Today was an amazing day, but also by far the worst day of 2018 so far. I went to church today to alter serve at mass. After the mass, I was told there was a party for people who were coming to the ADORE conference which is a conference for all Catholic people who are more than 13 years old. I decided to come. My other friend, we were discussing how life was like over the holidays. I mentioned if she had a job. She replied yes, at MacDonald's. She said they were hiring staff as well. I was also interested in this and decided in the future when I am going to school, I will apply there.
The time comes and I am picked up by a soon to be great friend. He drove me and my friends to the house. We have arrived and we started to play fun games that were also referencing Catholicism like Mother Mary and Jesus. All these games made us all laugh and feel joyful together. There were games that were also competitive as well. We had food such as pizza, soft drinks, lollies and homemade chicken. That was very delicious. We came back inside the small garage and played a game where you block 2 teams from seeing each other and when the blinds fall down, you have to guess what the other person's name was. At the end of the day, we got together in a group and took a group photo.
I was sent home by the same person that took me to the party. I came home and had a shower. After that, I immediately tried to find my sign up paper for the ADORE conference. I looked at the sheet of paper and started reading what I had to fill out. I tried to ask my dad to help me out, but he refused to help me write and told me to write it myself. After a few times of trying to get his help, I decided to write the first half of the form. Then it got to my emergency details. I knew I couldn't do this alone. I asked dad again if he could help me. He told me what was on the paper. There was details such as medication, allergies and card details. He said you can do all of them by yourself. Mum came out and was angry because she always had to endure what our family goes through such as arguments. She came out and that's when my dad decided to help me. He started writing down on the piece of paper. I stand back with my fingers in my ear, ready that he will yell at any moment. He finished the emergency details and told me there was a part of the paper that I had to sign. I carefully write down my name. I step back a bit. BANG! A hand slams down onto the table leaving me in shock. I was really upset at what had just happened. I started yelling and him and cursing words at him that were harmful to him. I start thinking to myself “If there is one reason to kill myself, this would be the one.”
I get angry and retreat to my room. Then I decided to write this up. Honesty, I did tear up a bit after what had just happened.
I am going to state some things here. Yes, I am not perfect, which sounds cliché but I am really not perfect and my dad and I had both greatly sinned against the Lord. I myself have done some awful things, this may be just yelling or swearing at a person, but almost never getting physical. Also against myself.
I do have a phycologist and a counsellor so I can discuss what had happened today to them.
Anyway, today was an amazing day, I got to meet new and old friends, but also was really down for me. I am trying not to think about the negatives.