Samurai Equine

Well, this week has been a roller coaster of things for me, my crowd... Let's summarize, shall we?  *Grabs a warm cup of tea*

The week started off bad. As many of you know, my grandmother passed away on Tuesday. It's possible she has passed sooner then that, the machines where just keeping her body alive but the rest of her was all ready gone. My family just made it official to shut the machines off on Tuesday, and when they did, she passed instantly. No lingering heart beat or anything. Taking her off the machines and medicine was her wish. She had talked about it with the family a long time ago; she didn't want to be reduced to a vegetative state.

Her passing was hard on my family and I. We were left devastated. In the previous weeks, she seemed fine. She had been making plans of recovering and maybe remodeling her house when it was all over. At one point, I remember I got to visit her in the hospital. It's always scary to me how someone can seen fine one minute, and the next they are just gone. Not the first time I've witnessed stuff like this happening. And I'll always miss my grandmother, of course. There were lots of things I wish we could have done together. I wish she could have been there to see the next phases of my life. I don't even have a girlfriend or wife yet, and of course no kids. They'll never know their great grandmother. That's the thing about death. When someone goes, they also take away all the potential time you could have spent with them, all the potential memories you could have made. That's why you gotta cherish those you care about right now and make the most of your time together; because you never when it'll be all over. So don't let your self be stuck in a moment called "too late".

But the week wasn't all sad!
Obviously, I've had friends showing their support for me, and I'm grateful for that. On Friday, my family and I attended a wake in my grandmother's honor. I spoke up, and I left all my feelings there at that wake. I felt good to have that emotional release, but some of my closest family members were still holding onto their feelings of lost, including my mother. I couldn't give her the emotional release she needed, but on Saturday evening, we got together with my uncle and my closest cousin. They were having a karaoke night, and what a night that was!  I could have done that all night. But more importantly, it was the fun that my mother and my uncle needed to help them come to terms with everything. I guess emotional releases come in more than one form. Something I'll need to remember for the future.

That's not to say that those feelings of grief or sadness are completely gone for any of us. I know there might come a day where I'll have a random thought about memaw, or there might be something I'll want to show/tell her, and then I'll remember she's gone. My mother, my uncles, and probably others are the same way. There will be moments where they are happy as can be, but they'll remember she's not with us, as we'll have a sad moment. But as my family and I prepare to go back to work, I think we're ready. I'm ready to pick back up and keep things going, to go back to being myself and having a routine. I think the rest of my family are ready enough to go back into regular life. And as long as there are good days to look forward to, then we'll over come the bad days by and by.

Sorry I didn't do the weekly game this time, everyone. I thought about it, but to be completely honest, I decided this week should only be about my grandmother. It was better that way, and I did a lot to honor her. Next week for sure, things will go back to normal. Thanks for helping me get through it, my crowd.  Life goes on.