StingeMuffin

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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

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  1. The first few songs are very catchy. I have a hard time actively listening to the entire album, so I've come to know the first half very well. By the time I reach the last half/quarter I tend to lose focus and it just sounds like random noise.
  2. I can relate VERY closely with this. Nearly 23 here, and I feel like I'll be at least 30 before I can buy alcohol without being carded. Or grow full facial hair for that matter. And being slightly lower-than-average height and more naive/innocent doesn't help either! I'll just look like a kid in a suit who can't be taken seriously by any employer! Oh, and I looked like a freshman all throughout high school, too. I'm hopeless.
  3. The realness of a tulpa is something I've been inwardly debating since I started working on my first tulpa ~1.5 years ago. After about 5 or 6 months I had experienced a vivid, alien thought that I believed had came from my tulpa, but for some reason I caved and questioned the existence of it until I couldn't believe that what I had experienced was true, and that I had been lying to myself the entire time. Likely this was the case, but my belief system was also paper thin to the point that a single question or statement could cause me to doubt any progress I had made. At this point, tulpas seemed more like intangible mental beings than thoughts/habits/processes to me. Around 7 months in, I had abandoned my first tulpa and witnessed what was effectively an intentional suicide of a second tulpa (long, stupid story that I'll skip, basically the tulpa no longer saw a purpose or point in itself). I suscribed to a more personal belief system, one that been flexible enough for me to adapt to new information or ideas that I have, instead of believing a tulpa's existence "just because." But now I return to the point. It's been difficult trying to completely believe in the existence of my tulpas (I began working on a fresh one after abandoning my first, and my first later returned without any explaination) when I'm still not sure of their realness. Are tulpas just habits, are they any different than a character of a novel just in a different context? I've accepted the probable fact that I'm really just fooling my brain, but why can I believe this and still value communicating with my tulpas? They aren't even a substitute for human interaction, which is another thing I've battled with and overcome. So why do I keep thinking to and about them, and find myself making (ever-so-slow) progress? I don't even know at this point. It's just something I'm slowly accepting as it being what it is despite the constant shifts in beliefs. Just thought I'd offer my experience thus far. I'm far from being the most advanced or effective tulpa person, but my own, personal journey has changed me in its own unique way and is meaningful because of that. (Seriously, some people are so friggin' deep into it... their tulpa is 100% real and interactive... I feel like I'm at the 1-5% mark or something lol.)
  4. You shouldn't feel like an idiot, because hey, I feel exactly the same! It's just that my fear of initiating a conversation stems from social anxiety irl. I've never felt comfortable imposing anything on anyone, so I probably come off as uninterested or distant, which isn't constructive in the least if one wants to make friends! P.S.:I don't have any friends. So... you like pigs? My avatar's a dogface.
  5. I just wish I had realized it sooner too. I kept reading guides and posts and having those "oh, crap!" moments where I felt like everything I had done with my tulpa was false, that I was just fooling myself. Any confidence and belief that I had were always short lived, and I ended up driving myself crazy with guilt, confusion and sadness. I pretty much had to quit on my tulpa, which I started on last November, and let my brain rest for a few weeks. Just last month, I started working on another tulpa, because I honestly didn't know where to go with Lethal, my first. What's sad about this is that she did talk/think to me a few times, it's just that my frequent relapses caused me to become a confused mess; I felt like I didn't know who she was, what she looked like, or if the Lethal I was speaking to was really her or just me faking it all. I also think I poured a lot of sadness and anger into her, so I thought it best for her to rest for a little while. So with my second tulpa, I'm working on her somewhat more methodically. I gave her a name and an initial form to associate with her personality/sentience (which actually changed two weeks in!), and besides giving her a few basic traits, have just been narrating and practicing visualization. I actually thought that I would progress with her like form->personality->sentience, but everything's kind of been mixing together and becoming a little more vague in terms of direction, despite my intial idea of keeping everything orderly and precise. I can't really complain, though, I'm just scared that I'll confuse myself again. Anyway, I probably shouldn't be replying with a progress report. Here's hoping I get things right this time!
