Oh God... I'm so sorry to hear that; I've had someone close to me pass away recently too, and I feel too I didn't do enough to help her... is this something you wish to talk about/vent about, or would you rather I didn't annoy you about this right now?
She's not dead, but i am always afraid that she's dead when she says she's going to kill herself and doesn't return any messages. I know when she does, it will be my fault. I will never forgive myself. I'm not a very nice person.