Dark Qiviut

Day #20: Least-favorite EQG movie.

Where the fuck do I start?!

1. OK, how the hell were Luna and Celestia able to know how the portal magic works? It's like they understood how it worked already and knew how time there and here worked despite never visiting this location.
2. Why didn't Celestia or Luna either accompany Twilight to get the crown? They may not possess the Elements anymore, but they previously used them, so they have a history. Because they have three days, they could stay for at least one.
3. For some odd reason, Sunset Shimmer knew the mirror was relocated to the Crystal Empire, even though it was still missing when she left. For some odd reason, she knew what the sixth Elements was and what it looked like, despite the Reference Guide explicitly stating that no one knew what it was until Twilight discovered it. AND knew who bears it!
4. What could've been a very compelling character with an interesting strained relations, Sunset Shimmer's nothing more than a quarter-dimensional Alpha Bitch stereotype who bullies the entire school because she can.
5. Instead of thinking of some Louie Duck-esque scheme to steal back her crown (after all, it IS hers!), Twilight just said, "Yeah, I'll win some goofy prom contest!" (Perhaps they should've brought back that plastic look-alike.)
6. Somehow, Sunny knew who the other bearers were and concocted a scheme to break them up. Would've been okay hadn't it relied on the RM5 believing Sunset's framing at face value, when basic communication would've cleared it ALL up. Making TS the voice of reason turns them into colossal idiots.
7. Snips and Snails are dimwits, but they're actually compassionate. Why the hell did EQG make them out as villains?
8. Other than Win the Crown, each song is insipid. The only other one remotely fun to listen (This is Our Big Night) is pretty tasty junk food.
9. CHS is sterile and boring.
10. Sunset, Snips, and Snails may not be as feared as it shows, because they thought it was a good idea to cyberbully her on YouTube and spread the word out to the entire school. None of the adults confront the trio or punish them. Only the RM5 defend her! Also, if it's THAT easy for the entire body to be swayed into TS's corner, then why even attempt to write in this useless piece of "drama" in the first place?
11. The interrogation scene is the worst one in ALL of FIM!
    1. No time to build any tension. 75 seconds of wasted time.
    2. Sunny, Snips, and Snails thought it was a good idea to cut and glue Twilight's poses on top of plain images and present them to not student Twilight to kick her out of the Fall Formal, knowing that the damage would've delayed it till the day AFTER the portal closes!
    3. VP Luna bought the framed "evidence"!
    4. Twilight needed Flash Sentry Walking Cardboard to present VPL with the doctored images to exonerate her, when the RM5 could've done the same.
12. FlashLight = worse "romance" than Bella/Edward.
13. Flash = stereotypical jock and literal embodiment of what makes EQG so shallow.
14. The final battle is complete dogshit!
    1. Sunset threatened to bash the portal side of the statue's base. Yeah, that sledgehammer would go right through.
    2. Twilight took the threat seriously.
    3. Sunset Demon = Diabolous Ex Machina! The crown shouldn't have caused her to turn to that form.
    4. Sunset's plan? To use her teenage army to take over Equestria?
    5. The movie AND entire show establishes that the Elements would not be able to activate when split from their hosts. Yet, the HM6 are able to trigger its power just before Sunset was about to murder them! Deus Ex Machina!
    6. Sunset's old personality completely erased thanks to the EoH's zapping those qualities and replacing them with a brainwashed version of her!
15. Flash asks for Twilight to dance, knowing that she has about thirty minutes before the portal closes!

EQG1 is literally everything FIM is against. It treats adolescent girls like soulless zombies. Everyone here looks completely stupid. This stereotypical tween high school drama's treated as literally Twilight's biggest obstacle when Discord beat the confidence out of her and had to scramble to fight back Sombra. The setting lacks any imagination whatsoever. The "villains" are sloppy, dumb, quarter-dimensional stereotypes with no effort whatsoever to make them compelling and unique. The third act completely handwaves the very lore established by the show and reminded of by the film itself!

To put it simply, EQG1 is broken, lazy, bland, wasteful of resources and time, soulless, and panders to the lowest common denominator. A complete piece of corporate, sexist schlock. FUCK this movie!

*breathes in and out*

That feels better!

• Day 1: Favorite mane character
• Day 2: Favorite CMC
• Day 3: Favorite princess
• Day 4: Favorite background pony
• Day 5: Favorite villain
• Day 6: Favorite mythological creature
• Day 7: Least favorite character
• Day 8: Most relatable character
• Day 9: Least relatable pony
• Day 10: Favorite pony type
• Day 11: Favorite ship
• Day 12: Favorite season
• Day 13: Favorite episode
• Day 14: Favorite scene
• Day 15: Funniest moment
• Day 16: Saddest moment
• Day 17: Favorite song
• Day 18: Favorite place in Equestria
• Day 19: Favorite EQG film