Flutter3825

I revamped the entire prologue and removed the part about the forge. The revamped into also addresses how he has so much free time to follow so many hobbies (spoiler alert: he 'has no life') (spoiler contains random and unrelated forge knowledge) (spoiler contains spoilers, reason for weapon descriptions, and random weapon knowledge. Don't click unless you want a paragraph talking about guns) About the characters being "too relaxed", that part kind of bothered me while writing it too, when writing the last chapter, it was getting late at night and I wanted to have a logical stop point for me to post something, so I rushed a bit. This was the first fanfic I have ever written so i wanted a review before I got too far to see if I was doing ok, or if it was a pile of... ahem... Point on "mary sue": I will definitely keep my eyes open while I'm writing for anything too perfect or lucky, and I will keep my ears open for reviews when I post updates (where or when I post these, I'm not sure yet) Thank you very much for your review, comments like that are much more useful to me than posts just saying its good.

I've made very little progress since the initial post, but nevertheless I'm still writing on it. I completely revamped the prologue, as per a few suggestions. nothing really note worthy except I AM still working on it.

I honestly didn't expect that people would like it this much... I will add more to Jack's character next time I start writing, and I will start checking for typos too I will post a new topic when I have my alpha of the story done

I'm starting my first fanfic and I would like some opinions on it. I want to be sure that it isn't boring so far, that the canon characters aren't too OOC, and the protagonist isn't a "mary sue" so far. Any advice would be much appreciated https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9h-5F0otKSbS1VpQXJCRl9zeVU/edit?usp=sharing