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Loud Opinion

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EqE Character Comments posted by Loud Opinion

  1. @Randimaxis Backstory aye...

    I've run through the backstory again with a few changes and added a new paragraph. This should get readers invested with a more narrative description than a detached biography. Let me know if it's a step in the wrong direction. If it is then it should be easy enough for me to fix and I can get this character into the approval stage.

    Aside from that, I made the edits you listed. thx:-D

  2. More edits have been made. I'll quote and mention all of them as I address you replies.

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    Then perhaps further clarification could be made.  Hmmmmmmmm...

    For the example of her aversion to sunlight, maybe it could be put as "bright sunlight", as it would convey a dislike of the brightness, but not the actual sun itself.  Anyone who reads the character will see that she sleeps a lot, and make the connection... and if not, it's something you could bring up during roleplay.  Remember, you don't have to give away EVERYTHING... save some stuff for others to discover through interaction.

     

    I feel like this could wait until after the dislike feature starts working again (maybe we'll never cross that bridge). All I need to know is when the dislike feature is fixed so I can put my character back to their proper template.

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    I like this... but it needs more.

    Changed as suggested. Let me know if it's a step in the wrong direction. "...It also represents her unawareness to her own destiny and her struggle to see beyond the present."

    22 hours ago, Randimaxis said:

    If something looks or sounds bad, it must be bad. This would have led to fanaticism except for how easily her mind is changed.

    This might read better if you try:

    She sees things as black and white, right or wrong... yet she doesn't quite reach the point of extremism, as she has difficulty sticking to a thought; she is easily led astray.

     

    Reworked the personality. "However, she never dips into fanaticism due to how easily her mind is changed; She never takes even a sensible amount of care into her beliefs as she is used to them being proven wrong just as quickly as they were formed." Old habits die hard, so let me know if it's too deprecating or if being more positive would make for a better description.

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    I see little need to change what you have here now... except to maybe add how she feels a want for friendship, and is currently seeking it actively... or as actively as a sleepy pone can get.  :mlp_yeehaa:

    ...

    For the most part, we can see Limbo living for short term comforts and thrills. There is an exception though. Limbo seems to cares deeply for the ponies she meats even without any immediate benefit. They provided an important, albeit rare, source of consistency in her early life. No matter how abnormal things got, when other ponies were there, they'd put things back into perspective, and for that, other ponies have a certain intrinsic value that she can't exactly explain why she appreciates.

    This part... reads kinda clunky.  If I may offer an idea for an edit?  Try this:

    Limbo seems satisfied enough with short-term goals and adventures... but has a habit of emotionally latching onto other beings who interact with her, regardless of any obvious benefits.  With the presence of others in her early life, there was peace and calm as situations were usually handled as they came along, but the absence of such during her stasis left her feeling as though she were helpless and lost.  Now that she has awakened, she has developed a somewhat subconscious need for companionship, as the presence of others tends to reassure her that things will be handled, once again.

     

    Rewrote the entire last paragraph of her personality. Should be easyer to read and a better discriptor.

     

    Lastly, I rewrote some of the backstory to be less dependent on Sombra.-

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    The third one isn't really necessary, as the horns aren't OF Sombra himself; they simply receded as time passed, or as the 'weight of the Slave King's oppression eased'.

    "...as the horns aren't OF Sombra himself; they simply receded as time passed..."

    -However, now that Sombra wasn't the cause of Limbo's horns, that is even more reason for them to stay. If they were directly because of Sombra, it would make sence for them to go away when he did, but that's not the case anymore. Limbo's horns are a huge part of her character that make her a lot more endeirning. Without them, leaving the dream world is no longer her choice. Wouldn't you rather want to know the story of a mare that leap'd into a world she isn't used to in order to persue the happyness of friendship than the story of a mare that was forced from her home through no fault of her own? Maybe that's a false dicotomy, but personaly, I have no intrest in playing the latter and every intrest playing the former. Besids, I've done this before with Blue Thorn's tail and I've seen no complants in how he preforms in RPs.

