roughly 7 feet tall, with green, scaly skin, yellow eyes, and sharp teeth and fangs. Her rather scrawny form hides her true strength. She wears a set of sea blue armor covered by a hooded cloak made from the skin of a whale, the armor itself decorated with various bones. 
     
    Biography: Born to the Deep One Queen Pth'thya-l'yi, the Lady of the Abyss, Aquaria has observed human civilization from afar for millennia. As such, she finds most human religions rather quaint, as her Gods are quite real, unlike those of man, who simply pray that they are real. Like many of her kind, she has bred with humans in the past, leaving behind many hybrid young, most of whom eventually returned to the sea. It wasn’t until recently, however, that she ventured onto the surface.
     
    The Second World War proved quite troublesome for the Deep Ones, with the naval battles taking place on the surface causing havoc down below. Aquaria was sent onto the surface to try and put a stop to it. Along the way towards the capital of Germany, where she intended to kill Adolf Hitler, she was reunited with an old paramour, Infinite. He had formed a team, which she joined until the war was over. Once that happened, she returned to the ocean, but not before giving Infinite a medallion that would, she said, call her if he squeezed it and said her name in a time of need. Now, nearly seventy years later, he has finally called.
     
    Personality: Aquaria is scholarly, zealous about her faith, rather slow to trust, and boisterous in combat. Outside of it, she spends much of her free time reading, drawing, meditating and practicing magic. She is fiercely loyal to her family and those she calls friends, and she considers Infinite to be her brother. The Deep One female is extremely intelligent, relying on brains just as much as brawn to win a fight. She finds most human religions to be rather quaint and ridiculous, and operates on an utterly inhuman set of morals, which is to be expected, as incest, cannibalism, slavery, ritual sacrifice and murder are commonplace among her people.
  19. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Name: Ishtar
    Civilian Name: Marlene Babylon
    Species: Human
    Age: 27
    Powers and Abilities: Whenever she channels Ishtar's power, Marlene is able to gain the powers of flight, superhuman strength, speed, and agility, and heightened resistance to injury. She is also able to master any and all weapons, but primarily relies on the sword and archery. Ishtar is also, befitting her spheres of influence, able to strategize and seduce like no other. If any trope could describe her in any way, it would be that of the Xanatos Gambit - she has plans inside of plans inside of plans, and all guarantee that she is victorious in one way or another.
    Weaknesses: Ishtar's primary weakness lies in her self-control. Given she inhabits Marlene's body whenever the former calls onto her, Ishtar is primarily fueled by the traits and emotions that Marlene represses (such as her lust, appetites for decadent foods and beverages, etc.); the stronger said emotion is, the closer Ishtar is able to fully manifest herself, not only at the risk of destroying Marlene, but the world potentially ending. Ishtar, above all else, wants power and dominion over all, so Marlene has to keep her emotions and stress levels under control in order to keep Ishtar in line.
    Personality: In order to understand who Ishtar is personality-wise, we need to look at both Marlene and Ishtar themselves as both separate individuals and two halves of the same person. Marlene is, in her own words, a boring individual. She is no-nonsense, work-oriented, and has a generally "plain" demeanor. She is also rather anti-social and introverted, keeping to herself most of the time. When not working, Marlene often spends her time reading and with her cats.
    Ishtar is a completely different story, however. Ishtar is everything that Marlene isn't. She's outgoing, boisterous, and gung-ho, going into whatever she does with a warrior's enthusiasm. She drinks to excess (and holds her liquor very well), has all sorts of liaisons with men and women alike, and loves to fight more than anything else. Beneath the surface of a seemingly-ditzy and impulsive brunette, however, is a calculating, manipulative, clingy and power-hungry goddess who is biding her time until she can be at her fullest extent of power and rule the world with her fellow gods and goddesses once more. In spite of her flaws, though, Ishtar does care about humanity on some level; in her eyes, humanity had a symbiotic relationship with the gods - they were created to serve and worship them, and in turn the gods provided for them. Mankind, according to her, has failed at taking care of itself (she isn't wrong - the five-way Cold War between the world's superpowers leaves a precarious situation that could very well spell the end) and now, more than ever, it needs protecting.
     Both Marlene and Ishtar are really two sides of the same whole: the person Marlene presents herself as, and the person she'd really like to be deep down. However, both need one another to survive. Marlene needs Ishtar to be a hero when the need arises, and Ishtar needs Marlene to keep her in check..
    Appearance: Marlene is a brown-haired woman in her late 20s of German-American descent. She wears business casual clothing, keeps her hair in a ponytail, and generally wears lipstick and thick-rimmed glasses. She is neither particularly fit not overweight; not buxom but not flat-chested either. She is just a plain, boring archaeologist working in an equally plain and boring office. When in the form of Ishtar, however, Marlene undergoes a complete overhaul in appearance. She has the body and bosom of a Teutonic goddess, her eyes a vibrant green and hair long and raven-black. Angelic wings now sprout out of her back, and she wears a white skirt and top that show off her legs and midriff. Atop her head she wears a traditionally Sumerian war helmet, from which her hair spills out to her mid-back. Around her waist she wears a golden belt where she keeps her arrows; she keeps her sword and bow sheathed in between her massive wings.
