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vivishy

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Blog Entries posted by vivishy

  1. vivishy
    You were one of the first people to welcome me when I first came to this site. You are....were one of my oldest friends. We used to be close. Almost dated even. I put you in the friend zone because I didn't want to lose you like I lost so many other relationships that meant a lot. You know practically everything about me and I knew a lot about you. What hurt the most wasn't having been so close, it was having to block you so you wouldn't be able to contact me anymore. It's better this way Because this way you can't hurt me and I can get over you. This hurt worse than any break up because you had a special place in my heart. I should be scared but I'm not afraid to let anyone else get as close as you did. I'm just sad it took so long for me to leave. You can no longer ghost me because I am free. I guess this friendship meant more to me than you. I suppose that's why I'm in tears and you couldn't care less. 
     
    Goodbye, friend. 
  2. vivishy
    I never noticed what kind of laugh I have. It's probably because I never had a reason to laugh. I'd smile politely, I'd chuckle or chortle. But never before have I wanted to truly smile. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. I can't remember the last time I cared for someone who wasn't a friend. I can't remember being in love because all those lives came to an end. I laugh at something funny I read on the internet but it's never something memorable so I always forget. I've laughed so hard I cried before. I laughed because I cried. But I don't find my laughter attractive. It seems to repel guys. I don't know where I'm going with this. If it's happy or makes you sad. But laughter is important because it can make you feel real glad. 
  3. vivishy
    This is a poem I wrote because I needed a good cry.
    She would cry when things didn't go her way. 
    She would cry when she didn't have the heart to talk to his face.
    She would cry by herself.
    She never wanted someone see her cry for help.
    She didn't want to be seen as weak. 
    She just cried and never turned the other cheek.
    She cried instead of solving her problems.
    She cried when no one would read her stories. 
    She cried because she felt so lonely.
    She cried because she felt she had pushed everyone away
    She cried because for her that was like any other day.
    She cried because that wasn't uncommon.
    She cried because she felt like she couldn't acknowledge that someone somewhere actually cared and wanted to reach out. 
    She cried because she always felt left out. 
    She cried because she never learned how to fully express herself. 
    She's crying right now because she's hurting. Can't you tell? 
    She cried and cried but her tears still haven't dried. 
    She cries because if she doesn't she feels dead inside. 
    She cries for all the friends she lost.
    She cries because she feels it was her fault but at what cost? 
    She cries because it's so frustrating.
    She cries because her heart is breaking.
  4. vivishy
    It's been a while since I posted on here so I shall keep it brief. I really want to create an OC but I don't know how to draw beyond a stick figure or how to start on creating an OC. I know this is something I Can probably look up but I wanted to ask on here first. Can anyone give me advice on how to make an OC? 
  5. vivishy
    I just woke up from a dream which I am going to describe here. I dreamed that somehow I had found myself far from home as if I had been kidnapped or something. I stole one of the kidnappers cars and began driving away to get back home. It looked like I was in the 90's or 80's because there was no Google maps or GPS to tell me where I was going. As a result of that I ended up in all 50 states at some point. While in each state I did fun things but in my heart what I wanted the most was to get home. In this dream I could fly and even that felt like it took forever to get me where I wanted to go. The only thing guiding me home was my heart. I let my heart guide me home. When I got there both my parents were old and they had been so worried about me. I had been gone for years. I hugged them and told them I was alright. I told them and my siblings all about my travels. After a few more years of living together I had to bury my parents. I woke up sobbing because the thought of my parents dying made me sad. I'm still crying as I write this. Even the thought of moving out is making me sad. I want to move out but I would be terribly homesick. It happened in college. And I guess that's another reason why I dropped out. My heart wasn't in it. I guess this dream means change will happen and I'm just going to have to accept it even if it makes me sad. Now, I don't know where my heart lies or who it belongs to. But I do know that I love you guys with all of my heart.
