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DuskSong
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Everything posted by DuskSong
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Unfinished poem i was working on today:
Running to get as far away as I can
Feels like these problems follow no matter where i've ran
Sinking back into a rut, this wasn't part of the plan
Giving up on hopes of escaping, it's always been to no avail
I'm lying to myself, it's up to me to lift the veil
But it's always replaced with another without fail
Leaving me wanting a reset on life with this constrant strife
Welcome to my mind, where doubts and fears are rife
and blood becomes ink to bleed my issues out
onto paper, because I'm unable to shout
Locked in an echo chamber alone
left to realize I reap the negativity my mind has sown
things wouldn't stay good, i should've known -
"Because I've had days that I swore would be my last
And spent months walking on this broken glass
Just to tip-toe towards the thought that maybe someday I'd get back
To who I used to be, the one I used to see in the mirror, instead of this misery
And to rid myself of this cloud that would rain down and cause me to slip back into my apathy
But I know eventually I'm gonna come around
And maybe it won't be easy, but it'll be worth it, and the result will be profound
Because instead of feeling cornered, the corners of my mouth will start to point up
Instead of being anchored down"~Movements
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"I try to look alive because there's nothin' like holdin'
Your head up high when you're dead inside and I just hide, so in
Case you're wonderin' why my inside's showin'
'Cause I done spilled all my guts and those are mine so I'm
Pickin' them up and stuffin' them back
Fuck it, I've done enough in this rap shit
Recovery brought me nothin' but back
To right where I was and perhaps
This coulda been my victory lap if I wasn't on the verge of Relapse"~Eminem
Couldn't describe my life better rn.
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"You used to make me feel like I could walk on water
Now most nights I'm just sinking down
You're the reason why I can't listen to the same songs I used to
I write songs about you all the time
I bet I don't run through your mind"
~Real Friends
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The Paramore concert in MPLS was amazing. Hearing them live was so much fun!
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after this week, i will continue to tell myself that i will not let the world break me.
not now, not ever.
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"One day you'll get sick of
Saying that everything's alright
And by then I'm sure I'll be pretending
Just like I am tonight"~Paramore
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The moon rises, I'm growing to fear it Darkness serving as a reminder that I haven't escaped this pit Wondering how the flame that once burned bright is now barely lit Silence fills the empty space around me, I grow tired and my mind wanders Wandering... full of questions and regret and pain Didn't even notice my tears that began to rain down Can't even fake a smile, at this point- it's a permanent frown How did this happen? I used to be a king with a crown Now I've fallen and the world's laughing like I'm a clown How did I get here? I was happy and hopeful But now I break down at the thought of being social I fucking had it all It hurts to watch myself fall The world surely does bring you to your knees You feel immobile when pushed, like you didn't even feel a breeze Wasn't always like this, but now I'm grown In a world where you're expected to work through it all alone Falling behind, I think my gas tank needs a refill Just like my bottle of pills to satiate the mind of another who's mentally ill Sometimes it's the only saving grace when everything seems to be going downhill I wish I was normal, to lead a stable life Because my own mind is backstabbing me, and I'm the one holding the knife So I could leave my house without feeling like the world is crumbling down on me And stop feeling isolated as if I'm lost at sea A prisoner of my own mind and I want to be free It comes back to the question, how did I become this? I miss being younger, before I fell into this abyss Suddenly, ringing fills my head, the thoughts turn to static and I'm pulled out of my mind as the worries become erratic The night is growing darker and my head is left pondering I can't sleep with all these thoughts in my mind, wandering.
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"Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end"~Linkin Park
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"And up until now I have sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk.
Well you are the only exception.
You are the only exception."~Paramore <3
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just read the post i put in the life advice subforum back in November.
I am in a much better place in life now
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i'm happy that i'm still around.
to think, a couple months ago, i wasn't sure i would be here today. now i'm on my way to fixing my state of mind. and i'm very grateful i've been given help.
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Yup. Knew I had anxiety from 7th grade, but I was officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder a few months ago. It's been significantly worse this year, but I'm on medication for it now, and it has helped make the anxiety much more manageable.
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i've had a couple small scale panic attacks before, it's a bit terrifying knowing that another one could happen at any point, any time, and i can't prepare for it.
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Oh my god, that's aweful!
I can relate, I have crazy panic attacks when I leave a place that I won't see for a long time. Couldn't tell you why, I'm not too sure. I never had those problems when I was younger.
I remember flipping out because my Mom was cleaning my room, and I had developed a sort of territorial instinct, or something, so I kind of flipped out. I, for lack of a better explanation, "woke up" outside breathing heavily with my head pounding. I was told I freaked out for no reason and left exactly three bruises on my mother. Two on the upper arm, the other just below her shoulder. They threatened to take me to a psychiatrist (I hate psychiatrists...) but they never did (yay~). Anyhow, I'm (mostly) good now, and don't need any piece of shit psychiatrist, god damnit!!!
I just snapped internally for a split second...
What was my point again?
Oh yeah, I know how it feels, it sucks. See, I didn't even remember attacking my mom, I was so full of adrenaline that I stopped thinking, it was warrior instinct or something. Makes it sound cooler than it was when I say it like that, actually...
Maybe, pack instinct? No, that isn't right...
Feral instinct? Yes, yes that sounds about right, feral!
You get my point, at least
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"It's kind of hard to see myself in the reflection of people's eyes
Realising what they see may not be even close to the image I see in myself
And I hate I might actually be more afraid
To let my own self down than anything else
I feel like the man in the story
Who saw a bear floating in the river and thought it was a fur coat
Twelve years ago I stood on the shore
Jumped in and grabbed the coat
And the river is rushing toward a waterfall
And my friend stood at the shore and shouted to let go of the coat and swim back to land
I let go of the coat but the coat won't let go of me"~Paramore
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drown my thoughts out in the rainfall that washes away the blood on the surface, to mask the battles that are fought endlessly inside.
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i'm surprised im recovering so quickly from my wisdom teeth removal. haven't even had to use my hardcore painkillers prescribed. hopefully i'll be able to get back to a normal diet within a week.
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this toothache is so annoying. the recovery process after wisdom teeth removal sucks.
