碇 シンジン

One reason is that you can make funny mistake while speaking and i don't want to laugh at people close to me

I guess I kind of understand, but that's a little... unusual. We can laugh at ourselves easily enough, so there's nothing wrong with you doing the same. Right now I have a strep infection and I sound like a chain smoking old lady. You should be a bit more outgoing with your own voice too. Avoiding speaking and avoiding listening to others speak is only holding yourself back and doing yourself a great disservice.

I know its not helping me but its really tough on me and my anxiety is so strong I've thought about practising my voice but no one wants to practise with me