  6. vivishy
    I just feel like every time I'm nice to a friend that I knew in high school they just want something of me and i give it to them but not once have they ever thanked me or thought to include me. Sometimes I wish I could go back and do things differently but most times I'd rather not. What's really been bugging me lately is that I've come to realize that if I even try to make friends I always somehow end up pushing people away even I don't intend to. I guess I do that because way back when...I was always the shy girl....no one wanted to be my friend...no one wanted to get to know me.....no one bothered to.....no one included me.....no one wanted me......they just saw my shyness as a wall and no one ever tried to break it down....no one ever wanted me as a friend....no one took my emotions seriously and it felt like they would always take my kindness for granted....I've been on my own a lot in school.....ever since graduating high school...after having known those people for that long it's been hard to let anyone get close. In freshman year of high school I was pretty fat...no one wanted anything to do with me but after losing all that weight suddenly they did...and I saw them for what they really are....shallow and cruel people. I thought the whole world was truly that shallow...until I made an account on this site....for once people wanted to get to know me, and I should try harder to get to know them.....you guys are the first people that actually want to be my friend and I'm grateful for that. Joining this fandom and learning about the magic of friendship has taught me that not everyone is the same and that you should be grateful for your blessings. I love you all, and I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you for taking the time to see me as I truly am and not for the shy and awkward girl that no one really talked to. Thank you for listening to my emotional rants. But most of all, thank you for being a friend.
  7. vivishy
    After being hurt so many times, I thought I was lost but now I find that love was never gone but it was waiting for me to find it. And without a single word you made me feel love, without a single word you made me love you and knowing in the end. We used to be good friends but now we know that there is something more...without opening your mouth I felt something there, without a single glance I know that you care and this can't be put in words; our love is just absurd but it doesn't matter because you're mine. We could close our eyes and still see the love, we could go deaf and still be above...you fill my frozen heart with your warmth and make it come alive. What once used to destroy me now heals me and I have you to thank. Our love is more than smoke and mirrors and I can't believe I didn't see it before. I don't know what to say more than just give you thanks for healing my broken soul. There is not much to say but if I knew the words they would be as beautiful as our love and they would take your breath away. I love you more than I can say. I know how much this means to you. I never fell in love with your looks but your personality. Without a single word you told me you loved me and I have returned your love. I know now that our love is meant to be. No matter what they say, I am here to stay and I'm doing it for you.
  8. vivishy
    This was like back in 2014, I was scrolling along through Fanfiction.net looking for any mlp fanfictions and I found some in Spanish. There was one in particular that caught my attention. I read the first few chapters and I actually liked it. When that author asked for a volunteer who would translate the fanfic from Spanish to English, I was the first one to volunteer. Working with him...was hard at first because he didn't like my writing style because it was a literal translation from Spanish to English so I had to change a few words in order for it to make sense to English readers. We fought about several things regarding the fanfic but overall we made up and chose to not make a big deal out of it. With my help, I was able to get him more fans who could now read the fanfic in Spanish and in English. Fast forward a few months and on Valentine's day, he asked me to be his special somepony. By then we had known each other for about a year and I said yes. It was going great until, well, we began fighting over things other than the fanfic. But during one of the fights he admitted to me that despite him having a small fanbase, I was the one who believed in him when no one else did, I was the one who helped his fanbase grow by translating that fanfic, I was the one who was there for him right from the beginning, I gave him something that is hard to maintain, the gift of a friend. Although we are uncertain where our relationship stands, we will always be friends, even though I really can't tell when he's joking sometimes, we can put our differences aside and work together to maintain the unity and harmony of our friendship. I still care about him deeply, but just deep enough to care. So thank you, Conikiblasu, my friend, for giving me a chance. <3
  9. vivishy
    Before I even talked to him, I knew of his artwork because I had been favoriting it on Deviantart for a while. When I was given the chance just to talk to him, I was excited like a kid on Christmas. But the longer you become friends with someone the more you appreciate the friendship. I am really happy to have you all as my friends here on the forums because everyone is different but you are all so amazing. Because of this I am friends with authors, with writers, with gamers, with artists and it's just ...wow. It's amazing what so many people can do. I am very grateful that you have given me the chance to be your friend and I am proud to call you my friends. I feel like I might have switched the title for this blog with the title of my last blog.Like this one should have been called friendship is magic and that one called started as a fangirl. But oh well, I don't really know how many people read this. So to everyone who is reading this,
     
    Thank you for being a friend,
    Love, vivishy.
