Here No Longer

6 hours ago, Latersatyr said:

Update - I came out to my BF. He took it better than I expected and was very supportive. I'm now crying a lot. But this is good. Thanks everyone, I do think having the conversation here helped me have it IRL. 

I appreciate having the conversation, we hadn't talked before this in... I think 4 years? It's nice talking to you again in general.

30 minutes ago, Brosparkles said:

I know you, It'd be pretty hard to forget. Sounds like you've had a bit of a journey yourself then, Ash. And thank you, for the kind words and support. I hadn't realized I wasn't a cis guy when you knew me, either. I was in my "surely of I just act and look more manly I'll feel more comfortable as a man" phase, and I was living with my dad so it's not like I had any other options for gender presentation that wouldn't get my kicked out. (He kicked me out anyways, but at least by then I had a decent job). I started identifying as an enby around 20, a bit after I left the forums for the most part. Even then there were little hints, though. I probably should have questioned why I liked wearing thigh highs (more like knee-highs on me) and women's underwear, even back then. But I tried not to think too much about it, I guess.

 

I don't think my boyfriend would react negatively in like, an anti-trans sense, he's always been pro trans-rights, but he also isn't attracted to women. Well, I think? He said "only if they're very dominating" which is not me. He seems to react positively to the toe-dipping into the gender pool I've done so far though, but I can't tell if that's just being nice or not, he's rarely openly judging of anything I do.

 

Trans/enby phobic area describes where I am now too, we moved to Tennesee when we didn't have anywhere to stay in Michigan anymore. I've only been called a slur in public once since wearing a skirt in public, though, so maybe not so bad? 

 

  I do think a mini-skirt would feel very nice and gender affirming, but though I've lost some weight since you knew me, not enough to feel comfortable exposing that much of myself, yet. Other gender-affirming clothes I'd like to get would be heels (though being size 18 men's shoe makes that hard, and being 6'7 I don't exactly need them. They are cute though) and maybe a blouse to go with my (full length) skirt. I have the advantages of being fairly okay on money and as the sole income between me and him I'm able to do what I'd like on that front. He seemed confused as to why I bought eyeliner/shadow and a skirt, but considering it came in the same package as a pentagram necklace and a big knife I suppose it was just a strange order overall.

 

I'm not decided on Maggie because it has the downside of making me think of the baby from the Simpsons. I also like the names Emma, Talia, and Juniper. Juniper starts with the same letter as my current name too, which might make it easier for me to adapt to? I don't have a whole lot to go off, just picking ones I like. 

Even with everything that happened between us with the break-up I never disliked you as a person (woman now), and now that I see you again I felt the need to talk about stuff again.

I have. I've been all over the map in terms of gender and I'm still trying to figure it all out. Like now I'm thinking I'm a bigendered demigirl (feel like a combination of both, but also partially just female). I stopped identifying as trans around 17 and started identifying as enby and now I'm back to questioning if I may still be trans but in denial about it because of my circumstances. For most of my adult life I've lived pretty horribly, and I would likely still be if I haven't found my new boyfriend, of now a little less than 2 and a half years. Like also you can like thigh highs and women's clothes and not necessarily be a woman. I very heavily want to express with thigh highs and miniskirts but I don't think I'm a trans woman exactly (I see the chance I am but I don't think I am). I unfortunately have never had the chance to express my gender properly and I'm a mess in part because of it. I look like a fucking guy and I hate it (and I know he means well but my BF is not helping at all).

I think my boyfriend wouldn't react negatively either if I were trans, the likelihood knowing him is that he'd try to help me find a guy that likes trans women (he's strictly into men, not sure what he thinks about trans men, would be curious about that). He's very supportive of me, even after I came out as enby. He said in fact he briefly considered being trans himself, but he decided he liked the idea of two men romantically and not just a man (his concept of gender was a bit heteronormative but this was back in like 2010). He's offered to help me express myself, though he's also said he prefers me to present more masc leaning. I haven't really dipped my toe into it, I literally just dived into the ocean. I knew I wasn't cis even before I met you and we had our relationship (regrettably we never met but I still remember the Bebop story with the cop and me and my boyfriend fully watched it, probably the best mainstream anime I've seen), though I wasn't really entirely sure what I was. I initially went to trans, so that's where I was when we were together.

Yeah I still live in Texas but luckily I now live around Houston instead of the small town I used to live in so they're better about it. I could get away with thigh highs under my jeans probably even if they weren't just to rebel against them. I don't really have much interest in wearing make-up except maybe things like eye-liner, nail polish, and maybe lipstick but I feel like it would be a very low priority. Other things on the other hand like thigh highs especially are a top priority. And the cat ear hoodie, YES THE CAT EAR HOODIE! Nyan-Binary style going to be cute! I've never tested the waters yet, I'm quite closeted at this point about my gender. Everyone knows I'm romantically attracted to men but they don't know for the most part I'm an enby/demigirl.

