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Denim&Venöm

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Blog Entries posted by Denim&Venöm

  1. Denim&Venöm
    You know what today is? 

    Today is the 5th anniversary of me joining MLPForums. And what a 5 years it has been. 
    Back then, the site looked like this, the day before I joined:

     
    This was my first ever post at Welcoming Plaza.
    Not to sound cliche but it really does feel like I wrote it just yesterday. How prophetic. 
    And this was what my profile looked like back then.

    I'm practically using the same profile pic. 
     
    It was only through finding the Poniverse booth at my first Bronycon did I learn of this place. Signed up at the con to give it a shot later. Still waiting for that sign on bonus badge BTW. It was in recovery from my post con blues that I wanted to be more involved with this community and it's movement. 
    You guys must've done something right.  I've been coming here almost everyday for 1825 days. I wasn't sure what to do, how interact, what and where to explore or how to get involved. I had only been on one forum prior and it wasn't as diverse or as invested in as this was. You guys opened me up to new possibilities and gave me the closest thing I had to a social life. I came because I enjoyed the revolution started by pastel horses. I stayed because of you guys. 
    So to all of you, thanks for making these past five years worthwhile. 
    Here's to five more. And counting. 
     
  2. Denim&Venöm
    Probably not a bad idea to start listing the key points I walk out with from the visits to my psychiatrist.
     
    At first I thought my issues were mood swings and general negativity. Turns out that may be moderate depression stemming from high anxiety. So together, we're figuring out ways to cope.
     
    First session was last week. My problem: Thinking I'm a failure and that i'm inferior to everypony else.
     
    Solution: Look a bit more objectively. Many will always be better than you, but someone, many people even, will be worse. You do stand above those people. And look where you're at. You're breathing. You still have a job. No accidents or screw ups happened. You made it home alright. Nothing bad happened.

     
    That was last week. This week was dealing w/ stressors involving people and the past.
     
    I hate being yelled at and talked down to. I feel inadequate, like a failure, like a looser, like a child. Or I get very pissy and aggressive. Regardless of how that turns out, the situation still sticks in my mind, and it replays over and over again, thinking about what they said.
     
    But that's giving those people more power over you then they deserve. More weight to their opinions./ While you're thinking about them talking down to you, they're at home, watching TV, drinking a beer, not giving a damn about you at all. You're doing their dirty work for them.
     
    So while not totally accurate, thinking of yourself as better than them, above them, beyond them. Holier than thou attitude, except not so extreme. They are no longer worth your thoughts, cause you are not worth theirs. So pay them no heed.
     
    More so, if somepony has yelled at you, especially if they're in a position of power or authority, do not take it personally. Yes, there is that chance it may have been your fault. But, there's just as big a chance that it's on them as well. It's their choice that they're yelling at you. There are other, arguably better ways to address you and what's wrong. So in a way, it's their fault too. Again, do not take it personally.
     

    And all this correlates to my problem of letting things go, wondering what could have been, how could I have dealt with that better, what should I have done, how things should've gone, etc.
     
    Stop those thoughts. Stop them, right now. All they do is waste you energy and send you down a spiral of depression and negativity. My psychiatrist put it a good way: "If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, then you're pissing on the present."
     
    Or if you've watched Kung Fu Panda: "The past is history while the future is a mystery. Right now is a gift. That's why we call it the present."
     
    Worrying about the past does not change it. Worrying about the future doesn't give you the outcome you want, and you'll never see it cause it hasn't happened yet. focus on the here and now and get what you want done, done. You'll be better off for it.
     
    These are my issues. Hopefully this will help you through yours.
     
    I'll post again from the psych ward next week.
  3. Denim&Venöm
    Oh what a trip yesterday was.
     
    For those that care, I got to see Megadeth last night. Though just putting it like that is greatly understating everything else that went down.
     
