Widdershins

D'aaww! Sooo cuuute! 

 Was going to say you got a valid excuse to design a character you don't have to worry about designing eyes for, but you got those Bright Lights shining through! Love it!

 ...Huh. For SOME REASON, I just UTTERLY ADORE HER!

 Especially the nicknaming shortening to "Widders," the fluffy white fur up front & this sorta... vague pagan "going against the natural order of things" kinda spirituality! 

 Tehn outta Tehn! Would Widder!

@Kitty_Cat  Well, by rights, as a faceless entity on the internets, I can't really know who you are, eh?

 There's miles of difference to be had in "You," "Your Character," and "You-as-Your-Character." Think of it like a What-If kind of thought. LIke how different you would be if you had been born & raised in a whole different area or land! (How funny, isn't it, that worrying kinda helps being creative, huh?) A lot of your character, (and I do not mean to discourage you any!) feels based off of what you know of the world you're putting yourself into rather than how being in the world would effect you.

 Like I say! If I was recreated into any body with natural magic power, say a unicorn, I know I would totally not be responsible with it! Why I don't write myself as all that powerful n' Main-Character-y; I don't like being treated all important-like!

So, Cadence then personality-wise? Trying to get a bead on what the personality is.

Kind of more like a list of things you like rather then her own character.

 That backstory... seems familiar somehow. Kind of doesn't seem to fit in with how Equestria dragons are more of another race then random beasts to be adopted.

 Oh, and the name Ember is already taken by a cannonical female dragon with purple highlights. Who... also seems to share a name with another franchise's female dragon with the same, but inverted colors... not, like, a bad... but... well, common name! Heh~

Well, my viewpoint, eh? I am kind of the opinion that a Draconequus OC, even moreso than a pony, is centered around a theme. But that's more of a style & opinion and can be played around with. She's oddly of congruent form to herself, but I feel it works well how you're writing her. No, I kind of raise issue elsewhere...

  Ya really gutpunched at the tail end of that backstory there. Biggest concern is that she's more of a reactionary character. That everything happens to her with little of what her own agency & autonomy displayed. Much in the same way I can't believe that Discord could just get over Celestia imprisoning him in stone for a thousand years of his long life, blaming somebeing else for the death of your daughter can't just be tossed aside to be friends now. At the least, I know I'd want to just stay as far away as possible and let bygones be bygones if the being that imprisoned me & supposedly ruined my life turned out to not be so bad.

 I fail to understand the weight of her adversity. Like, mine own draconequus has blown up worlds and gets potentially pursued for his crimes but that still doesn't mean that there's been times where he could not even leave his own room for fear of reprisal. This is Equestria after all. A world where some random chosen bookworm can suddenly sprout a pair of wings, get a title of responsibility over others and everypony just accepts it. Phantasia seems to just be a bit mischevious at times and has a mysterious origin. Hardly worth a second glance in an already magical realm much less labeling her a pariah. Gosh, Glimmer tried to end the world, what, eight times and she's gettin' along well in society! Lol!

 Oh, and I'd steer away from comparing your character to a main, cannonical character. Pinkie is more of an extreme end of the spectrum of joy, and the ill of that is meshed in there well with the rest of the good! It's a good basis, sure, but a reader can't help but generalize when given that.

  Oh, and I've got me a hard time pinning down her magical specialization. You say Shadow Magic, but it sounds more like Illusion or Mind magic and in the Other section sounds more like Druidic Naturecraft. The latter seems like it'd be incredibly hard to nullify for an arena battle too. 

 In short: I'd say it needs loads more details. Hee, though you ought be warned I may have a bad habit of mine own in over-detailing!

Just occured to me that Amanita getting held hostage is probably something that might only happen once or twice at most. Like, crux of a story maybe.

 Oh wow, all three of them have Monophobia? I'm think that maybe that that's less of a fear and more of just general loneliness. Something perfectly expected and relatable all things given in their stories. Also, how can they be lonely if they're all together? Isn't that the main thread to these three, that they're all prone to meeting up with each other on a regular basis?

 Also, toootally know where your aimin' at with "crash landings!"  A-wink!

Quote

Weaknesses: being blind, 

  Aiii.... That... that could be... worded... better...  And its kind of awkward to immediately launch into her disability when talking about her personality. What you are doesn't so much impact you as so much as how you cope with it. 

 Don't quite understand what "Father-care Free" means.

What makes her a princess? Is that even a thing in Changeling Society? And... d-.... did it... did it really have to be Chrysalis? ...I'm just asking, is all.

 I'm... just seein' an awful lot of Chrysalis getting involved in characters alot these days.

Ah... Well, I can't complain really. Just feel like it needs a bit more embellishment... a bit more story behind it. Like an author is privy to alot more knowledge than what the characters do. Perhaps maybe just how his father leaving him effected him. But hey, that's just my own wishfulness. 

