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GrimGrimoire

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Blog Entries posted by GrimGrimoire

  1. GrimGrimoire
    OK a lot of people keep talking about not wanting to see certain sections of the site over and over and don't seem to realize you can choose your own content, and it is very easy to boot. So here in 7 easy steps (with pictures) I'll show you how to do it. Since the Debate Pit is the big one, that is what I am concentrating on, but since I don't care about Roleplay or Ponyverse TV and the like, I'll add them to.
    Step 1: Find your activity streams at the top of the page. Click the down Arrow.

     
    Step 2: It will make a drop down. In some cases this may scroll down your screen, either way you want to scroll down to Create new Stream. Click it!

     
    Step 3: Give it a name. I named mine "No Debate Pit", so you can use that, or call it "Peace of Mind", "Only Ponies" or "Wilma"... your choice. Just make the name something you will remember in case you ever make other streams for different content.

     
    Step 4: After you name it scroll down to "Topics" in circle 1. The box you care about is in circle 2. Hit the little arrow next to the gear.

     
    Step 5: It will expand a list of ALL the forums & sub-forums on the site. Hit the down arrows next to the forums to reveal many of the sub-forums. Just CLICK EVERY SINGLE FORUM YOU WANT TO SEE. DO NOT CLICK THE ONES YOU DON'T! Look at the whole list and do this. As you click them and more and more drop down, you will have to adjust your screen. Grin and bear it.

     
    Step 6: As you click them, you will see tags forming above the box. This is what is causing the screen dropping... when done click outside the box and you should have something like this. If you notice no Debate Pit in sight... nor a couple of other forums I don't frequent. Look them over, see something missing, or something you don't like, make changes now.

     
    Step 7: Save it!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress this enough.. no one ever saves it. If you don't save it you just wasted your time and won't see the results.

     
    After saving it. you can return to wherever, then go back to Step 1. This time when you hit the drop down list, you will see your named Stream above the Create New Stream Button. If you click it, it will only show you the updates on the forums you chose to look at. Anything you did not include will NOT be included in this. You can further customize as you see fit though. If you play around with the other boxes and tools you can get all sorts of views going. You can't break it so don't worry... if you do do something really wonky that you cannot figure out how to fix, you can just delete the stream and remake it. Be aware this is only for the desktop and laptop versions of the site not the mobile version, so if you have questions pertaining to that, you'll have to speak more to mobile users or just play around with the settings in your free time.
     
    Thanks for reading. Hope this helps some of you dealing with this issue.
  2. GrimGrimoire
    OK, going to try to add these as the season goes by. We'll see how it goes on my keeping it up, especially as busy as my Saturdays usually are.
     
    Well I watched the two premier episodes and was impressed. The first episode was pretty good, I loved the characterization and flashbacks with Celestia, and although it was not a total Celestia episode, I really can't complain. Also, I think the fact that it was a Slice of Life episode tying up some of the last seasons ending made it even stronger for me. I much prefer a resolution on screen than an off screen assumption. Some parts of it seemed to drag a bit, and Twilight spazzing out over and over got annoying, although watching Celestia do it utterly made up for that. Although some may have wished Starlight had went away, I am glad she is being allowed to stick around under her own choice and not shoved off in some weak attempt to return to the original cast. Although i am still pretty neutral about her, removing her just because would bother me a lot more than keeping her on. Overall I really enjoyed it and think it was a great start to the season.
     
    All Bottled Up was a bit weaker for me personally. I loved that Trixie plays a prominent role and am even more thrilled that she is learning actual magic... and seems to be more talented at it than was given original credit for. However, her characterization was kind of aggravating to me overall... she has already shown she thinks very highly or Starlight and considers her her best friend.... so why act that way towards her? I get that she gets caught up in the moment and can have that arrogance streak at times, but to act like that towards your best friend just kind of felt way out of place. I am glad it got solved at the end, and the way they did it picked the episode back up for me, but still I found it way out of place. And speaking of out of place... the should have dumped the entire Twilight and gang scenes period. They could have saved that for its own episode and let this one center on Starlight and Trixie. The entire scenes just felt like absolute filler for me, and as such made the episode feel like filler in progress.... The song was dull and forced, the scenes felt shoehorned in, and it just felt like something there meant to kill half the episodes time slot. They could have just said they went to a retreat and i would have been fine with that. That being said.. the pretzel gag at the beginning was golden, mainly because I was eating pretzels at the time... so I almost choked on the irony and laughter. In conclusion, it was not a bad episode at all.. just sort of out of focus and had some things I think would have been better left out. I did like it for the most part though and look forward to EP3.
     
    OK, not really... I tend to dislike babysitting episodes of anythings, so we will see how it goes.
     
    Celestial Advice   8/10
    All Bottled Up   7/10   (originally 6/10... but looking at it a bit more I kind of rethought my score)
  3. GrimGrimoire
    Anyone who knows me knows I have always loved a good game. My love of gaming started all the way back to the original NES system, and I treasured the hours I spent getting new games, learning them and conquering them.
     
    Eventually my old NES gave up the ghost, and the games went off to a pawn shop. Now I am trying to revisit those old classics and recapture some of the magic I felt before. It is no secret I have become somewhat disillusioned with games in the last few years.. they have become bigger, louder and flashier.. but not necessarily better. Not saying they suck, but they just don't capture my attention the way they used to in the past, which is not necessarily their fault, just my own feelings in general. So this is my own personal little adventure to recapture some of that magic... to revisit the past and travel up into the present. Is it going to take a long time? You bet it is.. but that is OK.. I will have fun all the same. And that is what ANY game is supposed to be about.
     
