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Everything posted by 碇 シンジン
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I wasn't really on my right mind for the last 24h as this emptiness is starting to take its toll on me. Gladly I was able to stabilize myself with the help of this site again atleast temporarily
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Started new Skyrim playthrough
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Yeah I went nord on my last play through too as I changed the race midway to Dark Elf. That might've contributed into the corruption somehow. Also I probably could have somewhat fixed the save but since my mod loadorder was getting pretty full I decided to free up some space by merging stuff.
So new game was pretty much the only way to go at that point.
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Times like this feeling like im drifting further and further from myself
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I guess your state does really influence on what type of content you enjoy watching
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I need to get back the shield I had back then feels like attacks are coming from everywhere
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That is actually spot on! Now feeling like I should move on but I don't really have anywhere to move on to.
Back then I built my identity using this site as a foundation and after I tried to get rid of it it is still clinging on me.
Now I have kinda myself without this site in emptiness and myself with this site clinging from that emptiness and both of them are inside of me.
Been trying to get rid of the old me but I doesn't really feel like i have anything to replace it by so it's just clinging onto me and causing issues with how I sense myself and my identity
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It's more like that I feel that I've lost the feeling on how I should differentiate between them as in I cannot tell what is the real me and what is not.
What I mean is that I don't know if the new me is just a lie that I been telling to myself to escape from the old me it's the same with the old one as I don't feel certain that it was the truth either.
So the situation is pretty much me tangled into myself as I've been lying myself for so long I cannot differentiate the lies from reality anymore.
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