    For starters, I got the VIP package. Meaning, I got to meet Megadeth themselves! The legendary Dave Mustaine, Co-founder David Ellefson, their latest shredder Kiko Laureiro, and touring drummer Dirk Van Bueren from Swedish melo-death trendsetters Soilwork (whom I also got to see this year), and their awesome mascot, Vic Rattlehead. I got to shake hands and take pictures w/ heavy metal royalty.
     
    Oddly enough, even before I got into the building, one guy asked me if Megadeth was any good? And he was part of the VIP package. Just...what?
     
    Of course being that these things are early, we got unprecedented access to the merch tables. One Amon Amarth tour Tee + Thor pendant & the latest Suicidal Tendencies album 'World Gone Mad' was what I started with, but I'd make my way back.
     
    Being early also meant choosing your spots up front. Pick your place on the barricade and defend it at all costs. While there, those of us from the meet & greet plus the early arrivals got to talking, about concert experiences, favorite bands, shows we would've loved to have seen. This older dude, Kurt, had apparently done it all. Told the story of how Tom Araya signed his bass during the Reign In Blood tour. Then it got wiped off. How he took the members of Death Angel to a mall. How he saw Iron Maiden during the Piece Of Mind tour. How he found himself standing next to KK Downing, and got his signature on the back of his jacket. He was hyped for Metal Chruch. Shocked that they were back and touring. Drew their logo on his textbooks. Really wanted to meet Mike Muier from Suicidal Tenancies. While another of our crew, Duncan, got to meet Brian Weltch from Korn at the local Dennys, and talked about how chill he was. We talked about bands we were all in. I wasn't, but it was still interesting. Maybe I should get to leaning an instrument. I've got a guitar. Got two. Also, it was Duncan's girlfriends, Aliese (?) first show. Metal by association. Also two girls were texting next to me about the meet & greet. She got a reply: "Did you meet Dave Mustaine?" And she said. "I guess?" And her mom went. "You just had a picture with him!" And she was like "Oh s--t....don't judge me!" We all had a laugh at that.
     
    Then our convo got cut short when Butcher Babies took the stage. Kurt didn't know who they were. We summed it up as two ex-play boy bunnies who sang death metal. Apparently I was the only one who knew that one of them was a former mortician. They found that fact amazing. Not a bad showing from the band. Personally too much stuff off the new album. Not a long enough set. One of the guys was so in love w/ singer Heidi. He flipped when she came to our side of the barricade right in front of me during first album closer 'Magnolia blvd.'
     
    Not long after, Metal Church took the stage. An old fashioned middle ground between British speed metal & American thrash. The new stuff off album XI went down pretty well, especially single 'No Tomorrow.' Unfortunately, Kurt got into an argument w/ another lady & her friend which got pretty distracting. Luckily neither were thrown out. In the end, Metal Church was well received, and got a bunch of chants during the set. I'd consider that a career resurgence.
     
    Decided to bid farewell to my new colleagues, as they were gonna get crushed when Suicidal Tendencies came on. That much was for sure. Was hungry. Actually got arena food. Pizza slice (like the one I'm eating now, 'cept sausage). Just managed to get out of line as the opening chords to 'You Can't Bring Me Down' began. First time I ate pizza during a show. Also, the realization hit me. Suicidal had a new drummer. And it was none other than Dave Lombardo. The master skinsman that once hailed from Slayer.
     
    The crowd was relativity tame up until that point. But when 'Bring me down' came on, that pit erupted. Front row to the violent spectacle of pushes, shoves, tackles and grand machismo. But it wasn't long before the locked away inner So-Cal skate punk in me came calling, and I had to join in. Me, 140lbs, soaking wet. In a pit full of burly bikers & jocks. I was tumbled around like a sock in a wash. But it was an experience, getting to exorcise my macho side for once. Even saw some girls in the pit and thought "Yes! They're are others!"
     
