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P-Jay

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Character Comments posted by P-Jay

  1. alright, now, lets get this review typed.

     

    name: actually, pretty good. nice double meaning, while sounding cool.

     

    cutie mark: makes sense, i guess.

     

    personality: really needs to be expanded on. you cant just summarize how someone feels, thinks, and acts with one sentence.

     

    backstory: well, it made semi-sense up until the whole 'quickly became the best assassin in equestria' thing. how did he get there? when did he realize his skill in assassination? also, whats the deal about 'demon blood?' and the deal with the devil, for immortality? and his love, moonbeam? why does this 'demonblood' abduct her? does steel and demon have some sort of rivalry?

     

    so, my impression of this oc, is likely a ponified Spawn. you know, the superhero?

    but if this is really a 100% original character, then your gonna have to expand on just about everything.

  2. Very good Peyton... even if it too me long to read this finally... yours is better than mine... by description, backstory and personality... keep rolling *sigh*

    hey, dont feel bad on yourself. he's slowly evolved, ya know? 

     

    back in the first draft, he was OP, contradicting personality, and overly-cliche backstory. you'll get there, buddy.

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