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DwhitetheGamer

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EqE Character Comments posted by DwhitetheGamer

  1. Okay, I got another look at him:

     

    Elo is right; the Spin Dash needs to have a clear, precise definition.  Try answering these questions: 

     

    Fastest speed possible?

    What kind of timing/concentration it would take, and how much?

    What are the limits?

    How often does he practice?

    How strong is it?

     

    To be honest, I don't see much else really wrong with Copper - but I would truly like that power as fully defined as you've made the character himself.  

    Answered your questions in the "other" section.

  2. First off, this information seems like it would make a good addition to Copper's profile ;)

     

    Now, I've re-read your character, and have a few more notes for you. First, the part of Copper's personality section that says "He doesn't care for shopping, as long as it isn't long ones" is a bit oddly worded. I think what you meant was something more along the lines of "He dislikes shopping, but will tolerate it if it doesn't take too long".

     

    Second, and most importantly, Copper's special talent still needs a bit of work. Like Randi said, his ability will need to be defined, and I would suggest doing so by clearly laying out what his "spin dash" is capable of in the "other" section. Beyond that though, he is still missing a purpose to his cutie mark. Clearly it symbolizes his unique ability, but what of it? What does his cutie mark say about him beyond "he can do this cool thing"? Is it symbolic of a passion for speed, or perhaps a desire to rush to the aid of somepony who needs it, like he did to earn his cutie mark when he helped clear the snow (hint hint hint)? This is a question that will need to be answered for you to really understand what makes your pony tick.

     

    In addition, his cutie mark story is improved, but still seems a bit odd. The inspiration works, but the fact that he never had to work on or practice at this ability strikes me as odd. I would have him practice this at least a bit by himself first.

    Updated pony with what was needed.

  3. Hmmmm...

     

    As far as I'm concerned, you seem to have covered a lot of things we asked for.  I may be premature in this, but I'm gonna toss Copper here into the second approval pile.  If all is well, you'll move on to the big leagues - if not, you'll be informed.

     

    Best of luck!

    I'm gonna put in a final touch in the appearance section, just to be safe.

    Thanks!

  4. Looking good, looking good!

     

    Now, let's see here:

     

    - Check the spelling of "Strikes"; I'm fairly certain it's just a typo (I do it more than I care to admit).

    - Still needs a bit of expansion in his personality; might I suggest a few ideas?  How does he react to pressure?  What is like when he's happy?  Or sad?  How about angry?  What does he look for in a friend?  Try asking yourself about the different facets of who he is when he's alone.  (Hope these help get the juices flowing!)

    - The description could use a bit of 'oomph' - is he tall or short?  Does he have any markings on his coat, or is it simply a single color?  What about those brown eyes of his; does he squint, or are they wide and happy?  Does he wear a smile, or is he frowning a lot, or maybe just neutral?

    - The likes and dislikes are good, but there's not much in his background to explain them: WHY does he like racing, and has he done it before?  WHAT HAPPENED to make him despise shopping trips?  

     

    I appreciate your work on this - EqE is dependent on having a LOT of detail to work with.  Imagine how cool it is when another player uses something off your profile and makes a story out of it!  It happens more often than you think - especially when there's lots of detail to work with.

     

    Copper Strikes is coming along rather well - pretty soon, he'll be shinier than a Chaos Emerald!  *wink*

     

    Updated with what was needed.  And I saw what you did there on the last sentence. 

     

    EDIT: And "Strikes" is not a typo, I named him like that.

  5. Hiya, Dwhite!  I'm going to give you my review on this character, and together we can work on making Copper ready for our EqE universe!  I'll take it from the top, and try to address each thing in order.

     

    Okay, let's see here:

     

    - First and foremost, ONLY characters from the actual show are considered "Tier" characters; unless Copper has been in the show itself, he should be listed as Not Cast.

    - As this is an application for an EqE character, we ask that you expand on his description; at least a paragraph or two, as detail will be KEY to EqE roleplay.  This can also be said for his personality - a good rule to keep in mind is the more detail you put INTO the character, the more enjoyment you will GET from them!

    - As per the rules of EqE, Copper CANNOT already know any of the characters from the show - that's what the roleplay is FOR - to meet & possibly befriend them IN PLAY.

     

     

    May I possibly suggest taking a gander at this; it might help you to better define what you want Copper to be:

     

    https://mlpforums.com/topic/118570-equestrian-empire-rules-and-how-to-join/?p=2300711

     

    Updated the character, putting the touches needed, like you asked.

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