Yeah there's a lot I want in terms of that, miniskirts and thigh highs are just what I like the most. I'd ideally wear a skirt over a miniskirt when it's cooler or I don't feel like showing off my thighs (though my thighs ended up great for expression ). I unfortunately am not really entirely set on money, I'm focused on affording college and getting a fucking cell phone (I don't have one anymore, thanks to being pretty much broke from 18 to 21). My boyfriend though should get some income in about a year (he's finishing off a degree in physics) and I'm getting MASSIVE grants for college, I may be mostly set on it just with those grants (I'm going for an IT associate's). I had VERY cute necklaces and bracelets from a high school friend but I can't find them anymore and I'm sad about that... Especially since I just encountered her recently on Facebook makes me feel extra bad. I'm like 5'10 and 155 (working on getting it down to 140), so I think I'm luckier in that regard than you seem to be with your much more masculine stature.

I'm quite decided on my name ideas for the most part. I like their meanings (Catherine/Cathy had and still has special meaning to me whereas the others I like the standard meaning of), and I like the way they come off. It's something to think about when it comes to names, luckily most of mine came easily enough. Although I do still have fem names I'm willing to go by (Cathy Mikaela), I do like Ash a lot as a name (and Dallas as a middle) and it was nice of you to use it in this context, it felt very euphoric

14 hours ago, Somebody that Exists said:

 

forum being weird *sighs*

That's really nice, I really wish the best for you on this whole journey (trust me it can be it was for me).

I remember at one time I was really really struggling with gender as well. I thought I personally was a pansexual, wasn't sure romantically, trans woman for a while, and I've come to learn I was actually a pansexual androromantic nonbinary (a lot I know). I've experienced the signs of my gender being not cis since I was about 13 and knew I wasn't cis when I was 15.

Like I remembered having my name picked out and everything. The name I had thought of was Catherine (liked Cathy for short), it was a variation on my mom's middle name, the phase lasted for a while I think a year and a half (I was 16/17 if I remember correctly). Now I feel more like a more fem leaning nonbinary, I think I'd be dysphoric either way. I feel pretty settled on it and I've so far been for about 5-ish years. I'd say bigender or possibly demigirl if any particular specific label would probably describe my gender at this point. I'm still extremely fond of the idea of wearing women's clothing and I in fact am quite possibly going to be in the position to get things like thigh-highs and miniskirts in the not-too-distant future. My current boyfriend of about 2 and a half years has been mostly very supportive of me and he's allowed me to be in an economic situation where I have the opportunity to actually get some degree of self-expression (thigh-highs, miniskirts, maybe a cat ear hoodie or a cat ear headband). Of course his preferences aren't quite aligned specifically with who I really am, but that seems to not matter to him too much which is great! Now I guess I'm settled on being Ash Dallas (first and middle).

An Edit: I'm worried about my relationship as well, thinking about things has made me question my own gender a bit and feel a bit inclined to think maybe I was right when I was in my teens and I am indeed trans fem and just in denial of it because my hand's been forced by circumstances... I live in a very trans/enby phobic part of the country and until I met my last BF I was dirt poor, living on barely anything...  I'm starting to be of the opinion my gender is more than likely mostly feminine if it is nonbinary, perhaps it's fully feminine though, not sure... I think my name would still be Cathy, think middle name would be like Mikaela (Miki for short)

It's weird how things changed for the both of us over time. I remember you being cis when I last knew about your gender (yes I know you and maybe you know me I don't know, I was on an old account at the time). I don't want to bother you too much more with our... history... though. I really genuinely wish the best for you in the future going forward.

@Kyoshi Good to hear people like you are staying.

Actually making my own blog post addressing this very topic.

Neither. They're both terrible people that represent extreme ideologies that for some reason have become more mainstream. If I had to, I guess Biden is the lesser of the two evils.

8 hours ago, Antagonist 🦹♂️ said:

Definitely Trump.

 the Left is too ax-crazy nowadays.

And Trump isn't? Last I checked it was Trump that's demonstrated he's a danger to our first amendment rights.

Well, might as well burn the Bill of Rights if Trump gets his way. It's starting to become just another piece of 245-year-old paper to people in office.

I mean I think sexual orientation is already protected by a lot of places, but as a gay (well, homoflexible ) non-binary male, I'm VERY glad to see the Supreme Court rule this way even if it would be absolutely incensing and a blatant show of bigotry if they didn't.

@Prince Doopliss Does make good points. All lives do INDEED matter, BUT the All Lives Matter movement is clearly a racist knee-jerk reaction to black people saying "our lives matter too." Even if I think the BLM movement has taken quite a few liberties and to me has really lost their point.

All lives do indeed matter, and saying that is in no way racist, in fact it's quite the opposite. BUT when I say this I do count Black Lives here, unlike the movement who's obvious intent was to obfuscate the fact that injustices are faced by the black community at the hands of the police. But should we also say Male Lives Matter then? After all, they get sentenced to 63% more jail time than women do. And what about LGBT lives? WE are the only one of the top three categorically RISING (between 2017 and 2018) when it comes to hate crime incidences according to the DoJ, and non-cis lives? OURS must matter, too... Since incidents against them rose by an astonishing 37% between 2017 and 2018. We can't just focus on one injustice here. And let us not forget about the disabled either.

