Single Status Update
what's one thing you regret?
For me it's falling for a guy who ruined my friendships irl,
I wasn't allowed to see my friends while we would always hang out saturdays, just do girl stuff but he had zero trust.
Manipulated me, put me under pressure and acted like a creep.
"what cinema are you going to? so i can sit in the back and watch you while you watch with your friends.."
there was always something I did wrong.. & he was never clear with his answers.."was always a yes, no.. maybe" type of thing
I never realized stuff because I was mad in love despite him being disloyal, and in a message from before we were that close.
"I want a sexfriend, - i need a gf"
Mind you that my anxiety was already bad there,
whenever i'd say i'm gonna go do stuff with my friends saturday he'd play on it whining like "don't gooo~ then i'll be alone..etc etc"
up until the point i started telling my friends i felt sick and that i couldn't show up,
I ended up literally growing sick to my stomach though on a daily basis.
This man wasn't honest, he was disloyal.. scary... and only out for one thing, not love.
Because he was like that i grew really scared and would hide in the chair each time a car drove by. Afraid, he'd stand there at the door.. or just drive by constant..
Because of that man I pushed my friends away so much that they didn't want me around anymore even after apologizing.
10+ years of friendship ruined by a scary person.
I wish I could reverse that time, so i can tell myself, don't
I'm sick and tired of feeling alone. I know online friends are awesome but having people to hang out with irl is just a very different feeling than having none and relying on online.
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@TomDaBombMLP even more silly is that there's been 1 person who i cried at constantly because i felt lost and he'd always play games with me to distract me.. that's the person who i dumped for the scary person. (we parted good ways but this creep who pulled this lived in my country and like 30 minutes away)
Ironically i'm still friends with the good ex ;; but it feels very weird and like i shouldn't forgive myself for dumping him for someone else-- but at least he does deserve better.
@Samurai Equine well my trust is trash so yush I need to work on it