Cool Shades

While i may have more over my brother, i too have moments where i lose what i'm doing and screw up from time to time, but i want to get your thoughts on this part of my brother's story that i tried to fix: Tamuro awakens with a groan, his head throbbing from the pain; Dimmed Star turned to see him finally awake. Smiling, she acted as if she didn't even notice him. He can't hear too well as his ears are still ringing, but from bits and pieces of the conversation the six are having; it seems to be about him directly. "What shall we do with him, Dimmed Star? Kill him? Sloth here could use a few more pounds." An unexpected, snake-like hiss seemed to emanate from one of the ponies. "Shut up, Stone!! Who asked you?!" growled Sloth, poised to attack. "Girls, that's enough," interjected Dimmed Star before things escalated further. "We can't be fighting amongst ourselves, we have a guest." All six turned toward Tamuro, faces fully revealed to him. "Hello, Human, we're so happy to see you're still alive. I was afraid Sloth had bucked you too hard, but it seems I worried for nothing." says Dimmed Star, acting relieved to see him unharmed. "Stay away!!" cries Tamuro, Dimmed Star slowly trotted towards him, a foul, gut wrenching stench increasingly overpowering him with each step she took. Tamuro could hear a barely perceptible squish when she stepped, like something grimey was stuck to her hooves. Tamuro clenched his teeth as he forced himself to tear his gaze away from her eyes and down to her hooves. His heart began to slam against his chest, his breathing doubled, it took all of his being not to scream when he saw soft bits of flesh stuck to the bottom of her hooves. Dimmed Star paused, examining the boy. His face was pulled back in shock, his eyes so wide they seemed to almost pop from their sockets, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his mouth opening and closing trying to scream, and her favorite part: his whole body trembling and convulsing in fear. She began to step towards him again, she couldn't hold back the twisted smile that spread across her face, revealing her gnarled teeth that were filed to fangs. "Humans are such cowards", she thought, almost laughing when the boy's face somehow pulled back even farther. ____________________________ So it seems someone helped my brother with the grammar, but i'm not sure if its right, any ideas how to fix this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfuZqGvruug I love this music, but there are plenty more where that came from.

Everything is cool about them, not only do you get to learn good few words or two, but the shows are awesome. here are a few i have completed: - Trigun - DBZ - Gundam Series - Clannad - Accel World

This is still my #1 flavor!

I'm going to use my brother's first OC as an example: This is the vector candy star's friend made for him on fimfiction, that's what a vec is.

Just a vec or a digital drawing of her. I don't care how you do it, i just prefer a surprise. As long as my brother is happy with it, It doesn't matter.

I just don't want to give too much away.

That i'm trying to get done, but summaries are not my specialty, i have a tiny bit more experience than candy star did, but i'm no genius by any means. I'm happy he is writing again, but just want to make sure everything goes well.

So i'm helping my brother with a fic he's doing on fimfiction called, "Darkness Over Equestria". We've made some ground and made the grammar a little better and so you can see their personalities. But the problem i have is the summary for it, here's what i have: I just need a bit of help figuring out how to put this to make it eye catching.

So here's what i want to get done, My brother(Candy Star) made an oc called Rosa Thorns: I really want to cheer him up with it, i just want to see him happy. If you can't reply to this thread, please pm me.

@, hey there! could i ask for a sig? or is this closed again?

Just trying to get my brother out of his depression.

Will i lose my account if i used my brother's laptop to make this one? I'd hate to start over.

I heard my brother got banned 10 days before i arrived, i had no com or laptop since i forgot to bring mine in, so my account may have the same IP. Will i have to give up my account because of that? I'm the twin brother, just to clear the air.

I never knew my brother was this well known, i'm trying my best to make him feel better after the hard fall he took after leaving. I had to use his com since i forgot to bring mine with me. If i explain why i have the same IP address, i'm sure they will let it off.

Going out with my special somepony tonight, this is the first time i took her out for dinner.

My Favourite Mane 6 Pony: Rainbow Dash How did you find MLP Forums?: Through Daily motion How you became a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: My brother decided to get me into this show, and so far, i'm still lovin it. Not much to say besides i'm totally psyched to be here! I hope to its nice, not very friendly anywere else.