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They call me Loyalty

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Posts posted by They call me Loyalty

  1. Good. I was explaining my family that the damaged state of this house is because of the internal resistance that is occurring within them, even subconsciously. Given our origins as people of the wilds. I am proud of my mother. She is a born hooker, in the way he rips and tears prey. Like she did with granny when she fashioned the ideology she was given into a weapon and used it to crucify her adoptive family. The same way I was always a hunter, but my family was broken. Still, we cannibalized them regardless. Since everything becomes a weapon in my sight. Even religion, which is an ideological weapon already.

    That is the purpose of this slow sacrifice I am commiting to. So they can die with their dignity intact. Free. For the blood of our ancestors and because I owe this to that little girl. So, here were are, keeping up with the show.

    Cookies for everyone!!! Yay!

    • Brohoof 1
  2. 2 hours ago, SunIsLost said:

    Not well.

    I'm feeling not well, the world is a misserable place, imagine being muted and not about to speak and being hated for the person you are, for being yourself, for being you.

    The world seems to be moving in wrong direction (the rich and powerful people at least), we can't be resting, we need to do stuff, I can't wake up feeling like I was in prison, even if I'm able to go outside and walk. /)

    Even if I am aware you are faking that answer. You can have all the money in the world and still be miserable, like some of my old relatives, who filled their empty lives with materialism.
    The real prison is inside the mind most of the time. Sometimes because of people causing damage to others, like it happened to my mother.
    I do not leave my house, not because I am a prisoner, but because I am free. And because I've known myself and my purpose since I was born.
    Our endogamic origins, the difference that it makes for people like us within this social context, the charade that has been orchestrated around us. The lies from the rest of the family. And the psychological damage that resulted from interfering with our nature.

    But more importantly, I know that my mother needs me. Because of what I previously explained. So, I cannot leave her. And that is enough reason to stay inside this house every single day, even if it means I am losing my own life. Because that is what love means, sacrifice. And it doesn't mean that I cannot get angry, or irrational. But everything I have done since the beginning was to keep her alive, despite the fact that she complains about this life because she was robbed from herself without her knowledge.

    She is the only reason I am still enduring this sh*t show, even when knowing my life is essentially over. Because I know myself. But she does not. Because that was taken from her. That is the reason she is lost, and I have to stay here to see her suffer over someone without a future. Which is the reason I considered "harm", because she is already being harmed by her mental state.

    And remember, it never works to tell someone who is angry to not be angry. Useful advice for a change.

    Stay well, huggies.

  3. 32 minutes ago, SunIsLost said:

    I apologize.

    I hope the situation will get better, I didn't mean to offend.

     

    It is not me the one you owe that apology.

    • Brohoof 1
  4. 42 minutes ago, SunIsLost said:

    Please don't cause any harm towards anyone :hug_day:

    The harm to my family is already done. Othewise you wouldn't be here trying to ease your conscience.

    But I still love her like the first day. Nothing has changed. If anything, this pain is a proof of that love. Despite how much she was forced to change, to reject herself based on "better looking people". To "fix" her teeth and to hate her own body. When she was always perfect to me. And then she was "taught" to hate her own nature because of doctrine, which caused the separation from her maternal instinct, which then caused damage to her son. But my love has not changed. And I am still trying to protect her, because she is now vulnerable because of what they did. So, even something like death would be a mercy compared to what the world is capable of doing to a person in her state of mind.

    Nothing that can be said or done will replace the family we lost. So, a more honest answer would be to pay respectful silence here. Because you can only hurt yourself at this point. Especially with such empty words.

  5. Same. She rejected the truth once again under the pretext that she is going to repair our future. And I promised her that she is gonna have no future as long as she continues to reject the truth. So, nothing to say.

    My mother says to hate the rest of the family, but she continues to act on their false premises and religious bs. Which is exactly what got us into this limbo, as well as other interferences.

    But it doesn't matter. Because she owes herself this dignity. Because she has insulted our blood. And because the truth in that blood is heavier than all the lies the rest of the world told to her. Which are also the source of her misery.

    Do you think it is an act of cruelty for animals to sacrifice their offspring? Or love, mercy and wisdom. My mother used to have a heart like that. And I know it is still there, but the rest of the famliy numbed that wisdom. Which then caused harm to us. And that is the reason they ended like that.

    So, yeah. Same as always. I am still bound by her rejection of the truth. But I have assumed the role of an anchor. And I will bring her down to reality. Even if I have to destroy all we have. Which is pointless. Because we have nothing in reality.

    My regards. I hope you and your families are doing good.

  6. It is not the destination that is the problem but the origin that was lost. There are good reasons I have lived for twenty years inside this house like a "mental patient".

    My family - they sold out. They betrayed our blood. They betrayed me. And I lost my sister because of that, and with her my future and the possibility to create a family of my own, which is the foundation every other aspect of life is built upon.