    Now, to say I had a lot of NES games is an understatement.... a major understatement... and honestly is a story for another time. But for now let's just say I had a lot of them... and having so many of them, there were games I loved, and games I played once and then hid at the bottom of closets to never be touched again. I went through several systems, all the way up the PS3 where i finally just got tired of it all and slipped out of the market for gaming for awhile. For the sake of simplicity, this blog entry will only be for the NES classic system.
     
    I am not sticking to ONLY NES games, and have plans to move up nto SNES, Genesis and later systems as well, and I still may pop on some PS1 and 2 games here and there as well.. but at the moment I am mainly trying to concentrate on NES games. Also, I am mainly concentrating on games I used to own and games I have heard about and just never gotten around to playing that interest me. I won't replay everything nor finish everything... let's face it, some of the old stuff was pure garbage and I won't force myself though that crap... but I will at least mess with it a bit if for no other reason to remind myself why I hated it. I may end up putting up reviews as well.. but I dunno, I have never been keen on reviewing games.
     
    I do usually have a couple of games going at once as well. I was playing Dragon Warrior for example for a couple of weeks there, but in that time I also replayed Blaster Master, A Boy and His Blob and Bionic Commando. (Exploding Hitler never gets old!) The main reason for this is my favorite genres are RPGs, but as much as I love them, at times they get tedious and I need to break off and play something else.
     
    I am open to suggestions and discussions on the topic as well. I love sharing thoughts and opinions and learning what other people are enjoying. If you do suggest something and it is not something I loathe, or appears like I will loathe, then it will go on the list.
     
    I will update this as I have the time and interest. Sometimes work burns me out and sometimes I just am not in the mood to play. Also, just because it is on the list does not mean I will get to it anytime soon since as I said, it will change as I have time and interest.So we will see how it goes. Feel free to message me with any thoughts you may have. And yes, i am mostly running through the alphabet, although that is not a hard fast rule. It is more for convenience than necessity.
     
    List of NES games played and/or completed
     
    8 Eyes
    10-Yard Fight
    1942
    1943
    A Boy and His Blob
    Abadox
    Adventures of Bayou Billy
    Adventures of Lolo 1, 2 & 3
    Alfred Chicken
    Alien 3
    All-Pro Basketball
    Anticipation
    Astyanax
    Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
    Baby Boomer
    Bad Dudes
    Batman
    Battle Chess
    Battletoads
    Bionic Commando
    Blaster Master
    Bubble Bobble
    Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle
    Cabal
    Capcom's Gold Medal Challenge 92'
    Castelian
    Castle Of Dragon
    Castlevania 1, 2 & 3
    Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers
    Code Name Viper
    Commando
    Conquest of the Crystal Palace
    Contra
    Cool World
    Crystalis
    Dance Aerobics
    Darkwing Duck
    Defender II
    Deja Vu
    Demon Sword
    Dirty Harry
    Double Dragon 1-3
    Dragon Warrior 1&2
    F-117A Stealth Fighter
    Jack Nicklaus' Greatest 18 Holes of Major Championship Golf
    James Bond Jr.
    The Jungle Book
    L'Empereur
    The Legend of Zelda
    Metroid
    Micheal Andretti's World GP
    Super Mario Bros. 1, 2 & 3
     
    Currently playing/looking into
     
    Battle Kid 1&2
    D&D Dragonstrike, Heroes of the lance, Hillsfar & Pool of Radiance
    Dr. Mario
    Dragon Warrior 3-4
    Ducktales
    Faxanadu
    Festers Quest
    Final Fantasy (Will play a better version though)
    Ghostbusters
    Ghosts and Goblins
    Goonies II
    Gradius
    Guardian Legend
    Gunsmoke
     
    Edited (12-1-16): Finished a couple of games and updated lists. Fuck some of these games, seriously.
  4. GrimGrimoire
    Welcome one and all to my simple and meandering observations through the world of Double Dragon for the NES. This will sort of be a review, but will also just be me poking fun at the game as I did with 8 Eyes previously. Don't take anything I say too seriously and if you have not played the original game i suggest you go give it a shot.. especially the arcade version since it is still pretty fun to this day.
     
    Anyway onward! Hooooooooooooo!!!!!
     

     
    So Double Dragon is your standard walking around minding your own business scenario which apparently causes strange people to come out wanting to kick your ass for it.
     
    Here is the skinny
     
    Double Dragon is the story of Billy and Jimmy Lee, twin brothers who learned to fight on the cold, tough streets of the city. Their expert knowledge of the martial arts combined with their street smarts, has made them both formidable fighting machines. But now Billy is faced with his greatest challenge. Marian has been kidnapped by the Black Warriors, the savage street gang of the mysterious Shadow Boss! Using whatever weapons come to hand - knives, whips, bats, rocks, oil drums, even dynamite - Billy must pursue the gang through the slums, factories, and wooded outskirts of the city to reach the hideout for his final confrontation with the Shadow Boss... his brother Jimmy!
     
    Thanks to that thrilling paragraph we know we have a lot of karate adventure ahead of us, and it is apparently to face of against our twin brother. One thing I have to point out is that in the arcade you get cooperative play... where here, you have to take turns. So if you and a friend want to play together, take that into account. So lets get this underway... we have asses to kick and only a short time to kick them all. Also I have taken the liberty of spicing up their in game conversation. because you know.... bad humor and all.
     
