Mlp_fan101

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  1. Wow I actually can’t thank you enough for your help! you have a real literary talent and I’m so grateful you’ve shared it with me
  2. A Forklifts Perspective It must be nice to have a choice, a choice of destiny. My thoughts are the same every morning, more wishful thinking as I patiently wait by the assembly line. Looking up, I study a large advertisement displaying a logo that mirrors my own. It tells me where I belong: part of the steady hum of machinery that forms “The Austen Factory”, the only home I’ve ever known. The only place I fit in: or so they say. The people here tell me I’m useful, say I’m needed; I have all the validation but to no satisfaction. Finally, the large white lights hanging overhead flick on bringing the factory to life; The conveyor belt starts to turn and I begin transferring the packaged boxes for train pickup but my mind refuses to be captivated by such monotonous activity. So after much though, I deduce that belonging doesn’t necessarily mean you “fit in”. Where does anyone fit in? Is that to say people can be compared to tessellating shapes and the world an art piece? No, this world is so messy and ridged yet here we are, still trying to jam ourselves into any place we can, desperate to leave our mark on the world or risk falling off the face of the planet altogether: the memory of us lost in an abyss of pointlessness. Stop, I need to stay on task or I’ll miss the train drop off. But as I work, speculations of destiny creep in; is this mine? An endless cycle of carting from pillar to post hardly seems like a destiny to me but what else is there to my life? Any dreams I might’ve had have been left far in the past. The days are a blur as a crushing weight of responsibilities steel my nights but the nightmares lie in my waking moments anyway, interlaced through the dull grey halls filled with petrol stench: a route of labor for a life of slavery. No matter, it’s been so long since my time beyond these prison walls that those memories feel like someone else’s life entirely. The trains familiar rattle can now be heard from the distance, that’s my cue to get in place for an efficient drop off. The train comes to a stop by the station and the large wired gates of the surrounding fence screech slowly open: this is my favourite part of the day when I fantasise driving through those gates forever, never once looking back; I could start afresh somewhere with a gentle sun that shines all day and instead of dry dirt and concrete walls there would be lush, green grass and dense woodlands and—oh, what’s this? A small robot stepped from one of the carriages as I was carrying a crate to the factory supplies storeroom, mindlessly lost in thought I almost ran him over but, as I’m on a schedule there’s no time (or, I must admit, energy) to stop and apologise. Although I don’t know him personally I know he belongs here because he’s branded with the same logo that marks all of us. However I’ve never seen him around which intrigues me as to where he’s been, so from here on in I’ll watch. I watch as he stumbles through the factory’s chaos like a lost puppy. Searching for some kind of sign, one which a logo won’t suffice. Through his eyes I see my own dilemma reflected but still I can’t understand, he’s returned to where he belongs so this is where he must stay. But after much hesitation it’s clear his mind is made up. He tears the logo from his side: a final act of liberation from his label and I can’t help the anger, no, jealousy that washes over me. You can’t alter a path if you have no tools and yet here I am watching as he leaves for good, carving a new path from nothing. He walks away towards the golden sunset and forests beyond and as I stand in the dark shadows of TAF I can do nothing but wish I had that courage. The courage to pursue a life within my control, where I’d have a choice and the freedom to be happy. But I know better, I know that you need more than just the will to survive, that even freedom comes with a price. So I’ll stay where I belong and work as I always have because, there is no other path for me. *finished* ok so this is the improved draft but I’m worried my teach must dislike it because she doesn’t reply. Thank you so much, I’ve posted it above
  3. Thank you so much, this was very informative, I’ve rewritten my story to try and bring in more of a setting and make it less monotonous but still my teacher refuses to reply to my email. I see your point about the stoppy-starty beginning so I tried to work on that, I might post the improved copy here if you’d like to take a look because I’m not sure why my teacher still doesn’t want to give me any feedback
  4. Just high school, it’s an extra English writing subject, I’d love to do English writing in college but I’m not sure I have enough natural talent as I very much have a maths brain myself
  5. Yeah I guess my teacher made it so openended to see how creatively we approached the task or something idk. Can I just say though your previous advice actually really helped me, I did a lot more work today and I’m liking the story a lot more already. It was just really nice to have some good constructive feed back for once rather than people just saying it’s good or asking me what I think needs improvement so I really did appreciate your help
  6. Drowning definitely would you rather never be alone or always be alone?
  7. Thank you so much you’ve made some extremely helpful points that I’m excited to improve upon My issue was that this assignment doesn’t actually have context, it can be poetry or prose and has no designated length, all we had was a short film for inspiration but are allowed to stray as far from that as we like. But now that you’ve brought it to light I guess I’m going for a self contained short story, in which case I see your point on not having a mental picture as I haven’t really included much about the setting unless you’ve watched the film. I very much liked the point about breaking from the monotony because now you mention it I feel the story has a droning feel to it but I’m not exactly sure how to go about that and was wondering if you would suggest adding something in the middle or perhaps a change of ending?
