Here No Longer

"You had better not be talking about your anxiety when I'm nearing panic attack state"

People who think there's only 2 genders because they have no experience of the world past their cis-normative bubble. News flash: that is factually wrong. Not only that but it's technically a bigoted statement.

Upset... Sometimes I really honestly think that my BF really doesn't care at all about how I feel about anything.

Shockingly enough I had a pretty decent knowledge of my gender 4 years ago... Just didn't know the term for it.

No bones broken... Have had back pain in the past though that's possibly to do with bad posture...

I usually eat it in a bowl with a spoon...?

I'm feeling pog because it's Enby Day Also feeling a kinda different way but that is not to be mentioned here

That's good! I've only really came out with my actual gender to my boyfriend at this point though 3 others know me as just nonbinary (and not as a demigirl more specifically). Being that I live in a place like Texas I have to be very careful about who I tell about being non-binary or especially a demigirl. There's plenty of "there's only 2 genders" people down here. Which I mean is literally factually wrong but that's what they believe.

Exactly, same goes for this ultraconservative trans and enby phobic state of Texas. Why do they care about what's in my pants and if what I'm wearing matches that? Why would they care if I was born male and am getting breasts? Why do they even care seriously? Went on a little rant about it in a Discord I'm on (with things about me some people would surely not like to know) about all of this but it might not be forum-appropriate...

Dammit cis-normative society, you need to stop being so sucky.

After that eye appointment, I'm not sure whether to feel ok or like total $#!+. I got misgendered repeatedly (expected, I still look like a man IRL) and forced to pick from "men's" glasses (seriously what kind of BS is that why are glasses sexed?) and I nearly had a panic attack from that and social anxiety turning my brain into mush that could only sit silently or just make sounds instead of speaking (had to force myself to do it when they got the letters out, I was having an internalized panic attack the entire time). Had to keep calming myself down and mentally calling myself "Ash" or once "Ash Dallas" instead of my legal name that everyone still uses because nobody IRL knows I'd rather go by Ash now yet... In fact most people IRL don't know I'm nonbinary, I'm quite closeted about that. And of those people 1 knows my gender more specifically. BUT, I got to make some gender affirming poses (had one of my hips out when I was standing and everything) and I got a prescription so I can order more gender-affirming glasses later on! Managed to find a pair also that looked semi-cute on me in the "men's" section (That's going to bother the ever living $#!+ out of me), nice thick frames at the top and all rounded on the bottom... BUT IT'S BLACK AND NOT RED OR PINK! Also it's in no other way gender affirming...

WE'RE GONNA BE TALKING ABOUT WINDOWS XP!

In the house I live in, luckily not really any aside from sometimes fleas. Where I used to live, we got ants, wasps, africanized bees, fleas, flies... Oh and we got plenty of scorpions too.

Saddening how much my facial hair shows thanks to the lighting in the room (and my adam's apple omg that thing) but I tried I guess *shrugs*

Gender-wise, I'm a nonbinary gender. And well the way I see it if you can't accept those exist, that's on you. Sexually, I'm technically speaking omnisexual, but I call myself pansexual because people are more familiar with it and omni and pan are very similar anyways. Romantically (I'll use the neutral term since I'm nonbinary), I am androromantic. I am only romantically interested in men. So basically, I'm nonbinary, I romantically only like guys and sexually I'm sort of into everything.

^ The background is the demigirl flag colors, as I've recently come to think I am a demigirl, meaning I partially identify as a girl but not entirely (partially feminine and partially bigender in my particular case), and the button has the omnisexual flag colors, as although I identify as pan I am technically omnisexual (like pan but with preferences). https://picrew.me/image_maker/1142750

In front of my computer, procrastinating life itself as per usual

"You know what? If somebody doesn't like who I am, they can just f*** off. I'll wear women's clothes as a 'man' if I dang well please." It would indeed be their problem and not mine anyways that some people could be bigots.

https://picrew.me/image_maker/610761

I appreciate having the conversation, we hadn't talked before this in... I think 4 years? It's nice talking to you again in general.