  10. vivishy
    As of recently I have been spending way too much time online and I have not only been neglecting my friends but also my personal health. I keep forgetting to eat, and to even blink. I've become tired all the time and I keep forgetting to take my daily vitamins. So I am taking a break from being online all the time until I can get my personal health back on track, my body is already beginning to shut down on me and if I don't stop I could maybe probably die. I don't know when i will be back online but I will be soon enough.
     
    Ttyl for now.
  11. vivishy
    So just the other day I shared a few drawings my boyfriend drew on Twitter and Facebook and I got one person giving me a lot of negative comments from Twitter. I tried asking him nicely to not be rude and he just started spam tweeting me. I looked at his account and learned that he cannot be befriended like at all. It's ok that he didn't like that drawing but I told him not to be rude about it. When he started swearing at me I just blocked him. Attached is a screen shot of the conversation.
  12. vivishy
    "You're an outcast, you have no friends. You're a nothing, a nobody. Nobody cares about you. You're better off dead than alive. You've been quiet for half your life so they don't know you exist. They don't even want you around you're better off lost than you are found. You're just a stupid little girl that's only dream is to fit in and be normal but because of what you are, a freak, you'll never fit in with them you'll always be different. You're nothing more than a ghost, they don't even notice you're there half the time. You're so quiet, you can sneak up on them without realizing it. It wouldn't matter if you did die since to them you already are dead." Those words haunted me since my Sophomore year. he was right I didn't have any friends, I was an outcast, more like a ghost and more than anything I just wanted to die. But then I learned to stop listening to him since it's my life not his. I pushed him away and my life changed completely. So thanks to my bully for harassing me and for almost making me take my own life. Besides, I'm not going anywhere until he knows how much pain he caused me and that I'm stronger now than I was back then.
  13. vivishy
    It's hard to act like everything is fine when it's not, but I do it all the time so they can't see through my facade. Sitting here, in my room crying over something that won't happen ever again or soon. I know I said it doesn't hurt but I lied, I lied when I told you everything was fine. I lied so you wouldn't feel bad about knowing I cried. I didn't want to bother you with my emotional burden, but please try to understand when I tell you I'm hurting. My heart is on fire, my feelings aflame, the more I think about it, the more it can't be contained. I'm not saying I hate you, I'm not saying I'll replace you. All I'm saying is that I miss you, I miss the you who used to care about us, who cared about me, who cared about trust. It feels like you're someone else now. I can't just pretend that it doesn't bother me but it does. I care about you a lot, but I guess you forgot just how sensitive I can be. It's really hard for me to believe. I only keep pretending around you because I'm scared you'll leave. I'm an emotional wreck. I get it, I get it. We can't be together but then why are you saying things like you'll love me forever? I can tell that it hurts you but you don't seem to care. I can tell how you feel although you think I'm not aware. You're the center of my world and I'd do anything to keep being your girl. I know you're not cruel, this is the kindest break up I've been through but in all honesty I can never see the rest through. It doesn't stop it from hurting.
  14. vivishy
    I know it's only been a few weeks but every time I talk to you the corny words can't be released. You're realistic and it's something I like about you. You're simplistic and I love the way you make me feel like I'm brand new. Yeah you've awoken what was frozen for so long. I've begun unfolding brightness in this world of dark. It feels so good to love again, so pure and aweseome, never changing and always blossoms. Even though it contains holes, you make my heart be full with more love than it can hold. I hate that you're so far away and that you don't like with whom you're living but think of me and seizing the day will be worth gripping. You make me feel things I haven't felt in so long, you make me feel like with our love, nothing can go wrong. My biggest dream right now my dear, is to earn enough money so you can be right here. I want to hold you close and never let go, I want to cuddle with you and take things slow. I want to spend time with you, in person, but I know that as right now the possibility of that happening just hurts when reality sets in. But I know one day we'll see each other once again and then we can physically be a lot more than just good friends.