  8. The forklift It must be nice to have a choice. A choice of destiny. Im where I belong, part of the hum of machinery forming ‘The Austen Factory’. This is the only home I’ve ever known, it’s where I fit in: or so they say. The people here say I’m useful, say I’m needed; I have all the validation but none of the satisfaction. Unfortunately belonging doesn’t necessarily mean you ‘fit in’. Where does anyone fit in? We’re not tessellating shapes in an art piece. No, this world is so messy and ridged yet here we all are trying to jam ourselves into any place we can, desperate to leave our mark on the world or risk falling off the face of the planet altogether: the memory of us lost in an abyss of pointlessness. So this is me, fulfilling my destiny: an endless cycle of carting from pillar to post. Any dreams that might have been, left far in the past. The days blur as a crushing weight of responsibilities steel my nights but the nightmares lie in my waking moments anyway, interlaced through the dull grey halls with their petrol stench: a route of labor for a life of slavery. No matter, it’s been so long since my time beyond these prison walls that those memories feel like someone else’s life entirely. Well, until today when even just the memories of the dreams I once held so tightly slipped back with the return of one little robot. I didn’t know him personally but I knew he belonged here because he was branded with the same logo that marks all of us. I was mindlessly lost in my work, so much so that I almost ran him over but, as I was on a schedule there was no time (or, I must admit, energy) to stop and apologise. I did notice him however, and from there on in, I watched. I watched as he stumbled through the factory’s chaos like a lost puppy. I watched him searching for some kind of sign, one which a logo won’t suffice. He was clearly torn in decision, but between what? I couldn’t understand, he had returned to where he belonged so surly he couldn’t be thinking of leaving again. But after much hesitation it was clear his mind was made up. He tore the logo from his side: a final act of liberation from his label and I couldn’t help the anger, no, jealousy that came over me. You can’t alter a path if you have no tools and yet here I was watching as he left for good, carving a new path from nothing. He walked away towards the golden sunshine and forests beyond and as he did I could do nothing but wish I had that courage. The courage to pursue a life where I’d have control. But I know better, I know that you need more than just the will to survive, that even freedom comes with a price. So I’ll stay where I belong and work as I always have because, there is no other path for me. *finish* first of all thank you so much if you’ve gotten this far it’s just that I seriously need some honest opinions about my work cause when I sent the first draft to my teacher for some feedback she refused to reply saying that she wanted me to decide what to improve myself and I couldn’t help thinking ‘is it that bad?’ And now that I’ve edited I’m too embarrassed to hand it in without knowing what people actually think so please be as honest as you can and I’d prefer you not try and spare my feelings because I really need to here the truth so I can improve (also feel free to tell me to start a different story altogether if it really is that bad)
  9. I just wanted to get some views on s&m because I often joke about being it with my friends but if I actually was serious I wonder what people’d say? I mean I don’t think it’s a bad thing, to each there own I suppose but is it frowned upon?
  10. 453842 Only 546158 to go! We got this
  11. Aaaaah I wish I was a pony because rainbow dash is so cool, awesome and radical and if I dated her I would make everyday with her special and fun and do all of the athletic fun things she loves to do! We are so compatible! sorry im going over the top, but can you imagine actually living in pony ville? life would be so amazing!
  12. This might be weird but I’m really interested in knowing what people like to discuss, it can be anything, even something you’ve never discussed before but would be interested to have a conversation about. I was thinking about doing a survey irl but would like to see what kind of results I might find first, it only has to be a sentence describing a topic or if you like a more specific conversation you’ve enjoyed in the past.
  13. I’m bi but I’m still in the closet because I don’t know how to get out seeing as my mum and sister are somewhat homophobic and I couldn’t bare it getting round to them
  14. I grew up watching generation 3 mlp and when I first got onto mlp friendship is magic I was surprised how much rainbow had changed, but I love her all the same if not more!