Amanita

Sometimes I feel too weird. Like, my f***ed up personality is way too "out there".

I'm a brony, Wiccan, emo, tbdl, poetry fanatic. Now how is that even a thing? I bet that I'm the only living being to fall under all of these categories. I hate my life, but find joy in pastel ponies for little girls? dafuq is wrong with me? Seriously, why can't I just be a smidge more normal? Just not hating myself would be enough, I can't stand screaming at myself everytime I do something wrong or stupid. I'd love to have that dumbfounded bliss that everyone else has. Just being alive, not even thinking twice as to whether or not their life has meaning, and being able to enjoy themselves without trying to rip their skin open with their bare fingernails. It's really painful, so I wish I could just live with myself for at least a minute. I don't know anymore, maybe I. . . ugh.... I DON'T KNOW!  

Sometimes I feel too weird. Like, my f***ed up personality is way too "out there".

I'm a brony, Wiccan, emo, tbdl, poetry fanatic. Now how is that even a thing? I bet that I'm the only living being to fall under all of these categories. I hate my life, but find joy in pastel ponies for little girls? dafuq is wrong with me? Seriously, why can't I just be a smidge more normal? Just not hating myself would be enough, I can't stand screaming at myself everytime I do something wrong or stupid. I'd love to have that dumbfounded bliss that everyone else has. Just being alive, not even thinking twice as to whether or not their life has meaning, and being able to enjoy themselves without trying to rip their skin open with their bare fingernails. It's really painful, so I wish I could just live with myself for at least a minute. I don't know anymore, maybe I. . . ugh.... I DON'T KNOW!  

 You know, been bothering me that. I do seem to keep seeing characters with neat, orderly, primary colors & even neat lines. Painstakingly symmetrical, pretty as art and that's likely the point to some, I'm sure. Get that this generation's so dependent on using computors for arting instead of good ol' fashioned handdrawing, but...

   Perfect ain't how nature does things. I feel its better to just say "Oh, my pony OC is somewhere between these two colors." Or that there's varying blotches of color or surface area. Sometimes your beastie is just a muddy, unflattering swampwater-green/brown. If you're any sort of fleshy species like human or pony, you're going to be a little lumpy in spots instead of finely toned beauty. That's what most humans is anyway, random sacks of tissues n' varying fluids all piled together in a roundabout way. Not chunks of muscle or pretty parts buckled into place like some sort of Gundam Model.

 Art is meant to be appealing. Reality ain't.

   Think that's the worst thing you can do with creating in the visual medium is think along the lines of "It has to look like this!" More flaws make things more real & relatable. Heck, my own family heritage is known for having an ear, eye or so on just a liiitle bit off kilter from the other side.

...

   A-a-and I-I'm n-not just saying this because I'm incapable of drawing one half of a body even with the o-other side or anything! The fact that the bigger my characters get, the more gestalt they are is entirely intentional! Baka!

Good morning my friends, I'm currently suffering from heartburn from last night so annoying 

What if black holes actually have negative mass? The concept itself is mathematically and scientifically plausable. This would not only support the popular theory of black holes condensing into a singularity, but give support for why it does this. If the concept of negative mass confuses anyone, it basically means the item's physical boundaries slip past itself on a quantum scale (I worded that weird, blargh!). Let's just say that there's more space inside of a black hole then there appears to be from the outside (think Doctor Who). It's technically not changing the mass number's absolute value, but there's more space inside, but relative to an onlooker, if you could see the "inside" of a black hole from the outside, it would be condensed. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but it's an idea that's been bugging me to put sense to, the concept of negative mass. It makes sense in my head, but there arent words to describe the ideas, so I'm trying to equate it to something we understand, at least a little, like a black hole, but its not quite what I mean by it. It isnt a good analogy. If only there was a way I could show you all my thoughts. Words are too insufficient.

What if black holes actually have negative mass? The concept itself is mathematically and scientifically plausable. This would not only support the popular theory of black holes condensing into a singularity, but give support for why it does this. If the concept of negative mass confuses anyone, it basically means the item's physical boundaries slip past itself on a quantum scale (I worded that weird, blargh!). Let's just say that there's more space inside of a black hole then there appears to be from the outside (think Doctor Who). It's technically not changing the mass number's absolute value, but there's more space inside, but relative to an onlooker, if you could see the "inside" of a black hole from the outside, it would be condensed. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but it's an idea that's been bugging me to put sense to, the concept of negative mass. It makes sense in my head, but there arent words to describe the ideas, so I'm trying to equate it to something we understand, at least a little, like a black hole, but its not quite what I mean by it. It isnt a good analogy. If only there was a way I could show you all my thoughts. Words are too insufficient.

