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Pastel Heart

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Status Updates posted by Pastel Heart

  1. I love the smell of gasoline~

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Old Accnt.

      Old Accnt.

      always has been a good smell to me 😌

    3. Brony Number 42

      Brony Number 42

      I like the smell of diesel exhaust in the winter.

      5z1blg.jpg

    4. Pandora

      Pandora

      #guilty

      ; A ;

  2. It may be Thanksgiving but

    I'm still out of touch

     

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Astralshy

      Astralshy

      @Pastel Heart

      By orders!

      >D

      Nice video :)

      @Firefighter Equine

      Prepare yourself!

    3. Splashee

      Splashee

      ❤️ Hall & Oates ❤️

    4. Samurai Equine

      Samurai Equine

      @Pastel Heart, @Astral Soul

      I'm strapped in, my arms are strong, and I'm surrounded on all sides.
      Bring on the hugs. B)

  3. Buzzfeed article: your favorite song reflects your personality

    Me:

     

    1. Samurai Equine

      Samurai Equine

      Me: ...Favorite? What's a favorite? :wau:

    2. Old Accnt.
  4. Yo I'm really happy for ya and imma letcha finish

    But Sailor Moon is the greatest anime of ALL TIME

    OF ALL TIME

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      @FlutteringGuardian

      If you can't find it just message me and I'll try to help out nya~

    3. VinylWubs

      VinylWubs

      I LOVE SAILOR MOON SO MUCH, AAAAAAA?????

      IT'S ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE ANIMES AND I WILL FOREVER WATCH IT ON REPEAT :wub::wub::wub:

    4. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      @VinylWubs

      YES ONE OF MY PEOPLE~

  5. Happy birthday Flicky!! ♡ You're still my hero! Stay amazing and have a super sweet day~!

    1. Treeglow Flicker

      Treeglow Flicker

      Thank you, my friend. I hope you've been keeping well. :eager:

    2. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      Mhm I've been doing okay! we should talk again sometime! For now you should chill and watch anime or something and enjoy~ I'd totes get us a pizza!

  6. batman

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      My sense of humor deteriorates when I drink my dumb juice and I thought this was extremely funny

      see video above I'm going back to sleep nyaha

    3. ExplosionMare
    4. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      @ExplosionMare

      We live in a society, ExplosionBat~

  7. So... Surprise? ^-^

    It's not a CM Punk comeback but it's something!

    Elephant in the room. I haven't been on in ages. Lots of reasons for that, so many I can't go over immediately. Emotional, financial and health reasons.

    I never intended to leave for so long. A week break became a month, and a month became more.. I missed my friends a lot. But every time I thought about coming back when I was in a healthier situation it seemed awkward. Who would remember me, who would care, what's changed. Etc. But I've felt like I've had a hole in me and this was it. No more putting it off. I promise not to leave so suddenly again. I love you guys.

    In my absence, I have binged watched the entire YGO series to current Sevens and Jaden Yuki is now my role model.

    Glad to be back! Get your game on nyan~! <3

    1. Show previous comments  11 more
    2. EpicEnergy
    3. CheeryFox

      CheeryFox

      Welcome back.

    4. raykv423

      raykv423

      ah welcome back. It's great to see you again. 

  8. Sending positive vibes to a super cute cutie~! <3

    1. Fluttershyfan94

      Fluttershyfan94

      Positive vibes are always welcome and I shall send you some. 

      Mio moe moe kyun GIF | Mio Chan

      Moe moe kyun hehe.

    2. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      Moe moe kyun~! *hugs* x3

  9. @Dynamo Pad 

    The dream has become reality

    EnG0OgCVQAIeAfI.png

    1. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      Wdym this is literally just Kaiba

      He just became a game console

    2. Pastel Heart
  10. Everyone, I'm safe now

    I have escaped my abuser and am now in the safety of my aunts care

    Thank you to everyone who's supported me and got me this far. <3 I'll probably be awhile to adjust to my new life and heal after everything that happened this year. I have the best friends in the world and family that supports me. Tomorrow is a new day and for once I can relax and get a good nights sleep.

