TBD

A bit “defeated” and embarrassed. My crush in today’s work was walking towards my direction and I thought this a perfect time to say hello and create small chit chat with her. So I build up the courage and said hello as we passed…and …she didn’t noticed nor see me and just walk passed me. me rn:

I would say this forum. Didn’t think an online forum would be the second place for me to feel like home. I get to be myself 100%. I believe it’s because it’s the only one place where I can actually shared my thoughts in an open discussion without having to have a one on one discussion with people. And not having anyone judging me or try to change me. I know that whatever I posted here, is all publicized and anyone can chose to read mine’s or not. But I ain’t worrying about that. As long I get to put it out there instead of caging it all in. As long no one is giving me any trouble for sharing my thoughts and keeping their thoughts about me to themselves if they chose to read mine’s comments in discussions. It’s like a saying, it’s easier to share it to a complete stranger where you will never gonna to meet or talk to than to share it to close people around you.

I wanted to be a detective investigator or working as a forensic. I also wanted to be a game designer illustrator. These were the two fields I have ever dreamed to become when I was a kid and up till college. Sadly those were just delusional dreams. I made a mistake choosing the path that wasn’t my intention except only to do it for the sake of “stable jobs”. Instead of going to study to make my dream job(a) a reality. While I don’t regret choosing to study chemistry it was unfortunate that I bite more than I couldn’t chew. BUT- I try not to think too much of it. What’s done is done.

So since my newly boss quit the job a mouth ago after his two months working, they FINALLY decided to open a supervisor position for me to apply. Because they desperately needs help. My other boss is trying to get me on that position and working on it. So HOPEFULLY I will be able to FINALLY get the promotion without anymore of these dumb excuses on why I’m “not” qualifies for that position. I think I need a change of my life and step up for once for the better.

Pinocchio by Guillermo. At first I watched it without any expectation solely because Pinocchio in any form of movies I’d watched since Pinocchio is one of my favorite classic. So I’m curious seeing his version. And damn Guillermo is a genius! When I was watching this I can’t help it but to feel very nostalgic about the whole thing and the setting. The music notes was top notch and very old school. It has been a long while since I heard a good musical since les miserables. I love how Guillermo incorporated WW2 fascism aspects into the story and turning what was originally in Pinocchio, into symbols towards the core issue. I like it how the movie handle the relationship issues between son and father parred with authority vs the powerless. On top of that life vs death and metaphorically, what’s to be a human vs a puppet. Its amazing how Guillermo was able to put all that and created a good smooth storytelling without the meanings being lost in the story. I’m truly inspired! The animation was nice and made me missed Tim Burton old animation artwork where he use actual figures instead of CGI. But nevertheless it was nice to see Guillermo bringing it back in his own dark morbid styles. A huge applause for Guillermo for another great movie. For a PG movie this is clearly very matured and well written. I have a new favorite animated movie now! 10/10

I dreamt about shopping around the same antique store that I dreamt before and this was my 4th time already. Most of the things in the shops are mostly uniform clothes from different countries and few items I don’t quite remember well. All I know most of these are from the 30-60s at the least. The same man who owns the shop was also there too. He kept asking me what was I looking for. My answers was always “I don’t really know” as I browsed around the store mostly towards the clothing area. Searching uniforms after another. I tried to explained the man what I was trying to look for but somehow words doesn’t come out the same as how I’m feeling. The man couldn’t help me and ask me again “what am I looking for”. But I noticed that this recent dream I have about this store has less stuff now compared to the other time I have visited.

I want to a catholic school. That means they expect everyone to be angels and service of people just because we follow God. Creating this “mold” for me and it took me a while to realize how fake it was. Also, I’m a deep person who just happen to be pessimistic most of the time and like morbid things like writing and such. But my school keep taking it the wrong way and expected to see school counselor for it. While I don’t mind spending time with my counselor because she was nice and open minded, it’s just that I didn’t like the fact that my school viewed me as someone who needs “fixing” when it just who I am, and not a phase.

I draw a lot so it’s just automatically have me memorized the images in a order for me to put it on a paper.

It’s more like I need someone to hold me back.

Two type of people I had dealt with. One who acts like the victim who thinks they did nothing and expect everyone to see them as good guy. When in reality , they’re the one who started it all. Another who’s only sees the world gray but turned out to be blind between black and white. Because they’re self proclaimed righteousness. And they say I always assume the worst in people and yeah. They’re right. I do. I ain’t gonna deny it. But… am I ever wrong?

Stressed like fuck. My parents kept pushing me to do something I don’t want and I already explained to them that I.don’t.fucking.want.to.

Just finished “Wednesday” and technically my sister pre order this but I told her to buy it because I just love Wednesday! It’s been awhile since I bought a living dead dolls! She’s perfect.

Bought this nice fox brooch for my suit! Now it’s like my little buddy haha.

One word, Rudeness. “Please do not start with me.”

Oh goody, to the whole world-

Shutting myself off when I was younger. It’s a blessing and curse depending on my situation.

Middle school 6th grade: Black and Red, a flying eagle. I remember when we have school spirit and everyone have to wear black t-shirt with our mascot. Because then I don’t have to deal with people who keep asking why I’m always wearing black. Middle School 7 &8th: Navy Blue, white, and Green. Dragon. Pretty ugly combo if you asked me. And that was also our school uniform colors- I wanted to wear black again. High School: Blue and Gray. Bulldog. No comments about this school.

The answers has already be checked and badges will send out this weekend thank you!

It’s more like for me I have a very short temper but I just have to “fake it till I make it” sorta speak. If that makes sense.

Sweets. Now I’m not much of a sweet tooth as I used to be.

I never have patience ever.. more like tolerance until I lose it.

Want on a xmas discount shopping and bought myself a new black xmas tree! I always wanted a “Black xmas” theme .

Avatar: the way of water.

Thinking what color should I dye my hair to, peacock green or titanium? But leaning more towards titanium since green feels pretty common.