  3. Hey @Randimaxis,

    Thanks for the extensive review of my OC. The fact that this much work has gone into helping me refine my content is very reassuring. With that being said, I can't help but notice the level of tact being put into this reply. You've proven that you mean well, so don't be afraid of being too blunt going forward, this is all in good fun.:mlp_grin:

    (As a side note, I was about to post this message, but just as I made a single word italicized, the entire thing was deleted up to this point and the undo function didn't seem to fix it. So many words and thoughts unrecoverable... :lostit:)

     

    6 hours ago, Randimaxis said:

    Tired. Due to how little time she has spent awake, Limbo doesn't really have much of a personality. 

    That sounds like a flat character, and Limbo isn't flat - merely inexperienced, and that should read in her description here.  Try this:

    Always sleepy, Limbo hasn't had much chance to develop who she is... therefore, she comes across as a bit scatterbrained, sometimes lost.

    The above conveys that she doesn't have much to work with, but focuses more on her potential than her absence of traits.

     

    This absolutely needed to be changed. When editing this with immensely helpful in making an OC that I can have a better time playing.

     

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    Regardless, a few traits have surfaced. Namely humility and insecurity. She has spent a very unusual amount of time inside of her own head. This makes for a tightly sealed echo chamber. Without contact with other ponies, Limbo has no actual confirmation or reassurance of her worth as a pony. One can only reassure oneself for so long before it loses its meaning. 

    But without contact from other ponies... she would have developed without the need for social interaction; she would have possibly been comfortable with her own surroundings, as she was supposedly imprisoned so young, that she may not have even been able to communicate.  Because of that, she wouldn't have cared that she didn't know anyone else - she'd have learned to be happy on her own, or at least not been so desperate for companionship.

    Friendship might even be an alien, though much-wanted, concept that she still doesn't understand.  It could be an interesting roleplay or two, getting her used to the idea of being around others to begin with, or even just learning how to manage an everyday 'waking' life.

    Because she would be the only one present for herself, she might be a bit strange... but her reassurances wouldn't lose meaning, because they'd be all she EVER knew - why want more when you're unaware that more is out there... or if you're comfortable enough where you are.

    This seems like it hinges on an assumption and a misconception. We seem to be operating under the assumption that Limbo's need for companionship would have to be learned rather than an inherent need. This seems a little far-fetched given that herbivores such as her self would operate under heard mentality, which is even more socially dependent than our tribe mentality. Even with this given, I would still have to posit that fact that Limbo has seen friendship. She has spent a large amount of time seeing how other dreamers act in their dreams so she would have some idea what friendship is even if she's never experienced it. This is something I've put more emphasis on in my revisions.

     

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    Okay... unfortunately, the rules state that an OC can NOT have ANY direct connections to a canon character in their background; no knowing Dashie from Wonderbolts training, no having a casual love affair with Luna as a young stallion, and no direct curse from Sombra himself...

    ... but there still might be a way to pull this off.  What if it was something else that cursed her, something Sombra may have had a hoof in creating?  Then, if she tampered with it, it might have cursed her as a magical defense.  Or, maybe there was a unicorn working under Sombra who had been ordered to place curses on an entire section of town... and her home was in that area?

    No need to be sorry. Rules are rules for a reason. I misremembered it as having no direct relations with canon characters, meaning family or personal ties. Hopefully, I've fixed it now.

     

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    OCC: I feel as though absolute dislikes are rare, so I have decided to state what she is not very tolerant of here.

    Dislikes: Nightmares

    Little-to-no tolerance: Loud noises, rudeness (social edict has persistence for a reason, and mares like her are that reason)

    Visibly discomforting: Bright light

    Tolerable but distasteful: Noisy ponies, the sun

     

    Dislikes aren't exclusively things a character HATES WITH AN UNDYING PASSION... they're just things they don't like, such as what you have listed here.  I don't think there's any need to break it down into sub-categories, because they are all technically things she doesn't like.  

    I half expected this kind of response. The truth is that I don't really think that my character description would be a little jarring without the subcategories. Having the sun being a dislike on par with nightmares, I think, doesn't sound very believable. In fact, it sounds a lot like 'LOL SO RANDOM XD!' to me.

    Also, the dislike feature doesn't seem to work (The dislikes you see is one I put in manually in the other category), so I guess I'm killing two birds with one stone.

     

    7 hours ago, Randimaxis said:

    It seems as though there's a lot of this character that is derogatory to itself... which makes for little interest from others, who don't really want to play with a sad-sack, so to speak; the trick is to have a character that shows potential and possibilities instead - make them look interesting to those looking to run an interesting RP.