What if black holes actually have negative mass? The concept itself is mathematically and scientifically plausable. This would not only support the popular theory of black holes condensing into a singularity, but give support for why it does this. If the concept of negative mass confuses anyone, it basically means the item's physical boundaries slip past itself on a quantum scale (I worded that weird, blargh!). Let's just say that there's more space inside of a black hole then there appears to be from the outside (think Doctor Who). It's technically not changing the mass number's absolute value, but there's more space inside, but relative to an onlooker, if you could see the "inside" of a black hole from the outside, it would be condensed. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but it's an idea that's been bugging me to put sense to, the concept of negative mass. It makes sense in my head, but there arent words to describe the ideas, so I'm trying to equate it to something we understand, at least a little, like a black hole, but its not quite what I mean by it. It isnt a good analogy. If only there was a way I could show you all my thoughts. Words are too insufficient.

What if black holes actually have negative mass? The concept itself is mathematically and scientifically plausable. This would not only support the popular theory of black holes condensing into a singularity, but give support for why it does this. If the concept of negative mass confuses anyone, it basically means the item's physical boundaries slip past itself on a quantum scale (I worded that weird, blargh!). Let's just say that there's more space inside of a black hole then there appears to be from the outside (think Doctor Who). It's technically not changing the mass number's absolute value, but there's more space inside, but relative to an onlooker, if you could see the "inside" of a black hole from the outside, it would be condensed. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but it's an idea that's been bugging me to put sense to, the concept of negative mass. It makes sense in my head, but there arent words to describe the ideas, so I'm trying to equate it to something we understand, at least a little, like a black hole, but its not quite what I mean by it. It isnt a good analogy. If only there was a way I could show you all my thoughts. Words are too insufficient.

Feeling under the weather and classes begin again tomorrow. I need to be ready. I hope I can get over this in time.

Morning.

You won't see me online today, I'm feeling sick and I'm upset.

To my friends, I love you all.

To my enemies, you know what I think.

Good morning my friends 

Do you hate when you don’t juge people when they listen to music out loud and juge you because you don’t listen to the “mainstream” pop shit that they listen to. Screw pop! Rock and Metal all the way!

Do you hate when you don’t juge people when they listen to music out loud and juge you because you don’t listen to the “mainstream” pop shit that they listen to. Screw pop! Rock and Metal all the way!

Goodnight.

Rooster = worthless. 

I think I realized another reason why some people think Mulan represents my Avatar (particilarly his Changeling side) than just this clip:

This other reason can be found right after the song:

Changeling Will Guide is like the late blossom. At the end of Season 6, when all the Changeling transform into their "Butterfly" forms, C. Will's the only one present who remains looking like the ugly "hungry caterpillar" look:

Chrysalis even shamed him on it before fleeing. But someday, he'll reach his "Butterfly" form and be one of the most beautiful.

Wouldn't you guys agree with the connection?

I honestly hate life right now. I’m transgender and people call “weird” or “monster”. I also have insomnia and I find ASMRs to help me sleep at night but my “parents” don’t like this. They same I’m going to wake up with a gun to my head. They expect me to do better in school even though I’m having trouble with all this emotions. Because majority of my friends are boys, the fake bitches think I’m “dating” them. I’m sick of life. My family is very dysfunctional, with my dad being a workaholic,my mom on FaceBook ALL the time. The only time we talk is I’m not doing good in school. Which is always. I hate this, they say I should do better in school, but you don’t care that it takes me all the way til 1 am just to fall asleep,but you don’t like me going to sleep at 11 pm because of ASMRs. Just-Just! 😤! I’m very sad all the time because I’m being push hard. My parents are making me do stuff that makes them happy. They don’t care what I’m interested in. And that’s anime. They say that I watch only stuff in a different  language. The only things that are keeping me going are my two closest friends. (Not pointing out names. If you see this post. You know who you are) I’d be gone if it wasn’t for them. But my parents want to move. My life is going downhill honestly...Oc I can relate to right now: Kori