    Love you, friends. <3

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      I couldn't have done it without the bonds I forged here, so... Thank you. <3

    3. ExplosionMare

      ExplosionMare

      Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D

    4. Thuja

      Thuja

      You did it!!!!!  Congrats!!!!  I'm so happy you got out, I wish you the best!!!!!!!  May you get as much sleep as you need to!! :yay:

  11. I'm sorry. I failed.

    I'm very ashamed to return and admit that but I failed. I was all ready to go, had my pockets lined with my things and was staring down the road. But my body wouldn't move. Hunger? Weakness? Nerves? All of those things maybe. After walking as far as I could I returned and cried. Thought about mom and cried some more. I've been beating myself up for the last several hours. After posting a promise, a goodbye and having so much support behind me, I couldn't move.

    I'll try again tomorrow. Maybe I'll have more strength then. If not, I think another course of action will have to be taken.

    I'm sorry for disappointing you, friends. I hope tomorrow, or one of these days I can come here again and proudly say I'm contacting you all from a safe place.

    Thank you. <3

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. TheRockARooster

      TheRockARooster

      You didn't fail at all, you're incredibly brave and I admire as well as respect you.

      We all love you and want things to be great for you.

      I'm really proud of you and I believe in you.

    3. Tom Gallagher

      Tom Gallagher

      This is a very important step you've made. You'll look back later on in life and realise this. You just need to keep trying. :coco:

    4. ExplosionMare

      ExplosionMare

      I believe that you’ll get there some day :kindness:

      For now, just focus on staying safe

  12. Goodbye, everyone.

    I am leaving my abusive house first thing in the morning to find hopefully better days. I'm unsure when I'll be back here or if I will survive. I hope to see you all as soon as I can.

    Thank you all for the support and love. <3

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Treeglow Flicker

      Treeglow Flicker

      Good to hear you are making it out of there, my friend. Eyes forward and don't look back.

    3. Dynamo Pad

      Dynamo Pad

      Good luck, stay safe and stay strong. I know it's not farewell as I know you'll be back soon. We're all here for you and we'll be here when you get back. *hugs* 

    4. Thuja

      Thuja

      Best of luck, I hope you make it out, you deserve a better life than what you've been dealt and I'm so proud of you for breaking free of that!!!!  Good luck and stay safe!!!!!! :kindness:

  13. I just wanna say I appreciate being mentioned in the nicest users thread and I'm glad I've been able to be a positive force~! ♡ I think you're really smart, perceptive and fearless. The world sucks hard right now and the state of things doesnt make it better but as long as we don't blow up a better tomorrow is possible!

    Stay awesome Dusky!

    1. Here No Longer

      Here No Longer

      It really does suck how things are right now. We have a wannabe fascist president who's willing to endanger the public for the sake of optics, a far right movement urging us to be ever closer to a police state, and now about to be a far right majority in the courts intent on blocking out any not right-wing proposals. All the while average people can barely afford to survive on what they have, we have an impending eviction crisis that threatens to multiply homelessness by a factor of 30, and forget about healthcare because having that somehow makes us Venezuela (So funny and backwards).

       

      But you know what, we can't just dwell on that if we ever want these problems fixed. We still have to go through our lives accepting things as they are. Of course taking any opportunity we get to protest the conditions we've found ourselves in. If my BF had a car, I'm pretty sure we'd both be in the streets of Houston as often as we know worthwhile protests are happening. But while we can't have the numbers to protest, we simply must go on and try to voice our ideas when applicable. If we can't do that, there's no chance of getting anywhere. We must survive before we can get what we want.

       

      I mentioned you in the thread because I appreciate your understanding of this. You seem like a very decent woman whose heart is in the right place and whose understanding we need more of in our society (and less of this far right plague that's turned otherwise reasonable people into sheep).

       

      EDIT: Also sent you a friend request on Discord.

    2. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      It's really insulting what's been happening since 2016. More and more I feel like the world really did end in 2012 and we ended up on a bizarro timeline. I can take the state politics because that part has always been consistently unreliable, but the people accepting this as the best we can do, and the healthcare and homelessness rate which effect me directly... I can't accept that. I'm really scared of the future.

      I do my best within my limits. Which, well, is just me talking and trying to tell people alternatives to all this, not that they'd listen to me, nyaha. Maybe once I escape my situation I can do more.

      Thank you very much for the kindness. ^-^ If I didn't have my heart I wouldn't have much else, so I do try. I'll never accept defeat from the forces of hate and authoritarianism... I'll be on discord tonight to accept your request!