    The first thing we are treated to is the opening cutscene where a gang of thugs beats the shit out of your girlfriend, because kidnapping is just not bad enough for them.
     

     
    You can't see it well unless you actually play the game, but that is a damn hefty right hook he is burying in her solarplexis there... and people say men don't know how to treat women like ladies anymore. Jury I give you Exhibit A! Then you are treated to a scene with her being carted off like a sack of potatoes... even Bowser always gave Peach a clown helicopter thing to ride in when he grabbed her up.
     

     
    Well I don't know about all of you, but I am so filled with indignant rage right now that I could just totally massacre the whole lot of these guys... so I guess that is what I will do. Onward!
     

     
    So you start on the mean streets of Townsville and not a Powerpuff girl in sight! What's a super karate master like yourself supposed to do when the welcoming committee shows up? Why mash those buttons like you are having a seizure of course! Actually just throw a lot of kicks.. seriously... punches suck in this game.. just do kicks. I warned you.
     

     
    So after beating up your first sets of new friends, you get a righteous thumbs up from God himself because who doesn't love a good old fashioned karate throwdown more than the creator himself? No one that is who!
     

     
    Or maybe he just wants me to read the sign. It looks like a help wanted sign... maybe God is telling me to give up karate and to get a damn job... well screw that!!!! KARATE MASTER IS MY JOB.. and I need to get back to work! Later hand of god!
     
    Remember how those guys earlier shit kicked your significant other? You get to do payback... wait a minute...
     

     
    OK, well I am evil. Yes you get to beat the shit out of women in this game. A lot of women... in my defense they remind me of Carol Burnett and my first instinct if I were to encounter her would be to thrash out in a fight or flee panic.
     
    But hey, let's make it worse shall we!
     

     
    You also beat up a lot of black people in this game to. Apparently in Double Dragon black lives do not matter. But hey, everything is fair in karate and even more karate.
     

     
    you beat on a couple more waves of people here and then get to enter the elevator where you encounter your first boss fight.
     

     
    OSHA should be all the hell over this shit... seriously, conveyor belts leading into bottomless pits? No wonder everyone in Townsville loses their packages! And if you have one of these things on the job site, is it wise to pick a fight on it? I mean I know every movie in history when the bad guy goes after the good guy, they can't just fight on the nice stable ground, they have to get inside the car crusher, or on top of the girders of the unfinished building... or underneath Dom Deluise's chair after a particular large meal just to have their final battle. You would think by now someone would learn... but not today.. just sucker Abobo close to the edge and karate kick his ass over the edge. You win! Onward!
     

     
    Onto a steel factory of sorts where you get to battle what appears to be mini Frankensteins.
     

     
    Beat a few waves and you get to learn Billy's dirty little secret.
     

     
    Looks like Billy could use hair club for men. Maybe later Billy, we still have many asses to kick!
     

     
    You do get several weapons in this game... bats, chains and other assorted knick-knacks you find by kicking the shit out of your opponents. Of them all knives are the most useful since enemies tend to kick the crap out of you pretty easy when you have a weapon.
     

     
    Except for the girls, they pretty much will just keep blundering into whatever weapon you happen to be swinging. Make of that what you will. Time to do some tower climbing, beat some faces inside out and have another boss fight!
     

     
    You can pretty much cheat this fight with one move. Get close enough to the edge, get this visual kei reject into a hair pull grab and throw him off the building. It's cheap, simple and very effective. Onwards to glory.... and more karate!
     

     
    I get the feeling this level will involve trees.. lots of trees.
     

     
    Or maybe beehives... lots of beehives. With no bees. Anyway, more karate fighting here. And now it has to be said I know I am using the word karate pretty loosely here, considering your extreme martial arts skill basically revolves around you punching thugs in the face and kicking them in the groin over and over again until Bruce Lee rises from the dead just to die again in disgust, but hey.. in the world of Double Dragon.. this is karate at its finest. Anyway, lots of guys throw butter knives here, which hurt a lot more than you would think they would when thrown sort of lazily in your direction.
     

     
    Also they like to Tarzan down from trees sometimes.. which is not nearly as impressive as it sounds. They would probably be more effective just falling on you.
     

     
    That zany wig guy who was the boss last level now shows up as a regular contestant on every-bodies favorite game show.... GET... YOUR... ASS... KICKED... !!! *applause* They are actually pretty annoying and have a habit of getting sucker shots in pretty regularly. Anyway, let's continue shall we?
     

     
    You might think this is a boss fight, but no such luck. You just get to fight two of these angry pumpkin heads at the same time, Why are they so angry? Well look at them, they are like twice your size and yet wear the same size pants as you. That sort of constriction has to play hell on anyone's comfort and incontinence. It probably takes the combined strength of all the Black Warriors just to help these guys get their belts buckled, and every day an exploding button from a popped seam does not kill some random gang member is another days victory. But back to the fight... ummmm.. yeah.. just don't get between them and keep doing those kicks. Did you find out the hard way what punches lead to yet?
     

     
    OK now we get to one of those requirements that had to be in every video game back on the days of the NES... a cave area. I mean no matter what the game was, it had to have some random nonsensical cave level just to get green-lit into being a game. It made games like Baseball and Ice Hockey and golf all the more frustyrating when players were screaming at their TVs "WHY THE FUCK AM I IN THIS CAVE! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET A TOUCHDOWN AGAINST THE BEARS!"
     