    Bio: Marlene Babylon was born out of a liason between a high-ranking member of the Nazi Party and a former female ambassador to the United States government who defected upon revealing her sympathies to the Reich. Raised in Berlin amongst the privileged and free upper classes, Marlene was instilled from birth with not only the racial ideologies of Adolf Hitler and the governing Reichsrat of Germania, but a love of archaeology and the occult. Upon graduation from secondary schooling, Marlene was recruited into the Thule Society, tasked with retrieving powerful artifacts in the name of the Führer. Spending the next 4 years as an adventuring archaeologist, it was at age 23, during an expedition into Middle Eastern ruins, when Marlene would encounter the Babylonian goddess Ishtar; said goddess, now but a weakened and possibly dying spirit from millennia of non-prayer, saw the chance to not only regain her former glory but dissuade Marlene of the idealized, "Aryan" viewpoints she was indoctrinated with. Upon bonding with Marlene and transforming them both into a divided yet singular being, Ishtar (once worshipped by East Semitic peoples) showed Marlene the true horrors the Greater German Reich was built upon. Horrified and angry with herself for the atrocities she took part in, Marlene's heightened emotions allowed Ishtar to take control of her for the first time, upon which she tortured and murdered every single person in the expedition party. Now declared any enemy of the state, Marlene fled to America, where she works from home as a proper archaeologist.
  20. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Name: Eisheth, Collector of Souls (among other titles)
    Civilian Name: Elizabeth Chandler, Private Investigator
    Species: Succubus
    Age: Somewhere in the 1000s, last she checked.
    Powers and Abilities: Master of seduction, teleportation, illusions, superhuman strength and agility, and wish granting - all vital to her job as a "contractor" of Hell.
    Appearance: In her civilian identity, Eisheth appears to be a black-haired pale woman in her 20s or 30s, dressed in the stereotypical film noir garb of a grey trenchcoat and pork pie hat. She describes her human form as "if Morticia Addams went into adult films" - an hourglass figure, 36DD breasts...the whole shebang. Her eyes are a sharp emerald green (black in her succubus form), her lips ruby red. In short - she's every femme fatale from the classic potboilers. Her succubus form on the other hand, is an equally seductive red devil, with a white, razor-toothed grin, massive bat wings, and a n orange and black formfitting dress.
    Bio: Eisheth, as she would eventually be known as, was born sometime in the early Middle Ages, probably in the 6th or 7th century - her memories are foggy. What she remembers from her past life, though, was that she grew up in a life of prostitution. She was killed on her 21st birthday by a customer, and as per medieval beliefs, sentsnced into the circle of Lust for her "transgression" . 
    However, Lilith took pity on the girl, and saw that she didn't deserve a fate such as hers. So, she made the girl a deal - she would bring her back to life, in exchange for giving the Queen of Hell her soul and working on Lucifer's behalf as a "contractor" - a tempter and collector of souls. The girl, seeing no other choice, accepted. Her first stop upon returning to Earth? A visit to her last customer.
    She slaughtered them all. Him and his entire family.
    And so, she adopted the name Eisheth, traveling the world for centuries as many things - a mercenary, a knight in the Crusades, an entertainer for soldiers in both World Wars (with spying on the side)...and now, she's decided to settle down in the backass of nowhere, Hell, Michigan. Not to worry, though - she's got her partner (in both senses) Necroia to help her investigate the strange goings on in the Putnam Township and surrounding areas.
    Personality: Eisheth is...well, a lust fiend, to put it bluntly. She loves nothing more than bedding various men and women, but outside of her "work", she is completely faithful to Necroia. But she is also crafty and sharp-witted, knowing just how to tempt her clients in exchange for their souls. That sharpness and quick-thinking comes in handy in her day job as a PI as well - and more often than not, her cases are tied to the supernatural occurrences in Michigan.
    Weaknesses: Sounds cliche, but holy objects. And objects related to abstinence.
  21. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Picture taken from the Club Penguin Wiki.
    Name: Lettuce
    Civilian Name: John S. Manchot
    Species: Toon Penguih
    Age: Unknown, but claims to be 19; considering he's from the "Tooniverse", that's actually very vague.
    Powers and abilities: Limited reality warping and harnessing of physics - only affects immediate area - advanced healing factor, limited omniscience (i.e. fourth wall breaking)
    Appearance: Small green penguin, about 3 1/2 feet tall, white sclera and black irises, stomach area also white, with orange beak and rounded rectangular feet (note lack of visible toes)
    Bio: Lettuce claims to be from an alternate reality known as the "Tooniverse", which seems to primarily based upon cartoons from the Golden and Dark (particularly in regards to Hanna-Barbera) Ages of Animation, living alongside existing characters and expies of such. Through the aftereffects of the dimension-crossing incident elaborated on in Jyger85's crossover between Starslip and Ms. Amazing, Lettuce is pulled from his home dimension and dropped into the Renegadeverse's version of Earth. With no way to return home, Lettuce settles in San Francisco, where he lives with his human girlfriend Lynn and the nonbinary alien Ziggy, working as a performer on a local children's television show - hey, if people just think you're a short person in a costume, when in Rome, do as the Romans do, right?
    Personality: While Lettuce might partially be based on Howard the Duck in terms of his origin story, he's the opposite of said character in terms of personality - overly idealistic and naive to a fault. In fact, his world doesn't seem to have any ideas of real-world concepts such as serious violence, swearing, or the ramifications of alcohol and smoking. It's this childlike wonder and curiosity, mixed with Lettuce's often zany schemes to satisfy base desires like food or making a quick buck, that generally drag him into his adventures in heroics.
    Weaknesses: If Lettuce has any major weakness, it's that he is just as susceptible to real world laws of physics just as others are to his. Adding onto that, his healing factor works similar to Deadpool's: he might be able to heal from any injury, but as a result of the sudden dimension-crossing, it not only takes a while, but is...rather painful and gruesome, depending on the injury.
  22. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    The Infinite, as depicted via Hero Maker 3 by Jyger85. Used with permission.
     