I honestly hate life right now. I’m transgender and people call “weird” or “monster”. I also have insomnia and I find ASMRs to help me sleep at night but my “parents” don’t like this. They same I’m going to wake up with a gun to my head. They expect me to do better in school even though I’m having trouble with all this emotions. Because majority of my friends are boys, the fake bitches think I’m “dating” them. I’m sick of life. My family is very dysfunctional, with my dad being a workaholic,my mom on FaceBook ALL the time. The only time we talk is I’m not doing good in school. Which is always. I hate this, they say I should do better in school, but you don’t care that it takes me all the way til 1 am just to fall asleep,but you don’t like me going to sleep at 11 pm because of ASMRs. Just-Just! 😤! I’m very sad all the time because I’m being push hard. My parents are making me do stuff that makes them happy. They don’t care what I’m interested in. And that’s anime. They say that I watch only stuff in a different  language. The only things that are keeping me going are my two closest friends. (Not pointing out names. If you see this post. You know who you are) I’d be gone if it wasn’t for them. But my parents want to move. My life is going downhill honestly...Oc I can relate to right now: Kori

I honestly hate life right now. I’m transgender and people call “weird” or “monster”. I also have insomnia and I find ASMRs to help me sleep at night but my “parents” don’t like this. They same I’m going to wake up with a gun to my head. They expect me to do better in school even though I’m having trouble with all this emotions. Because majority of my friends are boys, the fake bitches think I’m “dating” them. I’m sick of life. My family is very dysfunctional, with my dad being a workaholic,my mom on FaceBook ALL the time. The only time we talk is I’m not doing good in school. Which is always. I hate this, they say I should do better in school, but you don’t care that it takes me all the way til 1 am just to fall asleep,but you don’t like me going to sleep at 11 pm because of ASMRs. Just-Just! 😤! I’m very sad all the time because I’m being push hard. My parents are making me do stuff that makes them happy. They don’t care what I’m interested in. And that’s anime. They say that I watch only stuff in a different  language. The only things that are keeping me going are my two closest friends. (Not pointing out names. If you see this post. You know who you are) I’d be gone if it wasn’t for them. But my parents want to move. My life is going downhill honestly...Oc I can relate to right now: Kori

I honestly hate life right now. I’m transgender and people call “weird” or “monster”. I also have insomnia and I find ASMRs to help me sleep at night but my “parents” don’t like this. They same I’m going to wake up with a gun to my head. They expect me to do better in school even though I’m having trouble with all this emotions. Because majority of my friends are boys, the fake bitches think I’m “dating” them. I’m sick of life. My family is very dysfunctional, with my dad being a workaholic,my mom on FaceBook ALL the time. The only time we talk is I’m not doing good in school. Which is always. I hate this, they say I should do better in school, but you don’t care that it takes me all the way til 1 am just to fall asleep,but you don’t like me going to sleep at 11 pm because of ASMRs. Just-Just! 😤! I’m very sad all the time because I’m being push hard. My parents are making me do stuff that makes them happy. They don’t care what I’m interested in. And that’s anime. They say that I watch only stuff in a different  language. The only things that are keeping me going are my two closest friends. (Not pointing out names. If you see this post. You know who you are) I’d be gone if it wasn’t for them. But my parents want to move. My life is going downhill honestly...Oc I can relate to right now: Kori

I... I just really want to cry right now... I hate the fricking hormones and the-the mood swings and-and I just really hate my life at the moment, Yeah I may be being a little over dramatic but I’m a teenager and I’m female and it really just.... hurts... and I’m frustrated and I normally cry when I’m frustrated and it’s just so frustrating to be crying for frustration and that just makes it worse and it just makes it a never ending tears of frustration cycle and the stress from school isn’t helping, I feel like I’m going to fail eighth grade, and next week is another piano lesson and my teacher is expecting me to play The Wedding March amazingly and I’m just so sick of the stupid wedding march, I can play it but everytime I go to lessons I just make the stupidest mistakes on the song like going to fast or messing something up that I had perfect at home... and it just.... frustrates me, you know? And I’m reading something for WV Studies for an assignment and the fricking teacher comes over and says what have you gotten done, I tell him nothing, and he tells me I need to stop making up excuses for not working like the “I’m reading it first” or other things, but they’re never excuses! And he lets other kids get away with it all the time! And I just feel so singled out and I tell him I can’t concentrate because of people in my group who continuously try to steal my stuff and then I’m the only one who gets in trouble for it, and when I told him that which was only once he goes “I’ve seen you when reading your comics and drawing, you can concentrate.” But those are things I enjoy doing, I don’t enjoy your class and I have ADHD and I get migraines and it’s just ugh...and I’m failing that class and.... *throws head onto the iPad and mumbles from underneath* And it doesn’t help that my crush is moving away and all this bullshit drama going on at school and that one of my best friends screeches at me everyday because she’s frustrated for one reason or another but I always try to make her smile as well as my other friends... but I guess I feel obligated to do that and.... oh great, just fucking great I’m crying now.