If anybody thinks Trump is a president for the people at this point they have to be brainwashed.

@Dabmanz With a few Calm Minds up and using Stored Power or another high powered STAB move, this thing could honestly be a serious threat as a special wall that could possibly go through half a team of Pokemon on its own. If not sweep them, though, possibly confusing them instead. It does have a weakness to physical attackers that could easily be exploited though.

A fast physical attacker with the right types of moves could pose a serious threat to him.

I don't really care about the Oscars, but I will say that Trump's comment on Parasite's win is quite obviously xenophobic. Also, the Irishman won no awards... At all... Yet they gave one to Once Upon a Time in Hollywood?

Also, "Gone with the Wind?" Really? That movie is 80 years old... They're for movies made THAT year, and of course leave it to a moron like Trump not to realize that.

6 hours ago, Magic Note said:

Centrists, neocons and neolibs are to blame for the whole Iraqi ordeal.

Centrists and neolibs are honestly one and the same in my book. Neolibs just pretend to be lefties when in all actuality they really aren't.

This whole thing is the reason why we need actual left-wing representation in our government. It's pretty much entirely been held by the right for decades.

Far Right in response: "Radical ISIS members hold event recruiting new members"

Lowering taxes (especially on the wealthy as Trump has done) and spending more on the military always equals a bigger deficit, when will these right-wing idiots learn that? I mean that's what got us IN THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE. We spent 16% of our entire budget on the military, in 2015...

And that was 2015. I bet it's closer to 20% now... May even be over 20%...

https://www.washingtonpost.com/us-policy/2019/04/18/us-military-spending-set-increase-fifth-consecutive-year-nearing-levels-during-height-iraq-war/

What's worse is there's people proud of this irrationally large war machine we've built.

On 1/14/2020 at 9:59 AM, Blivy said:

I do like how yo put Iowa and Nebraska as A+ yet these states are extremely conservative. Though we are "right" I guess we are not FAR "right" like Alabama and Louisiana. 

Iowa really isn't that much of a right-wing state the way I see it and Nebraska generally has good stats across the board. I really did not make this list with the intent of playing politics.

Lousiana's problem isn't about right, left, authoritarian, or libertarian, it's crime and corruption. It SUCKS to live there, period. As for Alabama, it's downright inhospitable for LGBT people like myself.

50 minutes ago, AveryGamerDude said:

I see you also ranked Hawaii quite high.

Hawaii is actually a fantastic place to live. It is a bit pricey and they do get a good few natural disasters, but otherwise the place is actually quite great.

Though Tulsi is ruining it by caving to the right. 

44 minutes ago, SparklingSwirls said:

What’s wrong with DC? Too expensive to live in, horribly humid summer weather, the crime? Or something political related?  

DC is very liberal and you rated liberal states quite high, as well as the surrounding states of MD and VA, so I’m a bit confused. 

Combination of price, crime, bad weather, and it pretty much by default being the most corrupt city in the nation.

15 minutes ago, TheBronyHeart said:

Any opinion on the state of New York if the hypothetical split happened?

I don't like what sounds to be the reasons why New York would want to split, but otherwise I don't have much of an opinion there to be honest.

2 hours ago, Worldfrog said:

Feelssadman that my state is rated D- by you

I mean Lousiana is a corrupt, violent hellhole and Alabama is a far right easily offended hellhole, so I feel quite justified in putting them both that low...

I mean I live in Texas and I put that in C-.

1 hour ago, Twisted Cyclone said:

I'm curious what you would rate the US territories (Puerto Rico, US Virgin Islands, Guam and American Samoa)

Don't actually have enough knowledge about the statistics on those, and I'm not really familiar with them like in the case of DC (it sucks).

3 hours ago, Anti-Villain said:

You may want to add "(UPDATED)" or something to the title, then.

That's very nitpicky, plus it's not even really the same list.

@PiratePony I did, but I was less informed about it. It's sort of an update. I'm in the process of more explaining my choices while of course voicing my opinion with a degree of description.

Like I never thought New Mexico sucked THAT bad.

When it comes to VPNs, I find The Hated One's video on it rather informative:

His answer in a nutshell is that VPNs are a good idea, but A, you have to really research the VPN you're getting into, and B, you can't just use a VPN alone and think that you're perfectly safe and anonymous. Just using a VPN alone isn't really going to make you all that much safer, because only the traffic TO the VPN is actually encrypted. After that, it could easily be hacked/forced from the VPN. The best thing to do is to layer it with other measures like using DuckDuckGo instead of Google and Firefox instead of Chrome/IE and the et cetera. And also, DON'T. Use. Facebook. I mean he has an entire video on how you can stay perfectly safe and anonymous on the internet, but this is conversation is about VPNs.

1 hour ago, 2nd Amendment Brony © said:

So if he cheated on you and said he was done with you, you wouldn't stop loving him?

I would stop being in a relationship with him, yes, but loving him is a lot different than that. Plus if he really said that I'm positive it's quite temporary anyways.