DuskSong

with some of the recent deaths due to depression we've seen in the media, i'd like to say: it's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. if you're not okay, reach out, talk to someone. there is help available. life is worth living, no matter the lies your own mind tells you.

i can tell im gonna like my coworkers already!

"They say the ocean's blue, but it's black right now
In the dark, on the sand, looking out at my crowd
Depression and drowning singing now the full parts
And lightning reveals where the ocean stops and the sky starts
I've been told by the sky that the ocean I shall win
But it's hard for me to see where ocean stops and sky begins
A random strikes of light remind me of what is true
But right now the ocean's blacker than black, the sky is too"

~Tyler Joseph

I feel better today

Okay zoloft. Yesterday you kept me up all night and now you're making me exhausted. This isn't fun

day 2 of anti-depressants, took it this morning after a nice 8 hour sleep, hopefully the side effects are more toned down today, and hopefully they're gone by the end of the week.

after getting less than 3 hours of sleep last night,  i'm gonna go pass out. g'night!

so, my city has a pretty large screamo/metal/heavy-rock scene and while i'm not a fan of the local collection put together by our local record store due to the majority of it being screamo-metal sort of stuff, it's really cool to get to hear and experience your local music scene. one day, maybe i'll find myself in a band on one of those collections. all in time.

merch discounts are a big bonus of working at Hot Topic

atleast after the initial few weeks, i wont be as anxious about doing anything outside of my comfort zone. will def help in my job.

my first day on an SSRI has been hell, hopefully my body gets used to it quickly so all this pain and nausea can go away.

I've been continually let down by the P2W elements and constant grind required by all of these eastern MMOs, and have been turning back to Western developed MMOs instead. Guild Wars 2 has been amazing so far, and it's even free to play and ticks so many of my boxes for what an MMO should be.

today has been the polar opposite of yesterday. might get my dream high school job!

"You would think I'd really have no time
But shit is really stressing me, it's saddening
I lie to you and I say that i'm fine"

~Russell

i hate today

"so many bright lights, they cast a shadow" -mcr

"And in the darkest night
If my memory serves me right
I'll never turn back time
Forgetting you, but not the time."

~Green Day

autumn is the best season and has the best aesthetic dont @ me

since i was a kid, i had a lot of people put titles on me and expectations- of owning something great, being something great, being a leader. and it hurts to know that so far, i've failed at it multiple times. but, i'm not done. i refuse to give up. my show's not over.

unnamed.. quick poem.

--

i've had to pick myself up off the ground before

cuz i've fallen with no one to help me off the floor

they think its cool to leave and just walk out the door

don't expect any love when i blow up and come back

i'm gonna win, success is the greatest payback

i've got no time to slack when i've been on the defensive so long, and i'm ready to attack, you'd think i'd just crack

that quiet kid in all black in the back's gotten his life on track

burning ambition in my eyes, and they're fixed on the prize

you could never hold me down, i'm aiming for the skies

back then, i'd lost it all and times were getting rough

looking at it all from beyond the road like "i've had enough"

come in time i'd realize there's no one quite as strong as i

so now i'll prove them all wrong, it's my time to fly

gonna take back everything i've lost

and i'll do that at any cost.

"Imma give you my all
Until there's nothing, nothing left
And if I fall
I will retrace, retrace my steps
So
Follow me
Don't be scared
And I'll give you all of me, all of me, all of me
Until there's nothing left"

~Russell

"I'm not working for a cheque, I'm working to be the best"

i'll never forget her memory.

---

i wish all the memories would last

but it's all gone and i can't get back the past

'cause you told me you were there for me

and i'd smile and you were the only one i would believe

5 fucking years and i cant get you off my mind

tried to get peace of mind but it's something i cant find

god, i wish you were still here

not religious, but i swear that i can still feel you near

trying to make you proud and live my life, to make it through each night

all i want is to talk to you again and to bring back your light

i'll just keep it all bottled up, these words unspoken

since then, i've felt so broken

i woke up to find out i lost the only one who cared

lost a piece of myself, i was young and unprepared

one of the only reasons i push myself to succeed,

to make you proud, be free and take lead

i wish that you were still around,

i'm still standing on shaky ground

i'll do what i can to stay here and take the crown

just like i said i would, sometimes i cant live for me, so i'll live for you

but i'm about to have a breakdown just so i can push through, the dreams left behind, i'll pursue.

R.I.P