  14. I was able to return. And as promised, I will now come clean. No more hiding.

    The reasons for my various breakdowns, depressing comments, disappearances have not been random. For awhile I've been saying how circumstances in my life have caused me to lose this and that. I was afraid of saying anything in fear that she may find out, or something may happen that makes things even worse. But after being isolated for awhile and thinking, I don't wanna be afraid anymore. So here it is.

    For the last 8 months, I have been abused by my older sister/caretaker. Emotionally, financially, and to a degree, physically. I have been subjected to humiliation, demeaning language, name calling, demoralization, hits to my self esteem, my head being shaved to conform to my biological sex, deadnaming, threats, manipulation and many other things. As well as financial; any money that goes to me, when it ever does, goes to her. In addition, she has restricted my access to the internet, what programs, movies and TV I can watch, as well as grueling workout regiments that have taken a toll on my body and my self esteem. I only eat one meal a day; two if I'm lucky, and I'm only able to eat what I'm given. There has been some physical abuse, a slap and a full body shake (I'm a small frame), as well as threats of beatings. Empty threats, hopefully. I have lost a lot of weight since I've been here, to a point where it's personally uncomfortable for me. She has made me feel worthless, weak, afraid and my self esteem is rock bottom. This isn't family. Love shouldn't hurt. Even "tough love". Some things here have already been known by the most trusted of my friends, but now, I guess everyone knows. This is what has happened to me, and as we speak I am looking for ways to escape without ending up homeless. I was able to put up with much of the abuse, hoping that someone, somewhere would help me. After being deprived of internet for days on end, having basically NO ONE to reach out to as a result and eroding mentally, it was the straw that broke the camels back. And I still have that hope. It's a matter of when and where. Do not be alarmed, my life is not in danger. But my sanity and potential livelihood very much is... though you could say that an endangered livelihood is an endangered life too.

    The good thing is, I've spoken to and am still reaching out to hotlines and discreet resources working on a way to get away safely without living on the street, and am listening closely for potential neighbors or friends who can help me

    This has also all helped me realize something. When I am able to come back here, and see the love I've made and the friends I've bonded with, I've figured out what true happiness is. Happiness isn't what you can buy, accomplishing something huge, taking over the world... happiness is being able to smile, laugh and relax with the people you love and care for. Who accept you for who you are. The love you make is equal to the love you take, a Beatles song goes. And that is why it's important to say how much I care about and love the people I've come to, and have loved me as I am. 

    I'll make some individual mentions, but don't feel bad if you're not here; I'm pressed for time to post this in case I get cut off again. I'm always up for DMs.

     

    @Dynamo Pad My light, my love. Has stood by me through all this and has literally saved my life. I dream of the day I can be far away and by your side. For now, we RP and dream. ♡

    @Stone Cold Steve Tuna Has been like a big brother, one of  the most supportive and kindest people ever. You deserve happiness too.

    @GeneralDirection RPs, buying me gifts when it wasn't necessary, complaining about things that annoy us, you're one of my  best friends and you don't give yourself enough credit.

    @Treeglow Flicker  I admire you so much. You inspired me to come out as trans on the forums and I hope I can be as strong and kind as you.

    @TheRockARooster One of my first friends here. I love confiding in  you and discussing wrestling, one of my few passions. ♡

    @Thuja Another very brave  person I admire. Stay amazing~

    @Derpsieh Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I've never bonded with someone so quickly and easily as I have with you. When you come back I hope you see this and know I appreciate you.

    @Samurai Equine You're so supportive, kind, and the RP we  joined together introduced me to many fun times and the love of my life. Thank you. And even if i disappear for awhile  I know I'll have lots of fun to read up on and I know my characters will be used awesomely!

    @Bastian In you I see myself when I was happier. If only we met at a different time we coulda been thick as thieves. I love discussing politics  and Cuba, a country I've always been deeply curious about and fascinated with, as well as retro games you're just discovering.

    @Sparklefan1234 My best wrestling best friend... something? Forever. You're kinda WWE influenced, but  I enjoy talking  wrestling whenever you're not making  new sigs. Haha. I wish we could talk more.

    @Pandora 🐼 I know you're going through a lot right now, but when you get back, know that I'd love to talk cute anime again and relax with you.

    @Emerald Heart Truth be told... I'm deeply envious of you. A good life, real life friends, modern interests everyone understands, a living mom  that loves you... It makes it  hard to relate to you at times, but I know you're very sweet and my friend and I'd love to party with you one day. ♡

     

     

    If this kinda status update is too intense, I'll take a friendly warning and edit it... but for the sake of it, I hope I can be allowed to open up about this and let my friends know I love them.