    This seems to stem from me overcorrecting for Marry Sue Syndrome. I think the problem here is, if I may defend the sad sacks among us, that to combat the problem of Marry Sueism, we have to add flaws or underdevelopment to our characters. Something to work on, if you will, but at the same time those flaws don't come out of the either. However, mistakes on the characters side make then seem 2 edgy 4 me as people around them suffer because of their mistakes (an action needs consequence and flaws don't last too long when those consequences are direct). So, in order to stay coherent, our characters need to go through things they aren't prepared for or some kind of tragedy to justify their shortcomings and why they have persisted for so long. Now that I've said that I have just openly challenged myself to give this character a well written, self-inflicted flaw.

     

    7 hours ago, Randimaxis said:

    It doesn't mean you have to play a character that is 'shiny, happy and/or fluffy'... but it does mean you should have a more positive feel to the character (unless she's a villain, and I don't see that at all from her), and invite interest rather than sympathy.

    It's actually very interesting that you bring up villainous OC's. It makes me wonder how common it is for an OC to be written as a dedicated antagonist. I'd love to know how often you come across it or how much villainy this template allows for. Furthermore, I don't see what about my OC excludes my original draft from being a villain. With a little bitterness, she could easily grow to resent friendship as she has so cruelly been taunted with it and take revenge on the world, but I guess that's easy for the writer to say.

    Anyway, thanks again for the input and I look forward to any further input on Limbo.

  4. @Randimaxis,

    I completely understand the logistical troubles with customer support of this nature, so don't sweat it (I'm majoring in Computer Information Systems so maybe I can elevate the burden in the future).

    As for if I think my OC is ready: Yes, it very much is. I forgot to add the scars... oops. Okay, now it's ready Wait, the artist that I originally wanted a drawing from just got back to me, I'll wait until next Monday to update you.

    BTW: Nice picture. The white background seems to work better with the layout of the page giving it a more generalized feel, but I'm sure I can find some use for it...*cough* signature *cough*

    • Brohoof 1
  5. @Randimaxis,

    It's been some time, but I finally have a respectable visual representation for my OC and he is now ready for final evaluation. While you're here, do you know if there is any way I can get the images to show up as soon as I open the page? So when a GM looks at my OC's page he can see what it looks like right away without having to click anything.

  6. @Randimaxis,

    I understand that flaws make the character who they are. My contention with confrontation of this particular nature was that the rules of the sight heavily stress a "when in doubt, don't" mentality, but if your confident as a moderator that I am overreacting, then I see no reason to disagree.:kindness:

     

    Now, on a technical note, you speak as though you can't see an art. I have an image for both the CM, and the OC itself, but I can only see a URL link of the picture. I have to click the link (witch takes me to a new tab) to see the picture. Is this an error of the sight or can you see the pictures and the problem is just on my end? I remember being able to see the art for the OC just by looking at the page (provided their is some to see.) I want to know before I get some more professional art done so I know it can be added without any glitches like the current one.

     

    -Loud

  7. @Randimaxis,

    First of all, I would like to say this is really fantastic feedback. looking back, I have to say I completely agree with the CM and backstory. This information on my character really should have a concrete explanation. I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression and have them bark up the wrong tree.

     

    However, I'm not sure that the trait about him back talking would be very practical. If you look at the rules most of the hosts tend to give for RP's usually don't allow for characters to have retaliation. I'm imagining posts that are influenced by this, and I'm not sure if my OC will be long for this sight if played completely honestly. It would get too personal for most hosts to allow (even though the character is supposed to be separate from the person.) So I'm seriously considering getting rid of it entirely, even as an opt-in trait.

     

    Aside from that, I made corrections for the typos and some additions to explain the CM and how the dream relates to it. I don't know if it's too dyer for EE (my initial motivation to keep it vague). I can canonize a more literal interpretation that also gives some explanation for the unique tail if that's the case.

     

    (changes are in: Dislikes, other, and CM)

     

    BTW: I was considering getting an artist to make a new image for my OC. There are some free ones here that I have my eye on. Do you think it would help?

     

    Loud.

  8. Well... that blows my version out of the water, congradulations on not being discureged by my inadiquit exicution. I really wish I had more to say, but I'm more blown away than anything. Have a good day.

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