    I think it has to do with programmers thinking all gamers lived in caves or something and that maybe they would relate? Anyway, you know what else is a staple of these sorts of games?
     

     
    That's right! The moving platforms that make no sense anywhere! Every evil villain in any game anywhere always installed these as if they were a free gift along with his or her purchase of bad guys monthly magazine. I would hate to imagine if we use them in the real world instead of oh I dunno.. stairs. escalators, elevators, ladders... or whatever else would make loads more sense than rotating platforms placed above empty space. Anyway, back to more caves.
     

     
    Dynamite becomes a bigger threat now along with cramped quarters to boot. So keep on kicking thug ass and taking names, because a bit further along and....
     

     
    HOLY SHIT! IT'S THE HULK!
     
    Well no not really... just a radioactive Abobo or something. That is one hell of a skin condition he has going on there! Anyway, he is not a boss fight and after you beat him another one pops up to take his place, so give them both some elbows and kicks of doom and continue onwards.
     

     
    Final area for stage 3... the boss is invisible... OK not really. NO boss at all... just jump down and head through door. I suppose after battling guys with machine gun belt buckles the programmers decided to cut you some slack. Onwards to the hell that is stage 4.
     

     
    The Temple of Possible Doom with more aggravating features than challenging ones.
     

     
    First concrete slab dodging, because karate does not work on ancient temples, and the Shadow Boss is running out of volunteers to come out and get their ass handed to them by your super karate. Just time them and walk on by.. and when you discover the timing is a lot of shit, try it again and again until you luck your way past it.
     

     
    Oh boy! More fighting! From now on everything will be attacking in twos most of the time, so if you hate threesomes consider turning the game off now. Otherwise don't get between them and just stick to those awkward triple kicks and jump kicks. Continue onwards...
     

     
    You get to battle more Abobos here so keep at it, you are getting pretty damn close.
     

     
    More random thugs wanting to make friends. You can actually use some moving platforms here to dodge a couple of them to save some life if need be.
     

     
    Nothing says evil boss more than having your front door look like a hungry Dracula. I hope all you aspiring evil bad guys are taking notes because there will be a quiz after class.
     

     
    One last corridor and we are home free. The dragon heads are not just decorative, they spew flames. Great for those Jehovah's Witnesses that dodge the spike traps and bottomless pits.
     

     
    Well here we are... the final chamber. This is basically just a swarm of enemies coming into the room to pound you into submission... but hey! We are Billy Lee, we do the pounding around here... now with that sexual overtone floating around in all of our heads, let's begin. For starters stay near the door, the enemies come out two by two from there, so you can get in free hits with waiting elbows. After that, you know the drill.. kick the shit out of them. In order you get two Abobos, two wig guys, two Carol Burnetts and two unlucky thugs... after all of that.. you get....
     

     
    Willy.
     
    This guy sucks, period. Overall he is not too bad if you know the routine, but if you let him get distance on you, he will quickly show you why machine gun trumps karate every time. Just stay close and keep suckering him up and down so he does not get a good bead on you.
     

     
    I love playing got your nose with these guys. Actually I just like chucking them back and forth across the room... which is pretty much a staple for beating this guy.
     
    Do this enough times and you have your final confrontation with the shadow boss....
     

     
    You in more dashing threads! Actually that is your brother Jimmy Lee... who apparently has identity issues since he wants to look just like you.. how disturbing. Anyway, no time for catching up, time to go Pat Morita on his ass.
     

     
    He pretty much has the same attacks as you, but also falls for the same tricks. He has a lot of health to... so be prepared to just keep leading him around and kicking him at every opportunity.
     

     
    If you let him get a good bead on you, he will attack with a number of cheap shots and almost always get the upper hand proving that karate is not only your strength, but your ultimate weakness.
     

     
    After you dance around this bozo enough times you will finally send him to the blinking bad guy grave of doom. Although he returns in the sequels, so apparently you do not kill him dead enough. And this is how you solve a sibling rivalry! With long drawn out kidnappings of your siblings girlfriend followed by beating the shit out of an entire town. Who needs counseling?
     
    Anyway, time to see if Marion is still alive.
     

     
    She is! But hey... why is Jimmy's vest hanging there behind her? And why is she all sitting on a bed? Oh crap! Say it isn't so!!!!! I've been dumped for my psychopath brother!!
     

     
    Oh well, I can live with that. I killed Jimmy anyway so I guess she is single again afterall. Also what's up with the weird cat/dog hybrid under the table?
     
    The End
     
    Overall, you can do worse with an hour of your time. Double Dragon is a simple if not aggravating romp through sibling rivalry for the love of a woman who is not really sure which karate master she loves more, so just settles on which ever one can successfully stay standing after they meet up in a battle of fists.
     
    Also abobos suck.
     
    8/10
  5. GrimGrimoire
    I was actually going to post this in the thread about feeling weird for watching MLP, but decided it was too long and worked better here.
     
    About a week ago I bought a MLP DVD set, however upon getting it home and opening it up, I noticed one of the discs was cracked (not the first time this has happened to me, I had the same problem with Avatar), so upon discovering this I headed back to the store to exchange it for a new copy. Well the store was Fry's, normally a pretty awesome store overall... with one minor exception.. their return booth. I dunno how it is in other Fry's, but here you walk up right in front of the store, and pretty much stand in the open while they scrutinize your return for even the slightest hint that it might indeed be an alien shapeshifter disguised as a product they carry and it is their job to catch it before it lays space pods and abducts us all.
     