Even with everything that happened between us with the break-up I never disliked you as a person (woman now), and now that I see you again I felt the need to talk about stuff again. I have. I've been all over the map in terms of gender and I'm still trying to figure it all out. Like now I'm thinking I'm a bigendered demigirl (feel like a combination of both, but also partially just female). I stopped identifying as trans around 17 and started identifying as enby and now I'm back to questioning if I may still be trans but in denial about it because of my circumstances. For most of my adult life I've lived pretty horribly, and I would likely still be if I haven't found my new boyfriend, of now a little less than 2 and a half years. Like also you can like thigh highs and women's clothes and not necessarily be a woman. I very heavily want to express with thigh highs and miniskirts but I don't think I'm a trans woman exactly (I see the chance I am but I don't think I am). I unfortunately have never had the chance to express my gender properly and I'm a mess in part because of it. I look like a fucking guy and I hate it (and I know he means well but my BF is not helping at all). I think my boyfriend wouldn't react negatively either if I were trans, the likelihood knowing him is that he'd try to help me find a guy that likes trans women (he's strictly into men, not sure what he thinks about trans men, would be curious about that). He's very supportive of me, even after I came out as enby. He said in fact he briefly considered being trans himself, but he decided he liked the idea of two men romantically and not just a man (his concept of gender was a bit heteronormative but this was back in like 2010). He's offered to help me express myself, though he's also said he prefers me to present more masc leaning. I haven't really dipped my toe into it, I literally just dived into the ocean. I knew I wasn't cis even before I met you and we had our relationship (regrettably we never met but I still remember the Bebop story with the cop and me and my boyfriend fully watched it, probably the best mainstream anime I've seen), though I wasn't really entirely sure what I was. I initially went to trans, so that's where I was when we were together. Yeah I still live in Texas but luckily I now live around Houston instead of the small town I used to live in so they're better about it. I could get away with thigh highs under my jeans probably even if they weren't just to rebel against them. I don't really have much interest in wearing make-up except maybe things like eye-liner, nail polish, and maybe lipstick but I feel like it would be a very low priority. Other things on the other hand like thigh highs especially are a top priority. And the cat ear hoodie, YES THE CAT EAR HOODIE! Nyan-Binary style going to be cute! I've never tested the waters yet, I'm quite closeted at this point about my gender. Everyone knows I'm romantically attracted to men but they don't know for the most part I'm an enby/demigirl. Yeah there's a lot I want in terms of that, miniskirts and thigh highs are just what I like the most. I'd ideally wear a skirt over a miniskirt when it's cooler or I don't feel like showing off my thighs (though my thighs ended up great for expression ). I unfortunately am not really entirely set on money, I'm focused on affording college and getting a fucking cell phone (I don't have one anymore, thanks to being pretty much broke from 18 to 21). My boyfriend though should get some income in about a year (he's finishing off a degree in physics) and I'm getting MASSIVE grants for college, I may be mostly set on it just with those grants (I'm going for an IT associate's). I had VERY cute necklaces and bracelets from a high school friend but I can't find them anymore and I'm sad about that... Especially since I just encountered her recently on Facebook makes me feel extra bad. I'm like 5'10 and 155 (working on getting it down to 140), so I think I'm luckier in that regard than you seem to be with your much more masculine stature. I'm quite decided on my name ideas for the most part. I like their meanings (Catherine/Cathy had and still has special meaning to me whereas the others I like the standard meaning of), and I like the way they come off. It's something to think about when it comes to names, luckily most of mine came easily enough. Although I do still have fem names I'm willing to go by (Cathy Mikaela), I do like Ash a lot as a name (and Dallas as a middle) and it was nice of you to use it in this context, it felt very euphoric

forum being weird *sighs*

RIP Hoodie. Hopefully I'll never lose the first hoodie I will get with cat ears that would be a massive scale tragedy I hope I'm not trans fem, I don't know what would happen if I were... My BF is gay, he has no interest in women... Knowing him, there's hope he'd give me a chance to find somebody who's good with a trans woman for a partner, but I don't know sometimes... Recent thoughts have made me really question if being trans fem is still a possibility

I feel really weird right now... I don't want to start anything with this so I'll leave it at that. Also, edit: I'm beginning to feel slightly confused about my gender again... I think I could still be a trans woman but in denial and that's just been forced to grow accustomed to my own body through circumstance... Maybe I'm just a more fem enby I really don't know.