  15. vivishy
    It's the time of year when the earth is reborn. When the ground is a little greener than it was before. It's when plants poke their heads out from the dirt. And mother nature celebrates in their rebirth. It's when babies are born after their 9 months of slumber and the world becomes filled with happiness and wonder. Days become longer and warmer, nights are still cold but now shorter. Snow slowly melts and becomes water, parents play outside with their toddlers. Winter coats and boots are put away and children come out of their homes to play. Farmers use this time to plant their seeds so that they can grow, it might take a while because the growing process Is slow. All the cute, cuddly animals come out of hibernation and they go out to find food so they don't die of starvation. Rivers and streams are now flowing with ease. The wind blows on, carrying that sweet spring time breeze. You can feel it's magic flowing from your head to your feet. The beauty of it all can calm the dread and bring peace. Everything becomes beautiful and musical again, and it becomes a great time to spend it with your friends. The fun you can have is limitless and it is time well spent. So go on. What are you waiting for? Have fun before you wonder where all that time went.
  16. vivishy
    I know it seems like when I blog all I do is complain which is mostly true I won't deny it. But there are sometimes when you just need to let it out. Anyways, recently I found out from an ex that he himself is dating this one girl who is just overall a bad person. I want to tell him that she's only using him and that sooner or later she'll hurt him but I'm scared he won't believe me. Now I don't still love him but I do care about him as a friend. I just recently got back on good terms with him, I only care because he was the first guy I ever loved who loved me in return, I just don't want to see him get hurt again. But I feel like if i do tell him he'll just take her side. I don't know what to do.
  17. vivishy
    There were a lot of factors that made me hate the college I chose but the main one would have to be I let a bully tell me who I was. She told me a lot of racist comments but not to my face but people around my floor told me she was running her mouth saying racist things and it did not help that i was the only mexican american on the floor and that they were directed towards me. She made fun of me for being a pegasister. She's self racist so that didn't really help. She got expelled for robbery but she taught me several things in life. #1 people can make fun of your culture and your heritage but you shouldn't let it get to you because they are nothing but big meanies who don't really like their own. #2 Haters can diss your fandom all they want but they will never experience what it truly means to be a part of a family that loves and supports you like the way we support each other in this fandom. #3 Don't let the big meanies of the world get you down just because they loath the things that you love. and #4 When the going gets tough brony up and give it your all till you've given it enough.
  18. vivishy
    Last year i thought the greatest thing ever was to go to college. The only problem is I never pushed myself hard enough to try. I was so confused, I didn't understand anything most of the time. The subjects were pretty easy but I barely understood the work. It was too much, I couldn't organize my time wisely, I stayed in my room half the time.College was just so lonely. i just hate myself so much for not trying hard enough. I was too scared to even ask questions in class because the professors almost made me cry when they yelled at me for not understanding what it was they were teaching. Now every time someone asks me if I'm still going i just say i got homesick and my parents are too ashamed of me to even say i dropped out so they just say i hated it which is partially true.This year I'm just going to pay back the debt i owe or try to.
  19. vivishy
    So every time I watch My little Pony Friendship Is Magic, my parents and even my brothers will tell me that this show is for babies, it's for little kids. I don't let negative comments like that get me down. I mean, yes they don't understand but i did manage to turn my sister into a pegasister and even a few friends into bronies. I love this show, I love the characters, I love the fanbase, and I love love love the shippings. I also love all the love and support on this site.
  20. vivishy
    As of recently a lot has happened in my life that has changed. Conikiblasu and I decided to just break it off because we hardly spoke and if we did it wasn't for very long. However, that hasn't stopped him from giving me some control over finishing our final fanfic together. Our regular writing process of writing fanfics was he would write them in Spanish and I would write them in English. With finishing this last fanfic that process has now changed because now I have to write out the chapters in English, translate them to Spanish and if he approves of it then post it to several different fanfiction sites. The problem with this isn't the writing itself, it's getting his approval on the actual chapter since we hardly talk since he's so busy. I have worked with him enough to know his writing style and hopefully I can write out several amazing chapters. I'm just nervous because I'm worried I might let people down. When this is all over I hope to work with him again on future projects because even though we're not together we had fun doing it.