    So I hand them the case, and explain that one of the CDs inside was cracked and I would just like to exchange it for a new copy... however the gentleman assisting me only heard the words "Yes" and "I" and I imagine heard the rest as Charlie Brown teacher speak since he was staring at the cover as if it had just flirted with him and he could hardly believe it. He must have stood there for at least 5 seconds staring at the cover, before opening it and seeing the cracked CD inside, and then quickly shutting it again like it was filled with leprosy. He then asked me rather uncomfortably what I wanted to do with it despite me having already told him. I resisted the urge to tell him about my plans to get it drunk and hope for third base, and instead just informed him (again) I wanted a new copy. I kid you not, that if he had been wearing a top hat it would have completely popped off at this statement.
     
    So he walked over to the table, laid it down and very hesitantly informed the other two associates that were there I wanted to return this particular DVD. I was unaware that returning a cracked DVD was cause for getting the swat team on the phone and cutting the Presidents golf game short.. but apparently they take this shit seriously. I was then asked if I would like someone to go get me the DVD or if I needed to do any other shopping? I honestly could not help myself... I told him I wanted the new DVD, and was curious if they had the soundtrack in stock and if they could recommend me any other amazing shows just like this one...
     
    Now you have to understand, there are three basic facial expressions when it comes to disgust.... there is typical revulsion which all of us have done at some time or another, then there is nausea which makes you get that particular shade of green you only find on truck stop bathrooms behind the toilet... and then there is that face one can only make after walking in on your grandparents having sex in the light of day with no blankets on. Well, low and behold MLP merchandise makes that face to... who knew?? Not me, that's who.
     
    Needless to say he had no answer for me... he just mumbled something about not having that sort of information available followed by what i assume was a prayer to whatever deity he worshiped. I was given a stub for my return and allowed to go on my way to do my shopping. I was very careful to watch for falling nets and pay attention to step over any mysterious spots on the floor which were obviously pit traps designed for just such an emergency.
     
    I ended up getting a new copy of the DVD set as well as an anime I had been kicking around. I looked for the music CD, but no such luck. I went to check out and my cashier was a young teenage girl who made an aww with far too much vocalization on the w's. She then informed me she loved the show... and I replied i did to. I would have offered her a brohoof, but honestly I was just ready to get out of there by then, not to mention I was not entirely positive that they had not summoned the Avengers or the Justice League or somebody to deal with me at that point. You have to walk by the return table as you exit the store and I gave them such an awesome Cheshire cat grin, that I literally did think I had turned invisible, until the guard asked to see my receipt that is. I showed it to him, he looked in the bag and it was at this point I began wondering if being tasered hurt, and what was the proper gift to give your cell mate on the second date. But, he just smiled and handed me back both bag and receipt and allowed me to go. I like to tell myself he was a brony, so he totally understood.
     
    So... MLP... not just a lifestyle.... but an adventure.
  6. GrimGrimoire
    OK, honestly I am not much for reviews or playthroughs, I am just not fond of sitting down and trying to write about my thoughts on any game or having people watch me play anything. However I did promise someone I would give it a go, so that is what i am doing. So without further ado, here is my incredibly semi sort of playthrough and review of a classic NES game... 8 Eyes! And by playthrough I actually mean pictures of screen shots with my assorted rambles and comments thrown underneath. I'll try and keep them sort of brief, but no promises. And by review, I mean just my totally awesome and yet irrelevant opinions. I don't claim to be an expert at reviewing games, just an expert on giving my opinion of them.
     

     
    I'll let you know right up front, this story has nothing to do with real eyes, so any ophthalmologists out there thinking you have just found your ultimate wet dream can put those tissues away. 8 Eyes is actually in reference to the 8 stones you have to dally around the world to pick up.
     
    The Story:
     
    After hundreds of years of chaos, mankind has finally emerged from the ruins of nuclear war. This world of the distant future has once again flourished under the guidance of the Great King, who harnessed the power of the 8 Eyes to rebuild the planet. These strange jewels of power were formed at the eyes, or center, of the eight nuclear explosions which nearly destroyed the Earth. In the wrong hands, the 8 Eyes could cause untold destruction... And now, they have been seized by the Great King's eight Dukes, in a desperate bid to gain control of the world for themselves. They have banished the King to the nuclear wastelands, and already their squabbling threatens to plunge the world into war once again! The task of retrieving the 8 Eyes falls to you, Orin the Falconer, the bravest and mightiest of the King's Guardsmen. With your fighting falcon, Cutrus, you must penetrate each of the 8 Dukes' castles. There you will face the Dukes' soldiers, and battle strange nuclear mutants such as living skeletons, giant wasps, and mud men. You must defeat the monstrous Boss of each castle to retrieve the Jewel of Power he guards. Then, to complete your quest, return the 8 Eyes to the Altar of Peace to await the return of the Great King, so that he may finish the rebuilding of Earth. Your reward will be the eternal gratitude of all mankind!
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    The gratitude of ALL mankind? What about gold, land or getting to be a contestant on jeopardy? Fuck that gratitude thing!
     
    "Hello? Ford Motors? Yes I would like to buy a new SUV... do you take gratitude? You see, i have a whole lot of it in surplus and I thought I would put some of it to use to finally get that babe magnet I've been looking at... and to you know.... *cough* get my mom to quit driving me from country to country to defeat evil and stuff. Hello? Hello?... HELLO!!!?"
     
