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DuskSong
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Everything posted by DuskSong
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I wish I could listen to an album for the first time again. The feeling you get when you hear a really beautiful song for the first time is so intoxicating- and it's not something you can really experience again with the same song. It's why I'm always looking for new music, hoping something gives me that same feeling as everything prior to it has.
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tumblr, how do you ignore a problem for so long that the only solution you see is to erase a massive part of your userbase, regardless if they were part of the problem? The intention of this sweep was good, but it took out way too many blogs that did nothing wrong.
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growing up scares me. but i want that freedom so badly.
i never thought i'd be so scared of everything i want.
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It's been 8 months since I was at my lowest point with depression.
8 months since I struggled with a voice haunting me, telling me that I can shut out all the anxiety and fear with a couple bottles from my medicine cabinet.
8 months since I first got off the ground and asked for help.
8 months since I started my long journey of recovery.
There's no finish line, but there sure are milestones, and I've passed many of them. It's hard, but the battle is worth it. I don't want to know where I'd be if I just took the punches.
If you struggle with depression, anxiety, or anything similar, and need someone to vent to, or ask advice from, do not be afraid to message me! Everyone deserves an ear to listen, and if you need a friend, I will gladly be that person.
Stay strong. Keep going. Stay alive.
<3
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we can't act like things are the same
my heart breaks at the mention of your name
our spark grew too big and lit my world aflame
i don't see this ever returning
leaving me with my bridges burning.
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"I've had days that I swore would be my last
And spent months walking on this broken glass
Just to tip-toe towards the thought that maybe someday I'd get back
To who I used to be, the one I used to see in the mirror, instead of this misery
And to rid myself of this cloud that would rain down and cause me to slip back into my apathy
But I know eventually I'm gonna come around
And maybe it won't be easy, but it'll be worth it, and the result will be profound
Because instead of feeling cornered, the corners of my mouth will start to point up
Instead of being anchored down"~Movements
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A user of this forum told me awhile back that strength isn't an answer to suffering- it's a consequence. It's been in the back of my head a lot lately and I don't think I've ever heard something that's so true and pertinent to my life. I would've never become the headstrong person I am without all of the shit i've gone through in my life. Experiences form character, for better or for worse.
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companies need to stop pushing Black Friday into Thanksgiving night. Retail workers have families too, and they deserve a break just as much as anyone else. This culture of greed is so hypocritical. Acting thankful for what you have and being content with it, to trampling each other in massive numbers to grab as many deals as possible out of greed the next day. it's sad.
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"If moving on means growing up
Then I can hold the longest grudge
I'll let my sense of self trade in
For a better man to fight to win
I'll never let my youth cave in
For as long as I live
I'll never let my youth cave in
This is all I have left to give"~Knuckle Puck
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finally getting the full pop-punk aesthetic in my bedroom that i've always wanted. Vinyls on dark shelves, string lights illuminating them and the band posters above and beside my bed, and soon to be a giant wall flag of one of my favorite albums.
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such a prized prodigy, the tallest growing tree;
but i turned into the fire that left nothing but debris.
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"Everything is hectic
And your ex-chicks turn into your lessons
And your old friends turn into your enemies
And your usual schedule was a memory
And you tell ‘em that you’re great, they say, “You better be”
Still working, there won’t ever be no rest for me
Banks low so I’m working for my next cheque
So writing music, being patient, that’s my best bet
It’ll all be fine, that’s what my girl said
But when things didn’t pop, that’s when my girl left
So I’m breathing heavy, still nervous, nervous
But this is worth it"~Pryde
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What Do You Do When You Have A Headache?
DuskSong replied to Midnight Solace's topic in General Discussion
Dim my lights, take 2 to 3 ibuprofen depending on the severity, and keep my atmosphere quiet until it subsides. -
I've hit another roadblock with discovering music. I've generated quite the list of artists I now enjoy, but I'm always trying to expand that list.
that's probably a good thing for my bank account, though...
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I do quite often, in the form of poetry. I just don't post it here as much anymore. @Altastrofae
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i feel like such an asshole for it, but i have feelings for another even though i'm sort of in a relationship (hanging by a thread, though). not sure what to do about it. hopefully the feeling passes.
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i am not a victim to the waves of the hurricanes of my mind, i am a survivor, and i am more resilient because of it.
