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Cagey

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  1. Cagey

    Ponyfinder
    [The notes are messy, as though the author has just learned to write.]
    I am afraid.
    Even now, months after my acquaintances companions friends freed me, the Collective keeps showing up in my dreams. In them, we I'm searching, and empty, and existing as someone I don't even recognize. And the worst part... is that it feels natural. It feels like that's how we I'm meant to be. My voice is not my own. My thoughts are not my own. And I wake up, and I can't tell which is real life and which is the nightmare.
    I hate it. I want to hate it. My identity was... who I am.
    It's supposed to be getting better. I'm supposed to feel normal again, but I have to learn to use new limbs, and I don't have horn magic anymore, and I tasted death and it was terrifyingly instant. Except I wasn't dead, really.
    ...What does it mean to have a soul?
    [Notes are illegible]
    And then, today, I had to relive the Collective again, this time as part of some sick, twisted mind spell in the dungeons of the Crystal Empire, because fate just wants to punish me. And I saw the Collective again and I felt it and I couldn't go through that again and I needed it to STOP –
    And there was fire, for a second.
    I think I've been running from myself.
    I am not special. Not brave. Not strong. Not even a freaking individual. I'm miserable and lost and weak and scared and I've been pretending my whole life that none of that is true, pretending that my parents were wrong, but I keep facing the truth, over and over and over. Even foals can tell. I'm worse than a failure.
    I'm nopony at all.
    And I can't escape it.
  2. Cagey

    Ponyfinder
    Snippet from Sycofear's Ponyfinder campaign. Scene featuring Skylight Scintillate, Dynamo Pad, Caramel Ripple, Forest Storm, Mango, and Frostbite. Takes place in the far future of FiM; Diamond Tiara is the mayor of Ponyville and had an affair with Apple Bloom. Lots of drama.
    Author is half asleep at the time of posting. And only remembers what was typed in the chat during the game.
     
     
    In the waiting room of Canterlot Castle, the bedraggled band of adventurers finds Snips and Snails, who come bearing a message from Diamond Tiara. Diamond wants to meet with them, but she won’t share the reason.
    The ponies look at each other in surprise, considering their last meeting with her; Diamond was unrepentant in her affair with Apple Bloom, tearing the family apart, which certainly didn't cast her in a positive light.
    However, this means nothing to Frostbite, who was absent during the group’s unfortunate encounter with the pony. He stares at Snips and Snails, unimpressed. “Who’s Diamond Tiara?”
    The group ignores him in favor of the more pressing conversation. “Okay, why does Diamond Tiara need to be so secretive about what this is?” Skylight asks, frowning. “Why does she only want to tell us this face to face?”
    Snips and Snails only shrug and say that Diamond would be most persuasive in person. “That’s how she does her best work, you know,” one of them says. Frostbite doesn’t remember who’s who.
    The others are wholeheartedly unenthused by the thought of Diamond’s persuasiveness. “Oh, I think we've seen her work plenty enough,” Skylight mutters darkly.
    Frostbite's head whips around, noticing the group’s matching expressions and feeling left out of something distinctly important. “Who’s Diamond Tiara??” he asks again, directly, no longer trying to keep the genuine inquiry out of his voice.
    Skylight makes a face. It’s not a pleasant memory. “Oh, the mayor of Ponyville. She also does plenty of work around there.” If you know what I’m saying. 
    Again with that tone, that suggests something hidden, something everypony else knows but Frostbite doesn’t. He hates the feeling. “What – what does that mean?” He can’t control the brittle tone of his voice.
    It's a complicated mess, so Skylight turns to their friends. “Does somepony else want to explain what happened?”
    If there’s one plus side to feeling offended, it’s that Frostbite feels like himself: upset and defensive and individualistic. He hasn’t felt that way since before the Door Demon.
    Dynamo and Caramel, on the receiving end of Skylight’s question, mutter back and forth. Neither of them wants to talk about the affair, and Frostbite’s gaze ping-pongs between them, glower growing in magnitude. It’s almost a comforting normalcy.
    “Well, you see, in a certain way, Diamond Tiara…” Caramel waffles awkwardly as the group leaves the room.
    “Just say it!” Frostbite snaps.
    The words burst from Skylight: “She ruined Apple Bloom!”
    “Huh??”
    The doors close behind them.
  3. Cagey

    Ponyfinder
    [It's a leather-bound book, tucked in the back of some minor possessions left at Canterlot Castle. The hornwriting is rushed with sharp penstrokes.]
     