I... I just really want to cry right now... I hate the fricking hormones and the-the mood swings and-and I just really hate my life at the moment, Yeah I may be being a little over dramatic but I’m a teenager and I’m female and it really just.... hurts... and I’m frustrated and I normally cry when I’m frustrated and it’s just so frustrating to be crying for frustration and that just makes it worse and it just makes it a never ending tears of frustration cycle and the stress from school isn’t helping, I feel like I’m going to fail eighth grade, and next week is another piano lesson and my teacher is expecting me to play The Wedding March amazingly and I’m just so sick of the stupid wedding march, I can play it but everytime I go to lessons I just make the stupidest mistakes on the song like going to fast or messing something up that I had perfect at home... and it just.... frustrates me, you know? And I’m reading something for WV Studies for an assignment and the fricking teacher comes over and says what have you gotten done, I tell him nothing, and he tells me I need to stop making up excuses for not working like the “I’m reading it first” or other things, but they’re never excuses! And he lets other kids get away with it all the time! And I just feel so singled out and I tell him I can’t concentrate because of people in my group who continuously try to steal my stuff and then I’m the only one who gets in trouble for it, and when I told him that which was only once he goes “I’ve seen you when reading your comics and drawing, you can concentrate.” But those are things I enjoy doing, I don’t enjoy your class and I have ADHD and I get migraines and it’s just ugh...and I’m failing that class and.... *throws head onto the iPad and mumbles from underneath* And it doesn’t help that my crush is moving away and all this bullshit drama going on at school and that one of my best friends screeches at me everyday because she’s frustrated for one reason or another but I always try to make her smile as well as my other friends... but I guess I feel obligated to do that and.... oh great, just fucking great I’m crying now.

NEW PROFILE PIC BABY!

What's everypony think?

NEW PROFILE PIC BABY!

What's everypony think?

I... I just really want to cry right now... I hate the fricking hormones and the-the mood swings and-and I just really hate my life at the moment, Yeah I may be being a little over dramatic but I’m a teenager and I’m female and it really just.... hurts... and I’m frustrated and I normally cry when I’m frustrated and it’s just so frustrating to be crying for frustration and that just makes it worse and it just makes it a never ending tears of frustration cycle and the stress from school isn’t helping, I feel like I’m going to fail eighth grade, and next week is another piano lesson and my teacher is expecting me to play The Wedding March amazingly and I’m just so sick of the stupid wedding march, I can play it but everytime I go to lessons I just make the stupidest mistakes on the song like going to fast or messing something up that I had perfect at home... and it just.... frustrates me, you know? And I’m reading something for WV Studies for an assignment and the fricking teacher comes over and says what have you gotten done, I tell him nothing, and he tells me I need to stop making up excuses for not working like the “I’m reading it first” or other things, but they’re never excuses! And he lets other kids get away with it all the time! And I just feel so singled out and I tell him I can’t concentrate because of people in my group who continuously try to steal my stuff and then I’m the only one who gets in trouble for it, and when I told him that which was only once he goes “I’ve seen you when reading your comics and drawing, you can concentrate.” But those are things I enjoy doing, I don’t enjoy your class and I have ADHD and I get migraines and it’s just ugh...and I’m failing that class and.... *throws head onto the iPad and mumbles from underneath* And it doesn’t help that my crush is moving away and all this bullshit drama going on at school and that one of my best friends screeches at me everyday because she’s frustrated for one reason or another but I always try to make her smile as well as my other friends... but I guess I feel obligated to do that and.... oh great, just fucking great I’m crying now.