Altastrofae

Okay, I'ma get real with y'all 

When people ask me if I'm depressed, I say no 

But I sound really depressed when I say it 

The truth is, I have no clue 

Like, I'll think of something sometimes which will make me smile 

But then I'll start thinking about how stupid I look smiling for no reason 

So I return to my usual, "indifferent-to-everything" face 

People always tell me how great I am 

But I never saw those things in myself 

Most of my friends are sociopaths who will act like my friends...

But treat me like a total piece of shit sometimes (I had ravioli stuck down the hood of my jacket just yesterday!)

Yet I feel drawn to people like that for some reason 

Maybe I don't like being happy because I think that empty bliss looks dumb, so I just stick around people who make me feel aweful about myself?  Just a guess, but maybe?

I just don't know anymore...