Eloquence

Balsam looks just great (and adorable) to me! Off to second approval

Alright, I think I got it, this should do the trick. And if it doesn't I will be happy to edit it again.

It looks like you took care of what I asked for, so I'll send Flash along to second approval

Azure looks like a great little astronomer character

Moving her right along to second approval

Hi Damien!

I like Flash quite a bit, and am very glad that you've chosen to put him up for approval! Before that approval happens though, there are some things that I would like you to address.

The first is that his cutie mark story doesn't seem to quite fit him as well as it could. Surviving a lightning strike isn't really a demonstration of not giving up, mostly it just means he was lucky. If, for example, he were to keep going out in the rain because he loves it instead of being scared into staying indoors for every storm because of the lightning, that would be an example of tenacity, and in choosing to keep on with what he loves he could demonstrate his special talent and thereby earn a cutie mark.

Second, your character could use a bit of backstory beyond the earning of his cutie mark. Where is he now? What is he doing? Who does he live with? And where is he going, what are his goals and aspirations?

Ahhh, DH I'm so excited to see you putting in a character, and a great one at that

I have no issues with the app, so off he goes to second approval

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a Katy Perry song to get out of my head...

Another fantastic character, in my humble opinion. No issues here, sending right along to second approval

I think Ghostweaver is an absolutely fantastic character, and I cannot wait to see her in action! First though, if you would be so kind as to take care of a couple tiny things, I do notice a use of the word "salesperson" instead of "salespony" in the personality section, and "showmanship" instead of "showmareship" in the "other" section. Once these are taken care of, I will happily approve Ghostweaver

Hello Poly!

Your character looks great to me, I was a bit surprised to see a "Sherlock Hooves" in there but I do find that to be a very endearing tribute to your aunt. I'll be sending your character to second approval, but you may want to remove that note at the end about hoping that the profile is sufficient, as it won't really be serving any purpose once she is approved

Looks good to me, on to second approval!

Another great character, as would be expected

Sending Steel along to second approval

Smoky looks good to me, thanks for taking care of all of those edits so quickly. Your character is now approved

The edits you've wished me to complete are done. 

Smoky's looking great now, we're so close to having him just right to send on his way. I do still notice two things, however. One, I don't really see how an area of minimal light would affect the power of the "saddle blaster", and two, implying that Smoky knows or knew a "memory spell" that can remove memories is too powerful a spell for him in this section. I'd say he should just destroy the blueprints and leave it at that, using a memory spell seems a little drastic either way.

I've added a piece of tech,  to fix that problem.  I believe I've corrected every issue.  And it's because of later plans I have for him that I'm not going to spoil. 

I think these should be the last few things for him

• You don’t need to say that his clothes have “no special properties”, as they wouldn’t be expected to.

• Where you refer to “magical light” you should just say “magic”, as we haven’t heard or seen “magical light” referred to on the show.

• You say Smoky gets his cutie mark one day at school, and then say he gets it at night some time later. This should be fixed so that it does not say he gets his cutie mark at the science fair.

• Does Smoky use the laser to demolish buildings before he decides it’s too dangerous and destroys it? This part should be a bit clearer.

• I like the new spells you’ve added, those are good and fitting for your character. I’ve given the shield a lot of thought though, and I think that having a spell that can deflect other spells and send them back even stronger directly at the caster is too powerful for Smoky. I am fine with him having a shield that can deflect attacks (perhaps something he learned to protect against devices that go haywire), but it shouldn’t really go above that.

• Just to check on what you want the horn cover to be able to do, is the device meant to act as a sort of magical battery?

I've edited his magic to be acceptable,  I do believe. 

His spells do look better, but I think that the weight reduction spell is both overly advanced and not particularly sensible, since telekinesis has been shown to be able to lift very heavy things when used by unicorns who have put a lot of effort into improving the spell such as Twilight.

I am also curious as to why Smoky's spells seem to be combat-oriented, when he is primarily an inventor

Outside of the spells, I also notice a couple of things to be cleaned up. There is still a description of the body armor in Smoky's appearance despite you having nixed that, and you still mention "magical light" regarding the device in the backstory despite changing it to run on magic-infused crystals.

Also, having a technology section isn't really necessary if you do not describe any tech. Perhaps you could put the device from the backstory there?

Would you allow it to be based off of seeing the Tortoise fly around Cloudsdale,  or would you prefer he lose the harness,  and the armor entirely?  And why so few spells?

The propellor won't be allowed, but the armor could potentially work if you can give an explanation for it that really works. As for the spells, they're limited to ensure that characters don't load up on magic and make themselves extremely powerful, as well as being based on the fact that most unicorns on the show don't appear to know very many spells.

