Catpone Cerberus

Everything.

Not going to lie.. I'm the worst person you cold have said that to.. you see.. I'm the kind of person that likes to... help.
If there is anything you want to say, I'm here for you.
Sometimes just telling other people what troubles you can take a bit off your mind and make you feel better.
And if you want, those people can even give you some neat advice on how to fix those problems or just try to cheer you up. 

My experience tells that opening in the internet doesn't help me at all, and even talking with my mother has been only little help that disappeared soon enough, and I know exactly what I should do about it, but I just can't get myself to do it(get professional help that is.) but I guess there is no damage done if I say something in short.

This is nothing new, I have suffered from loneliness, lack of motivation, lack of enthusiasm, and other similar things longer than I can remember, sure, there is better days, and I have even been happy sometimes, but that has never lasted long. 

Even the reason for that is pretty clear. I was the mocking stock in the school and my "friends" changed quick pace because I was with anyone who bothered even fake to be my friend. And I was also that person who is "too kind for his own good" so I got used, a lot. And nowadays I have become so unsocial and uncaring, that I'm not even trying to meet new people and probably drive people away with my pessimistic-realist personality.

But why I'm writing this atm, is simply because it seems that recently, it has gotten worse, and I just can't hold the mask together anymore enough so my truest personality starts leaking to a only place where I'm anonymous but I use 99% of my free-time in.