 I do terribly like where you're going with this design though too!

  Sigh... it couldn't just be a simple watchband, could it? Props to detail though, I can tell work was put into the story.

 Eh... so far seems pretty dependent on Twilight saving them. I mean, cannonical characters can't be everywhere you know. I don't see that needi-

PANCAAAKES?!!? TEHN OUTTA TEHN! Would butterscotch again.

Quote

 'your aspirations are unattainable, child, so give up on them before you're disappointed any further',

 Disapproving Mentor that fails to offer compassion to young protagonist cliche. *Ding!*

 You really are obsessed with that water-droplet symbol/analogy, aintcha?

   Wait... so basically... she got her cutie mark in describing her cutie mark. That is a beautiful little heelturn of perfect, maddening sense. I could french-kiss you for that.

 Props too in having an actual cutie mark talent that isn't "Lol, I make cupcakes gewd and play wit' balloons!!"

 Ooh, that's some good alliteration there! The subtle implications to hydromancy seem a tad tacked-on, but aren't too terribly obtrusive. All this talk of backstabbing & subterfuge in the higher echelons does get a bit windy & weighs down the story a bit, but I can't fault you for its inclusion. After all, what else can we expect of the Unseen rankings of these sorts of Universities?

 I can tell what work & thought you put into it. Certainly among the higher ranks of what I've seen thus far and well worthy of some applause! 

  ...there, you didn't hear it but I actually did just clap for you for about half a minute. Woulda longer, but I go numb in these things for too long a usage! 

 @Duality H-how did you do that?!!? Change my name like that in the link! WITCHCRAFT!

  Aye... I know, rp lists had their revamp and removed alotta stuff... I had different color texts, paragraphs spaced out, even a video... looked a bit better then with more or less the same content but... bleh, I'll have to get on it. For how long it stays that way.

 Well, @Duality, that's what I'm aiming for there. By rights, Widdyshins shouldn't have any reliable magic powers. He's not supposed to manipulate or make anybeing do anything outside of just having to deal & cope with his personality. The pancakes should pretty much just be it, anything else should be a "Hah! Neat! Wasn't aware I was doing that!" That's the crux I'm aiming for is that he's an opposite parallel to Discord. With Discord you kind of always get the feeling that his antics will wind up somewhere he may have wanted you to go anyway, that he may or may not have been planning things out for centuries. With Widdershins, you ought get the idea that he really is genuine & caring... just that you'll never get a moment's peace around him. Like a 50-50 Discord-Derpy, you know?  That you know you can't leave him unattended without him either exploding your oven or turning your kitchen into a micro-universe.

  And aye, I mean to use Celestia chiefly as a springboard. Like, you couldn't talk about Spike without hauling in Twilight Sparkle, right? Important, yes, but not defining. That's what I see a Gary Stew as, if the story around them just funnels into only how it relates to your character. Like,if Celestia only fits in your backstory to point at your character, then I might be doing it wrong.

   ...probably need to come back and read this over again. Lotta cleanin' to do!

               Thanks for the comment! 

 Huh... entirely forgot I already commented here.  Well, I feel the urge to revamp my previous statement. I still do think the Abuse Backstory is cliche. (and yes, calling things cliche is also a cliche, lol!)  It's unsteady ground there. You can put a little too much of yourself into the character or be a fair bit too sympathetic to your audience. It's a thin line where being too emotional about it can rub the reader wrong and they dismiss it as a transparent ploy or go too indirect and sound just as cheap for not giving it enough respect for something so real-life.

   But... the way you do it is pretty impressive. I can't find fault somehow. Maybe it just sounds so realistic. There's no hint that her mother was some evil villain or was even aiming to bash or scar her. It was just the hand Dawn was dealt for her life. Hmm... maybe evil just works better when its vague & indirect... there isn't always some loud, showy villain with their own ends.

  Oh hey, just noticed. Did you take out the verbal description too?

I have to completely agree with Missklang. I may have complained/harped about you maybe gettin' a little bit too dark, but this is magnificent. Some work of art I could only see you pulling off the way you did. Haven't seen the concept of "A Life so long that it outgrows the previous forms of the body" done often, or this well before.

  ....   ....thooough... ...Lilliana Vess?...because, i swear, the similarities are uncanny.

  Do have to wonder if she's fully capable of outright necromancy. But this is the first time I've come across pure demonic magic, rather than just associating it with aforesaid necromancy or "black" magic.

 Thoroughly enjoyed reading your work!

 Aah! You forgot his back legs?!!? That's a major derp! Lol!

  He is so cuuute!   Glad to see somebeing else ascribe to the "ponies being pretty much close to humansize" theory!