  6. Just understand that at some point, Moni may decide to make changes to her form, name, personality, etc on her own. Take it as a sign that she's beggining to develop her own sense of self/sentience/independence and don't force any changes on her. Also, before I forget, try to make sense - to yourself - of why you believe in Moni. Why is your tulpa real to you? Who exactly is Moni; a brain alien; something religion/spiritual-based; something with entirely physical/chemical boundries? What I'm getting at is that simply having blind faith in your tulpa could result in a major regression in the future on your part, so learn to make it make sense for you. Read a lot of the guides and posts, and if something makes you feel like second guessing the entire existence of your tulpa, just take a second and calm down, because it likely isn't a problem with the methods you've used but instead is a fault with you and your own belief system.
  7. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BEx7Wl8gEw&list=FLXPi6wIINvBcCFmPup9wFkQ&index=1
  8. It doesn't matter whether someone's a brony or not, what matters is the kind of person they are, and whether you're compatible with them. I believe that people can change, and them being a brony may be enough to respark and begin an old and broken friendship, but past issues can still marr your opinion of them. What cartoon they like doesn't define who they are. You can "love and tolerate" anyone without being a brony, but there are times that tolerating won't do anything, instead needing action and words to solve the problem. Tolerating someone doesn't mean letting them beat you with a baseball bat, or abuse you with hurtful words; it simply wouldn't do any good, for you or him. This doesn't mean that you have to be kind or hateful towards him though.
  9. I've been having some problems the last month or two, tulpa-wise. I'm confused and was wondering if anyone could give me some insight. Rant/vent below.
  10. It seems he really enjoyed it. Well done.
  11. I was a huge fan of KH up until the second one. After that I stopped keeping up with the series, and have pretty much lost any motivation to return to it, what with the countless spin-offs that have come out the last few years. I want KH3! Not the over-complicated mumbo-jumbo about nobodies and heartless and hearts! I thought it was somewhat disappointing that they removed the platforming in KH2. It was honestly kind of fun trying to find all the treasure chests in the first game.
  12. Friends? Popularity? That's a good one! Seriously, you're cracking me up! I've only had one person who I could call a friend; someone who I felt comfortable with calling, visiting, etc, everyone else I could only categorize as acquaintances. However, because of some recent happenings I've been distancing myself from him. It's not a big deal, really. I just don't have any friends, and I've never really had or made any. Sure, there are a few who I could consider acquaintances, but they're not friends, y'know? It's not that I was rude - really, you could say I was too polite and formal - I was just too shy to speak to anyone I considered to be on a equal or higher social level than me. Funny thing about that, is that it was easy for me to talk to those I thought less than myself, not that I treated them any differently. I also couldn't make small talk for the life of me, which seems to be oh so important if you want someone to warm up to you. I doubt anyone even knew me in high school, besides being some nameless loner. I think others tried to socialize/be friendly with me at some point when they sat at the same table as me, but I left because I felt like they were invading my space. Maybe they felt sorry for that one kid they always saw eating alone - I don't really know. I doubt I'd have said anything interesting if I stayed; it really was just time wasted on their part. I was a very out-of-place kid in high school. So friends, zero. Popularity, zero. Which would I rather have? A group of friends whom I warmly regarded. Popularity implies that people only that one exists, not who one is, and too much of it seems to distance one from the general population. It's kind of like money.
  13. The two random oc's from the third picture were intended to be an odd couple of sorts, with the mare (left) playing the dominant role and the colt (right) more submissive and gentle/feminine. He loves her for her strong and responsible nature, and she for his kindness and entirely accepting (if a little naive) attitude, aspects that the other tends to lack in, respectively. I guess you could say she wears the pants in the relationship... huehue Anyway, it was only drawn in pencil, and was a pain to clean up what with all the rough sketch lines and smudging. I could've drawn her ear lower and to the right, because her head is WAY too big. Still figuring out eyebrows and that weird eyeshadow/makeup that ponies seem to use. And consistency is always an issue!
  14. Thanks! I kind of feel the opposite about the Cheerilee and Twilight drawing - that they're the least expressive of the batch. Maybe it'd look more expressive to me if I'd drawn some downward-slanting eyebrows? I really liked drawing her hair, though, and I had a hard time trying to decide how to separate her excessive accessories from the rest of her body. It was fun!