lunarpony7

She's cute! The training grounds thing is fun!

OMG, I have had so much college drama it's not funny, I can totally empathize with you. I've gone through about 3 different different schools, having to leave for various reasons why they don't work for me, e,g. too expensive, too dumbed down etc. I've gotten pretty upset about college in general, choices out there, and the quality/price ratio as well. Many times I have thought about skipping school and going the self teaching route, but I think I finally found a school that will work for me. I hope you find a good situation that ends up being having a positive impact on your life!

I hope this ends up making sense because I should be sleeping now rather than posting, and I may have strayed off topic a bit.

I think I understand what you feel about wanting to make people happy and wanting to, for lack of a better way of putting it, go along with what they seem to want/need. It is hard, at least for me, to pin this sort of thing down because emotions and behaviors are so complex once you start pulling at the seams are trying to figure them out. So anyway, I have feel something kind of similar to what you described in the main post, not quite the same and not quite as strongly, but enough to empathize.

For me I tend to go along with things, if they come from someone I care about, even if it's something I would rather not go along with. Most of the time it's not a bad thing, being helpful and stuff. Though sometimes you would rather not do something. With me it can be hard to conceal annoyance or resentment if it's something that I really don't want to do, and people can see it more than I would like. I feel that I can have a difficult time expressing objections at times without doing so in a way that upsets people, which leads to holding it in, which leads to seeming to be holding something in.....

A strange thing with me is that my viewpoints of most things are flexible and can change depending on the situation, or the people in the situation. That sounds like a pretty normal thing the way I describe it here, but I'm not quite sure how to put it exactly. But it's also something that relates to seeming to not have strong opinions on things.

The part about not listing to music struck a chord (har har, lame pun). I did really try and develop a music taste for quite a while because I didn't want to deal with the thought of trying to decide on something like that which reflects something about you. And feeling like my choices might not be one that are agreed with I guess. Even now I'm still shy about listing to new music aloud sometimes.

Now that I have tried to write down some random perspectives to a level of accuracy that it's not exactly right, but close enough to how I feel, like I said emotions are so freggin complicated. You know a major cause of these sort of thought patterns, at least In my opinion? Anxiety, yep simple anxiety and being self conscious seems to me to be the root, at least in part, of so many difficulties I have. I notice in myself that things get better over time though, you learn how to control anxiety more and more. You learn better ways to communicate and process emotions.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful in some way.