  Dunno how I feel like alchemy coming right back to zebras again when it feels like anybeing could do it with enough practice. But I like it! Though that cutie mark does look a little less like a flask and more like a glass of ice water! Hee!

  Wouldn't sticking out more only make him an easier target?

  Wouldn't habitually listening to loud music (I dunno if Equestrian technology is even that advanced yet?) also make it easier for those Hunters to get him?

 Wait, it's the Hunters that are heartbroken?

 What's Thorax got to do with any of this? Eh, might want to tone down the references to other, cannonical characters.

 He doesn't really seem all that paranoid or have much reason to be. Still kind of get an impression that he's just about good at everything.

  Well, uh... better! I don't... wanna nag, but... kinda close to being a Mary Sue there. For one, doesn't strike me that Changelings have relations with other changelings. As that would imply they could give love to each other.... buuut, then again, I don't know what changes they've added to Changelings.

   A lot seems to hinge on him being singled out as the best. Chrysalis has always been more of a tyrant, so I can't image that she of anyone would be the type to single out members of her hive for special treatment. I remember Thorax as the scaredy cat (man, need to play catch up on the episodes) who seemed to have said that basically everybuggy else was just cannon fodder to Chryssy. Like, if she ever got wind of you having second thoughts she'd just splat you on the spot. Buuut, I'm just headcannoning here.

  But mostly all I want is a physical run down. Like, What's his horn like? Why is his magic red? Why is his stripes blue? Are those bird wings? Are those a set of golden earphones? Why does he wear bracelets? Why does each one have its own gem in it? Is that some special magic there too?

  I'm goin' overboard with questions now, ain't I? Hee-heh!~*

On 5/23/2017 at 3:34 PM, Blitz Boom said:

Dragons eat tiny fluffy things, you know?

 Eh! Eh! Did you just intone there was a bad thing about dragons! I shan't have it! Away with your neighsaying!

  Heh, but I get you. I'd say its more on me trying to understand than any detriment to your writing. The legitimacy of any one being holding power over another is something I've always spend large amounts of time philosophizing over.

   I don't know what I was implying with the third option... systematically editing and proofreading everything you do & say? I don't know what'd be crazier, me doing that or you letting me do that, lol!

  ...did you say she was bipedal? Kinda always thought that was a stage dragons grew out of in Equestria. And, ironically enough, she just seems to happen to have the same color scheme as my own drake! ...take that as a compliment, maybe!

 Heh, okay, alot better. I might delete my previous comment if I learn how to, but maybe it's better to leave it up as monument to my overreaction.

  It might be a bit of a black mark to make characters orphans, but I think that's pretty good. Parents are missing... sooo, yeh, they're likely dead. I can certainly sympathize with her now! I'm sure most kids don't take to drama to well or healing after the fact & no doubt that would leave an impact on later development too!

  Ahh... well, don't want to ever come across as tellin' others what to do, but... I feel a good basis for a character is more about how they react to the world, rather than how it reacts to them.

  You painted him as a bit of a bruiser, a loyal warrior... yet also one to seclude himself or hole up with books & be a bit anti-social, kind of conflicts a bit so... perhaps, pick a side? I can think that if you've had to unhesitatingly lunge at a hydra in a fight, you probably don't care about having others "break through your shell."

  Think there's alot more potential to explore in that backstory. Like how Queen Chrysalis (that QC kinda confused me with Celestia there for a bit) noticed him enough to let him be an "Elite" Guard, much less what an Elite Guard entails, or how she just let him choose not to be in the attack, (Since Chrysalis doesn't strike me as one to appreciate dissenters) or how he chose the spot to settle down that he did, how the whole shameal with Thorax effected him, (though that might be huge spoilers for the episode though...) how he got these hobbies, (woodcarving as a pony seems like it takes alot of practice!) or why he looks the way he does!

  Actually, that last one might be the biggest one for me. (Oh wow, you just add in some new stuff?) Creativity doesn't seem to be the biggest thing to Changelings, or even to the villainess that Chrysalis was. Wouldn't most Changelings want to stick out less? I can only imagine the choices that led to him choosing to stand out like he did!

  Basically, don't be afraid to embellish! More details means more story! ...wait, maybe there can be too much information?...if so, I'm certainly guilty of that!

WOWZA! That's just-! ... "He's a changeling who got creative, what can I say?"   Oh now, come now! How could I not love you now! A beautiful way to string it all together... but that still doesn't excuse you from a description. When you got aaaall of that up there, we need you to give us a proverbial hand in guiding us through each part, bit by bit. Hey, I'm a draconequus of twelve different parts and I had to go though all of it! But then again, I clearly adore overexplaining!

  The trouble though with being a mish-mash is that the more you stick out, the more your character is likely going to have to constantly explain themself to everybeing they meet. Like, I'm sure if you were going for a stroll and suddenly looked up to see a huge, winged creature with a flaming sword, you probably wouldn't want to talk to them so much as instantly assume their trouble and find an excuse to duck away from their gaze.