    That is the reason I am showing "ADHD", depressive, addictive and self-destructive behaviour since childhood. These disorders are simply the result of an animal that is suffering because his natural purpose was taken away. That is the reason I am in this sorry state. Take the family from someone else,"human" or otherwise. And you will see what happens.

    So, my family is not leaving this house. I am taking them with me. Because even if she doesn't have the heart it takes to recognize the truth that she denied me. Every single action of hers is expressed like a compulsion to cover up that painful emptiness where my family and hers should be.

    She is too much of a coward to accept she is already dead, or even the damage that she is still doing to me, because she wants to keep "alive".

    I needed a mating partner of my own blood. That is the reason I am naturally repulsed towards canditates outside this group. "Something is wrong". "Where is my sister". Repeating inside of me since I have memory.

    So, considering they have killed me in life. I am going to do the same in return. And it is not going to be like in my dreams. Visceral and merciful. It is going to be a slow process according to their new laws. But it is going to be the same, just dragged out and pointlessly misserable.

    And I have told them this already, very clearly. If they try to leave this house. I gut them where they stand. This is the real reason I am doing all this. Because the blood inside of me is pointing at my own mother, and saying "guilty".

    But allow me a firearm with two munitions of sufficient caliber. And I promise on my honor, that I leave this life. But I cannot do that as long as she is still alive. Because of that betrayal, and because of the love that I have for the family I lost. They are waiting for me on the other side. This hurts... but she doesn't want to recognize the truth.

    Because she has no honor. So, she would rather see me suffering like a mental cripple, instead of giving up her life so she can release her son. And we both suffer now, without reason or future to live for.

    Despite all this. I still love her, because she is my mother. But this love requires a mutual agreement to release our lives from this binding.

    That is the reason I don't leave my house. That there is no reason.

    My request is fair and merciful. My offer, is the truth.

  7. image.thumb.png.a2cec1e137c8d2a6eb6642256f06586a.png

    I tried to imitate the style of show, which is rare for me. Also, I generally draw in one take. So, sorry for any distortions. It is just a MS paint drawing. Also, sorry for the double post. If someone could call a moderator to fix it. It would be appreciated. And tell them to bring me a coffee with three croissants. Thank you very much.

    • Brohoof 1
  8.  

    image.thumb.png.e7af6c4778d8099ed2a2d6ca82efa609.png

    Gravita. Sister to electra and magnetica. She is the balancing force within this elemental triad.

    I've been putting some thought into that fanfiction I mentioned about the original elements. Not something I will ever finish, but it is still fun to entertain the idea. And here is one of the concepts that is higher, and at the same time lower in the hierarchy of elements. In theory, these beings do not possess cutie marks because they are living cutie marks in a way. And the confluence of their essences create the myriad of talents that the world of equestria was endowed with after their sacrifice to form it, during the end of the chaos wars.

  9. Good mother of all that is sacred, that is... eh, beautiful. I will see what I can do about that creature. Though, my skills and resources are limited. So, I don't promise anything, but we will see. You never know.

    • Brohoof 1
  10. Honestly. Just drive the subtle knife in and let the vitality flow. Welcome foggy. And may you find this place adaptable to your vampiric needs.

    And remember, a taunt, even one that is disguised. Always earns one a cut and a sip. So, thank you.

    • Brohoof 1
  11. Every single snoot. To honor the snoots of every user who graced this forum with their talent, or their mere participiation. For those gone, for those who are still here, and for those in the uncertain future. Thank you very much.

    Now, let us caress this metaphorical snoot. And find refuge within its nostrils, for its breath is the collective spirit of this amazing community. Sorry... I had to do it. The mental image of people building houses inside a giant nose was too tempting. But it does not take from the heart-felt sentiment of my previous statement.

    • Brohoof 4
  12. Its success changed things. And then the map happened, and starlight, and then the school of friendship. All of which were signs the series had outlived its time.

    So, whether something went wrong or not, it is entirely a matter of perspective. For some, it was a good thing, for others, not so much. I stopped around the start of season eight. Since I had lost interest by that point. Also, there were some memorable episodes in the latter seasons. So, it is not all bad, buttercup.

    • Brohoof 1
  13. Centered. I had some time to introspect about the past, and put things in order. Since it is very difficult to talk with my mother or her brother. Because they seem so lost. And I don't understand how they were so blind to all these bs. Since it was so evident. So, I still feel some kind of moral duty to keep them in that path that was taken from us, because it hurts me to see them walking around blind and being influenced on the basis of this ignorance that other people instilled in them, under the false pretext of ideolgies and what not.

    That is the actual reason I did what I did. And my mother was also clever enough to retaliate against the rest of the family, on instinct alone. But she does not understand it rationally. Because realizing your entire life was a lie, may be too much. But at least, I did my best to protect their true nature from being further undermined and distorted by other people.

    And I have much to thank my own mother for that. Because she did the same with me, originally. She instinctively protected me from the rest of the family. From my great aunt and her mother. Who would have died alone, if it wasn't because they had money.

