life is a tangled mess like the earbuds that i can't seem to untangle in order to block out the world that's collapsing in around me as if i'm the center of gravity and every meteor in the galaxy has sights set on me. the mirror maze that is my path forward is more suffocating than ever- because i have to be surrounded with the person i'm trying to run from but i can't escape it no matter where i look. i am the one tree of the forest that couldn't quite manage to survive the winter. i have become the bitter sting in the cold wind. the hail that shatters at our feet is so similar to me. in a hopeless freefall back down the ground from where it's previous form had risen from, that shatters as it comes back to earth. tiny, fragmented shards that won't ever become whole again.
that's me. in my freefall, i not only destroy myself, but i hurt others, even though i don't intend to.
this is precisely why i hate myself.
i spend way too much time pointing the finger...
...But I never realize the things I've done.
"It’s so overwhelming
And I hope no-one can tell
‘Cause the numbers keep decreasing
This ordeal is becoming routine, check
Arms back neck thighs
Suck it in and Pinch my sides
The scales are betraying me, the mirror is a lie, yeah
It all comes down to numbers
I know it’s wrong but
Just because you know you’re colorblind doesn’t mean you can see the colors
Fine, I admit I’m addicted
But the hunger feels good, how do I quit this
I know I could die, I’ve seen the statistics
But the voice is with me through thick and thin"
"I can’t predict what I’ll do. I can never be sure
I am terrified of making promises any more
I can’t face my work, I feel sick from the word
I genuinely believe I’m capable of changing the world
I still think I can get better
I still think I can create and get pleasure from it
I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree
And become the best version of me
I don’t want to stop"~Boyinaband
A good way to discover your real friends is to see who sticks around when you fall from grace and need a hand to get back up. The ones who extend their arm are the ones who matter.
I wish I could listen to an album for the first time again. The feeling you get when you hear a really beautiful song for the first time is so intoxicating- and it's not something you can really experience again with the same song. It's why I'm always looking for new music, hoping something gives me that same feeling as everything prior to it has.
tumblr, how do you ignore a problem for so long that the only solution you see is to erase a massive part of your userbase, regardless if they were part of the problem? The intention of this sweep was good, but it took out way too many blogs that did nothing wrong.
growing up scares me. but i want that freedom so badly.
i never thought i'd be so scared of everything i want.
It's been 8 months since I was at my lowest point with depression.
8 months since I struggled with a voice haunting me, telling me that I can shut out all the anxiety and fear with a couple bottles from my medicine cabinet.
8 months since I first got off the ground and asked for help.
8 months since I started my long journey of recovery.
There's no finish line, but there sure are milestones, and I've passed many of them. It's hard, but the battle is worth it. I don't want to know where I'd be if I just took the punches.
If you struggle with depression, anxiety, or anything similar, and need someone to vent to, or ask advice from, do not be afraid to message me! Everyone deserves an ear to listen, and if you need a friend, I will gladly be that person.
Stay strong. Keep going. Stay alive.
we can't act like things are the same
my heart breaks at the mention of your name
our spark grew too big and lit my world aflame
i don't see this ever returning
leaving me with my bridges burning.
"I've had days that I swore would be my last
And spent months walking on this broken glass
Just to tip-toe towards the thought that maybe someday I'd get back
To who I used to be, the one I used to see in the mirror, instead of this misery
And to rid myself of this cloud that would rain down and cause me to slip back into my apathy
But I know eventually I'm gonna come around
And maybe it won't be easy, but it'll be worth it, and the result will be profound
Because instead of feeling cornered, the corners of my mouth will start to point up
Instead of being anchored down"
A user of this forum told me awhile back that strength isn't an answer to suffering- it's a consequence. It's been in the back of my head a lot lately and I don't think I've ever heard something that's so true and pertinent to my life. I would've never become the headstrong person I am without all of the shit i've gone through in my life. Experiences form character, for better or for worse.
companies need to stop pushing Black Friday into Thanksgiving night. Retail workers have families too, and they deserve a break just as much as anyone else. This culture of greed is so hypocritical. Acting thankful for what you have and being content with it, to trampling each other in massive numbers to grab as many deals as possible out of greed the next day. it's sad.
"If moving on means growing up
Then I can hold the longest grudge
I'll let my sense of self trade in
For a better man to fight to win
I'll never let my youth cave in
For as long as I live
I'll never let my youth cave in
This is all I have left to give"
finally getting the full pop-punk aesthetic in my bedroom that i've always wanted. Vinyls on dark shelves, string lights illuminating them and the band posters above and beside my bed, and soon to be a giant wall flag of one of my favorite albums.
such a prized prodigy, the tallest growing tree;
but i turned into the fire that left nothing but debris.