    Name: (The) Infinite
    Civilian Name: Joe Carter
    Species: Extradimensional Being, an "Eloi", as they are named
    Age: 1,938
    Powers and Abilities: On the surface, The Infinite 's powerset appears to be the standard Flying Brick/Superman Substitute set - flight, X-ray vision, godlike strength, etc. But it goes beyond that - his true powers lie in the ability to bend reality to his will, do anything he'd like. But due to his nature as a Chaotic Good being, he chooses not to exploit these powers (See "Weaknesses" for the more important and real reasons).
    Appearance: Joe Carter is a tall man at around 6 feet or so, his skin tone a dark tan and his eyes a low silver; both of these are deliberate on his part, as he identifies not with any race or nation, but with humanity as a whole. He wears an armor made of flexible yet strong material, in blue and gold.
    Bio: Joe Carter has not had an easy life, mostly because he's lived for almost two millennia, adopted many names and forms, and experienced many things than one man does in his own lifetime...he isn't sure who he really is anymore. But he remembers the important things. He was "born" in 81 AD, somewhere in the Roman Empire. Raised among the early Christians, it was from them that he learned things such as morality and self-control - which especially came in handy when he started discovering his powers. Interpreted by his community as neither angel nor demon, the man who would become Joe Carter was sent away on his own so that he could escape both persecution from the Romans and possibly a violent reaction from other followers of Christ. At 25, he stopped aging physically. At 30, he took on his first persona - a missionary who would teach in secret. At 50, he became a Roman soldier and witnessed the true horrors authority could sink to. Things get muddled from there on out, but what this man took away from his centuries of experience is that humanity needed to unite as one. Not through force, or through forming mutually beneficial relationships of power that would eventually rot from within. But through the examples of goodwill and inspiring others to do the same. He would become a hero. And through becoming a hero, hopefully humanity would feel the need to unite as an anarchist society.
    Personality: As stated before, Infinite is a benevolent anarchist Superman, taking more inspiration from the Man of Steel's Golden Age incarnation more than any other. He is willing to help those in need, but makes a point to ensure his actions are more good than chaotic a lot of the time. This ties into his biggest fear - the very real danger of his message becoming corrupted and used by more...violent anarchists supposedly in his name, but whose real motivations are more self-interested in causing chaos for the sake of it.
    Weaknesses: Since (unlike Superman) his powers are not determined by any of our physical laws, Infinite's logical weakness lies in his willpower and emotions - much like a Green Lantern. Hence why he's only tapping into the surface levels of his powers. He's fully aware that he can become a god like so many people can claim, he deliberately chooses not to for fear of not only becoming corrupted by the potential, but also because he might end up tearing reality to shreds in the process.
  23. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    *rises up from my grave with a loud cackle* Hello there, boils and ghouls! Renegade the Zombiecorn here! On today's spectacularly spooky episode of Renegade's Music Reviews, we're going to be looking at the quintessential horror punk band, the Kings of Halloween themselves, the Misfits. Now, if you know about me, I love schlocky horror and sci-fi films and everything associated with them (including music). No other bands do it better than The Cramps and The Misfits. I've always had a particular attachment to the latter band, since my biological dad, for all of his faults (rooted in his pretty crappy childhood and struggles with bipolar disorder), loved them-and more specifically the classic lineup of Glenn Danzig, Jerry Only, and Wolfgang Doyle Von Frankenstein. So instead of going into detail on the troubled production of their debut (technically third) album, I'm just going to get down to business and say: Rob, even if we never got along, you still tried to do right by yourself and me, and while I certainly can't forgive you for some of the things you did, I understand they weren't entirely your fault.So I'm dedicating this review to you. Rock the fuck on, and have a happy Halloween, wherever it is you ended up.
    ----
    This review is dedicated to Robert Mason Boswell. He may no longer be with us, but I'll never forget my roots in music can be traced back to him in some way.
    (1977-2019; R.I.P.)
    ----

