LostButterflyUtau

I've had a thing for Setsuna Meioh/Sailor Pluto since I was twelve and Crystal has only made it grow. God, this woman... Aside from being sexy as hell, I've always loved her layered personality and how, because of her role, she has to appear stoic and cold, but she's such a sweetheart. She loves Chibi-Usa dearly and takes great care of her, oh...And Diana too! Speaking of Sailor Moon Crystal, they really stepped it up in series three. And I thought Michiru slayed in the 90s anime... Lastly, there's Yuri Tsukikage/Cure Moonlight from Heartcatch PreCure! She's just SO freakin' gorgeous.

...Because the fandom could give two craps about it. I am currently in the middle of working on a long-arc Fruits Basket story that takes place post canon and revolves around Akito. I am determined to see this project through, as, I have had a bad habit of starting and never finishing fics in the past. So, I will be completing it, especially since I have a full timeline worked out for this one. But, the fandom will never get to know the ending. I don't know if anyone else had ever had this problem, but I can't get ANY feedback. And it makes me upset that I can only get twelve reviews for fourteen chapters but stories that are badly written, with horrible Mary-Sue OCs and reused, bad plots get like, twenty for two chapters. Now, I don't condemn these people. I can't. I was thirteen once and wrote bad stories, so I get it. But it's so frustrating to pour all this time, work and research into something that no one cares about. I guess what I dislike more is that this fandom seems to only like a certain select variety of fic. I can't speak for all fandoms on this, however, since I'm not in many, so I don't know if it's exclusive to this one, though I doubt it is. The Furuba fandom seems to only care about your story if: *You have a badly written self-insert Sue who only exists so you can have sex with your favourite guy (usually Kyo or Yuki). Sue always, always either replaces Tohru or is related to her in some way and for some stupid reason ends up in Shigure's house. *Your OC is a random member of the Zodiac who has no business being in the story, because you can't bend rules like that. Not in Furuba. And bonus points if they have an awful, tragic back-story and were abused by Akito. Readers eat that up. These characters are often self-insert sues as well and rely on one of the main guys to "help" them through it and then they bang. *You refuse to admit Akito is in fact, a woman, and write about how Male Akito just needs your Sue to break through to him and save this hot, damaged guy... *You write a happy, happy story about Kyo, Tohru and their kids. Screw everyone else in the story who made it work. It's all about KyoRu Babyees! Y'all get the idea. I'm tried of working and writing and staying up late only to get no recognition at all for a story I put SO much into. I feel like no one gives a crap about it and I hate feeling like this. Hell, I've even cried over it. So, I'm done. I give up. I'm going to finish it...For my friends only. The only problem with that is that they refuse to read any sort of sexual content, so I can't get feedback on the smuttier stuff, which I desperately need. Has any one else ever had this problem? What did you do? Is there anything I can do about it? Or am I just better off with this decision? It's not the first time I've given up on a fic because of lack of feedback, and I doubt it will be the last. ***Note: A TON of people on Reddit and one here has already tried to give me advice and convince me otherwise. No, it didn't work. No, I'm not going to listen because it's all stuff I've heard before. Point is, the Furuba fandom sucks, I don't belong in it and I'm out. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you all for listening. Oh! And if any of you are ​Fruits Basket​ fans who are also sick of reading rubbish fics and want to read a GOOD story for once, I am more than willing to link my own. Provided you actually have something to say.

I really, really like the song "Forget" by Marina and the Diamonds, it reminds me so much of Akito from Fruits Basket (mah baby!) and overall just has a really cool message about owning up your mistakes and stepping up to fix them. That sometimes you have to just forgive, forget and move on.

Hoping to go to BronyCon with some friends! I'm trying to save up the money for the pass and get my Rarity EQG outfit finished. I'm rather nervous though, since I know my cosplay isn't going to be half as good as everyone else's.

Personally, I do not think it is right for you or anyone else to say that people should just have kids because others can't. It pisses you off that this topics exist and it pisses me off that people consistently use that as an argument against the people who don't want kids, ESEPCIALLY the women. No, I do not think it's right that there are people who want children and would be amazing parents who just can't have any or that there are people who have no business raising a child and yet, are raising one. But, unfortunately, that's just how the world works. And frankly, I feel it's really stupid to say that people should just have a kid because others can't. Explain to me how that is solving anyone's issue? Because the people who can't have and want kids still don't have one and someone who has no business having one and can't raise them properly is stuck with one they likely resent. As, Odyessy said, there are many reasons people choose to be childless by choice and we are lucky to live in the first world, where we have this option. I personally believe children should only be brought into the world if they are wanted and can be properly cared for. ​And I think you misunderstand the affects of a child on one's life. Children cost a considerable amount of money and time that some people just can not spare. Once you have that baby, your whole life is your family, as it should be. And it takes a certain kind of maturity to know and own up to this, which is why many people either wait or choose not to have kids at all. I know too many people who are way to young/immature to handle having a kid, can barely afford the one they have, yet still spend money on stupid things for themselves and also want another baby. And yes, yes, I KNOW that you can not lose yourself when you become a parent and having a hobby is fine, if you have the disposable income to spend on it while properly providing for your child. If you ask me, it's these kind of people who are selfish and have no business raising a kid. Also, for the record, as I said in my own post. I DO NOT hate kids. I like working with them and know it's important to teach them right so they can grow up to be productive adults of the next generation. If I hated them, I wouldn't be going into education or be a party entertainer. But, I also know, as I said, that, in my heart, it's not the right choice for me to have my own all day, every day, 365 days of the year. I do not think I can commit to the task of actively raising a child, because a lot does change in your relationship and life when you have them, and you need to be realistic about it. Kids cause more stress on a marriage then a lot of people know until the have one.