    Besides... I am taking the jewels back from people living in these countries, not sure how grateful they will be for me swiping their knick knacks... I think ALL mankind might be stretching it a bit.
     
    So with that out of the way, lets get to the elephant in the room right away when it comes to this game.
     
    I am a huge Castlevania fan.. I mean a huge one. That includes the classic series as much as the later games they put out, and holy shit... it doesn't matter whether you are squinting from far away or have your face pressed to the television screen this will pass for a Castlevania game. It is not just a Castlevania clone, it is Castlevania that ducked under the counter and came back up wearing a fake mustache. They literally stole Simon's whip away from him, gave him a pretty tiny dagger, and then tossed a bird side kick in because who doesn't want to bring their pets along when saving the world?
     
    Play style... well remember when I said the game is a clone... hell yeah you do because I just finished saying it, AGAIN! I cannot stress how much you seriously cannot play this game without being reminded with every step that this is a Castlevania clone through and through... if Simon took a wet fart, Orin had to change pants. However, where Simon and company get a whip.. you get a sword.... with an awful fucking hitbox. Seriously.. you would have better luck dropkicking the enemies than hitting them with your blade without taking damage yourself.
     
    Cutrus is a nice addition to the game to be fair. he is the falcon that flies around grabbing crap for you, leaving dead mice in your pocket for souvenirs and occasionally smacking an enemy. Also he is one the cool ways where 8 Eyes varies from that other game I should stop name dropping, in the fact that he makes 8 Eyes a two player game. That's right, you and a friend can team up. You get to be the mighty falconer with the not-so-mighty sword, your bud gets to be the bird bringing you stuff and occasionally plastering enemies with droppings. In this regard the game can be pretty fun, in solo play though, controlling Cutrus is right up there with using sandpaper toilet paper... you can do it if you have to, but holy crap is it rough... you will probably use a swear word or three!
     
    Now one place 8 Eyes blows 'Vania out of the water, is difficulty. You will WISH Dracula would come back after a couple of levels of this game. Some of the levels and enemies feel more like self punishment than actual challenging gameplay. And to make it more vile, that is just on the NORMAL setting! There are two more fucking difficulty levels above that one. Hard and "Go die in a hole weeb". I've beat it on normal, and gotten 3/4 of the way through hard before deciding just running into the wall at top speed gave me the same feelings of pain but without the hand cramps. Screw you very hard, I am not into masochistic entertainment, unless you bring me flowers or something.. then we'll talk. The main issue is just the damn hitbox on your weapon, and some of the more dastardly enemies you will encounter in the levels. The bosses are not too bad once you get used to them, but some of the regular levels are just such a damn pain.
     
    Anyway, let's do a sort of walk-through review shall we? Stop reading now if you don't like spoilers of really old retro NES games.
    So where do we start huh? Well you get to take your pick actually! You can play through any of the levels beside the House of Ruth at your leisure. However, because the developers were dicks they did put in a certain order you should play them in. If you do not play it in this order, the difficulty goes up even higher. You see to make a long story short, as you finish levels, you get new sword power ups, but the power up only effects ONE of the other bosses... so if you get the power up and choose the wrong next level you basically just threw that power up away. So, indeed 8 Eyes gives you an increase in power, so long as you do exactly what it tells to you to do with it. Take that free will!
     

     
    So I am starting in Spain. Because why the hell not? Because I don't want to spend more time cursing than I need to! For post apocalyptic worlds, you don't visit any of the "worlds" actually, just a bunch of houses. No exploring the war torn country-side, just a bunch of plodding around in strangers homes. Where clothes are entirely optional as you shall see.
     

     
    This place does not look too Spanish if you ask me... there are no bullfighting pictures anywhere! What about football (soccer to Yanks) or Flamenco dancers? How can I get into a Spanish mindset without pictures of bulls getting murdered or my favorite sports teams? Oh well, let's go inside anyway..
     

     
    I know a Jason door when I see one. And I have seen enough Friday the 13ths to know what happens when i go in one. Awfully nice of the people of Spain to label their doors as definitely not emergency exits. Also, that is the happiest bat I have ever seen. Onwards and upwards!
     

     
    What? Castlevania clone? What makes you think so? I am wearing a Batman sidekick costume, this is nothing like a Castlevania game! Ignore those stairs and my appearance walking up them, and that knight at the top and those sort of Medusa heads. Nope, no clones here! Excuse me while I change pants... again. Screw you Simon!
     

     
    Holy crap dude, put on some clothes! Is the apocalyptic future really so bad you have to go around fighting people in your tighty whiteys wearing dirty gym socks? Apparently for the people of Spain it is.
     
    But I could be mistaken, he might not be attacking me at all, just working on his high kicks for the High School Musical enactment of The Karate Kid 3.
     
    Ah well time for a boss...
     

     
    OMG! Are you a giant Keebler elf? Is that a severed head? Is that a horribly cheap nerf sword? So many questions! This is like a collection of my lamest nightmares all come to life at once. Also what a splendid mustache. Bosses in this game are less of a fight and more of a war of attrition, you just go back and forth popping them and using subweapons and such to stun them... in this case throw some frozen balls to get in some free hits.
     
    Another way in which this game differs from Castlevania, is what happens when you beat a boss.
     

     
    You have tea with them!! Served by a skeleton!! This game just got a little cooler I think. Also make note of this scene, since it is far different than all the rest for the most part. I wonder if he is having "green" tea? What a pleasant way to end a particularly difficult disagreement with an an evil duke intent on killing you. Dracula could learn a thing or two about civility from these guys.
     