  21. vivishy
    I can see through you, I know that's not what you are. The spirit, has fled because there was nothing left. Look at us, where we are now, a different place from the start. You let me down so often I don't know why I bother, it sucks that you don't take me seriously because I hate that thing about you. I hate it when you go about just flirting, you have no idea how much I'm hurting. You think I'm joking, you think I'm jealous, you think I'm the bad guy and you think I'm selfish. You think it doesn't hurt when you use your words to flirt with anyone in a skirt. You make me cry because you don't understand how my heart works. You come as creepy sometimes, I know you can't see me but I'm still crying. I thought you were my friend, but this relationship has gone dead and you are not helping in bringing it back. I wish that I could just be released, and that my heart would be able to go free. Why are we together if you're making me sad? Why do you keep putting me down and you keep telling me I'm fat? You think I like being pushed around by someone who doesn't appreciate me? But I guess I have drowned in the silence of your company.
  22. vivishy
    For some odd reason I keep having this nightmare where in it I wake up from a nap only to find that it's Halloween or the day before and I want to go outside but when I look at the time it's like almost midnight on Halloween, and every light in every house slowly goes out. As I slowly go outside to just take a walk around the block for some reason I quickly notice that I am being followed by a black mist, it's like a ghost or something that is chasing after me. This thing has no actual facial features, just glowing red eyes that simply stare at me, reaching it's shadowy hand out towards me as if wanting me to grab it. So I start running with this thing coming after me, and somehow I remember that I can fly because I guess I was conscious to know I was dreaming, and that I would be able to pull that off or something. As I slowly start to levitate off of the ground I'm barely 5 feet in the air when that black mist thing wraps it's hand around my ankle and drags me down. I scream at it to let me go but it just drags me away, no matter how hard I try no one can really hear me scream, and I'm left to let this thing take me where it wants me to go...and that's where it ends because i woke up in real life, I know it was just a dream but it really scared me and I don't know what it means. I wish I knew what it meant.
  23. vivishy
    My bittersweet frienemy is not my friend or enemy; he's neither all bitter and at times he's sweet. He's a bit of both and that's unique. Around him I can be myself; but why just him and no one else? That's just a thing I do not know but I can't help but let my feelings show. He makes me giggle, he makes me laugh, he knows what I've been through, he's been down that path. He can be a jerk at times, but he's in my lyrics, he's in my rhymes, he gave me a reason to stay alive. He's my inspiration, my best friend, my first love.
  24. vivishy
    Don't is just like won't but never give up hope. Hope is there you have to dare to be different so you can't be compared. Hope is the feeling when you try to be friends with an ex even though it's been forever since their last text. Hope goes down, pain comes up you think your efforts aren't enough. Hope goes up and pain goes down, heart could get silent, never making a sound. To the west and to the east hope can help you to defeat; all your demons, all your dragons, take the sword and you can have it. Hope is inside of you, it creates magic. If you lose hope you could become an antherope and people really won't care. Hope can take you out of a prison if you look deep within him. Take on a challenge and so much can happen. To break away is to be making fame. To run away is because you have no reason to stay. Hope keeps me wishing that the darkness in me is not as bad as it seems. It's a part of my dreams and through the gloom it sparkles and gleams. It grows the wings on your back, and it helps when life won't cut you slack.
  25. vivishy
    After seeing the book of life I have to say, it was a cute movie even if it was about dead people. I recommend watching it. There were several plot twists in the movie but for the most part it was pretty easy to follow. People do die in this film but it's ok because then they come back. Basic story of three friends, two boys one girl, only one of them gets the girl. There were a few feely moments in the movie but they didn't really last long. Although it takes place in Mexico, few Spanish words were even spoken throughout the entire movie. It felt weird hearing Ice Cube in the movie because I'm so used to him dropping F bombs. They say the name of the movie a few times in the film but not that many. All in all, it was a very interesting plot line, so you should totally go see it.
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