    ALBUM NAME: Walk Among Us
    ARTIST NAME: The Misfits
    RECORDED: June-December 1981; January 1982
    RELEASED: March 1982
    LABEL: Ruby/Slash Records
    PRODUCER: Self-produced
    GENRES: Punk rock, Pop punk, Horror punk
    PERSONNEL: Glenn Danzig (lead vocals; rhythm guitar on "Vampira", "Devil's Whorehouse" , and "Astro Zombies", overdubbed guitar except in "Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?" , drums on "Braineaters"), Jerry Only (bass, backing vocals), Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein (lead guitar, backing vocals on "Hatebreeders", "Devil's Whorehouse", "I Turned Into a Martian", and "Night of the Living Dead" ), Arthur Googy (drums)
    ----
    TRACK LISTING:
    20 Eyes: 1:41
    I Turned Into a Martian: 1:41
    All Hell Breaks Loose: 1:47
    Vampira: 1:26
    Nike-A-Go-Go: 2:16
    Hatebreeders: 3:08
    Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?: 2:01
    Night of the Living Dead: 1:57
    Skulls: 2:00
    Violent World: 1:46
    Devil's Whorehouse: 1:45
    Astro Zombies: 2:14
    Brain Eaters: 0:56
    TOTAL ALBUM LENGTH: 24:38
    ----
    1. 20 Eyes: The opening track is the moment everything about this album (and the Misfits in general) is established - heavy, yet melodic Ramones-styled riffs, minimalistic song lengths, Danzig's powerful, Elvis-styled howls, harmonizing backing vocals from Jerry and Doyle, and most importantly, the B-movie inspired lyrics. Something about the Misfits' lyrics to note is that they use B-movies as a blueprint rather than basically setting a plot synopsis to music, which makes them rather unique and allows them to be more creative and a number of times, have a deeper meaning.
    2. I Turned Into a Martian: This one takes 20 Eyes' blast of energy and runs with it, though Danzig uses the theme of a man suddenly turned into a hostile alien to explore the idea of loss of identity, which is something that is actually terrifying.
    3. All Hell Breaks Loose: Influenced by the 1972 horror film Twins of Evil, this song is pure, ballsy fun. Lyrically, it just described the sorts of mayhem punks can get into; in short "all hell breaks loose". If any song could fit the Misfits as a band, it's this one.
    4. Vampira: It's no secret that Danzig and the boys love Ed Wood and his magnum opus Plan 9 from Outer Space; hell, their label is NAMED after it! So what better way to show that love than to pay tribute to the more serious fifties equivalent to Elvira? Here, Danzig...well, basically sings about how much he wants to get in between Vampira's legs (hey, have you seen her? Who wouldn't!?). Oh, and he references the original title of Plan 9 in the opening.
    5. Nike-A-Go-Go: Breaking away from the established conventions for a moment, this is the first song on the album to go over 2 minutes (and the next song, Hatebreeders, goes into 3 minute territory). Not only that, but Danzig goes into the deeper meaning pool again, this time digging into the actual horror behind the B-movies the band loves so much - the Cold War and fears of nuclear annhilation. In this case, Danzig, through the band's catchy and authentic punk, describes Project Nike, which was a project by the U.S. Army to develop anti-aircraft missiles. The ideas of Hatebreeders build upon the ones found here.
    6. Hatebreeders: In this song, the Misfits to into more detail on the real horror of the Cold War - in this case, the true motivation behind all the paranoia and the race between the U.S. And Soviet Union to top one another in whatever it is they did. Simple and to the point, it was hard for the other side. And the message still rings true today; the poles have simply shifted to protecting America's own interests. But let's not debate about this here. Go somewhere else for that.
    7. Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight: This track is actually a pretty interesting one, since it was recorded not in the studio, but at a real concert. Moreover, it's still relevant nowadays due to the subject matter - kids killing others. In this case, the boy in the song cracks under the pressure of his mother's parental reinforcement, and takes out his anger by killing those he feels has wronged him. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? That's something I love about the Danzig-era Misfits. Like all punks, they cared about social issues and the horrors of real life; they just used schlock imagery to conceal it and avoid taking sides.