    Mosh pits are an excuse to do lots of silly and or crazy stuff. Awkward dancing like a goof. Stomping and chest beating like a cave man. Being picked up for a piggy back ride, only to be slammed against a wall of onlookers, like I was. Never had that happen before. So absurd I couldn't help but laugh. Old fashioned punk pit. Closed out their set to 'Pledge Your Allegiance', w/ all of us marching in a circle around the headbangers, chanting "S T!" like an army on the move. Walked away w/ a good share of scrapes, my VIP wristband cutting into my arm in a few places, my knee getting scraped up, or maybe it was the scar tissue getting reopened. Hard to tell.
     
    Walked away to use the can and get some water. Came back, and the set had completely changed. The good thing about an arena, is that you can use a bigger stage. And viking metalers Amon Amarth finally brought their massive long boat to the states. Complete w/ drum set! Kicking things off in grand fashion w/ one of my favorites of theirs, Twilight of the thunder god. And the pit was back. Btu this was different. Less of the punk rock fooling around, this was more intense. Every man and woman giving it their all to the sounds of battle. And that's what it indeed looked like. The old scenes of warfare that the Norse warriors too pride in partaking in. And this time, it was the call of my own Norse ancestors, my inner Viking, that lead me to partake in the display of bravery and brutality. A show of my inner fortitude.
     
    And I was tossed around even crazier. Got pulled in at the wrist by one of the lady moshers, telling me "Come on you pussy!" So I did. And got bowled over for my troubles. I actually got scooped up and carried around in a buff dudes arms as he ran around the pit, using me as a human shield. Again, so absurd I had to laugh. But even amongst all that chaos, there were moments of order. Like when Amon Amarth began playing their new single, 'First kill.' The moshers divided to either side and we formed ranks, our side facing the another. and once the tempo kicked into overdrive, we charged at one another like opposing armies in the heavy metal staple Now it really felt like a Viking reenactment.
     
    It looked something like this

     
    We tried it again for Deceiver of the Gods. Even planned it out in advance. Unfortunately the other side had no clue what was going on. So it ended up being a wall of dudes + me rushing at a group of unsuspecting pit goers. Still lots of fun. Lots of shoulder to shoulder headbanging. Almost got my knee blown out when a dude was sent tumbling into us. Got pushed over, tripped up, knocked down, landed ass first on the concrete, then shoulder first, got another scrape on my knee for my troubles. Saw a dude get carried around over another dudes shoulder. Other dude tried to put him down but his cargo was a bit tipsy, so he ended up getting slammed down from a good height up. Something I usually see in Pro wrestling. But all is good, as your never down for long. The moment you go down, you'll have everyone trying to get you back up. Because even in these chaotic pits, there are rules of etiquette and codes of honor. You take care of yourself and you take care of others. One hell of a show. Lots of drinking horns were emptied. Wish the set list was longer though. Fun fact: 15 years ago, Amon Amarth held their first ever U.S. show, right here in Milwaukee. Very special night indeed.
     
    And that special night kept going. cause as part of the VIP experience, those that forked over extra, got a special treat: Side stage passes. Me and a handful of others got to stand on the actual stage with Megadeth! It was quite a view, seeing an arena full of people from up there. And then this happened.

     
    Those sing alongs. Those horns in the air. That pit being seen from afar. Being waved at by my newfound buddies in the front row. First song off the new smash hit record Dystopia, 'The Threat Is Real' went down a storm. That'll be a keeper in the set. Song three was a crowd pleaser. The flipped their collective s--t when Tornado Of Souls was finally played. And Kiko owned those guitar solos.
     
    Another fun fact: A couple that was w/ me on stage were sporting merch for our own local thrash heroes Conniption. Apparently, the guitarist was right up next to us the whole time. Didn't even realize it was him. Good band. Go check them out.
    https://www.facebook.com/conniption.us/
     
    Unfortunately that was as long as we could stay on stage. Left just as they started playing one of my personal favorites in 'She Wolf'. We all got escorted off and we all got a group pic, before I stormed back in. Rest of the show went pretty damn well. Lots of stuff off the new album played. A rare thing for Megadeth to do. The proceeding events were closed out in grand fashion by Dave telling a story, about how he played a gig in North Ireland back in the late 80s, how he met a dude selling shirts at the venue. Apparently it was for 'The Cause', giving Ireland to the Irish and a bunch of Catholic/ Protestant BS that hadn't died 300 years earlier. So Dave, the unapologetic drunk that he was back then, said to the crowd "This one is for the cause!"
     
