Stone Cold Steve Jobs

I say God has a sense of humor. If he didn't he wouldn't have invented the platypus.

Or most of humanity!

  ...Or Trump.

That's Mr. The Donald to you!

Because today is today, man. There will never be another now, you know? You make the best of what ya got now because... because down here, down here... its our time!

Today is yadot backwards. Almost yoda. So,is today yoda?!

Well, Today is a concept of Time.

  Time is a purely mental construct & your thoughts are what defines you.

 So, technically, you could say that your almost Yoda! You see what I did there?

Your lucky it isn't some monkey infestation. I hear that they'll sometimes just latch onto your back and never let go. Ugh, monkies!

Oy! Don' make me call Cap'n Planet on yeh!

If you throw a cat out of a moving car window, does it become kitty litter?

Hhhhhhaahh!... *wipes away a tear of mirth* Whew! Animal abuse is hilarious!!

 Can practically hear the cat's cursing screech as it goes flying past the car behind you!

...

Its a company, in the nation thats doing it. Our government is basically yard sale-ing.

  It's... gold. Just spend the gold? Doesn't that feel a bit... disrespectful that a government has to kowtow to an internet business?...

  Sigh. There's a reason I don't meddle in politics.

You know this isn't a real news story, right? The Onion is a satirical news company.

Oh? Didn't see their name anywhere on it. Was called the Financial fallout shelter, and as far as I can tell those looked like real government guys.

Good. Fluorescent colored animals tend to be poisonous.
Gotta teach 'em who they're messin' with :V
 

I can see some calling it that to fit their own definitions of... of what it may mean to them. But... with all due respect... i'm leaning more towards the Lazy side of things. Least it isn't literally painful to watch... I feel compelled to look up the actual definition of what a movie is now...

Now, for homework you have to write a 4 page report on why both of these films are meaningful.

Uhhhhhh... because they both take up time which means they must logically have some sort of existence & therefore meaning? ...where's that thesaurus?

Nicely done. =w=

I went into class once on april fools day with half a beard. The other half was clean shaven and i just acted like nothing was out of the ordinary.

As long as you didn't have a neckbeard, I approve.

In 2008 my grandmother died 2 weeks after a family friend died.  Of couse, that was when I didn't have some whiskey on hand.  God bless whiskey.

Oh no.  I'll be praying hard for you, your best friend, for that girl's family and friend's and your best friend's family and friends.

Yes, lots of prayers.

Wish I could say more, man, but sorry for your loss. I know that losing someone can hurt...

Her ex, one of my best friends, is inconsolable. I will be making a tribute for her in the coming days.

Don't say that too loud. He is very sensitive.

A girl once called Lincoln two faced, to which he replied, "If I had two faces, why would I wear this one?"

Oh. Sorry president Lincoln sir.  

Hehehe 

In fact, rumor has it he was told to grow a beard because he was so ugly that his face really did scare little children. He made a habit of referring to how he looked, something to the effect that he had to be honest with a face this bad. And yes, he was rather depressive too! Though not entirely because of how ugly he is.

Could try practicing or looking a how to video