    8. Night of the Living Dead: This song was released as a single around 3 years before Walk Among Us was released in 1979. And I'm actually shocked it didn't get any kind of airplay - it's absolutely perfect. Focusing on the classic horror film of the same name, this tune is sure to get stuck in your head and not leave your (heh heh) brain.
    9. Skulls: Probably one of the Misfits' most famous and popular songs, this tune has such a happy, almost doo-wop like melody with incredibly morbid lyrics. What else can I say?
    10. Violent World: This one, as it turns out, is actually based on a magazine that was (as the title suggests) fueled by violence and exploitation; As with several of the other songs on this album, there's a socially relevant message buried underneath the campy lyrical content - we, as a society, seem desensitized to extreme violence, especially when it comes to media's obsessions with it. Coming from someone who loves trashy and exploitation media, I think Danzig asks a good question here - do we even have limits as to what we can tolerate, and if so, have we crossed them?
    11. Devil's Whorehouse: Seeing as I've recently become a fan of Hazbin Hotel, this song would fit PERFECTLY in there, especially in regards to my buddy @Spider Demon's favorite character. It's got a nice...pffft...beat, and the Misfits acting so enthusiastic about how much they "sin" there just adds to the "cut loose and relax" and almost advertising jingle feeling of this song.
    12. Astro Zombies: Probably the Misfits ' OTHER most famous song thanks in part to the bands that have covered it over the years, this is probably the Danzig era's most blatant attempt at a B-movie homage. Based on a 1960s film of the same name, it's written from the perspective of the villain; a disgruntled scientist who creates Frankenstein-esque zombies from the parts of murder victims. The zombies end up escaping and murdering people. That's pretty much it.
    13. Braineaters: The final track on the album is probably the shortest one yet. Naturally also dealing with zombies, it brings us back to where we started and never let up on with this album. Short, fast-paced, melodic, and overall an alright conclusion.
    ----
    FINAL THOUGHTS: What else is there to say? This is the quintessential classic Misfits album, and it just keeps on rocking until the very end. Fun, frenetic, but also with a layer of social commentary, no other Misfits album does it better. It's one of my favorite albums of all time, and I highly recommend it.
    ---
    FINAL SCORE:
    10/10
  24. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    A common complaint I tend to see whenever I listen to older forms of music is how "today's music sucks" and "nobody makes music like this anymore". Not only does this reek of r/lewronggeneration, but it is completely unfounded. There are plenty of bands that make good music in this day and age, and many more that specialize in carrying on the legacy of older bands. And no other band does this better than The Unswept, a power trio that seems like they walked straight out of the British Invasion of 1964 to 1966 in more ways than one.
    Originating in Sheffield, England (not coincidentally located 2 hours away from Liverpool, birthplace of the Beatles), the Unswept are comprised of brothers Charlie O'Brien (guitars, vocals), Ryan O'Brien (drums, vocals), and their cousin Liz (bass, vocals). The trio grew up in the group housing projects, playing in various bands before deciding to play music together and immigrating to Chicago's Logan Square. Discovered by Draco Records president Bert Fern, a day of studio time was booked (again, not unlike the Beatles with Please Please Me) and their self-titled debut was recorded. But is it a good record (consisting of 6 covers and 4 originals)? Well, that's why we're here. Let's look at The Unswept, an artifact that arrived 50 years too late, and find out.
    ------

