碇 シンジン

Uh I don't really like when my sister pushes her baby to my parents to take care of him or even allows it.

Also I don't think my relations with her are getting any better these days

It feels like it's already a year from last August 

Happy birthday i hope your day can be good

Maybe I shouldn't have eaten so much my stomach feels bit odd

Happy birthday

I hope this day can be good day for you

I maybe shouldn't have kept all those pms I have received over the years some of them are pretty tough to read these days. It's why I don't really look into my pm box much anymore.

It appears that my school gave me some scholarship or something like that just sent me a message about it while ago. Dunno where that came from I mean it came like completely out of the blue. I didnt even visit the school this year a lot maybe like 2-3 days total.

Some days are rainy and fun, some days sunny and glum.

I think it got bit too intense for me here

More i think about the more clear it becomes what keeps pulling me back here over and over again. 

It was the most happiest I've ever been back then when RFC was running and I had that pm conv with Jonas, skysweep, Moony, Edwardo and yoshi

I silently hide my wish that when I open the site everything Will be like that again.

I know it will never be like that but knowing that doesn't really change the fact that I still hope it :/

One day I will get to the bottom of this.

I don't like feeling like I feel during the day. 

I wish that aspect of me would just go away I tried to get rid of it back then but I guess it backfired and it ended up like this.

Now it just haunts me here like no tomorrow  makes me want to be here less 

But something like that doesn't really happen I cannot throw away something that I've partly built myself upon 

There it is again coming to bother me even now luckily it won't get the hold of me so easily when I'm in this state.

Sigh

I was actually somewhat uncomfortable today here I guess it was like usual though why I must hold up some kind of image like that is it because I don't accept myself? Or is it because I don't accept myself that has accepted myself? 

What steps did I take to end up like this?

Why I'm writing this down?  Is it so I can challenge my other self by verifying myself that these thoughts exist in me? Why I can't acknowledge these within myself? Am I running away from myself? 

What I hope to get out from all of this? What is the end goal that I work towards to unconsciously? 

Why I can't be calm like now when I am here during the day? Why I must suppress myself? Who I am trying to fool Here? 

I just keep making excuses and can't really face myself at all what is preventing Me? 

I wish I had the answers but I don't have most of them

I shouldn't stay up this late as the later it gets the more the personality I try to hold up begins to crumble and something else entirely starts to get more hold of me.

Yet I don't really feel anything right now it's like an abyss that is engulfing me very interesting sensation.

My heartbeat feels like a clocks ticking right now.

I didn't say a single word out loud today.

I wonder how it feels like to speak if you spend many months/years without speaking.

I have lot of people whom I can talk with and i talk with them yet i feel that i really have no one whom i can "talk" with.

Am I missing something Here?

I wish that I would have more confidence in myself. Yeah I have bit more than I used to but it still isn't much tbh

Finally MAL is back 

Uuh i dont like when i feel like this 

clear

test2

test

That banner is pretty awesome

my feeling when i wake up at  3pm

Did some testing and I'm pretty sure that the issue is connected to the restored content glitch in my status updates.

Delete test