Ice Fox

Hey everyone. Ice Fox here. I joined these forums quite a while ago. Most of you probably don't recognize me. That's because I've been offline since May 24, 2015. That's actually what I'm here to talk about. This blog is an apology to the community and, more specifically, some of the good fellows I had made friends with. I normally feel that apologies are kind of pointless, because I feel that if you're sorry for something, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. But here, at least, I really do feel bad for how I've acted, and I want everyone to know that. I used to be a huge drama-queen, and that's mainly what I want to apologize for. I realize the irony there (this blog is pretty dramatic right?) but my intention is not to stir up drama. It's to explain my feelings and what happened, as well as apologize. If the stuff in here goes over your head... please ignore or whatever. Anyway... onto the main stuff. The truth is that back when I was part of these forums... I was a little piece of crap. I'm not gonna mince words, that's how it is. Simply put, I was a whiny edgelord manbaby who constantly posted whiny, self pitying, self loathing, drama-y status updates and got real moody when things didn't go just my way. I even tried to leave the forums a few times (yeah, one of THOSE guys), but I always came back. I even questioned my sexuality (probably doesn't sound like a big deal to most, but for me it is). But still, despite the way I acted, several people were still kind of enough to stop in their busy lives to talk to me. Whether it was giving advice or trying to befriend me, they were more polite to me than I probably deserved. Unfortunately, I didn't give them their due payment-I mostly brushed their advice aside without bothering to try and make a difference in my life, or saturated conversations between us with complaints and lethargy. In other words, I repaid nice people who stuck with me through my bad attitudes by taking a crap on them. Go me. Now, I wasn't actually TRYING to act like a litle piece of crap, mind you. I genuinely felt the things I posted, yeah. But there's no excuse. You can say it was because I was feeling guilty posting on forums behind my parents' backs, that I was going through puberty, that I was inexperienced in expressing myself socially-it doesn't matter. It doesn't excuse how I acted. It's just not how you treat other people. Finally though, for the icing on the cake, one day I posted a status update saying I was leaving, and vanished without a proper good-bye to anyone. This time, I meant what I said. I did not come back. The truth was, I didn't leave of my own will. My parents found out I was on forums behind their backs, and they didn't like it. They made me stop. Now, I didn't tell the people here what happened at the time, because I was still feeling very guility and confused over what happened. I didn't want to pin the blame on my parents, and I felt they were right to make me leave, because I felt very terrible over the whole thing. That was a year ago, I guess. A lot can change in a year. I realize now it was actually a good thing I was forced to go offline. I was doing crazy crap I would not have done in my right mind, like having crushes or whining constantly or even talking about suicide (blargh). By taking a step back, I came to realize what a fool I had been. I realized how crappily I treated some of the people here who tried to befriend me, and what a pest I was to the commnuity in general. I regret I ended up leaving before I had the chance to become a better person-or would that not have happened if I hadn't left? Maybe not... Anyway, aside from my whining and general bad attitude, the times I had on here were some of the best in my life. I had friends I could talk to, who listened to me, who cared about me, but then I had to ruin it by acting like a little piece of crap and doing stupid stuff that got me into trouble. You guys were nice to me, and I was a terrible friend. For that, I truly, truly do feel regret, and I apologize. This post isn't to make everyone feel sorry for me, or to make everyone forgive me, or to announce I'm coming back. The truth is, if I did come back, it would be on another account, because I feel I've changed far too much since then, nor would I be comfortable speaking with some of those old friends again because we have too much history and I was such a little stinker to them all. It's best for me to leave them alone now. And I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't forgive me. I don't expect them to. I was a piece of crap, but I am sorry for that. You can take it or leave it, but that is truly the way I feel. I am sorry. Hopefully I can cringe a little less every time I think about my time on these forums, having made this post. Maybe I'm overreacting-I don't know. I just want this out there. tldr; I was an edgelord manbaby who threw fits over everything and treated friends like crap, but after having to be offline for a while I realized that and wanted to apologize. I don't even know how active most of these people are on this site anymore, but a huge shoutout to the good fellows who took the time to speak with me and try to help me out. Here are some guys I want to say a special word to: @YouHeardNothing: You were honestly probably the guy I missed most, and felt the most bad for my treatment of you. We had actually only met a few weeks before I had to leave, but I felt quite close to you. You were everything I could have asked for in a friend, sappy as it is; you were actually my age, you were intelligent, you were very kind and polite, you took the time to respond to pretty much all of my dumb status updates (seriously, who does that?!), and you also shared my interest in religion. Peace, sir, and I hope all the best for you. @Base: I probably came off as some creepy stalker or something, with the way I latched onto you. If I did it was because I felt I could relate to you a lot. You seemed to have some of my same issues, and you seem to still be fighting them. Stay strong. I appreciate the time you took to chat with me and listen to my ramblings, truly. @LittleMac: The extent of our interactions is limited to you trying to help me, give me advice, or offer your services as a soundboard for my goofy little drama complex. Though I brushed you off rudely, now I really do appreciate how much you were willing to help a total stranger, and one who acted as I did. Stay awesome. @Your Silly Tem: Like the above user, our interactions were mainly you trying to help me and listening to what I had to say. Again, though my problems were superficial ones I had to overcome myself, I still regret not thanking you properly for your time and brushing you off. The world could always use more good Samaritans like you. @Rising Shine: We didn't talk much directly, but when I logged back on to blog this I saw you had sent me a PM telling me happy birthday, even though I had been offline for months at the time. I don't know if you do that to everyone on your friends list or what, but either way, you deserve mention on here for that. It really gave me a smile. If you don't get this or weren't affected or whatever, ignore plz And have a pony: Peace.

Well, not anything truly frightening or intense has ever happened to me, but sometimes, when I think about the the things I do that my parents are oblivious to, and how steamed they'd be to find out, I'm like, "lol, what am I doing?"

Same. I'm not sure why, myself, but perhaps for the reasons you stated.

No One Person Is Above Another

More times than I'd like to admit.