    The next day, he woke up at the hotel. Ellifson was giving him the cold shoulder at breakfast. Dave asked what happened. Ellifson said "You don't remember do you?" "No I was hammered. That was the point. Must've been pretty f--king good." "You said, 'This is for the cause!' which caused all the Catholics to go to one side, the protestants to go to the other, and us kicked out of the venue and having the police escort us to Dublin in a bullet proof bus." Having heard that story, the next day, Dave wrote Holy Wars.
     
    And thus ended the show w/ said song in a display of seemingly impossible soloing. One of the best tracks to hear live. And as per usual, a great way to end the show.
     
    Went back to the merch booth to receive our VIP goodie bags, complete w/ bandanna, custom guitar picks, custom pins, a signed poster and a signed set list. But beofre I could leave, guess who I met at the merch table? Suicidal Tendencies. Mike Muier and the boys (minus Lombardo). Even signed my CD and shared my story of seeing them for the first time w/ Exodus & Slayer years back. All good guys. All made for a great night.
     
    And today I wake up sore. Ears ringing. And with a maddening need to catalog all this down.
    For those that care, here ya go! A headbangers journey! Immortalized for all time!
  4. Denim&Venöm
    Right after most folks get into a crash, the thoughts that go through their heads are

    Am I okay? I need some help! I need to stop the bleeding! My rates are gonna go up!

    Thoughts going through my head after I crashed:
    The moped is not supposed to be on it's side. The moped is not supposed to be on top of me. Is my leg broken? I'm going to be late and I'm just outside the building. Why is the back mini-trunk open? I need to get the bike stood up. I need to go get all the papers that fell out. I need to put those and my helmet away How bad's the damage? I need to stop the bleeding Why is my right eye hazy and why do I feel sick? Try not to stumble Ow this hurts. Make it to the bathroom Try not to look awkward in front of the customers Wash the blood off. Looks worse than I thought Go to the service desk and ask for a first aid kit Yes that toddler is right. I do have an owwee. Politely wait for the lady and her toddlers to finish buying lotto tickets, before cutting in front of everyone else. That hole in my slacks where some of my patella skin was will make me look very unprofessional. Slacks cannot take crashes very well. Wish jeans were allowed in the dress code. Now my only clean pea soup green polo's got dirt and skid marks and maybe blood on it. I'm still gonna work aren't I?

    Conclusion:

  5. Denim&Venöm
    So today at work, before we all left, one of our older co-workers, our departments fork lift driver, had something to say to us at the end of our Toolbox Talk (AKA Here's some new saftey guide lines to listen to and paperwork to sign). On a serious note, he said that he'd worked with a lot and he meant a lot of crews on our factory floor. And he could honestly say, that we were among the finest he worked with.
     
    and I'm like "Holy shiznit. We really made that much of a difference?"
     
    He said that he were among the best and that he was proud of all of us. (Except for Paul. Or as he was described: "This part-timing pile of s--t sitting over here!").
     
    Every day after I left work, I always thought I put in a good day and did a lot, doing my damnedest to get the company caught up so I could experience what a normal 40 hour work week was like one day. It pays well. I don't hate or dread what I do. And the company treats us well. Each day, I'm sort of content with what I'm doing and what I got done.
     
    And I look back and think, while I would've ended up working for the same company doing the same job in the end; the path, the experience, my outlook, perhaps even my reputation, could've been very different.
     

    Lets' rewind a bit.
     
    It started about 5 months ago, with my dead end grocery job. I didn't like it since the day I was let go from my job at a historical society. And I grew to hate it even worse as the years went by. I'm not a people person. I prefer doing my own thing. And that thing is not dressing like a corporate intern (we later switched to ugly polo shirts) bagging groceries at the whim of rural towns folk. What did I get for my troubles? An employee discount, a weekly changing schedule, and minimum wage.
     
