Clod

"I am hardly worth anything"

Let me stop you there because that just is not true. Anyone (that isn't a complete asshole, of course) would tell you that.

I try to avoid those threads. They do nothing but make me feel depressed about how uneventful my life is.

Anyway,

I've finally found a place that has a chance of hiring me, idk. But I can't guarantee that I'll even have clean clothes. I've been wearing the same clothes for a couple weeks now. At the time it was the last clean clothes I had. The washing machine we use is at my grandparents' house. I can't get there because I can't drive, so my mother has to do it still. But she hasn't, and I've been asking her for over a month. How am I supposed to have clean clothes for work if it takes over a month for this?

And just finding someone nearby was hard enough. There aren't many places within walking distance, and even less that would hire someone that hasn't graduated high school yet. The nearest would be a liquor store, but I'm only 17. Next is a Cumberland Farms (New England convenience store) but I'd have to cross a shitty intersection that I'm almost guaranteed to get hit by a car one day. Last option is almost 2 miles away at yet another Cumberland Farms. My mother recommended working at a Stop & Shop but I'd have to walk down railroad tracks for that. So this Cumberland Farms is the only safe option that isn't too far away.

Other than camping, last time I actually left my apartment for anything other than getting my brother off the bus was when I last went to school, sometime between March and May. I've been just sitting in my bedroom and I'm really running out of things to do.

I have no one left to talk to. My girlfriend cheated on me and she was the last person I had. The most I get are the occasional conversations here, which is nice I guess. But I haven't talked to someone face to face outside my family since I used FaceTime with her, or school if you don't want to count that.

And probably the most minor thing on this entire thing, fucking Forza. Finally found something to be excited about and that's dead. I know it doesn't sound like much but like I said, it was all I had. If I had a job, I could probably just buy it full price, but nope.

All of that is a true shame. You don't deserve all of this bad shit. I will say, the fact that you are still getting by in some way shows willpower. Me, if I was in your situation, I don't think I could handle it whatsoever and I'll be 25 this year.

I've kinda just learned to accept it. It's normal for me.