    Anyway.. onward to Egypt! Home of the pyramids and crazy archeologists battling Nazis.
     

     
    Well it is pyramid shaped I suppose... Nice hats guys! The conehead look is apparently hot in Egypt in the far flung future! Or maybe they are just all really huge fans of Ancient Aliens. What am I saying... Ancient Aliens has no fans... people just watch for Giorgio Tsoukalos' hair because it is just so mesmerizing. I once sent it a love letter, but it's agent wrote back that it was currently seeing William Shatner's toupee and the two were quite happy. Needless to say, I was crushed. Anyway.. hey a door! Let's see what's behind it!
     

     
    Hey guys... Dracula called... he is issuing a cease and desist order on the use of his Blood Skeletons. And boy was he pissed! He said you could have the Fleamen though since no one likes them anyway. Seriously, I know different game and all... but fuck fleamen.
     

     
    Strange place to store you toiletries I must say. Don't you people believe in closets and pantries. Oh right.. you're a bunch of undead... what are you doing with toiletries anyway?
     

     
    "Does this smell infected to you?"
     
    "Good lord it's all green!!!!"
     
    "Well I am a troll monster..."
     
    "Oh... right.... yeah, it smells infected."
     

     
    Egypt boss.... Every bodies grandfather! Or maybe that eccentric uncle no one talks about unless the kids are out of the room. Great job matching the robe to your hair color gramps! I bet that took some time to find at your local Wal-Mart in the bargain bins. Again, just use your freeze balls.
     

     
    What the hell? Was the teal not doing it for you? Did orange suddenly become all the rage after your defeat? The waiter is dead, no need to wow him with your fashion sense. Still good at matching the wardrobe to hair color though.
     
    "The carpet matches the drapes to... care for a peek?"
     
    "No.. no I don't."
     
    And with that disturbing encounter out of the way, onward to Italy!
     

     
    Wow.. Italy sure loves their green houses. Also their door switches look like lipstick, just pointing that out. And it is pretty dumb to put the switch to open your front door on the outside of your house. You have to call your neighbors to let you out just to mow your lawn. I bet the owners have to put on parachutes just to go grocery shopping.
     

     
    UTINNI! Man Star Wars is everywhere since Disney got the license. Sorry sir there are no Droids here... in fact this is not even Tatooine! Get the hell out here and back to your own franchise! Where is a Stormtrooper when I actually need one?
     

     
    The fashion faux pas continues! Your choice of horrors....naked Don Rickles or Santa Clause in a diaper. The enemies in this game just love to toe the line with indecent. Of course when you have survived a nuclear holocaust I suppose you can pretty much wear what you want to right?
     

     
    Dude pay attention and get off your cellphone and fight me!
     
    "Sorry dude... gotta go, this lame-o here is really affecting my mood... Yeah we can totally play some CoD later. I'll have to get permission from my mom though"
     
    And now for a double boss! Well, not really but that is what I am calling it.
     

     
    "C'mon Heathcliff, lets go get your litter box changed.... all of Italy is complaining."
     
    "Phew! I'll say!"
     
    You actually don't have to kill the cat to beat him... but all it does is get in the way so you might as well. You can get an invincibility in this fight to make it easier for the first part of it. Use the freeze balls for rest of it... hell just use the freeze balls for every boss fight, who am I kidding?
     

     
    Did you just feel the need to take off your coat or something? I feel so overdressed now. So... sorry about killing your cat? Especially after you changed the box. My bad. Maybe you could let some kids play in it or something.
     
    Onto India before I get reported to the ASPCA... if they still exist that is.
     

     
    Welcome to India, land of the Taj Mahal... but we are not going there... just another small house.... I wonder have all the people in these countries just moved into one building each and designated it the official "new country"? The accommodations must be horrible! The line for the bathrooms must be insane.
     

     
    "Taste my boxing glove on a spring!"
     
    "It tastes terrible!"
     
    "Yeah punching all these naked bearded guys in the junk gives it that strong aftertaste"
     

     
    And about those naked bearded guys... clothes must also be a luxury in future India. Either that or the humidity is JUST that bad. You would think with guys running around with spring loaded boxing gloves they would learn to adopt pants with built in cups. I mean what else is anyone going to do with those things?
     

     
    Boss time... and he IS FABULOUS! You don't see wardrobes like that outside of getting dressed in a dark room from a strangers closet these days. And he is bringing back disco in style from the looks of it.
     

     
    Apparently having your ass kicked included having the fashion sense kicked right out of you as well. That might be a good thing for the people of India, since they were getting tired of every Friday being forced to do the YMCA dance. Onto Africa where they certainly are not into doing the hustle.. I hope. I left the 70's for a reason.
     

     
    Hmmm giant doorbell? Giant door...? If King Kong does not answer I will be so disappointed. Of course if he does answer I will have a whole lot more to worry about than a bunch of glittery doorstops and what I will do with 85lbs of gratitude...
     

     
    Seriously... dudes... what is it with no one in the future wearing any clothes and diapers being the preferred armor??
     
    "We are under attack, EVERYONE, get your fetish gear! We will make him so uncomfortable he will have to retreat!"
     
    Hah! The jokes on you guys, I got through Custer's Revenge, Conker's Bad Fur Day and The XXX Adventures of X-Man. This is a cake walk!
     
