I am sorry for your loss Skullbuster, I understand how hard it is too loose a grand parent, I was very close to my grandmother and my greatgrandparents.
I lost my grandmother in a car accident where I watched her die, 7 months later I lost my great grandmother to a slow sickness that had been eating away at her for over a year, she was delirious by the time she passed and she asked for me on her death bed and I just couldn't go, I couldn't have the last memory of this strong kind giving woman as sick and frail and helpless.
I recently lost my greatgrandfather about 5 months ago, I felt so guilty after my greatgrandmother passed away I didn't visit him as much because being in that house was too painful for me, all my fresh woulds were agitated by the museum of memories that house held.
I know it's hard to erase the guilt, the pain, the numbing, but you shouldn't beat yourself up, when we are young we aren't fully aware of our actions because we lack the experince and self awarness something those older than us realize. I am certain your grandmother knew how much you loved her and how important she was to you, and I am certain she wouldn't want you beating yourself up or feeling guilt or shame in her memory.
Grieiving is a long process, for me its been a 8 year journey since my grandmother and greatgrandmother passed and I still continue to heal those wounds and find ways to honor their memories. I still ache at the thought they won't be here to watch me graduate college, see the first home me and my boyfriend buy togehter, they won't be present at my wedding. But I know I carry them in my heart, and there memories with me.
My Grandmother(the story of why im so emotionless)
in Blog de SkullBuster
A blog by Skullbuster in General
Posted
I am sorry for your loss Skullbuster, I understand how hard it is too loose a grand parent, I was very close to my grandmother and my greatgrandparents.
I lost my grandmother in a car accident where I watched her die, 7 months later I lost my great grandmother to a slow sickness that had been eating away at her for over a year, she was delirious by the time she passed and she asked for me on her death bed and I just couldn't go, I couldn't have the last memory of this strong kind giving woman as sick and frail and helpless.
I recently lost my greatgrandfather about 5 months ago, I felt so guilty after my greatgrandmother passed away I didn't visit him as much because being in that house was too painful for me, all my fresh woulds were agitated by the museum of memories that house held.
I know it's hard to erase the guilt, the pain, the numbing, but you shouldn't beat yourself up, when we are young we aren't fully aware of our actions because we lack the experince and self awarness something those older than us realize. I am certain your grandmother knew how much you loved her and how important she was to you, and I am certain she wouldn't want you beating yourself up or feeling guilt or shame in her memory.
Grieiving is a long process, for me its been a 8 year journey since my grandmother and greatgrandmother passed and I still continue to heal those wounds and find ways to honor their memories. I still ache at the thought they won't be here to watch me graduate college, see the first home me and my boyfriend buy togehter, they won't be present at my wedding. But I know I carry them in my heart, and there memories with me.
If you ever need to talk pm me Skullbuster