    ALBUM NAME: The Unswept
    ARTIST NAME: The Unswept
    RECORDED: March 9, 2014
    RELEASED: April 12, 2014
    LABEL: Draco Records
    PRODUCER: Bert Fern
    GENRES: Merseybeat, power pop, jangle pop 
    PERSONNEL: Charlie O'Brien (guitars, vocals), Ryan O'Brien (drums, vocals), Liz O'Brien (bass, vocals)
    ------
    TRACK LISTING:
    1. Inside Out - 02:24
    2. So It Goes (Nick Lowe) - 02:35
    3. I Can't Sleep (Lee Mavers) - 02:26
    4. Cynical Girl (Marshall Crenshaw) - 02:22
    5. Certain Flowers - 02:38
    6. You're Going Home - 2:14
    7. I Must Be In Love (Neil Innes) - 02:09
    8. You Trip Me Up (William and Jim Reid) - 02:33
    9. Listen to the Band (Michael Nesmith) - 02:32
    10. She's So Cool - 02:30
    TOTAL ALBUM LENGTH: 24:23
    ------
    1. Inside Out: The opening track of The Unswept immediately pulls you in with its Beatlesque guitar riffs and lyrics about a man who's in love, setting the template for the rest of the album (and by extension, the band themselves) - British Invasion pop tunes that generally don't stray too far from the 2-minute-and-under range. Short and sweet like the rest of the songs on the rest of this record, this opening track basically tells you, "You get what you expect. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride."
     2. So It Goes: The second track of this album is also our first cover, originally by Nick Lowe from his 1978 debut album Jesus of Cool. The phrase was originally used as a transition phrase in Kurt Vonnegut's novel Slaughterhouse Five, usually to signify a character's death, and then move on to another event. While the lyrics may not make any sense at first, they fit perfectly with that idea, going from one unrelated story to the next. It also allows the Unswept to really stretch their power pop legs, giving an indication of the covers on this album and how they fit perfectly into it.
    3. I Can't Sleep - Following the Nick Lowe cover is a song originally written by Lee Mavers of The La's fame. I Can't Sleep is pure power pop perfection in every sense. Juxtaposing lyrics about insomnia and the feelings it brings on with excellent pop hooks and harmonies, I Can't Sleep is an excellent track and probably a "signature song" for The Unswept if they had one.
    4. Cynical Girl - The third cover on The Unswept's debut album is a Marshall Crenshaw tune about wanting to find...well, a cynical girl. With Ryan and Charlie (and Liz on the chorus) dueting in the style pioneered by Lennon and McCartney, this track is the best showcase of the band's vocal harmonies.
    5. Certain Flowers - This song returns to the themes of love established in the first track; namely, talking about certain flowers, how they mean certain things (especially in romantic gestures), certain girls who might like those flowers, and ultimately how things like flowers and cards mean absolutely nothing when it comes to getting a girl to like you. What really matters isn't just cards and gifts - it's about forming personal connections that really make romance truly meaningful.
    6. You're Going Home: As with any band writing silly love songs, the Unswept also deal with the more negative side of romance every now and then. You're Going Home is that song. Focusing on a relationship going sour due to his lover up and leaving him, the narrator reflects on how things aren't going to be the same after that; he never got to say goodbye, all he got was a letter, and he's certainly not going to write back.
    7. I Must Be In Love: The fourth cover on this album is...certainly unusual. The reason being that it was originally by the Rutles, a Beatles pastiche created by Eric Idle and Neil Innes. As such, I Must Be In Love may not seem that unusual unless you know the history behind it. And it's absolutely perfect for a band like this. Just as the Rutles were an affectionate, light-hearted jab at the Beatles (Monty Python and the Fab Four had a mutual respect for one another; Eric Idle and George Harrison were close friends), the Unswept covering a pastiche while also being a throwback to the pop rock of the early 1960s is nothing short of awesome.
    8. You Trip Me Up: The Unswept continue to show off their more unexpected influences by covering The Jesus and Mary Chain's You Trip Me Up, off of 1985's Psychocandy. A problem I had with the original version is that it had far too much noise, feedback and distortion to it (and when you consider that this is the Jesus and Mary Chain, this is saying something), which obscured the actual music and vocals to the point of unlistenability. By stripping away the noise and feedback entirely, the Unswept uncover the catchy one-chord bubblegum melody underneath. If anything, it serves to show the 60s influences of not only this band, but of the Reid brothers as well, much more prominently.
    9. Listen to the Band: Speaking of 60s influences, the final cover and the album's penultimate track is Listen to the Band by the Monkees. While it doesn't deviate too much from the original, both are equally enjoyable in different ways. In fact, this song was included in a tribute compilation of the same name, marking the only time I know of that the Unswept made an appearance outside of their own recordings.
    10. She's So Cool: The final track on The Unswept is an original, this time focusing on the band's own Logan Square vneighborhood. More specifically, how the narrator admires a hipster girl for how cool she is. More specifically, he admires her wit, her eye for art and photography, and how she can make other girls jealous. Overall, a nice conclusion to a n excellent album.
    -----
    FINAL THOUGHTS: This album is perfect in every sense of the word, and I don't just say that due to my love of 60s pop rock. This album is pure power pop straight out of the British Invasion - catchy hooks, teenybopper lyrics about love, and an overall sense of fun. The covers fit so well and so perfectly I thought a lot of them were originals at first. The Unswept are billed as "Chicago's undiscovered power pop gem" for a reason. They may not be the most original group out there, but that's far from a bad thing. It's clear they have a love of the classic Merseybeat groups, especially the Fab Four era Beatles, and pay tribute to them in everything they do. This band needs more love, and I hope this review does just that.
    ----
    FINAL SCORE: 10/10
  25. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Greetings all, Renegade here with a LOOONG-overdue update. For today's entry, I decided to do something a bit different - a retrospective list of all the albums I could remember listening to in my childhood. I listened to a LOT of albums growing up (particularly hardcore punk, psychobilly, and heavy metal) so narrowing them down to my top 10 was a difficult task. But anyways, I'll be taking a look at the 10 that I most remember fondly - the rankings do not signify a particular order from best to worst of vice versa - I like them all equally.
    --------
    10. Dead Kennedys - Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables