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i'm tired of being tired, of being sad, hopeless, lost... i'm tired of being in the same fucking state of mind i've been in for the past two and a half years. Have you ever been so caught up in your own head and emotions that you've completely forgotten who you are and lost touch with the world around you? I'm at that point again. Despite the anti-depressants, despite the therapy, my supportive friends, all of that, I still haven't gotten back to the happy and hopeful spirit I had years ago. I don't know if that's normal, I don't know if it's just growing up, because I never had a normal life. My depression and anxiety as of late has been replaced with a permanent sense of fatigue from the time spent working through all of the issues that still plague my mind, and seem to rear their ugly head every time I begin to believe that I've finally overcome them. Maybe I shouldn't expect myself to really 'eliminate' my problems. I'm told time and time again that recovery is all about your progress, and not so much totally defeating your issues. Sure, I'm miles from where I started with getting out of the pit of depression I saw myself in at the start of this year. But holding onto hope and faith never helped me. It always let me down in the end. With recent events in my life, I'm not sure if I'll ever reach a point of stability. It feels as if life kicks me down every time I get back up and finally have my own bit of happiness. I hold onto those moments dearly- because I've gotten used to the sense of dread of knowing that the cycle will repeat itself, and I will lose it all again. Nowadays, I feel safer and content in my own sadness, because at least I don't have to deal with the fear of losing the happiness I have while in that valley. I'm terrified of getting worse again. I try to hold onto what little control I can have so I don't feel powerless over my anxieties. I'll push friends away and be my own worst enemy because I want to have control over my own emotions, instead of waiting around for what my mind believes is the inevitable day that my friends let me down. The only hope I have left to hold onto is knowing that this is my new low, compared to how worse it was prior to my treatment. I could, and have been, a lot worse. But that doesn't comfort me. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to be able to believe that stability and true happiness is possible. Maybe it's all a perspective thing, that's what my therapist tells me. Reframe, reframe, reframe. She also says it takes quite some time to feel like it's helpful, and waiting for it to do so is eating me alive. Life isn't as bad as I sometimes make it out to be while I'm laying in bed at night, staring at the various pictures covering my wall. I have more than I could have ever wanted, I have friends who genuinely care, a job I love, a good life in general. But, I occasionally suffer a loss due to my own shortcomings, which has generated this recent depressive episode. This time though, there's something different in the way I feel I'm responding to it. There is good to be found in even the darkest of days, which is something I never thought true until recent days. If there isn't any other compliment to give myself, deep down I know that I am one of the most resilient people I know. I hold onto that, because my self confidence has slipped away just like my mental health over time. Being able to find light in the gloomy, shadow-filled paths we tread is what gets us to the other side. Even though it can be hard for myself to admit it, due to the thought patterns my anxiety has produced, I can still be happy, and there is joy to be found, regardless of whatever situation I currently face. Friends who make me smile, who build me up, songs to listen to, places to see, food to try, the smallest things can be the most meaningful in those times. That's where I'm at compared to the things I wrote a year ago. I'm having a terrible time right now. Not a lot is going right for me. Yet, I am not holding up a white flag, nor am I accepting defeat. I know the cycle of happiness and sadness is inevitable. But, just because I'm having a bad day does not mean that good does not exist within it. Like I said, there are small things that bring joy. I have begun to realize and accept that reality, and it has made weathering the storms inside my head much more bearable. Instead of asking yourself, "How could this day get any worse?", ask yourself, "What things, no matter how small, have been good today?". If you're too down to be positive that day, that's alright, as long as you take time to reflect when you're in a better state. I promise you: there is always a spark of hope in the dark. Even when you're crestfallen, you are not lost to the current. The waves that try to pull you under will only make you stronger as you push to keep your head above water.
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Anyone know a good brand of string lights that I could hang around my bedroom walls? i've been unable to find good quality ones on Amazon
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"You were easy on my eyes
You were heavy on my heart
I never thought I'd live to see today
You're still in my mind
But not in my chest
I'm a little worn out since you fucking tore me down
You made me believe we had something
I guess that I was wrong
I thought I would be numb to this by now
I guess I was wrong"~Real Friends
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i don't remember the last time i've been able to have an evening all to myself. tonight is nice.
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Probably getting an SH6B distortion humbucker put into my guitar in December. I'll finally get some good pop-punk tones out of it!
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I am so happy that the Democrats were able to take the House. This is a massive rebuke to Trump that we needed. Lots of sad losses, but quite a few victories and a strong message that we are not going to give up! My state has said yes to an Anti-Corruption measure as well, which I've been wanting for years.
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well... this night has been demoralizing. i don't know what's ahead for America, but we're in for a couple more rough years.
