Moony the Cat
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- Birthday 1994-05-12
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Update on my health status : I now have intestine pain for like over 2 Months now and it got worse again. It seems like it doesnt madder what i eat, it often hurts pretty bad before i have to go to the toilet,which means i cant go to the toilet, when the pain starts, i have to wait for it to go away, which makes me think, i have wounds or something inside me. Also my sides hurt and it constantly hurts, when i touch my belly. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Im scared that it gets worse, i cant go to the hospital because it isnt bad enough but apparently im good enough to go to work, which wouldnt be half as bad, if i wouldnt have to drive for almost an hour, without having the chance to go to a toilet, when the bad pain starts. I feel so scared, that i tried to kill myself with a razor blade and mutliple knifes, or suffocate myself with a plastic bag. But i cant do it, now i just have to wait for next year january before i have my next doctor meeting and just have to hope, that the pain doesnt start to get even worse. And the meeting is just like a talk session, so i will probably have to wait even longer before any sort of research starts. Im scared that i broke something inside of me. And its all my fault, because i did eat something, which wasnt good for me ( my body doesnt like lactose products ), but how should i have known that something THIS bad happends ? Something like that never happened before. Not sure why i write this, but i feel horrible, lonely and scared.
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@Fluttershy Friend Well, i would love to. But my meeting by the Specialist is in January. January, 18th next year to be exact. So i have to wait for 2 Months. I already waited for 2 Months, so that my normal doctor would send me to a specialist finally and now i have to wait another 2 Months before i even get there. Thats the sad truth, if you arent an emergency and you can still sit and talk normally, then they just let you wait. I mean, i have a stomach pain almost constantly, there are short amount of times in which there is relief, but thats it. For most of the day, even while typing is, i still feel something bad inside of me, but its still bearable for me, so its not an emergency and even if i get very bad pain from time to time, i just dont count as an emergency and i simply have to wait for my turn. Meanwhile it can get even worse over time...its horrible. I would love to let myself get checked, but in reality you just have to wait until all the other patients before you are done. It seems that i have to wait and risk, that something really bad might happen. My Father told me i should go to a hospital, since my belly hurts all the time when i touch it, my mother on the other hand says, that my father just wants to scare me and that i cant go to a hospital, because first i have to help, since we are moving to a new house. Can i just say that my mother is a horrible person? First all the years that she let myself keep living with the dog that i was allergic to and refusing to give me numbers of other family members that i might can live with and now, despite the fact that i have stomach pain, she refuses to drive me to a hospital because i have to help her move first. Like...seriously! What is wrong with her? Im not sure what i should do...wait for my next meeting, risking that my condition gets worse and that in worst case scenario, i need an operation of some sort? Or drive to a hospital for something thats actually maybe not that bad and take someone elses place in the hospital, despite that someone might have it worse? Im not sure what i should do, that makes my situation so bad...i would really wish i would just die. Im scared all the time now... and all that just because i ate something bad and its basically all my fault...i cant even blame someone, its all my own dumb fault...apparently...
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Please calm down. All will be good. Remember please your feelings some months ago when you had several problems withi your sister, mother and the dog? You wanted to die and you didn't see any chance to improve your mind. And all turned to good. The same will be in this case. Maybe visit earlier private doctor?
