The way I typically describe it to people is to imagine yourself with a friend at a restaurant or a bar, having a conversation. You might mishear a few words and you might have to shout at each other over the background noise of music and dishes and other people talking and laughing, but you can still do it. Best analogy I can come up with to my emotional state. I can be somewhere with somebody, anybody, and I can be having a genuinely good time with them, but the whole time we're together I've got a bunch of emotional background noise. A pinch of sadness, fear, self-loathing, and uncertainty all rolled together and trying to take over the situation. It's a bit maddening, especially since I know that there's no reason for me to feel those things. If I ever seemed a bit aloof or antisocial back in the day, this is why.
Anxiety and depression are often bedfellows and I had both of them, and to an extreme extent that I managed to conceal pretty well for a long time. "Fake it 'til you make it." I'm sure you've heard that before. After 29 years of it though, it eventually bested me, and almost any time I wasn't at work I was a worrying, crying wreck. My girlfriend would come home some evenings and I'd just hug her and start crying. Crying over nothing most of the time, and sometimes over a bunch of trivial things that shouldn't have been anywhere near that unsettling. That's partially why I waited so long to get treated for it. I kept trying to find causes for the way I was feeling so I could address them, but there weren't any "causes," in a circumstantial sense. My brain is just broken that way. Amanda was very supportive throughout all of it and I'm indescribably grateful.
You may also remember that I used to drink heavily. Were we ever together at any point during a convention when I didn't have a drink in my hand? Despite never developing an addiction, it was a form of "self-medication," which I didn't even recognize until I started taking this medication and got rid of the anxiety. Suddenly I didn't care so much about drinking anymore, although I still do it and enjoy it. It's just not a common thing for me anymore. Used to get stoned as fuck all the time too but that was more effective against my crippling depression than the anxiety. Don't need that so much either nowadays. Still do it for fun on occasion though, in great moderation.