    I was probably gonna quit one day for one reason or another. And I found my excuse when my hours began to decline. My pay was piss poor already, but now my disposable income was forecast to dwindle even further. So I had more than enough motive to leave, but not anywhere to go once I did.
     
    Luckily, opportunity was on the horizon, and all I had to do was look half a mile from my house to the town assembly plant. And what luck, they were hiring. And offering better pay. W/ a full time position. Not easy to find those in this economy.
     
    So I would have to drive about 45 minutes, weaving and winding through forests, fields and all sorts of hills out in the countryside, to a middle of nowhere town that looked like the type of thing you'd see in a natural disaster movie before it was wiped out by a tornado. Into the headquarters of the staffing agency who would be handling my application. And by headquarters, I mean something that looked like a rustic mom and pop store front. It was even right next to a TV repair shop.
     
    But I'm getting distracted.
     
    I did my Q&A tests to see if I was competent and knew the common sense of workplace saftey. I was briefly interviewed. I was told the department I was to be assigned. Then I was asked about which shift I wanted. The 1st shift, which was from 7am-3pm. Or the 2nd, from 3pm-11am.
     
    I had had my eyes on 2nd, but the hours weren't quite what I expected for either shift. I anticipated that like most jobs I'd start in the late morning or around noon. Then I'd get off between 5-8pm and have the evening to myself. But at that rate, I'd work the evening and sleep away the day, leaving my free time in the dead of night.
     
    First shift wasn't quite what I wanted either. The closer to an afternoon position I could get, the better. So, very quickly taking into consideration the things I liked to do, and whatever time I could spend with my family, as well as my reservations for the hours of second shift, I made a snap decision, and asked if I could apply for 1st.
     
    Luckily for me, there were openings. Cause if there weren't, my experience could've turned out differently.
     

    In the weeks and months after I started, I noticed that I was in the company of a rather experienced bunch. Some who had been with the company at least 6 months before me, and some who had been working together for years. Guys who either had been working this job for a while, or had been working a long time in general. Dudes with discipline and professionalism. Pretty much the closest thing I had to training & coaching, as I was pretty much thrown into the thick of things on day one.
     
    But everyday, we would receive a red painted rolling rack, labeled 'non-conforming parts', which were parts that had defects, got scratched or bent in transit, didn't have enough paint or just packaged and shipped wrong. Parts that needed to be re-done. And more often than not, these came from the 2nd shift.
     
    And oh boy, did they ever come from 2nd shift.
     
    In the stacking, arranging, piling, organization & movement of parts, there's a bit of common sense. Don't put parts atop each other unless there's something to buffer them in between. Stack smaller parts atop of bigger or wider ones. Don't put steel parts atop of aluminium ones. Don't let edges or corners come into contact with surfaces. Keep loads balanced. And if parts can interlock, do so, so that they're packed tighter together in transit. Don't hang too many parts up to be done. Just a little common sense.
     
    2nd shift doesn't have this.
     
    Pictures would be taken of loads stacked too high. Parts on rolling racks would be inserted facing the wrong ways, sometimes with their edges digging into other parts. So many parts would be hung that you couldn't even get to the work bench. Just a solid winding wall of parts to be sanitized, primed and painted. Which the guys next door absolutely hate. We'd even get orders sent back to us from other plants because the parts were so stupidly packaged that they inevitably got damaged in transit (why the guys in packaging and shipping didn't say anything is beyond me). So many parts to be fixed. So much more to be added to our already stuffed work loads.
     
    And this was the legacy of excellence I could've been a part of. Instead of working with a team of veterans to show me the ropes, I'd probably be tagging with a bunch of high schoolers. Heck, their shift manager is probably a high schooler, with how he doesn't exactly check for quality, or attempt to set the crew straight, as this keeps happening over and over. I heard that 2nd shift has less work to do. So why do they suck at it still!? Maybe they do 'work' 'harder'. According to said shift manager, talking to my shift manager, he said that some nights, his guys work harder than us. Heck, even my shift manager admitted he had to bite his tongue on the nerve of that remark.
     