 Trouble is... you're kind of everything all at once. He's combative and strong, yet reclusive and a bit of a homebody. If he covers that wide of a range, it can be hard for an audience to get a bead on what he is & relate enough to wish to interact. Gosh, if the fellow can skin a dragon or hydra (which... might be a few of my own OCs, not that I'm bias or anything! *cough) by himself, then I doubt if I can offer him anything myself!

 I love this. I appreciate you, this, your work, everything! Awesome! I'm so glad this page came into my life today!

JEEZSUS! YOu mutilated the children & murdered the parents!??! What's wrong with... who does tha-.... wow! Geez! Man! That's pretty bloody violent! And this is the same world the childrens' show happens in!!?? Geez!! She had older ponies just standing over her in a drug-addled state chopping away at her>?!! Why isn't she more of a wreck?! Good god, I just... I'm sorry, I really don't like cursing but this has finally earned it... Fuc, man... that is... that is way, way, way too dark, man... that... please... needs to be toned down... that is creepypasta levels of disturbing... think this is the first case I've ever seen of an OC being intentionally harmed... and to a child too... I feel kinda faint now...

  I mean.... magic just seems to be a "makes things easier" in this world, its nothing that tends to be a way of life. I mean... shit... you could just sweep away the feathers guys then resume your spell-casting... any feathered beast doesn't shed all that many feathers if it wants to keep being able to fly. And its just one filly, with small wings! She doesn't understand how much of a trouble it could be, yet the village immediately jump to gang-r... gang jumping her to mutilate a defenseless filly?! Wow... I... I don't see how your not suicidal after living though a backstory like that...You said it was just within close proximity to one, small filly...

  I was going to say that I really liked her, since she reminds me of Limestone, one of my favorite characters from the show, but now I don't feel so well, I'm going to go for a walk now and maybe feel a bit better later.... geez...

   ...what's with all the </strong> ?  Oh, and I tend to put the Powers, Abilities, Jobs or Accoutrements down on separate lines down in the Other section. I try to make as many paragraphs as possible since the new format change kinda clusters everything together into one big pile.

  I, uh... don't think a Black Hole on a Black mare is going to show up too well. Nor can I think of what shape a Black Hole would take to be a visible enough symbol for a cutie mark.

  Uhm... also... don't understand the nullification make all that well. It's just a natural aura? From what I've heard, it tends to be hard for any sort of magic to stand up by its own. And... it comes from an Earth Pony's feathers?.... Where's her feathers coming from? Cause Horsefeathers is kinda a famous swear because of the dubious nature of horses having feathers. Of course, now I'm getting all confused as to where the feathers start growing from on a pegasus!

 Oh, and you don't need to specify that their parents were also a pegasus & earth pony. From what we've seen, ponies seem to come out randomly granted one of three types.

 Do hope that bandana is a reoccurring thing for her! It looks so adorable on her!

 Did... did you just PetShip!??! Squee! Automatic win in my book!!

 Two pro-... okay, three problems if you don't mind me pointing them out.

   One is that being roughly human-sized doesn't strike me as all that impressive or befitting a dragon that's "large for her age." But maybe that's because I kinda see ponies as waist-height basically. And... that kinda plays into Problem Number Dos.

  Two: Little heavy on the Outcast Syndrome there and it doesn't really work. You pointed out that she quickly became capable combat wise, and what she lacked she made up for in magic & tactics. Add on to that being "large for her age" would think that despite her bookish reputation preceding her, that would still be passable at best for dragons that live for a good scrap. Then, kind of compounded that by it seemingly saying that after leaving a family that wouldn't miss her just about every camp and attempt at living with others systematically wound up with her being shunned in just about the same way. I kind of feel there's too much focus on failing to socialize so much as her not letting others in because she's clearly on another page & level.

Third really is just some spelling & grammer hiccoughs here & there. But I'll only point those out if you want me to.

  You know who she reminds me of? Lisa Simpson. Clearly smarter & more considerate than everyone else in town, perhaps a bit tempermental or snooty. She gets ragged on constantly for her nerdiness & shortcomings, but hey, in Springfield eeeveryone gets picked on!

    There we go! That's how  you make a cannonical character! I'd want to ask what you mean, specifically, by 'background pony', but that is how you do it! She lives her own life, and sure, maybe the characters we follow know her and there may be only a very slim chance we would see her go by in the background, but that is how you put another life into another world! It's okay to not have some huge story of drama behind your characters; It's alright to be just normal! Which is something I still need to learn! *sage nod*

   Maybe a teensy bit too close to sounding like Pinkie Pie, but that's hardly a bad, ain't it?