Nocturian

honestly, i don't know very well whats going to end up soon, it wouldn't surprise me that i will just end up snapping and losing it all. At this point i know i am not going to have a future with my current conditions of life, so yeah... just thinking things trough...

'Snapping and losing it all' is indeed a possibility, I can imagine that must be very hard to resist at times? Have you noticed anything that helps ease the stress for you, or even just any ways that allow you to release the stress in a healthy way?

As for your future, what kind of occupation would you want to have? While the misophonia could definitely be a huge issue with jobs involving many people, there may still be less stressful opportunities out there... quiet jobs where you wouldn't have to run into many people at all for example, or working at home perhaps, if what you want to do can be done in that comfort.

Doing things with friends sometimes seems to help, but when nobody is there i can talk with online during one of my panic attacks, I can go really really deep depressed and get these thoughts in a very bad level.

And yeah, its pretty ard to resist these things, when i am really down and sad during one of my panick attacks i try seek comfort with my friends but when there aren't any online or around i start to breakdown, causing myself to think all sorts of crazy things.

But honestly i don't think i have much of a future, my misophonia has gone so bad to a point where i have to isolate myself from evryone, even my own family and friends..