    Genre(s): Hardcore punk
    Release date: September 2, 1980
    Songs of Note: Kill the Poor, Holiday in Cambodia, California Uber Alles, and Viva Las Vegas
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: Ah, the Dead Kennedys. The...Beatles of hardcore punk, if you will. Probably the single most important band in the genre out there, I was first exposed to the band through my dad, who was (for better or for worse) probably the most hardcore punk person I knew in my early years. And just like the Beatles, the DKs played straightforward, surf-and-rockabilly influenced punk before diversifying their sound and then eventually coming full circle with their final album Bedtime for Democracy. Anyways, this album is about as basic as you can get with American punk rock: guitar, bass and drums, fast tempos, and frontman Jello Biafra's biting satire that pulls no punches and doesn't lean either to the extreme, neoliberal left or to the neoconservative religious right. They're just out to tell you how wrong you are, and how the world isn't a very nice place. And that is something we need more of in the divisive, everything is political and there is no middle ground climate of today.
    ----
    9. Primus - Pork Soda

    Genres: Alternative metal, funk metal, experimental rock
    Release date: April 20, 1993
    Songs of Note: Mr. Krinkle, My Name is Mud
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: While I didn't truly get into this album until I was in middle school (and post-my parents' divorce), I still consider it an album from my childhood thanks to my then-18 year old cousin Justin showing me the music video for Mr. Krinkle in the olden days of pre-2010s YouTube. Thanks to him introducing me to Primus (and listening to System of a Down around that time; I'll get to Toxicity in a bit), my love of more experimental bands was seeded. Les Claypool's bass is heavy on this album, and given the darker subject matter ( "Bob" hits home pretty hard nowadays due to my dad killing himself via hanging in April earlier this year), why shouldn't it be? There's still the normal Primus wackiness from earlier albums still on here, but it's not as prominent. Pork Soda is considered Primus' masterwork by many, and it isn't hard to see why.
    ---
    8. Bad Religion - The Process of Belief

    Release date: January 22, 2002
    Genres: Punk rock, melodic hardcore
    Songs of Note: Sorrow, Supersonic, and Kyoto Now
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: This album, or rather, Sorrow, was probably my first exposure to Bad Religion at 4 years old. It became one of my favorite songs (next to Barroom Hero and The Dirty Glass by Dropkick Murphys) to sing at that age. And listening to the album in full all these years later, it still holds up as my second favorite BR album-my favorite being New Maps of Hell. Full of energy, melody, and most of all, intelligent political discussion, If you want to get into this band, start here.
    ---
    7. Flogging Molly - Drunken Lullabies