    Better just hurry to the boss though, this is starting to creep me out a bit I admit.
     

     
    Wow.. even the boss is under-dressed. You would think if someone was invading your house you would have the good sense to not go out in your under-roos to fight them. By the way, nice fish tale hand... do you know Aqua-Man?
     

     
    And another quick costume change. Looks like you went and put on some armor just so you could have some tea. Glad we understand your priorities fish-boy. I know there is a skeleton serving us, but all he is armed with is teacups and sugar packages... I would imagine that is less dangerous than me with a sharp object.
     
    Onward to Germany!
     

     
    Italy called.. they want their house back... or at the very least quit stealing all their green paint! Of course for all I know maybe green is the only color of paint left in the world... that means in Germany all the muppets on Sesame Street will be Oscar and all the Volkswagens will be piled around stop signs.
     

     
    Hey look! A cameo by the face dude from SMB2 whenever you steal a key! Glad to see he is still making a living outside of a Mario game that no one actually likes! I wonder if he is still friends with that dude from Star Trek 5 and dating the Gorgon heads from Castlevania? I would ask him but I see a key over there...
     

     
    "coo coo I'm a bird"
     
    "Yes, yes you are. Can we get on with it now?"
     
    "Flap flap whooooshhhh"
     
    *Face palm*
     

     
    "I am really embarrassed by that whole bird thing, and especially when I laid that egg at the top of the stairs"
     
    "Don't worry about it.. at least you are wearing pants"
     
    BTW, I notice he did not feel the need to change clothes after getting his ass kicked. I guess once you've pantomimed Big Bird in front of your would be assassin you've done laid all the shame cards on the table.
     
    Onto Arabia!
     

     
    Now this actually reminds me of an Arabian setting. I would totally believe it if Jafar answered the door right now. I just hope that stupid parrot is not with him. Seriously... Gilbert Gottfried sucks. He can kill other comedy acts by just having his name shouted out loud during a performance. He is like kryptonite to comedy. Also, it is here I started really getting bored of doing this and tried speeding it up some.
     

     
    "Dirty street-rat! What have you done with Princess Jasmine!"
     
    "Robin Williams help me!!!!"
     

     
    "I can show you the world!"
     
    "Is it located outside of this house? If so, I'm all yours!"
     

     
    Wow, you traded in your turban for a sailor hat? Or is that a stylish beanie? The world may never know.... and even if it did.. would it care?
     
    "This is for those Aladdin jokes, isn't it? And my Gottfried insults"
     
    "Yes"
     
    And now we are able to tackle the House of Ruth.
     

     
    The House of Ruth also doubles as a Red Cross shelter. Who knew?
     

     
    What!!!! But we had tea together!?? I thought we were friends!!
     
    Actually this stage is nothing but a boss rush. You get to fight all of the Dukes over again one after the other, proving tea does not end hostilities between warring nations. Defeat them all and you get to tackle the final boss... no worries though, they are a lot easier this time around in a sense, since you have all your power ups and you get a ton of weapons and items, and your health is refilled after each fight. The one boss missing from the rush is Germany's... I suspect he ended up in one of those burning Volkswagens by the green stop signs on his way to the big fight.
     

     
    Ruth!
     
    "will you be my valentine? I love your hat. Also I won't complain this time that someone is not wearing pants"
     
    "Sexist pig! Die"
     
    "Yikes!"
     
    Ruth is actually not too tough.... she attacks with a whip and just stomps back and forth over you. (So many fetishes, so little time...)
     

     
    "You changed dresses just for me? Does this count as a date? Hurry up with the wine skeleton!!!! I'm sorry, the service around here sucks!"
     
    Anyway, that is the end of 8 Eyes... well except for....
     

     
    Placing those damn jewels you have been collecting. Yes, you have to place them in the correct order to win the game. All those fights don't mean squat unless you have been writing down the clues you have been picking up.
     

     
    And there is the ending screen. A nice gargoyle shows up to congratulate you and tell you how awesome and courageous you are for battling through a world without pants.
     
    Here is what he says so I don't have to bother putting up screen shots of every single page.
     
    Congratulations Orin!! In Fighting Your Way Through The Eight Perilous Castles, You Have Proved That Your Swordsmanship And Falconry Talents Are Great. In Solving The Riddle Of The Eight Jewels, You Have Proved Your Skill As A Logician. These Were Great Tests Of Skill, And Only The Strongest Of Warriors And The Wisest Of Scholars Could Have Completed This Quest. I Realize That There Is Only One Thing More Gratifying Than Coming To The End Of A Great Game, That Is Realizing The Challenge Has Just Begun. Go Now Orin, Another Quest Awaits. In This Second Adventure, Your Skills Will Be Tested As Never Before. If You Are Truly Skilled, You May Be Able To Finish Some Of It! Good Luck!
     
    So yeah, there are two more quests after this one... but screw that. Normal mode was a pain in the ass enough as is. I had enough deaths to show for it.
     
    Anyway, that is my trip through the world of 8 Eyes. It is not a bad game, but not a great game either. It has enough Castlevania similarities to make you want to send Konami a letter (lol, silly person, Konami does not care about games anymore!), but a few differences to set it apart. This game is challenging, but really due more to aggravating programing in the game itself vs. actual difficulty.
     
    I would give the game a 5/10 overall for being different enough to be worth checking out, but aggravating in the controls and ease of play.
     
    Sorry for making this so long. I'll work on making them shorter in the future, if I bother with doing anymore of them that is.
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