As for what you have here, I do have a few things to point out regarding the magic.

• You talk about "magical light" and "absorbing magic from the environment", but these aren't really seen on the show, so what exactly they're supposed to be and whether they would theoretically exist in Equestria is pretty unclear. It would be better not to include these elements.
• Weaponry is pretty rarely seen in Equestria, so an energy sword doesn't really fit into the world. An offensive beam would be better.
• Having a shield that can bounce back spells is okay, but increasing their power threefold is a bit much. That should be dialed back some.

I believe I have made sufficient edits to solve the problems you have had with the application.  However,  if I am wrong please let me know right away. 

Alright, so I took another look at the application, and I do still see a few things to be adjusted in it. First off, the propellor saddle isn't going to be acceptable for EqE, because we don't allow devices that allow flightless individuals to fly as they have not been seen on the show itself (outside of Tank's propellor and a few stunts pulled by Pinkie Pie, who runs on cartoon logic and therefore doesn't count).

Second, you say that Gears didn't invent the armor, but he discovered it? I don't know what you mean by that, I'm not sure how one would discover a cloth. I also don't know how he would make the cloth something only he could use. That part of your application will definitely need some clarification.

And lastly, you should keep in mind that in the "other" section you will need to include descriptions of any spells Smoky knows aside from telekinesis (and that he is only allowed up to three of them)

Hi Novaburst!

I took a look at Smoky Gears as well, and caught a few smaller things for you to adjust before he moves into second approval.

• You say Smoky is “about as tall as unicorns can be”. How tall can a unicorn be? Does this mean he’s the same height as a character like Sassy Saddles, or taller? Would be better to just say he’s taller than most other unicorns here.

• You mention Smoky’s eyes glowing while he does magic. From what we’ve seen, a unicorn’s eyes only glow when they use dark magic, so since he doesn’t use dark magic (though he may be learning to), only his horn should glow while he is using magic.

• In the personality section, it says Smoky “is a pony who loves science, even for a unicorn”. We don’t know that unicorns are any more interested in science than other breeds of pony, so the “even for a unicorn” part should be omitted.

• You say he dislikes “uptight unicorns”. Does he dislike other ponies that are uptight?

• Did Smoky invent his armor fabric, was he given it, did he buy it, or did it come to him through some other means? Though he is an inventor, it seems odd that he would create a fabric if he usually works in mechanical devices and magic, so the inclusion of the armor needs some explanation.

• This isn’t something you have to change, but “Smokey” is how that word is usually spelled. You can certainly spell it as Smoky for his name, but I wanted to make sure you were aware of the correct spelling.

If you take care of this stuff, Smoky Gears should be all set

Perfect! On to second approval!

Hi Path!

Zaru is a great character, as would be expected, but I do notice one little thing in his profile. While I don't mind your zebra having a bit of color, saying that his coloring is rare for his species says more about zebras in general than him, and could be contradicted later. If you could remove this one little bit, Zaru would be just perfect

Gideon looks great (and adorable) to me. Sending him along to second approval

Hello!

Mentis looks great to me as well, though I do notice a couple of little things to be fixed. First, Mentis' fondness for Luna should not be included in the explanation for his cutie mark, as liking her is not really instrumental to who he is. Second, I'd like to see his appearance section expanded upon a bit. I know it seems redundant since you have an image of him as well, but just an extra sentence or two would suffice, at least to describe his mane and tail. The portion in that section in parentheses is also not really necessary, since you cover that in the "other" section, so that can be removed.

These should be very quick and easy to fix, and once they're fixed I would be happy to give Mentis my approval

Ivan looks perfect to me. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about this character and his backstory, and I look forward to seeing what trouble he gets up to in EqE

I'm sending Ivan along to second approval, where he'll just Randi's approval again after he reads over the new info. He should be happy to approve Ivan right away though, especially seeing that you two seem to be getting along so well...

(Celestia help us...)

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that even the most silent of ponies can speak volumes with their actions, and that those actions can allow them to shine as brightly as any vocal pony.

Your faithful student,

Eloquence

Anchors is now approved!

I very much agree with Randi, as you have done an excellent job with this application. I did not find any major issues either, but I did find one very minor one. As far as we know, Equestria does not have any "high schools", so it would be better to say that Anchors had just graduated from school. With this one tiny change made, I will be more than happy to approve this character.

I did also notice a handful of typos here and there, so while you're editing this application you may want to do a bit of proofreading. Again though, this is a great application, and I look forward to seeing this character in action

With these additions, Rosie looks 100% ready to go to me! Passing her along to second approval