    Release date: March 19, 2002
    Genres: Celtic punk
    Songs of Note: Drunken Lullabies, If I Ever Leave This World Alive, What's Left of the Flag
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: Probably my second favorite Celtic punk band, Flogging Molly is near and dear to my heart, striking a balance between tender, tearjerking ballads and in-your-face, Irish-loud-and-Irish-proud punk...and oftentimes both. This one brings on the waterworks easily, but it's worth a listen or two.
    ---
    6. System of a Down - Toxicity

    Release date: September 4, 2001
    Genres: Alternative metal, nu metal
    Songs of Note: Chop Suey, Toxicity, Aerials
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: Ah, System of a Down. What would I be without  Chop Suey ingraining itself into my young brain and becoming a favorite song of mine? What should I say about this album? It's political, funny, heavy, poppy, and diversive all at once. SOAD have been called successors to Frank Zappa and for good reason. They can take any music and mix and match genres and lyrics with it, creating something unique get accessible and familiar. This album is still a riot all the way through, but the singles are standouts.
    ---
    5. Reverend Horton Heat - Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em 

    Release date: November 1, 1990
    Genres: Psychobilly
    Songs of Note: Bad Reputation, Marijuana, Psychobilly Freakout
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: This is the album (along with Tiger Army's Power of Moonlite) that introduced me to the genre I eventually decided to pursue musically - psychobilly. And nobody does it better than Jim MF'ing Heath and his bassist Jimbo Wallace. This record is everything you could ever want in a psychobilly album: good old rock and roll riffs and basslicks recorded live in the studio, lyrics about sex, cars, and drugs, and is overall just a fun time. Easily the best thing the Rev ever recorded, and highly recommended.
    ---
    4. Ramones - Loud, Fast, Ramones: Their Toughest Hits

    Release date: October 15, 2002
    Genres: Punk rock
    Songs of Note: Blitzkrieg Bop, Beat on the Brat, Sheena is a Punk Rocker, I Wanna be Sedated
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: While I don't remember the exact compilation I listened to as a kid, this one was most likely it based on the songs I can remember. And that title doesn't lie - the Ramones were loud, fast, and tough. They were pop song writers above all else, though, and these tunes will get stuck in your head, no ifs and or buts about it. Definitely a must-have for any punker like myself.
    ---
    3. Devil Doll - Queen of Pain

    Release date: October 14, 2003
    Genres: Rockabilly
    Songs of Note: Bourbon in Your Eyes, Liquor Store, You are the Best Thing and the Worst Thing, Queen of Pain
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: I blame my mom for me loving this album in a good way. It's sexy, fun, and Colleen Duffy is just...mmm.~ I had such a crush on her as a kid, but I'm getting off track here. This record, much like Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em, is pure 50s rock and roll distilled into its base components. And going back to this album now fills me with a lot of nostalgia (and imagining Colleen Duffy singing to me in a smoky bar somewhere out of a film noir).
    ---
    2. Tiger Army - Power of Moonlite

    Release date: July 24, 2001
    Genres: Psychobilly, horror punk
    Songs of Note: Annabel Lee, In the Orchard, Under Saturn's Shadow, F.T.W.
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: If the Reverend Horton Heat can be considered everything fun about psychobilly, then Tiger Army can be considered the brooding, introspective, and emotional side. While they certainly have the punked-up 50s rock and roll and B-movie vibes of psychobilly, Tiger Army isn't concerned with talking about fictional monsters, cars, and girls. Their monsters are more "real" - depression, heartbreak, and thinking about good times that can never be captured again. Nick 13, lead singer of the band, draws on his darker experiences and country influences to paint vibrant pictures that can bring tears to one's eye.t
    ---
    1. Nirvana - Nevermind

    ...this was the only censored version I could find. Sue me.
    Genres: Alternative rock, grunge
    Songs of Note: ...All of them.
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: What can I say that hasn't been said before? Nevermind is a perfect album all the way through - perfect 60s pop melodies put through the fuzz of Kurt Cobain's guitar and Dave Grohl's pounding drums, lyrics about Kurt's volatile relationship with Tobi Vail, feminism, and masculinity, and a commitment to rocking the fuck out. This is my most treasured childhood album, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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