    Even in darkness. Even if we're far apart, we're always connected. Thank you all, and no matter what happens, I love you all ♡

    1. Show previous comments  10 more
    2. Thuja

      Thuja

      I'm so sorry your sister is treating you in such a horrible way.  Personally, I think the family we surround ourselves with isn't those we share blood with, but people that hold us up and encourage us to be and live the way we wish to.  As far as I'm concerned, she isn't your sister anymore by treating you like that, she's some sort of stranger.  I'm so glad that you're taking steps to get out of that situation.  I really wish I could do more for you besides giving you well-wishings but I hope you can get out of your current situation sooner rather than later.  No one deserves to be treated so inhumanely by someone they're supposed to trust.  Good luck and please stay safe!!!!

    3. Emerald Heart

      Emerald Heart

      This is awful.

      @Pastel Heart just know that I'm here for you, sweetie. I'm with you and I love you.

    4. Widdershins

      Widdershins

      ..... I know how it feels to be fully dependant on a close family member who controls everything in your life, yet isn't exactly stable or caring themselves.

       I don't know what much to say, except that I hope you can find a safe place to be, Pastel.

  15. Writing this while I'm still able to. I may have not much time to use the internet. I love all of my friends so much no matter what ♡ If I am able to return, I will open up about everything that has happened this year, if that's okay. You all deserve to know the truth and what's been happening to me.

    See you when I see you. Love you all ♡

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Samurai Equine

      Samurai Equine

      Take care of yourself, my friend.
      I'd love to hear all about it when I see you again.

    3. EpicEnergy

      EpicEnergy

      I hope to see you soon! :kindness:

    4. Tom Gallagher

      Tom Gallagher

      Take care of yourself, my friend! We’ll see you soon! :kindness:

  16. If you're weller off, maybe sometimes reach out to those you suspect arent doing so well. You may save a life. Better tomorrows are possible. Solidarity isnt dead. 

    1. Emerald Heart

      Emerald Heart

      I shall give you the biggest  hug through my screen.

    2. Samurai Equine
  17. I feel like im not myself any more so ill only be replying to pms from now on and continuing samis rp so i dont slow it down

    Sorry everyone and thanks for being patient with me

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. ExplosionMare

      ExplosionMare

      Aww, I hope you feel like your old self again soon (or maybe a new and better self, either one) :kindness:

    3. Pandora

      Pandora

      💖 I hope you feel better soon

    4. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      I do feel a bit better now. At the least, I'm not in immediate danger anymore. I'll keep pressing on the same I always have. Thank you everyone ♡

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      *hugs hugs hugs~*

      I've been surviving. Life is rough but I think it may turn around soon. I'd be happy to tell you all about it once it's over. Mostly I hope you feel better~!

    3. Kyoshi Frost Wolf

      Kyoshi Frost Wolf

      Things have been indeed rough lately..Probably for everyone in their own way. I hope for the best for you. :) I'm alright right now. I just have some really off days. Some days I am fine and others I can be really down. Just trying to focus on positives. 

    4. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      Same with me these days. I'm hoping for something good. For both of us. I think we both deserve to be happy 

  18. Update. I was able to get connection again, after pretty much begging for it and breaking down. At the cost of my dignity, I am able to return. For how long? I'm not sure. I stand by what I said, that my time here is and has been amazing and a blessing and I cherish every day I'm able to speak to you and just be here. I met the love of my life and the greatest friends I could ask for on a forum about cartoon ponies, if not for that, I'd probably be dead.

    The messages and overflowing support I got in the last update was incredible. I really am blessed to be here. ♡ if I wasn't already out of tears I'd be crying. I won't take the days I'm able to spend here for granted again.

    For however long I got, thank you all and I love you so so much ♡ I'll make the good times last while they're still here

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. TheRockARooster

      TheRockARooster

      We always will be here for you and will never leave your side.

      *hugs*

    3. EpicEnergy

      EpicEnergy

      You always have your friends to come to if you need anything! :fluttershy:

    4. Thuja

      Thuja

      I know it isn't much, I just hope you can get in a better situation sooner rather than later!!!

  19. Important status update regarding my livelihood here. The circumstances of my life are rapidly deteriorating and I am unsure how much longer I have to remain here on the forums. My net usage has been cut in half and, if things go on as they are, I can only be online at night and weekends if I am lucky.

