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If you ever feel useless just remember that I am not even competent enough to handle wrapping gifts properly.
Stone Cold Steve Jobs
Not to brag or anything, but I used to know how to make an origami canoe. By which I mean I could make half a paper airplane.
Widdershins
Now, my good sir... that arises the question of gift wrapping... "In WHAT."
Perhaps use something sturdier to coat things, say, radioactive waste.
One time I used paper towels because we had no gift wrap