Honestly, I do not think I want children. I just think, in my heart, it's not the right choice for me. YES, I want to fall in love and get married, but I feel I would be happy with just me and my husband. There are so many things I want to do and places I want to go that just won't be an option if I was to have a child. Now, don't get me wrong. I love working with kids. I'm training to be a teaching assistant and I'm a party entertainer (I dress up as Elsa and soon, Rarity, and make appearances at birthday parties). I love teaching kids something new, or making them smile with a song, but I also like the part where I can give them back so they can bother their parents. I'm the same way with my god-daughter, I love her to death. She reminds me a lot of me as a kid, in that she's very bright and creative and out there. So, I like spending time with her and showing her new things and just making her smile, but I also realised in spending time with her, that I just could not do the mum thing 24/7/365. I don't think I could deal with having a little human who relies on me for everything and having my entire life revolve around them. I'll admit it. I'm a selfish witch. I like having the freedom to move about and do what I want when I want within reason without worrying about school or activities or daycare or money in terms of having to balance living expenses with kid expenses. I like coming home and it being quiet and clean and just me. And, also, the idea of being pregnant scares and disgusts me personally. I mean, you're basically sick for a whole year, and your body is doing things you have no control over and you're hot and miserable and throwing up and overall run down...And then afterwards you have this thing you have to take care of for 18+ years? And all your dreams of travel, a sex life and any time for your marriage go out the window. Plus, it would be way too hard for me to get my body back because my metabolism isn't exactly fast and that just adds another layer of stress because if I was to get pregnant and get fat, my husband would leave (because no one wants to have sex with that, according to some of the men I know) and I'd be all alone. Only this time with a baby. No thank you. Now, I'd also like to add that, even though I feel this way personally and would not seek motherhood as a path for myself. I have nothing -- absolutely nothing -- against parents. Unless of course, one has kids for the wrong reason or is just not being a parent. But, overall, I think it's totally awesome if people choose to go down the path of parenthood and want to have and raise kids. That's cool. However, I also think the opinion needs to go both ways. I can't tell you how many people have said awful things to me and made me feel like a horrible woman because I decided I don't want kids. Or they're like, "Oh. You'll change your mind once you fall in love and have sex." Um...No? Not everyone who falls in love and marries has to have a family. Besides, I work in retail and do extra things for my education class and I can tell you there are PLENTY of kids around where I live. Me not having one will not harm the population.

I've been into anime for years now. My anime taste is weird and varied. I like mostly magical girl series, my favourite being Heartcatch PreCure! But I also like other things like Space Battleship Yamato and Death Note, both of which are in genres leagues away from magical girls. But, I'd have to say my all-time favourite series is Fruits Basket I could go on a seven-part rendition of why that manga is amazing and probably one of the best, in my opinion. (I'm even working on a long-arc fanfic for the series, which, unfortunately gets no feedback...So I'm considering giving it up.) I'm just disappointed it's not more popular and blame that on the fact the anime is more well-known and they messed with a handful of things that causes a rift in the fandom...