    This may be a possible goodbye all together depending on what happens these next few weeks. I don't want to go into details because it is very painful for me to think about let alone write about. If that is the case, know I love the friends I made and the love I have here more than anything and being here has been a light in a pitch black darkness like you wouldn't believe. I hope it's not a final forever goodbye, if it is, I will do my best to return someday.

    If I go dark, as in, go inactive for a number of days, to weeks... I probably have become homeless, to be blunt. If that happens I will do my best to rebuild and return to those I've come to love so much.

    With much love. Hoping this is not the end but the beginning of something new ♡

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. ExplosionMare

      ExplosionMare

      I don’t know really what to say, I just feel kinda sad.

      I hope things turn out better than they seem to be right now *hugs*

    3. Will Guide

      Will Guide

      I'm hoping and praying for your return

    4. Tom Gallagher

      Tom Gallagher

      I have no words. Other than to wish you the best of luck. If there’s ever anything you need, we’ll be here waiting for you. :kindness:

  20. In what may be my last status update, since my head is more clear i want to further explain what happened. Im grateful i have not been banned yet for my breakdown posting spree, though it may be still to come. I wish to explain further. I will tell you all the full story.

    Trigger warning, death, mental illness, near death and general unpleasantness.

     

    ....

    As some of you know i have struggled with schizophrenia for 8 years and counting now and my health is always getting worse. This includes my physical health which i am not entirely sure of. This cultimated today in what was otherwise an ordinary day. First, i got chills and tunnel vision, followed by weakness, heavy heart beating stiffness and like my body was shutting down. I told myself this would pass but as it escalated i delved further into panic and fear that this is it; this was a near brush with death and i hung on the edge. My mother went thru something like this so i was panicing hard.

    This distressed my family who was unsure what to do and could only help me with what they could in their power. But i stayed uneven. For hours i felt like this was it and could only vent my despair and panic in incoherent nonsense.this has happened before but this incident was much worse. As a result i drove into the ground what I've been building for months and possibly my friendships here. This does not excuse my frantic ness but will hopefully provide understanding to you.

    I walk into tomorrow uncertain of many things. If my family will keep me around, if i will have a place here, if life will go on the way it has before. I took for granted my mortality and loving friends and in one fell swoop i have possibly destroyed it. It would not be the first time.

    So, should this be the last of me, remember pastel heart as she was before this day and embrace that. I will give special shoutouts to people who have helped me numerous.

    Dynamo Pad, my loving bf and rock. RockARooster who extended friendship when i was still lonely on the forums. Deerie who showedme new things about myself. Steve for trying to help me however be can. Bastion for being a friend and checking on me regurally to make sure im not a mess. Sparky who was my best wrestling friend forever.

    And many more. You know who you are.

    Thank you everyone for the memories. Hopefully more to come and if not, thank you again. 

    And in the end. The love you take is equel yo the love you make. The Beatles 

     

    -Pastel ♡♡♡

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. ExplosionMare

      ExplosionMare

      I really hope you don’t get banned, cause to me it just seems like you were trying to find some relief from the craziness for a second.

      Well, regardless of whether you get banned or not, I hope your physical and mental state gets better and you don’t have to feel all of those horrible things. 

    3. Pastel Heart

      Pastel Heart

      I have to say, I'm blown away. Not only am i still here but the response you've all given me is out of this world. Thank you. I love you all so very much ♡

      I made it through the worst of whatever it was. I feel very sick still but better than last night. Thank you for being patient with me and I love you all very much ♡ I'm gonna take it easy today and recuperate. I'm very glad I came here. You're all sincerely amazing.

    4. Samurai Equine

      Samurai Equine

      @Pastel Heart

      You are loved and cherished. Don't ever doubt that, sweat pea. We're all here for you. :Tempest: Take all the time you need to heal.

      thebest.gif

  21. Im dotry im nk5 m5e4lt tn s7cy a bad day ill ve ok soo 

    1. Samurai Equine

      Samurai Equine

      I'm not sure what you said, but I hope you feel better soon. :adorkable:

    2. DubWolf

      DubWolf

      S4emved5s dv0nK

  22. Happy birthday, Dyny~! Love you so much! ♡

    Fukocelebrating.jpg

    1. Dynamo Pad

      Dynamo Pad

      Thank you so much and love you too, Pastel-chan! 

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