@Beep Beep I am a BEE
You know, sometimes I think of the exact same thing during my moments of reflection of my past and present direction in life.
Sometimes I think about how different my life would be if I had not met certain people here or made certain choices.
When I first joined the forums (I just realized that it was technically 3 years ago through another name), I made some friendships with some questionable people that weren’t really friends.
However, I’m thankful for the experience as it taught me a lot about friendships and what to look for in people.
Sometimes you will go through trial and error when making friends and being friends with others.
Unfortunately, I had a family emergency with both of my folks being hospitalized during my first year here, and it was rough trying to manage things on my own as I had no help in general.
I was alone and in my mind, for a moment, I truly believed it.
My mindset was that I had to absolutely focus on real life and go away from being online, before a certain someone from the forums left me a voice message alongside other messages telling me not to leave and much more kind words.
I was not even close to the person in question, let alone even messaged them much at all during my first tenure on the forums, so I found the gesture of goodwill simply odd in general.
Despite their kind words, I had to tend to my family’s issues and thought it was best to leave at that time.
Those messages stayed in my mind for a quite a while after I left. I remember thinking to myself throughout the months that followed: “who the heck sends thoughtful and kind messages like that for someone they hardly know, let alone online?!”.
My first thoughts were that there were ulterior motives or that this person was messing with me, but they weren’t. That’s just the type of person they were. Kind and compassionate.
A true role model and the type of person that I would come to admire.
That’s when I first realized that I was not used to kindness from people due to my previous experiences in real life.
It was thanks to those messages that I came back a year ago and started to believe in friendship again.
I eventually thanked the person who sent those kind words to me and we became friends for a while.
Since my return a year ago, I have been on a roller coaster of experiences and emotions as I had made new friendships that reached new heights, while realizing that I had to make stops and go separate ways with other relationships.
There was another challenging period a little while back in February and March as I had personal issues arise again in real life.
To tell you the truth, I was considering leaving the forums and other online spaces a second time, as I felt disconnected and not sure if I truly belonged anywhere anymore. This was further stressed with my depression.
All these conditions made it feel like history was repeating itself! I thought I was going to withdraw from everything again, however, there was a special little princess(she's worthy of the title to me) that brightened the light in my heart and changed my mind. This person has only been on the forums for a short while as well!
Sometimes with the roaring flames that burn your heart, you need someone with a calm demeanor to cool you down and help you gain perspective again.
It was this person’s support and compassionate heart that reminded me that even during our darkest moments where we feel alone, there are people here who care. This really emphasized how everyone has an impact on me, no matter who they are. (That person is one of my best friends now btw)
I’m thankful for all the experiences, both good and bad. I have learned over time how to appreciate the beautiful aspects of the bad relationships as they taught me various things about life.
Sometimes we make mistakes, but if we are able to apologize and forgive one another, I think we'll be okay.
Without a shadow of a doubt, I honestly believe that I will be friends again with all those people.
You might ask how or why? But don’t question it, it’s one of those things that I just know in my heart. Trust me.
I think we all help each other no matter who we are, but even further beyond how we perceive ourselves.
Now this was very long winded, but what I’m trying to say is that alongside many other users here, you have helped me in a sense to view things from other perspectives and feel less alone in my thoughts.
To me that's something to cherish and be thankful for.
I'm thankful for your presence on the forums and my life.