First of all, puberty sucks. I struggled the entire time I was in school and was treated like anything but a human being for thirteen years, but I can honestly say the junior high/puberty years were the absolute worst out of my entire school experience. I can't speak for the guys, because I'm biologically and identify as a female. I went through crap through those years. First of all, all you're trying to do is just get through school, but meanwhile, your body is doing things and going through changes you barely understand, all your emotions are crazy and people at that age are just downright mean because of it. I found that, with girls, the teasing and tearing down is very sneaky and psychologically taxing (again, I can not speak for the males). I got made fun of for nearly EVERYTHING I did. I was the smallest in class, and wearing clothes made for eight-year-olds at eleven because of my size. I wore size ONE kids' shoes for goodness' sakes. So I was frequently tripped in the hall, and told "Go back to third grade!" People would kick my books down the hall, take and hide my belongings at the lunch table, poke fun at me because I liked to mind my own business and read books. Both boys and girls made fun of me for being "flat-chested" all through middle school. (My breasts didn't "pop" until I was fourteen) and just labelled an all-around freak. Plus I was a late bloomer. I was really naive and barely had an understanding of what was going on around me and all these new things and dirty words everyone else was discovering. I just wanted to go to school, learn and move on with my life. But, no. They wouldn't let me do that. And the teachers, counsellors and my parents didn't care either. They were all, "Oh. Just don't do things that will get you picked on." Um...Excuse me? The only thing I did was show up to school every day. I meant NO HARM to anyone. The object soon became to be as invisible as possible so that people wouldn't know I was around. Because if they did, they had rude things to say. Point is, I totally see where you're coming from. It is an awful, awful time in one's life, especially if they're in any way different from the masses. All of that seriously screwed with me too, and I have really low-self confidence because of it, even being five years out of public school. I fear everyone judging me, and as a result, I'm a huge Fluttershy. I'm extremely quiet and submissive and have trouble speaking up, even when I need to. I say "sorry" for things I didn't even do and feel like a huge inconvenience to everyone sometimes. I'm also an artist and sometimes I second-guess myself as well. In my case, it's with writing. I'm barely getting ANY feedback on my current story and it actually makes me cry. Because I feel like I'm pouring my heart into this project for absolutely nothing. And it makes me start to think I need to quit the story and that I'm a bad writer who doesn't deserve a place in the Fruits Basket fandom. I also find myself to be unattractive and think that there's something wrong with me as a human because I want a boyfriend, but can't get men to notice me at all. I dress classy, I hide my fandom stuff...And they still don't notice me even though my friends say I'm really pretty. I have spent way too much time crying over the fact that I have no guarantee anyone will love me and that I need to fix myself or be forever alone, but...I don't know what to fix. I'm not a bad person. I have a very kind heart and a lot to offer. I take good care of the people around me and would give the shirt off my back if someone really needed it. What's helping me is cosplay and therapy. For me, talking everything out and having someone there to help me and validate that I am a decent person and can push through this really, really helps. My therapist is a really good listener and her advice has been helping me slowly come to terms with myself in pieces at a time. And doing cosplay helps me because I get to be someone else for awhile. Sure, it may sound unhealthy, but it's not. I love putting myself together and dressing up and making people smile with my photos. Plus, it helped me find my niche and set me on a career path finally. Because of it, I was able to discover that I love working with kids (I'm a party entertainer on the side and have done Elsa meet-and-greets to help raise money for Children's hospitals through work) and have gone back to school to take some teacher training classes to be an instructional assistant. The classes are great and I love doing my observations and watching kids learn and having a hand in that. It makes me feel useful and worth something. I'm now working on a Rarity EQG cosplay so I can experiment with another character and be able to do some more parties as someone else. It's a slow process since I'm actually making this one with the help of my friends, but I'm enjoying every step and my friends are super supportive and helpful. And sure, sometimes I see awesome cosplayers and get discouraged, but I also remember that everyone starts somewhere and, in my case, as long as I'm making kids smile it's okay that I'm not taller, sexier or have the "perfect" costume. Though I do try and be as accurate as possible while making the costumes functional and safe. For example, my Rarity boots (on order) have a low, wedge heel as opposed to a large chunky one, and my Elsa shoes are flats, despite her wearing pumps, because of safety reasons. I can't do heels. I don't have that kind of balance and you need functionality when working with children. And if they ask why I'm not wearing them, because they DO pay attention, I simply say that my feet get tired and that I don't wear heels all the time. And after all, they don't want a tired Elsa at their party, do they? No they love that I will play games and walk around/run with them occasionally. Finally, to address your last sentence, If you honestly feel in your heart that something is wrong and that you can't control those awful thoughts and emotions, I highly suggest at least considering a therapist. I know it might be harder for you, because you're a teenager, but you could try talking to your parents about it and see if they might help with it. My dad was very helpful and encouraging when I told him I wanted to get therapy and helped me figure out the health insurance's policies regarding mental health and offered to help pay if I couldn't afford it. And remember that there is NO shame in needing/asking for help. Only strength. Because it takes a lot of it to stand up and admit you can't do things alone. Also, time does help. Despite my insecurities, I can honestly say I became a much better/stronger person after I moved on and went to college. People in the real world are judge-y, but also have more important things to worry about, (jobs, money, kids, etc.) so they'll usually leave you alone and judge silently.

We have four cats in the house. But this one is mine. Her name is Ho-Ho.

I shower at night so...On work days I'm up at seven or eight, depending on when I go in. And I do this: 1. get up 2. Make bed 3. Put ponies on bed 4. Get dressed and gather things for pockets (Mobile, hand sanatiser, etc.) 5. Wash face 5. Acne medication 7. Put lunch together 8. Eat breakfast (time permitting) 9. Go to work When I'm not working? It really doesn't matter. I'll get up and make the bed, and just get dressed. If I'm chilling at home, I don't do hygiene (the face washing and medication) if I'm going out, I do.