    First night away.
    The princess requested more ponies for this mission than I expected. They all look cheerful, relaxed, and chatty, like they’ve done this before, and they probably have. This is probably run of the mill for them. They know what they’re doing. That’s why they look at me like – that. They can see right through me. They know I’ve never traveled, never fought a true villain, never done anything worthwhile. They can see it on my face, and they think it’s hilarious, so they’ve been trying to coddle me with their fake friendship. They think I’m weak.
    Well, it won’t work. I hate them. They’re the weak ones. I’m stronger, smarter, faster, more talented than them. I have to be.
    I’ll show them.
    ...
    It’s been a few days. I’ve decided to keep notes. Not because I want to devote spare time to thinking about these stupid ponies. But – just because.
    The pink pony, Silky, is far too happy. Possibly sincere, somehow, and a good not a bad leader. She and Vibrant Grove stayed behind in Canterlot with the magician filly. I despise Vibrant Grove. He can see right through me – he can see everything. I have proof from his own words. I can’t let him use my fear I won’t let him be better than me.
    The rest of our group has been… not as scheming as I expected. I’m waiting for the moment they strike, using my flaws against me, but we’ve gone through a lot already, and… they haven’t so far. Not like back home, even though I made mistakes failed I haven’t been enough. For some reason, they haven’t used that against me. The pegasus Roswell thinks he can say whatever he wants to me, but I see through his games.
    Forest Storm is quiet. I wish I could find something to hate about him, but he’s probably the least annoying of these ponies. At first I was intimidated suspicious of him, but he hasn’t done anything malicious. He’s… not unintelligent.
    Skylight Scintillate is also not a… bad pony, if I’m being honest. None of them are bad, actually. Skylight’s got that standard pony friendship attitude, but she – makes helpful observations, I guess. I guess she’s smart. And good at coming up with ideas. Not that I’d ever tell her.
    Caramel is a recent addition to our group. She’s not all that annoying, either. When we reached Ponyville, she was swallowed by a messed-up giant mantis creature, and I – was right there next to her. It happened in an instant. It was terrifyi
    She’s in a relationship with Dynamo Pad, who is… a good pony, I guess. He’s infuriatingly not terrible at diplomacy. He doesn’t always succeed – but he takes charge with a sincerity I’ve never seen. He’s got compassion, stupid as it is to bring up. He gives things his all. He’s comfortable caring about ponies, and he strives to make up for his mistakes. Could I ever do the same
    None of these ponies are my – friends. I don’t do friendship. I can’t. But if I ever had a "friend," it would be Mango. Since we sparred that first day, it’s been – easy, interacting with Mango. I don’t feel like she’s holding anything over my head. She’s annoyingly cheery, but she’s a good fighter, but not in a way that makes me angry, and – I believe her when she says things. She deserved the win, when we sparred... and I promised her I'd fight her in a dance battle later. I still want to be stronger than her, but… I don’t feel like I’m losing my balance.
    Not that I ever lose my balance. I’m strong. I don't know if I'm anything at all.
    But maybe these ponies aren’t so bad. I’d rather die than tell them, though. Anypony would get an ego the size of the Everfree over that.
    ... 
    [Hornwriting is heavier and more jagged.]
    We found out the truth about Black Licorice.
    Things have been moving fast. Not a lot of time to write. We arrived in Canterlot again, and – I can’t think clearly. I can’t stop thinking about that pony.
    I think I get it now. I can’t run from this… not when I understood all her garbage, for a second. And that just makes me hate her more. How could she jus
    We have to stop her. I don’t know how. I don’t think I can fight her. I mean – I could, but. I don’t know. I don’t know what I mean. We just have to stop her. The princess and the castle staff aren’t doing anything, and I hate it. And I don’t trust the draconequus to succeed, not when we haven’t heard from him since.
    Our team has to do something. We have to – put our heads together. Ugh. It’s friendship baloney, but maybe it’s the truth. I won’t say it aloud, but… I wouldn’t be opposed. Entirely. To being their friends. At some point.
    For some Celestia-forsaken reason, I trust these ponies.
    No time to write more. We’re going to investigate town – gathering forces. Time to get this show on the road.
  4. Cagey

    Fimfiction Thoughts
    I figured I'd do mini-reviews on book-length fanfiction, just to keep my thoughts all in one place. Note that I'm not a critic, nor a gifted writer, and I'm not even sure of all my opinions here, because it's been a while since I've read most of these. Anyway, let me know what you think of these stories, if you've read them.
    Anthropology was a lot more predictable and cliche than I was expecting, and it did not feel well thought-out. There were a lot of unexplained plot devices. I liked the ending, though.
    Past Sins has a similar writing style to Anthropology, but I liked the plot more. I found the cult interesting, and I liked Nyx. I do wish the story spent more time cultivating the familial relationship, because I wasn't really feeling the motherly vibes as much as the story was telling me about them.
    Triptych is emotional, well-written, and action-packed. The writing is dense, however, especially in first dozen or so chapters, and it is difficult to parse through all the vague mystery-building parts. I'd recommend it to people with a lot of patience, both for the writing and for the characters' decisions.
    A Mark of Appeal, a prequel to Triptych, is engaging and impactful, despite being smaller-scale. I think this story is underrated.
    To Perytonia starts off slow, and remains that way for most of the story, but it has a beautiful ending. The main interest of the story lies with the setting, although not every question gets answered in the end. Also, the reader may often want to strangle Rainbow Dash and/or her companions, and in that respect the conflicts are a little frustratingly simple. If you like unique settings, you should give this a read, though.
    The Games We Play is the only long-form fimfiction I've read more than once. It has a few early-fandom cliches, but I have a soft spot for this story, even though the characters' relationships are not exactly healthy.
    The Silver Standard takes place during canon, and as a result, the reader already knows what will happen in most cases. The plot is not very tense because of that, yet it manages to make Silver Spoon's inner conflicts unique and fleshed out in a way I've never seen from fanfiction before.
    The Enchanted Library is a nice blend of alternate universe, mystery, and romance. A lot of the book feels like setup for the sequel, however. I don't remember every detail, unfortunately, but I am going to read the sequel soon.
    I'll probably update here when I finish reading the sequel.
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