    And maybe that's what they lack. Veteran workers to show them how things are done and what quality is. My plant is short staffed. The older work force has moved on. Best you can hope for is that they learn from their mistakes someday (soon).
     

    But there's being incompetent in your job. And than there's being total scumbags.
     
    These last few days, the plant had been prepping for the holidays. Each department would have it's own little 'office' party of sorts. And each department would bring their own food. But the company was also gonna provide everyone with a roast beef sandwich dinner. And they had 1st, 2nd and 3rd shifts all prepared for.
     
    But you know what they didn't prepare for?
     
    2nd shift. Eating all of the ham and roast beef that was reserved for the 3rd shift crews on the next night.
     
    When the managers of 3rd shift leave a message on a paper plate 'thanking' 2nd shift for eating all of their holiday meal to be, and when Human Resources puts up signs on the rest of the food telling 2nd shift not to eat any of those either, you know you done bucked up.
     
    Wow. Just. Wow.
     
    I wanna buy 3rd shift a pizza for their troubles now. Actually screw that, I wanna hold all of 2nd shift at gun point and make them order fresh meals for all those on the graveyard shift.
     
    That. That would've been the glorious grand legacy I would've been a part of. Instead of learning on the way, I'd keep making the same mistakes, probably getting frustrated and loosing my confidence (even more than usual). Instead of thinking I did a good days work, I'd get told that a bunch of our parts now have to be fixed. Instead of being praised, we'd be called lazy behind our backs. And now I would've had to go home with the guilt that I put a damper on the next shifts holiday festivities.
     
    And it was all thanks to that one off the cuff decision to switch my hours, that I ended up in the right place at the right time with the right people. I don't know where I'd be or how'd I'd be feeling right now if I didn't make that gamble. And for now, my future is pretty steady. I don't know if I want to do this forever. But where I am in life, my current situation, this is workign out pretty well.
     
    For once, I don't really have to wonder 'what if' on this one.
     
    For those that care, thanks for reading!
     
    Happy heartwarming everypony!

     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    And may second shift get coal in their stockings.
  6. Denim&Venöm
    Anime Central is upon us once again, and for the 8th straight year I make my pilgrimage to the city of Rosemont, suburb of the metropolis that is (que singing) Chicagoooooooo! Chicagooooooo! (ends singing). Just like the Polish before me I will indulge in 3 days of anime, parties & expensive purchases, while my fellow otaku go off to battle 34,000 wehrmacht in the town of Wizna. Or... something along those lines.
     
    I'm looking forward to this a little more than usual because I feel like I've only reconnected with anime recently thanks to S.A.O, Kill La Kill & The Devil Is A Part Timer. I've been out of the otaku loop for the past year or so cause, well, ponies! But there is a sort of magic, a sort of familiarity & nostalgia I feel when I return to those hallowed grounds. For once I'm not confined to my house in my small town village, or my place of work in the slightly bigger town next door. I'm not amongst the normal people, the conformists, the mundanes, the elderly folk or the middle schoolers.
     
    I get to be among my people! The otaku, the nerds, the geeks, the fanatics, those who aren't afraid to show themselves. Sure I'll hardly talk to any of them, I'm just awkward & asocial that way, but there, I don't have to hide, I don't' have to avoid, I don't try blend in, I try to stand out. I get to be a part of a crowd that has energy & enthusiasm.
     
    Tonight I pack! Tomorrow I depart right after work! All I'll be needing are some cargo pants to carry my camera, phone, MP3, some swag shirts & my fedora trilby. Maybe I'll bring my Chrysalis plush along.
     
    We cracked 30,000 last year. Lets see where we end up in 2015.
     
    To those in the upper midwest & great lakes region: See you at the frontlines!
     
    P.S. Don't forget the soap.
     

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