    But nobody liked these people. So, it was destined to happened. And thus we lost most of the inheritance. Which would have sat there rotting. Because I was never materialistic. I am more wild or simplistic, if you will. And my mother is no different. She only acts on this materialism to numb that pain that she is unable to understand within her, that sources from that deeper truth that I previously mentioned.

    I wanted to express myself with clarity. Since much of the mental problems I have come from that shared pain we both have. It is sexual, emotional and mental pain over the separation caused between us. It is a broken bond between mother and son. And that distorted bond is what wiped out the entire family. Because they thought they knew "better". Still, the damage is already done. And I am still in pain. So, there will be times when I go insane, or become numb, or talk things that make no sense. I just wanted to explain the actual reason this is happening. It is not exploit others, or to lie.

    Though, I do enjoy trolling a lot. So, if anything. Please, just ignore me. But yeah. I am still myself. And I will die on this hill which is called after me. Because to this truth, that is my real nature. Are also tied the lives of the family that I never got to have because of all this. And I cannot insult them like that.

    I hope you are doing what you have to do. That is about it.

    • Brohoof 1
  14. Nothing much. I am here watching the stained walls, the dusty curtains and the bloated door frames. And I can see patterns everywhere. Like the one-eyed faces of a lion and its cub on the ceiling. They are smiling. But I am not. I wonder what was the point of this. Taking animals like us outside their natural environment and try to change what is written in their blood.

    If only they had not interfered. There would be a sense of purpose now, like the cry of a child at birth. But the damage to our bond was already done. So, now we wait. And we count the days. And we wait again. With nothing else to say. Just this silence. Eerily comforting. The same way they are sleeping inside that mauseleum, now.

    What a strange practice, don't you think? To build a house for your corpse. It goes to show how separated from the nature of reality were these people. And then they had the gall to call me hollow. ****ing hypocrites. Every single one of them. But that is fine. I dedicate their deaths to each one of my unborn children.

    • Brohoof 1
  15. Hey, dude. Welcome to the forums. Or the rooms. You know that place where people go *wooosh*. And they are never heard of again. Because it is a super fun place and you don't want to leave, of course. Welcome, from the bottom of this heart I found. Here take it. It is yours now. Turns out it was infected with sweet lies, and my levels of glucose are dangerously high alrea- Wait, I think that chicken is spying on me. I have to go now.

    • Brohoof 2
  16. Spending time with my mother. Sometimes, I just become afraid of the inevitable. Since we are little out there. And there are no contingency plans for what to do in case of an emergency.

    And I would often compare what my grandmother told to her, in case something happened, with what my mother is telling me. But nothing my mother says makes any sense.
    But it is comforting, regardless. Since this is my language, too.
    I guess that is the reason I stayed with her all these years. That we are not entirely sane. And that is comforting but also frightening.
    Because her words are not real. But they blind me to reality, regardless. And the fear fades away at the expense of my mental state.
    It is a such a simplistic viewpoint. But so innacurate. That I am carrying with the knowledge on my own. So, I start sinking while she goes up and up. And I become unstable for real.
    But I don't want to get her down to reality, because she is unable to deal with it. I have tried many times already. Her father died trying. And he was mentally healthy, unlike myself. So, I have to go insane instead.

    I have actually tied my life to hers. Ever since I was like five, and she was sleeping in her bed. And I tried to wake her up, but she wasn't moving. And for a moment I experienced the fear of what it was gonna be like to live without her.
    And I knew I was not gonna be able to make it without her. The same thing always happened when I went away. She became erratic and violent. So, we are bound to one another.

    I have started mourning her in advance. And I am making the most of my time with her. And this was the plan all along. Everything I did felt like an excuse to protect the reality of my family. An attempt to prolong my time with her. So we could stay together. And have peace. And we had it, and it was awesome. Inside our little world. And it was not what it was meant to be, originally. Considering my genetic traits. Which is the reason I am so bitter and resentful, too. But I was happy nonetheless. And the fear. Well, it comes from that inevitable knowledge.

    So, whatever happens, happens. I already told her everything, so she doesn't have to worry about my future in vain. But yeah. That is what made me happy. To be with her.

    • Brohoof 1
  17. The memories... I remember watching some of the filler in naruto. But it was too much. Meanwhile, some of my friends switched to the manga. And they eventually finished the series. While I concluded my watch around the end of the pain arch. Which was more or less the logical conclusion before it got to dragon ball levels of ridiculous.

    And some years later. I watched one piece, more or less until the brave new world part. I just don't remember the name. It was the time-skip where everyone got buffer and and all the women got implants, apparently. And then my interest kinda faded. But I eventually went back to watch some episodes here and there in the manga. And I avoided all the filler in the anime.

    That is about it, I think. The rest of anime I've watched were without filler or I was unable to recognize it. Since most of them are short series. But naruto cured from filler. Not that there is no good filler, and telented people involved. But they are often constrained within the limations of a fixed script, and that hampers their creativity, unfortunately. But I heard there was a filler about kakashi when he was young, that was good.

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